Thread for single people

[bencasey]

Reading through the posts, I see a lot of people with wives, kids, grandkids, ex-wives, etc. I would like to see ideas and thoughts from other never married, single people. I was reading in the thread on spending money and everyone seems to be coupled off. Curious to hear about how my fellow singles live.

I own my own co-op apartment (similar to a condo for those who don't know). Paid off mortgage around 18 years ago and just have maintenance.

I have almost $1.5 in investments. I started curtailing my work at 57, 5 years ago, working around 30-35 days a year, less each year. Now I'm down to fewer than 20 days a year. No pension. Probably will take SSI at 65, a little less than 30K a year.

 

[Gotadimple]

So what's your question. There are many single people on this board. Post a question, and they will tell you their experiences.
-Rita

 

[Dawg52]

. Curious to hear about how my fellow singles live.

Single here. Have a primary home in a golf community in Mississippi and have a vacation condo on the AL coast. I play lots of golf in MS and enjoy my time on the coast. Some golf there but I enjoy riding my bike more on the nature trails. And of course all the good restaurants there. I spend roughly 30% of my time at the beach and the rest here. May go closer to 50/50 in the future.

 

[ER Eddie]

Single here as well. I posted a thread a couple years ago, asking how many people were happily single, and responses were pretty sparse. There were some, but it also seemed clear that the majority of forum members are either married or in committed long-term relationships.

I'm 58. I've been retired about 6 months now. It's going very well. I enjoy the freedom and leisure. I'm having a good time creating a new life and expanding the old one.

My singlehood was a major factor in my ability to retire early. I was married for a few years, and during that time, I just treaded water, financially. After the divorce, I was able to manage my money myself, and as a result, I was a lot more effective. I soon had a paid-off home mortgage and considerable savings/investments. I am 100% sure that, had I stayed married, I'd still be strapped to the plow at work and probably destined to work at least another 10 years.

I have a married friend at work who's 76 now and has no ability to retire, because of financial responsibilities of marriage and kids. I'm not saying that's true of everyone (obviously it's not true of the people in this forum), but I've heard similar stories so many times. One easy way to help yourself toward ER is to remain single.

Single gets a bad rap and unfortunately carries a stigma, particularly I think in our generation and the previous one. You were sort of considered a loser if you weren't married or in an LTR. That's changing, but there's still kind of a stigma attached, unfortunately. Personally, I really enjoy the freedom and independence of being single. I wouldn't want it any other way. I still have friendships and relationships; I just avoid marriage and don't seek out long-term committed romantic/sexual relationships.

 

[JustCurious]

I have almost $1.5 in investments.

If you can save another 50 cents then you will have $2 and then you may be able to retire.

 

[ER Eddie]

lol

 

[RunningBum]

Divorced since the early 90s, so that makes me single enough. ER'd 9 years ago. I'm quite content with my status. Not ruling it out but I'd be surprised if I got married again.

 

[Katiek]

Another single here. I live in a condo in a complex that isn't restricted to over 55's but it has a lot of activities and services targeted to retired people. I figure at some point I may want to move to more of an assisted living place so that I'd have some additional services if I became sick or couldn't drive, but that is at least a decade away.

 

[HFWR]

I don’t fit the “never married” criteria, but happily non-married since 1993.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

There's 3 categories: Single, married, and divorced. Single means never married.

I belong to the single category. Age 57, retired at 45 with a small pension, a 457, dividends and rental income. The freedom to come and go as I please, the ability to date (dating is an outdated term, more like "Netflix and chill") whomever I want, it's such a great feeling.

I exercise, I read, I have a 16yo daughter I parent, and I spend way too much time with my 2 dogs.

There's plenty of happily married members on this forum. I won't be one of them.

 

[omni550]

Had 3 long-term relationships (not married), and am currently happily single.

Retired 12 years ago. Own a home in Michigan and a condo in Florida.

