Talking to my wife about finances

[Sue J]

My DH is the financially disengaged one. He just doesn’t care and trusts me completely. But he is an adult with a pension that supports us and he just prefers to be unplugged from it all.

I have tried to engage him in this and he will nod and smile. I would love it if he understood how well we are doing but he has no interest outside of “can I buy this?” Well, if you looked at a bank account or a spreadsheet (foreign language) you wouldn’t have to ask me, you could decide for yourself!

If I die first he knows to look for the links in my bookmarks. But really, the sons are probably going to have to step in.

He’s such a wonderful guy. Excellent husband, dad, grandpa, human being. Money, numbers, etc is just not his thing and he chooses to keep it that way.

[Calico]

I am single, and I plan to prepare something like this for whomever ends up dealing with my estate, etc.

https://www.amazon.com/Important-Inf...s%2C188&sr=8-3

[mountainsoft]

I manage all of our finances and retirement planning. We have no debt so my wife isn't too concerned with our day-to-day spending. Most things are automated anyway. Money comes in and bills get paid without having to do much of anything other than record them in our records. I'm kind of a stickler about downloading or scanning every statement and organizing them on a secured drive. I've NEVER needed them for anything, but I keep doing it anyway.

Once or twice a year she might get nervous about our planned retirement date. So we sit down together and walk through everything till she feels comfortable again. That's usually all she needs.

I do keep a binder with all of our account numbers, bills that need paid, how money gets transferred, etc. I'm sure there will be a period of adjustment if I die first, but the information in that binder should be enough to get her up to date with our finances.

I have managed our finances most of our marriage. She did decide she wanted to do it for a year or two, but wasn't as detailed (OCD) as I am. She tended to get occupied with other things and procrastinate on bill paying. Still, everything got paid and we never had a problem under her watch. She just had a different style than me. Once I'm gone she'll probably do things differently than I do, but I'm sure she'll manage just fine.

[skyking1]

Our survivor situation will be simple. I plan on doing Roth conversions to minimize her tax liability. She'll have my pension, the Social security, and mostly a bucket of tax free funds. I plan on pruning her T-IRAs down to where an RMD won't sting too bad. I don't have any so that's not a worry

[Tiger8693]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calico I am single, and I plan to prepare something like this for whomever ends up dealing with my estate, etc. https://www.amazon.com/Important-Inf...s%2C188&sr=8-3

I like the premise, unfortunately you can't really tell what is included in the financial section. If you don't mind, if you have it or get it, shoot me a PM or post here how detailed this is. Thanks!

[livingalmostlarge]

Um DH started a new job today. About 2 weeks ago he said "hey we should sit down and talk about a budget. I said anytime." He then said "do we have enough?" I said "yes". He said great and we haven't done anything about it. I guess it's on our to do list. FWIW I'm the wife and have done everything for 20+ years of investments and taxes. But I care more. he's more than capable and smart enough to catch everything I've done. I just kinda do stuff and sometimes he gets upset but usually doesn't even recall asking or hearing me say something.

[TeeRuh]

I generated a file and saved it to the desktop for DW. When she saw that I had named it "Rick's Dead" she made me rename it. (For Connie with Love) She usually but not always appreciated my humor! Unfortunately I recently lost her so I need to work up a plan B for DD.


t.r.

[Bigdawg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeeRuh I generated a file and saved it to the desktop for DW. When she saw that I had named it "Rick's Dead" she made me rename it. (For Connie with Love) She usually but not always appreciated my humor! Unfortunately I recently lost her so I need to work up a plan B for DD. t.r.

TR, so sorry for your loss.

[EastWest Gal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeeRuh I generated a file and saved it to the desktop for DW. When she saw that I had named it "Rick's Dead" she made me rename it. (For Connie with Love) She usually but not always appreciated my humor! Unfortunately I recently lost her so I need to work up a plan B for DD. t.r.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I've been trying to bring DH and DS up to spead in this regard and I am frustrated by their lack of interest. Forgive me, but could we rename this thread with the word "spouse" instead of "wife"? Many of us females here are the breadwinners and the financial gurus in our households.

