Wedding complications

[happy2bretired]

Shhhhhh my daughter is getting married, but no one knows yet.

Husband-2-B is from Brazil - he is finishing up his masters here. Anyway, here's the problem. They don't want gifts (just $$)

A few months after the wedding they plan to move to Brazil for a few years. That's the reason they don't want gifts. They plan to sell almost everything they have before they move.

My daughter says the wedding invitations should not include anything about gifts and under normal circumstances I would agree. I feel that their plans should be included, some way or another, on the invitations, so that people can read between the lines, so to speak.

Any ideas?

 

[Onward]

On the invitations: "As we are soon moving out of the country, no store-bought gifts please."

?

 

[bizlady]

On the card that tells them where the reception is, why not say somthing like, Please join us in celebrating with him and her before they relocate to Brazil....

 

[freebird5825]

I would have to have some couth to be able to answer this one.

Here's a link that may be helpful.
Wedding Cash Gift Etiquette

 

[dex]

How to Ask for Monetary Donations on Wedding Invitations | eHow.com

"If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way.
A gift of cash towards our life in Brazil, would really make our day.

However, if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way."

 

[Westernskies]

"as we will be moving to Brazil, the best presents would be your presence"

 

[happy2bretired]

How to Ask for Monetary Donations on Wedding Invitations | eHow.com

"If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way.
A gift of cash towards our life in Brazil, would really make our day.

However, if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way."

Hmmm...a poem....

 

[TromboneAl]

Tonight my hubbie's going to see all,
And for gifts, make it a real*.


*or preferably many of them.

Get it?

 

[Sarah in SC]

Okay, are you ready to hear from Sarah aka Emily Post?

Etiquette demands that you make no mention of gifts whatsoever on invitations to formal events such as weddings. Period. No ifs ands or buts.

What should take place, is that those invited to said events are presumed to be close enough to family members (such as yourself, siblings, mother of the groom, etc) that they will ask: "where is DD registered for gifts?" or "what should we get them?".

At that time (and only at that time) the kind guest can be told that the young couple are planning a move to Brazil immediately following the wedding and have thus chosen not to register for gifts that would be difficult to ship to South America.

It is up to you, and other family members, to decide if you are close enough to the person asking, and they are amenable to the suggestion, that they give a monetary gift. Otherwise you should just say that their presence at the wedding will be a wonderful gift to the couple.

In many cultures, money is given at the wedding to the groom (even in our very southern and non-money giving culture, we still got around $500 handed over in cash to DH) for the honeymoon.

It is positively tacky to include solicitation for gifts of any kind on an invitation, even with the very best of intentions. A gracious bride does not expect anything from invited guests but their attendance.

 

[vicente solano]

Shhhhhh my daughter is getting married, but no one knows yet.

Husband-2-B is from Brazil - he is finishing up his masters here. Anyway, here's the problem. They don't want gifts (just $$)

A few months after the wedding they plan to move to Brazil for a few years. That's the reason they don't want gifts. They plan to sell almost everything they have before they move.

My daughter says the wedding invitations should not include anything about gifts and under normal circumstances I would agree. I feel that their plans should be included, some way or another, on the invitations, so that people can read between the lines, so to speak.

Any ideas?

Here in Spain couples tend to marry once they have their own place fully furnished......so they don´t want/need the usual/typical home gifts.
Your problem -by no means unusual-is more and more frequently solved nowadays by them blatantly and unsubtly putting on the invitation card.....account number...... Bank....

Another solution is to pay for their honeymoon, organized by a "commitee" of their invitees.

None of these gigs sit well with your typical older attendants.

 

[bbbamI]

Well, congratulations to all!

btw...can they have a wedding registry in Brazil that folks in the States can use?

 

[Rustward]

Just say you are using BofA's gift registry.

 

[happy2bretired]

Thanks everyone.... I will pass on some suggestions to the bride and groom.

They are supposed to return to the U.S in a couple of years but I have a feeling they may be in another country all together by then. They may never need gifts.

Hopefully we won't offend anyone with what is decided. Word of mouth as "Emily" suggested might be the only proper way. I just know I don't want to store a bunch of STUFF here. Now that would really be a problem.

Thanks everyone.

 

[Moemg]

Congratulations ! I would go with not mentioning anything about gifts and when asked tell people the situation. I think most people give cash anymore for weddings . When my daughter got married she only got a few gifts of items the rest were all checks.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

I agree with the other opinions that the invitations should go out with no mention of gifts of any kind. Some people will call and ask about the registry and I would say something like "They are moving to Brazil and will be living in tight quarters so they decided not to register anywhere". I think this should do the trick.
The only thing I ever give these days as a wedding gift is a check, whether the couple has a registry or not. The only exception I made was a couple of years ago when well-to-do friends in their fifties tied the knot and had a casual cocktail party in their backyard by way of celebration (after their city hall ceremony). I knew the bride liked antiques so I brought a vintage champagne bucket with a bottle of Schramsberg brut nestled inside.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Congratulations!

I agree with [-]Sarah in SC[/-] Emily Post above. Do not mention anything about gifts with the wedding invitations. If the happy couple does not register for gifts, most guests will get the point.

Will there be any bridal showers for your DD? Invitations to those often include information about gift registries, so it will be interesting to see what happens with shower gifts.

 

[happy2bretired]

Congratulations!