Spend 7 months in Florida, travel to Europe for a month every year, travel elsewhere domestically or internationally whenever the mood strikes.

Toughest thing I'm finding about being single now is meeting others who are similarly active and willing to get out and do things (hike, bike, kayak, travel, ballroom dance, whatever).

omni

 

[HFWR]

There's 3 categories: Single, married, and divorced. Single means never married.

Per the OP, “I would like to see ideas and thoughts from other never married, single people.”

I have been married, thus don’t fit that criteria, but after nearly 27 years, I feel more single than divorced...

 

[ER Eddie]

Re. the labels, I refer to myself as single, because that's how I think of myself, even though I was previously married. My marriage was brief and a long time ago. It's almost like a blip on the radar at this point.

"Divorced" was a temporary state, after which I reverted to my natural state, which is single. I wouldn't refer to myself as "divorced" for the rest of my life, because that label ties me to a marriage which is long gone; it feels archaic. I'm single.

Anyhow, I don't think there are hard and fast rules. If you think of yourself as single, you're single (unless you're married, in which case you're confused).

 

[Amethyst]

I was behind a sporty Mercedes convertible, license plate MRY WIDO. Wish I could bring the driver in on this thread. Seems to have the right attitude!

 

[scrabbler1]

I am 56 and single but have been in a LTR since 2004. Like Bencasey, I live in a co-op apartment whose mortgage I paid off in 1998, so I pay only monthly maintenance. I have $1.6M in investments with about 2/3 of it in taxable with the rest in a rollover tIRA. I have a pension which got frozen in 2002 while I was still working.


My ladyfriend is 57 and works full-time. She has a daughter in her late 30s who is divorced with 3 kids but is in her own LTR and lives out-of-state, 700 miles away.

 

[DayDreaming]

I'm single, never married, no kids. I suppose this is what enabled me to retire at the age of 48. I'm 59 now and it's hard to believe I've been retired more than 10 years - loved every minute of it!

 

[Sojourner]

I'm single (never married, no kids) and in my early 50s. I've been ER'd now for about 5 years and can attest to certain challenges (e.g. loneliness, solitude) that face early retirees who don't have a partner to lean on and get support from during the transition. I started a thread about this several years ago and got some great feedback and suggestions.

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f29/coping-with-excessive-solitude-79152.html

 

[Chuckanut]

Re. the labels, I refer to myself as single, because that's how I think of myself, even though I was previously married.

+1

One of my pet peeves are forms that require me to state if I am married, single or divorced. Isn't being divorced and not re-marrying that same as single? Why must divorce define me?

I do have two wonderful children from my marriage, and now the grand kids are starting up. Christmas was a pleasure with all them around. And needless to say, I enjoy celebrating the birthdays.

Marriage may come again at some point. But, at this stage in life it is not a necessity, and with the legal complications of blending two families along with two spouses, it often does not make sense. The uncertainties surrounding pre-nups scare me. Still, at times the heart will do what the heart will do.

 

[misshathaway]

I'm single, never married, no kids. I retired at 58 when I realized that I could. Like ER Eddie I see that I had a big financial advantage over people with children.

At this stage of my life, especially just having moved cross country, I am glad that I don't have to discuss big life decisions with anyone else. But now that I'm in a new location where I know nobody I feel lonely enough to venture out of my comfort zone and seek others out.

<<Toughest thing I'm finding about being single now is meeting others who are similarly active and willing to get out and do things (hike, bike, kayak, travel, ballroom dance, whatever). >>

Yes. I joined an over-50 type group at the beginning but all they do is shop and go out to eat. I'm having better luck at the pool and gym.

<<Single gets a bad rap and unfortunately carries a stigma, particularly I think in our generation and the previous one. You were sort of considered a loser if you weren't married or in an LTR.>>

I think it also has to do with the experiences that people our age have had. Being married and having children are huge life-shaping experiences that I know little about. For the retired people I have met, their children, and travel with or divorce from spouses, is their life and the source of most conversation.

