The Sustainable Relationship

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The Sustainable Marriage - NYTimes.com

The Sustainable Marriage Quiz

By TARA PARKER-POPE
well_lovewell_75.png

What does it take to sustain a marriage...

And to learn more about your own relationship, take the quiz below to measure how much your own relationship expands your knowledge and makes you feel good about yourself. The quiz was developed by Gary W. Lewandowski, Jr., associate psychology professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey.

A 7 question quiz emphasizing how much or how little your mate fosters your self development...for example


How much does being with your partner result in your having new experiences? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Ha
 
My score was 63.
60 and above — Highly Expansive. You are gaining a lot of new experiences and reaching new goals as a result of your relationship. Chances are you have a happier, more sustainable relationship as a result.
Click to expand...

We still have no intention of marrying.... :D Thanks, interesting test.
 
I got a 56. We've been together since 1972. A lot of growth since age 17.
 
W2R said:
My score was 63.

We still have no intention of marrying.... :D Thanks, interesting test.
Click to expand...
Mine was 55... we are very different, with complementary skills and yet happy... and have no intention of marrying, either. :D

I think because we met in our 40s, our personalities were a lot more developed (in his case - set in his ways!).... I wonder how my SO would rate us. But not quite enough to ask him to take this kind of test.

Best to stay content and not ask too many questions :).
 
bbbamI said:
You sure have been talking about marriage a lot lately. :)
Click to expand...
True, I think I am pondering if this GF/SO thing is a step in the right or wrong direction. IMO it has its +s & -s.

My last friend told me I have a mind with long hallways and a lot of rooms. Same was true of her; unfortunately some of the rooms were downright spooky. :)

Ha
 
It is my opinion my dear Ha that you have a heart full of romance. I think it's more than fine to share....;)
 
Even though I aced that test no way do I think it measures the sustainability of marriages . The real test to relationships are day to day . Do you nurture each other during rough spots ? Can you live with them through the flu and still be in the mood to make them chicken soup ? Can you fight and then forgive and make up ? Can you look the other way when they have on that torn College jersey with the stain and two days beard growth and have been glued to Espn for hours ? If you answer yes to these questions your relationship has a great chance of sucess .:)
 
Moemg said:
Even though I aced that test no way do I think it measures the sustainability of marriages . The real test to relationships are day to day . Do you nurture each other during rough spots ? Can you live with them through the flu and still be in the mood to make them chicken soup ? Can you fight and then forgive and make up ? Can you look the other way when they have on that torn College jersey with the stain and two days beard growth and have been glued to Espn for hours ? If you answer yes to these questions your relationship has a great chance of sucess .:)
Click to expand...

...can you look the other way when he has a pocket protector full of pens, pencils, flashlights...? And the shirt is 25 years old and still not torn because of the polyester content. So NO way to throw it out. I found out I could overlook this... most of the time... as long as he didn't wear it when we went out. :) 18 years+ with S.O. We manage, somehow.
 
W2R said:
My score was 63.

We still have no intention of marrying.... :D Thanks, interesting test.
Click to expand...

You scored higher than me and I've been married to the same guy for 36 years:LOL:

PS My score was 61.
 
The only real way to get a meaningful score would be for both spouses to take the test and then [-]argue[/-] average the result.
 
haha said:
True, I think I am pondering if this GF/SO thing is a step in the right or wrong direction. IMO it has its +s & -s.

. :)

Ha
Click to expand...


It's always good to have someone to count on especially as we age . Who else will take you for your colonscopy and ignore the farting on the way home ?
 
I decided ~25 years ago I would never try again.
 
Moemg said:
Even though I aced that test no way do I think it measures the sustainability of marriages . The real test to relationships are day to day . Do you nurture each other during rough spots ? Can you live with them through the flu and still be in the mood to make them chicken soup ? Can you fight and then forgive and make up ? Can you look the other way when they have on that torn College jersey with the stain and two days beard growth and have been glued to Espn for hours ? If you answer yes to these questions your relationship has a great chance of sucess .:)
Click to expand...
I think you are right about this. Although I do know a 70 year old who when she was about 40 left her husband and father of her children and hooked up with a Communist labor organizer. He recently died at age 85 and they were still together. I didn't know them well,(and am happy for that) but my dance partner knows her pretty well and she says that her reason was "Husband was boring." IMO better boring than an arrogant A-hole, which was how #2 appeared to be.

Interesting aside- within 8 months she had married again, to another older man, and 4 months into the marriage he croaked while doing her.(Again secondary source from my DP :))

So it appears that she can generate a bit of excitement herself.

Ha
 
haha said:
I think you are right about this. Although I do know a 70 year old who when she was about 40 left her husband and father of her children and hooked up with a Communist labor organizer. He recently died at age 85 and they were still together. I didn't know them well,(and am happy for that) but my dance partner knows her pretty well and she says that her reason was "Husband was boring." IMO better boring than an arrogant A-hole, which was how #2 appeared to be.

Interesting aside- within 8 months she had married again, to another older man, and 4 months into the marriage he croaked while doing her.(Again secondary source from my DP :))

So it appears that she can generate a bit of excitement herself.

Ha
Click to expand...

Watch yourself, ha...;)
 
My best take on the basis for a sustainable marriage:

I didn't marry you because you were perfect.
I didn't even marry you because I loved you.
I married you because you gave me a promise.
That promise made up for your faults.
And the promise I gave you made up for mine.
Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marrigae.
And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a house that protected them; and it wasn't our love that protected them - it was that promise.
Thornton Wilder
 
64 here - not even married yet! (he makes me research stuff - but I enjoy it, so got full credit for learning new stuff as a result of the partner! LOL) He still makes me giggle and laugh...and does not really piss me off. Our strengths & weaknesses complement each other's...maybe a first born, last born or yin-yang thing...who really cares - it works, and I like it!

Ha - she's awesome...good luck with your relationship musings :)
 
yakers said:
My best take on the basis for a sustainable marriage:

I didn't marry you because you were perfect.
I didn't even marry you because I loved you.
I married you because you gave me a promise.
That promise made up for your faults.
And the promise I gave you made up for mine.
Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marrigae.
And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a house that protected them; and it wasn't our love that protected them - it was that promise.
Thornton Wilder
Click to expand...

I married you because I loved you and we were living together and I couldn't get insurance.
 
I started keeping score on a piece of scratch paper but around the third question I realized "C'mon... straight 70 here!"

thinker25 said:
...can you look the other way when he has a pocket protector full of pens, pencils, flashlights...? And the shirt is 25 years old and still not torn because of the polyester content.
Click to expand...
As I scanned this text without realizing my parsing error, my first thought was "Well, that depends. What else is she wearing?"
 
Nords said:
As I scanned this text without realizing my parsing error, my first thought was "Well, that depends. What else is she wearing?"
Click to expand...

ROTFLMAO! HE HE HE wearing (not she). I'm the she. :D
 
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