I agree with [-]Sarah in SC[/-] Emily Post above. Do not mention anything about gifts with the wedding invitations. If the happy couple does not register for gifts, most guests will get the point.

Will there be any bridal showers for your DD? Invitations to those often include information about gift registries, so it will be interesting to see what happens with shower gifts.

Thank you everyone. I hope there isn't a shower unless it's lingerie...at least that would be packable.

It's supposed to be a very simple civil ceremony, but, after all the emails today, between my daughter and myself - we aren't too sure about it being simple any longer. The last email I received today mentioned the word ELOPE. he he I don't think they will go that far but DD is now wide awake.

 

[Walt34]

Okay, are you ready to hear from Sarah aka Emily Post?

Etiquette demands that you make no mention of gifts whatsoever on invitations to formal events such as weddings. Period. No ifs ands or buts.

....snip....

It is positively tacky to include solicitation for gifts of any kind on an invitation, even with the very best of intentions. A gracious bride does not expect anything from invited guests but their attendance.

How refreshing! Style and grace are not dead yet.

 

[grumpy]

Happy,

Congrats! My son married a lovely woman from Brazil who came to the US to do post-doc research. They got married on the beach in Florianapolis. After the wedding we toured Brazil and it is an amazing and beautiful country. If you get the chance, by all means, go and visit.

 

[freebird5825]

Okay, are you ready to hear from Sarah aka Emily Post?

Etiquette demands that you make no mention of gifts whatsoever on invitations to formal events such as weddings. Period. No ifs ands or buts.
...
It is positively tacky to include solicitation for gifts of any kind on an invitation, even with the very best of intentions. A gracious bride does not expect anything from invited guests but their attendance.

Thunderous applause

I am still "donating" wedding gifts I was given in 1984. I never did a gift registry. The majority of the gifts were beautiful, but have no purpose at all. Over the years, I have found a home for most of the gifts, given away to very thankful recipients.
Speaking of which, if someone insists on giving a gift anyway, you can always "donate" it later. Just don't say anything.

 

[Texas Proud]

"as we will be moving to Brazil, the best presents would be your presence"

Then you get no money

 

[jIMOh]

On the card that tells them where the reception is, why not say somthing like, Please join us in celebrating with him and her before they relocate to Brazil....

+1

A similar idea would be to send a letter out to everyone coming to wedding (wait until RSVPs come back), explaining "thank you for RSVPing... after the wedding we will be relocating to Brazil... before we relocate we will be selling most of our possessions and would prefer wedding gifts not be items we have to sell"... to this point "we have not registered for the wedding, and would prefer to NOT receive gifts which would just be sold at a moving sale in 12 months..."

I am sure that wording can be improved, but the point should be made clear and be very direct.

And then if the parents are "on board", they should openly discuss this with other guests many many weeks before the wedding and reiterate if gifts are given, they will more than likely be sold before they are moved, and it's better to not give material gifts.

My pet peeve with weddings and similar are people which give junk which they think is "important to the giver". Things which for one reason or another they think are traditions or items which will carry on importance in the new family. Most of the people which gave gifts like that I barely talk to because they obviously don't know me or my wife that well (come to think of it all those gifts came from my wife's side).

It should be communicated both directly and indirectly (directly by couple getting married and indirectly by parents as much as they are comfortable with).

**edit to add**
I disagree with people which suggest you will get fewer gifts. Most people I know give money as wedding present, and as long as I know the person well, I give money. If it's my wife's cousin's daughter's soccer coach which invited us, I might shop off the registry, but most wedding presents I give will be money to anyone I know reasonably well.

If people don't give money, they won't give a present at all, but I don't think this wording discourages giving money.

 

[happy2bretired]

Happy,

Congrats! My son married a lovely woman from Brazil who came to the US to do post-doc research. They got married on the beach in Florianapolis. After the wedding we toured Brazil and it is an amazing and beautiful country. If you get the chance, by all means, go and visit.

Oh yeah...I'm already thinking about a trip down to the Pantanal. My future son-in-law's home town is in that general area. It sounds like there will be another wedding in Brazil after they move down there...so....I will be going. Hmmm, now about the cost of that second wedding....

 

[kyounge1956]

Thank you everyone. I hope there isn't a shower unless it's lingerie...at least that would be packable.

It's supposed to be a very simple civil ceremony, but, after all the emails today, between my daughter and myself - we aren't too sure about it being simple any longer. The last email I received today mentioned the word ELOPE. he he I don't think they will go that far but DD is now wide awake.

One good thing about an elopement—since there's nobody there but the couple and the officiant, they won't get any wedding presents which would have to be sold or stored! Maybe they should elope (although if the parents know about their plans beforehand and don't object, elopement hardly seems like the right word). Then, instead of a wedding with guests they can have a reception/bon voyage party immediately before they leave. Is there a nice hotel or a good restaurant right by the airport? I agree with "Emily Post" and all the others who have agreed that gifts shouldn't be mentioned in the invitation, but surely if people are invited to a reception at the Airporter Hotel Ballroom for a couple leaving the country the next morning, they will figure out for themselves what kind of gifts are appropriate.

 

[bssc]

Tonight my hubbie's going to see all,
And for gifts, make it a real*.


*or preferably many of them.

Get it?

Since I didn't see any other response, I will add, aargh.