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11-29-2010, 10:01 AM
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#141
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 969
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DougViages
Fast-forward to now; my wife has constantly enabled this addicted, violent, felonious psychopath to the determent of our marriage. I pumped $35,000 into a major rehab for the daughter back in 2006, a loan to my wife. Each year it got worse and worse, with arrests, violence, and abuse of my wife.
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You have my sympathies and best wishes. I have watched a good friend of mine struggle with exactly the same issues for almost as many years. You and he are both much stronger than I for lasting this long.
__________________
If there's one thing in my life that's missing; It's the time I spend alone
Sailing on the cool and bright clear waters; There's lots of those friendly people
Showin me ways to go; And I never want to lose your inspiration
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11-29-2010, 10:39 AM
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#142
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Gone but not forgotten
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 11,447
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DougViages
. We always knew that our challenges in this marriage focused on my wife's youngest daughter. She was 14 when we married, a nasty, abusive, and sometimes violent child. I always hoped that this child would grow out of it, or at least leave and live her own life.
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Sorry to hear about your problem ! Remarriage when children are involved is a landmine waiting to explode .
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11-29-2010, 11:31 AM
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#143
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Collin County, TX
Posts: 9,296
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I seem to go back and forth on the remarriage issue. However, I must confess; when I dig down deep...I would not get involved with a man that would never consider the possibility of marriage.
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
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11-29-2010, 11:32 AM
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#144
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DougViages
My wife and I are now right on the cusp of divorce. After years of propping my DW up in every way, I guess the last straw(s) have arrived on my back.
So, remarriage is a real risk, with nearly two thirds ending in divorce. We're in counseling, and I'm trying to get the DW to go with me to Families Anon.
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I hope this winds up in a way that is good for you.
Back when I was struggling along I got a book from the library by some guy who essentially said-"Why do you think that marriage should be work, or is worth a lot of work, or that you should be the one to do this work?" I couldn't think of a good reason other than that I had accepted this role, and it began to dawn on me that I really didn't have to accept any role that I didn't want to, other than law-abiding self supporting citizen, polite person, good father, one who showers regularly etc.
To hell with doing a lot of unpaid and unlikely to be appreciated propping!
It hurts to give up a dream, or an habitual relationship which is certain to have had its pleasurable moments and its real benefits. But it also feels good to lay that burden down.
Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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11-29-2010, 11:39 AM
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#145
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,105
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI
I would not get involved with a man that would never consider the possibility of marriage.
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What about a guy they considered and rejected it?
I think that is the issue. Those guys have thought about marriage and realized it isn't for them.
I would be more concerned with the guy who said he's unsure about marriage. He hasn't thought about it enough.
I would be somewhat concerned about the guy that said he wants to get married. Is the right person a priority or the state of marriage he envisions?
__________________
Sometimes death is not as tragic as not knowing how to live. This man knew how to live--and how to make others glad they were living. - Jack Benny at Nat King Cole's funeral
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11-29-2010, 11:40 AM
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#146
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: East Nowhere, 43N Latitude, NY
Posts: 9,037
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Quote:
Originally Posted by omni550
Wow, freebird,
Man, is that a truism!
I'm going to add it to my list of quotes (started in another thread).
omni
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Here's a few more choice ones for you...
I have never dangled on a man's wallet chain and have no intention of ever doing so.
I do not believe in emptying a man's wallet.
I don't need your money...I have my own.
__________________
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney
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11-29-2010, 11:46 AM
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#147
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI
I seem to go back and forth on the remarriage issue. However, I must confess; when I dig down deep...I would not get involved with a man that would never consider the possibility of marriage.
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Know thyself is a good motto, which you seem to have done. Me too, and that knowing basically has deposited me in a place where I feel I am not at all negative to BF/GF relationships- a good woman can handle all my business and leave me for dead... just no way do I want any kind of sneak up on me entanglements.
Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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11-29-2010, 11:54 AM
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#148
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Collin County, TX
Posts: 9,296
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dex
What about a guy they considered and rejected it?
I think that is the issue. Those guys have thought about marriage and realized it isn't for them.
I would be more concerned with the guy who said he's unsure about marriage. He hasn't thought about it enough.
I would be somewhat concerned about the guy that said he wants to get married. Is the right person a priority or the state of marriage he envisions?
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You bring up very good points...
I suppose I'm trying to say that I need possibilities. A closed door in this regard would hurt my heart.
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha
Know thyself is a good motto, which you seem to have done. Me too, and that knowing basically has deposited me in a place where I feel I am not at all negative to BF/GF relationships- a good woman can handle all my business and leave me for dead... just no way do I want any kind of sneak up on me entanglements.
Ha
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Mmmm, hmmmm...fair enough darlin'.
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
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11-29-2010, 12:06 PM
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#149
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,116
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bbbamI
I seem to go back and forth on the remarriage issue. However, I must confess; when I dig down deep...I would not get involved with a man that would never consider the possibility of marriage.
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Of the same opinion. My son has been going steady with his girlfriend for 3 years now. Both have steady jobs in the public sector. He has the gall to tell me that he doesn´t plan to marry. And, neither has she-or so she says .