 

[stepford]

Retirement plan for singles:

Figure out what you like to do, then do it.


Ain't nobody stopping you.

 

[Nature Lover]

I'm single, never married. Retired at 55 with traditional pensions, a portfolio and a small paid off house. Although I don't skimp, I spend less than 50% of what the calculators say I can, and half of that spending is taxes (single and in CA, ugh!).

I've been retired for 4 years, and am limited in my travel/relocation options for the moment due to care giving responsibilities (this is my choice of course, but I feel supporting family is a high priority). There's never a problem finding things to do, but finding people to do them with is sometimes a challenge. Traffic here is horrible, so that also puts a damper on day trips; and "meet up" events tend to be set up around people's work schedules, generally requiring travel in rush hour traffic to get to an event/adventure (yuck!).

All that being said, I'm enjoying retirement immensely! The freedom is fantastic! As for worries: the biggest thing I worry about is how will I navigate older age needs when I don't have a spouse/SO/children to help. Neighbors and a few close friends can help on occaision, but I hate to impose. Hiring a personal care assistant may work, but will cost $$, and a PCA would likely not care as much about my quality of life as a spouse/SO/children would. Obviously, I'll negotiate those challenges when they arise. For now I just do what I can to stay healthy for a good quality of life....and I'm enjoying every minute of it!

 

[irishgal]

Single/divorced a decade ago. No kids, so I am on my own.
While I do enjoy the masculine presence around I am content being single. I am busy in dog sports such as tracking, scent work and field trials and have many weirdo dog sport friends.

I don't focus too much on that scary question "what happens when you are feeble and need help making decisions or finding care", I guess denial is strong...

 

[GenXguy]

Probably will take SSI at 65, a little less than 30K a year.

Not sure if you really meant SSI.

It's not the same as regular SS benefits, if that's what you really meant.

https://www.ssa.gov/ssi/text-over-ussi.htm

SSI is financed by general funds of the U.S. Treasury--personal income taxes, corporate and other taxes. Social Security taxes collected under the Federal Insurance Contributions Act (FICA) or the Self-Employment Contributions Act (SECA) do not fund the SSI program.

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Single just means you are not currently married, not that you have never been married.

Having said that, I'm happily single with no kids and pets, and I have over 10 years before SS benefits, no pension, and have over 100X my current yearly barebones expenses in stash between taxed and tax deferred investments/savings. But some of my expenses will increase in FIRE, such as health care coverage, and of course I want a nice padding for unknown expenses and discretionary spending, and that will increase taxes, which I'm already prepared for based on the current ACA law. The only reason I haven't already FIREd is because of the uncertainty of the ACA with litigation pending, especially considering I currently have a nice $50/mo $100 deductible health plan through my job. I have a pretty good job that is pretty interesting and presents challenges with continued learning, so I don't dread going to work like many desk jockeys who are chained to their desks pushing papers and running the hamster wheel. So, that makes it a lot easier to continue working with today's uncertainty.

While still working full time, I don't feel like I ever have time to be lonely or bored. I keep busy with my limited free time.

 

[Nature Lover]

I don't focus too much on that scary question "what happens when you are feeble and need help making decisions or finding care", I guess denial is strong...

Denial is strong in all of us I think. And I have many years to go before I get there. I raised the subject because it's a thread for singles, and this may be a common challenge many of us will face. I'm providing assistance/care to my mom, as needed, and she constantly asks "who will help you when you need it?". (gotta love her ) And she's right ---if nothing changes between now and 25 or 30 years from now, it might be a major concern....Of course, first I have to last that long!

 

[Amethyst]

Yet, everyone will tell you that's not a proper reason to seek a mate.

The phrase "nurse with a purse" comes to mind....

I don't focus too much on that scary question "what happens when you are feeble and need help making decisions or finding care", I guess denial is strong...