Read the posts by Teacher Terry. And others. It is really annoying that the roles of gender are so ingrained for some, but not for many. I was the breadwinner since our marriage vows in 1984 (planned in advance), and have been the leader in our family in terms of finances and in many other ways.

To put it bluntly, DH remains clueless about finances, except for bill-paying, despite sitting in on every meeting with financial advisors since 1993. He understands, but is not engaged in that aspect of our lives.

[iloveyoga]

Wife here too, and I have always done all the investments and finances. DH does not put his index fingers in his nose, but that is pretty funny.

I have tried to set things up as simply as possible and I also let our son know the basic info and where to find things so he can help if needed.

[iloveyoga]

Quote:

Originally Posted by EastWest Gal I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been trying to bring DH and DS up to spead in this regard and I am frustrated by their lack of interest. Forgive me, but could we rename this thread with the word "spouse" instead of "wife"? Many of us females here are the breadwinners and the financial gurus in our households. Read the posts by Teacher Terry. And others. It is really annoying that the roles of gender are so ingrained for some, but not for many. I was the breadwinner since our marriage vows in 1984 (planned in advance), and have been the leader in our family in terms of finances and in many other ways. To put it bluntly, DH remains clueless about finances, except for bill-paying, despite sitting in on every meeting with financial advisors since 1993. He understands, but is not engaged in that aspect of our lives.

+1 I was going to ask if I was the only female reading this.

[CardsFan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R Asking the non-involved spouse to pay attention to what is being done, is sort of like asking the spouse that doesn't clean the toilets to closely examine how clean the toilets are in every crevice and side of them. Not very appealing.

Nominated for Best Quote of the Month.

[whatnot]

TeeRuh I am so sorry for your loss.

I do all bill payment (automated), budget and investments.
I go over our financial picture with DH several times a year.

I go over things I’ve learned both here and on BH with him and it’s helped with our retirement preparation. So he is aware of everything and we make joint decisions but he relies on my research.

I think he could do it on his own if needed, but I’m not sure.

[Dtail]

Not too many examples where both partners are fully involved in the finances.

[Gumby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by EastWest Gal Forgive me, but could we rename this thread with the word "spouse" instead of "wife"? Many of us females here are the breadwinners and the financial gurus in our households.

Seems a fair and accurate thread title to me, since the OP was describing a particular humorous personal moment between himself and his wife. I doubt that he intended to suggest that only a husband could be the financial manager in a couple, and I don't think anyone here has ever expressed that thought. As you have eloquently expressed, they would be wrong if they did.

[MrsHaloFIRE]

We are both butt deep in our finances. We trade off and alternate auditing each other. Its not hard bc we designed it to be a self licking ice cream cone. But we both know wassup.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dtail Not too many examples where both partners are fully involved in the finances.

[Free2030]

Another wife and breadwinner here. DH is clueless and not interested either. I emailed him a file with all our finances if I die, including how to pay all bills, which I also take care of. Luckily it should be simple, as I have sufficient life insurance to pay off the mortgage, and he will get a portion of my pension and SS. For all other investments, I advised that they should be rolled over to VG and he should use a PAS. It's not the best use of money but probably the best option for someone completely disinterested.

[rk911]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Free2030 Another wife and breadwinner here. DH is clueless and not interested either. I emailed him a file with all our finances if I die, including how to pay all bills, which I also take care of. Luckily it should be simple, as I have sufficient life insurance to pay off the mortgage, and he will get a portion of my pension and SS. For all other investments, I advised that they should be rolled over to VG and he should use a PAS. It's not the best use of money but probably the best option for someone completely disinterested.

help...PAS?

[Free2030]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rk911 help...PAS?

Personal Advisory Service. They help you review your VG portfolio periodically (maybe once a year?). It costs 0.3% of your portfolio. It's an easy way to get advice without worrying about financial advisors' motives.

[rk911]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Free2030 Personal Advisory Service. They help you review your VG portfolio periodically (maybe once a year?). It costs 0.3% of your portfolio. It's an easy way to get advice without worrying about financial advisors' motives.

thanks