But what I find most unbelievable is that -according to my son- his theoretical mother in law agrees with their plans......
We are talking conservative small town mores around here, where gossip rules.
__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends....ta ta ta ta ta...
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11-29-2010, 12:20 PM
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#150
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 14,183
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Doesn't that depend on the angle of the dangle?
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire
...not doing anything of true substance...
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11-29-2010, 12:27 PM
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#151
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: East Nowhere, 43N Latitude, NY
Posts: 9,037
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I'll repeat one of my "truisms" from another thread because I think it fits well here...
Love is love, business is business
Call me cynical, but it seems to me that marriage is less about love these days and more about business (benefits, money, custody, joint vs separate property in crippling divorce settlements from h*ll, etc). Equitable (50-50) splits of assets are a fairy tale from what I have directly observed.
I am a romantic at heart, but the more of what I see my friends go through in divorce court proceedings, the more I run in the other direction. And I am not the marrying type to begin with...
__________________
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney
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11-29-2010, 12:28 PM
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#152
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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You need the Ha rule 11b-2a- do not date men who sport wallet chains.
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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11-29-2010, 12:29 PM
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#153
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Collin County, TX
Posts: 9,296
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vicente solano
Of the same opinion. My son has been going steady with his girlfriend for 3 years now. Both have steady jobs in the public sector. He has the gall to tell me that he doesn´t plan to marry. And, neither has she-or so she says .
But what I find most unbelievable is that -according to my son- his theoretical mother in law agrees with their plans......
We are talking conservative small town mores around here, where gossip rules.
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mmm...well, maybe the theoretical mother in law is thinking of writing a book. Scandal sells...don't ya know? .......
__________________
There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
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11-29-2010, 12:36 PM
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#154
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Gone but not forgotten
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 6,924
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freebird5825
Here's a few more choice ones for you...
I have never dangled on a man's wallet chain and have no intention of ever doing so.
I do not believe in emptying a man's wallet.
I don't need your money...I have my own.
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Same here.
And that scares some of them.
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
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11-29-2010, 12:37 PM
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#155
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: East Nowhere, 43N Latitude, NY
Posts: 9,037
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__________________
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney
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11-29-2010, 12:37 PM
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#156
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,116
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If that is the case she´ll need a ghost writer
__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends....ta ta ta ta ta...
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11-29-2010, 12:39 PM
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#157
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 17,774
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DougViages
I have been remarried for eleven & 1/2 years. We are both professionals who brought in two children each from a prior marriage. We always knew that our challenges in this marriage focused on my wife's youngest daughter. She was 14 when we married, a nasty, abusive, and sometimes violent child. I always hoped that this child would grow out of it, or at least leave and live her own life.
Fast-forward to now; my wife has constantly enabled this addicted, violent, felonious psychopath to the determent of our marriage. I pumped $35,000 into a major rehab for the daughter back in 2006, a loan to my wife. Each year it got worse and worse, with arrests, violence, and abuse of my wife.
My wife and I are now right on the cusp of divorce. After years of propping my DW up in every way, I guess the last straw(s) have arrived on my back.
So, remarriage is a real risk, with nearly two thirds ending in divorce. We're in counseling, and I'm trying to get the DW to go with me to Families Anon.
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Bless you for years of trying.
Similar situations often wreck first marriages, where both parties are the biological parents. The stress of being the step-parent to this girl and watching her mother try to deal with her must have multiplied the difficulties.
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
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11-29-2010, 12:39 PM
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#158
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Gone but not forgotten
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 6,924
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freebird5825
I'll repeat one of my "truisms" from another thread because I think it fits well here...
Love is love, business is business
Call me cynical, but it seems to me that marriage is less about love these days and more about business (benefits, money, custody, joint vs separate property in crippling divorce settlements from h*ll, etc). Equitable (50-50) splits of assets are a fairy tale from what I have directly observed.
I am a romantic at heart, but the more of what I see my friends go through in divorce court proceedings, the more I run in the other direction. And I am not the marrying type to begin with...
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I suppose a future marriage is not 100% impossible. But I assure you that if so everything shall be in writing.
__________________
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
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11-29-2010, 12:55 PM
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#159
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Gone but not forgotten
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 11,447
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Most people who avoid heavy entanglements or make it into a business arrangement are scared of ever opening up their heart again and frankly I find that sad . There is nothing better in this world than love and being number one in some body's heart even if it's not forever . Call be a sentimental fool but I still believe in love & marriage !
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11-29-2010, 01:03 PM
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#160
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moemg
Most people who avoid heavy entanglements or make it into a business arrangement are scared of ever opening up their heart again and frankly I find that sad . There is nothing better in this world than love and being number one in some body's heart even if it's not forever . Call be a sentimental fool but I still believe in love & marriage !
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What I see on the part of men who have been around the block is not a fear to love, or not a fear that it might end- in fact endings and new beginnings are often more fun than just more of same ol' same ol'. Contrary to some ideas, many men like love and romance (including me).
It is more rebellion at the high and unpredictable exit fees. People balk at annuity exit fees, which are chicken feed compared to those of marriages or marriage analogs.
Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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