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LOL! · 09-24-2005, 06:32 PM

Years ago, when I visited my MIL, I noticed she had something taped to her phone: A big card with the words, "Just say NO!!!" It was her way of pre-empting the vultures that came to her through the wire.

MJ · 09-25-2005, 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OldAgePensioner

MJ, damn dude, you are tooo close to my thinking. Are you CIA?

OAP, I guess, the truth had to come out, Agent Maxwell "Don't Know" Jack (MJ) at your undercover service.

On a more serious note, although my Dad can be a pain and very distrustful, he is at least for a 94 yo sound of mind and still lives on his own. Being a tightwad, he still saves over 30% of his SS and small pensions. If he makes it for another 20 years, my 3 brothers and I will inherit a small fortunate. I do encourage him to take annual vacations when his health allows.

Not bad, for a retired tailor, of course many thanks to FDR and SS benefits.

Good luck OAP.

MJ

OldAgePensioner · 09-25-2005, 11:39 AM

MJ, thanks for the support and great to hear you dad is viable at 94. Hoping the same for my mom. Her memory is awesome, but her decision making is scary.

On the CIA mole thing

, I really had considered claiming poverty before my visit.

None of my family has a clue about my finances or really how I live.

And to think, just a couple of short months ago, I had no clue of any of this. I was actually more concerned about a friend with a coniving mom and sisters. If I had not begun to help my mom get organized, I could have been blissfully ignorant.

09-25-2005, 03:13 PM

Sounds frustrating, OAP!

Here's a story about a non-family vulture.

A few years ago my 85-year-old mom gets a call that goes like this:

"Hi, this is your favorite nephew!"
"Jeff?"
"Yes, that's right, this is Jeff."

As you can guess, it wasn't really Jeff. The caller went on to set up a time to get together for dinner later, and, by the way, he needed $350 for a car payment, blah blah, and he was sending over a friend if she could loan him the money.

My mom has always been gullible and fell for it.

Then, the police catch the guy and send him to prison. My mom writes him in prison, says she forgives him, and tells him they should get together when he gets out. Not making this up. Fortunately the family convinced her not to.

OldAgePensioner · 09-25-2005, 03:27 PM

T-Bone Al,
I have a nephew who would have done that himself. And my mom, would take his side over the family. And, yes, he would have been the winner.

Gullible ?, NO, she wants to be taken is my opinion. She loves to be a hero.

How can a woman who went to Georgetown in 1947 for her freshman business year, married a GI and after his death in 1966, start a large business, be so gullible?

It just reeks.

Brat · 09-25-2005, 05:57 PM

She needs to be needed.

MRGALT2U · 09-25-2005, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OldAgePensioner

T-Bone Al,
I have a nephew who would have done that himself.* And my mom, would take his side over the family.* And, yes, he would have been the winner.

Gullible ?, NO, she wants to be taken is my opinion.* She loves to be a hero.

How can a woman who went to Georgetown in 1947 for her freshman business year, married a GI and after his death in 1966, start a large business, be so gullible?

It just reeks.

I went to the folks for Sunday dinner. Mom saved most of a week's mail for me to review. She is grateful for the help and I am happy to do it,
but the further I get into their finances the more amazed I am that they
were able to function for all those years. I thought I was disorganized,
but they have raised the bar considerably.

JG

OldAgePensioner · 09-25-2005, 11:11 PM

Brat, she loves being the focal point in my opinion. Positive or negative.

JG, the mail thing is revealing. My mom's mail was un-opened and for months.

MRGALT2U · 09-26-2005, 06:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OldAgePensioner

Brat, she loves being the focal point in my opinion. Positive or negative.

JG, the mail thing is revealing.* My mom's mail was un-opened and for months.

OAP.............the most surprising thing to me is that Mom doesn't seem to
know what anything is (or means). The most routine stuff.........
"What do I do with this?" etc. Clueless. She has not gone downhill
mentally at all, so this must mean my Dad was handling everything.
We are fortunate that he recognizes he can no longer do it.

JG

OldAgePensioner · 09-26-2005, 08:02 AM

JG,
After thinking about this for 3-4 days, I believe my mom thinks everything just takes care of itself.

Her prize possessions are letters from customers that she has helped. She regularly gives military "boys" (her words) a break (free?) on what they need for Iraq duty. And yet she can't seem to deal with family issues involving money and manipulation.

I got to get some help. Not for her, for ME.

MRGALT2U · 09-26-2005, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OldAgePensioner

JG,
After thinking about this for 3-4 days, I believe my mom thinks everything just takes care of itself.

Her prize possessions are letters from customers that she has helped.* She regularly gives military "boys" (her words) a break (free?) on what they need for Iraq duty.* And yet she can't seem to deal with family issues involving money and manipulation.

I got to get some help.* Not for her, for ME.

Well, I feel badly about your sad situation. Some of us go directly from
getting the kids raised to caring for elderly parents. A close friend
asked me recently (in reference to her situation)............."When do we
get to do something for us?" I honestly didn't know what to tell her.

JG

Nords · 09-26-2005, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OldAgePensioner

Brat, she loves being the focal point in my opinion. Positive or negative.

JG, the mail thing is revealing.* My mom's mail was un-opened and for months.

Uh-oh. Everyone is different, OAP, but one of the first signs of my grandfather's descent into senile dementia was the unopened mail. For four years. Stuffed into every drawer in the apartment. My father visited regularly during those years but didn't notice the problem until the drawers could no longer hold the evidence.

If the mail's not opened and the bills aren't paid, the utility companies won't threaten to cut off their older customers-- they'll just keep tacking on 1.5%/month interest charges. One option would be to have them contact someone else (like you) if the bills don't get paid but otherwise the situation could drag on for years. Of course if the bills are automatically paid out of a checking account then technically there's never any "problem".

Same thing with unpaid local, state, & federal taxes. They mail out the notices, but they all know they'll get paid eventually, and the penalties/interest just keep piling up...

Brat · 09-26-2005, 09:42 AM

Confusion in elderly women is often associated with a urinary tract infection. Have her MD check that out.

OldAgePensioner · 09-26-2005, 01:27 PM

Nords, as always, thanks for a thoughful response. I just can't seem to get her tuned in to getting things sorted out. There has to be more going on than I realize.

My business-oriented brother and I have talked more in the last few weeks than we have in the last 20 years. We both are flabbergasted. It has been hidden well.

He and I talked today and I will call her personal physician and express my concerns tomorrow. But even so, everything that we attempt seems as possible evidence to the others.

BTW, kudos to this board for allowing me to air this out.

haha · 09-26-2005, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MRGALT2U

..."When do we
get to do something for us?"*

Safest bet is get as much as you can between ages 15 and 30.

Ha

OldAgePensioner · 09-26-2005, 02:05 PM

Ha,
in Redondo Beach, I got way too much from 15-30. Way too much. That warm sand at Hollywood Riviera was an instant score. :P

I'm still recovering. Doctor said, "son, it only works 10,000 times and even Viagra won't help". But then I woke up.

brewer12345 · 09-26-2005, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HaHa

Safest bet is get as much as you can between ages 15 and 30.

Ha

Now you tell me! You mean all that time and effort I was putting into getting multiple degrees from fancy schools, working hard, etc. I should have spent taking it easy?! C'mon...