What do people mean by "losing" or "finding" themselves?

[Amethyst]

Yet another one of this type of post on FB...mystifying me yet again.

"Of all the roads she's traveled, the journey back to herself was the most magnificent."

What do people mean by words like this? What does "losing yourself" or "finding yourself" mean?

Actually, I've wondered about this all my life. While I don't always like everything about myself, and certainly haven't liked some of the situations I've found myself in - I never felt as if I didn't know exactly who I was. The whole idea, to me, is weird.

Is it just some coded reference to addiction and recovery?

 

[HI Bill]

I'm not sure, as I don't think I've ever lost myself. But I think it means that one has found what in life is important and gives meaning, or how to be fulfilled as a person. The lost souls are floating through life without direction, purpose, satisfaction, or happiness.

 

[ERD50]

I tune this stuff out. It seems to me like talk from someone who can't face reality, so they make up some sort of fantasy world and assign meaningless words to it and pretend they are being 'deep' and intellectual. I just want to yawn and say "get over yourself".

A similar one that drives DW nuts is when people say "I didn't really know who I was, or "I had to learn who I was". What a bunch of mush. I would not want to get caught in a conversation with one of these bores, w/o an escape path.

-ERD50

 

[Nemo2]

How about, say, (and this is from third party observation), getting into a marriage/relationship/job wherein your behavior, (in order to 'survive' whatever), dictates that you are obliged to act and/or (pretend to) think in a way that is counter to 'you'?

 

[Dtail]

Reminds me of some folks taking off a year after college to find themselves.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

Definition - "Finding One's Self"

Waking up the day after you went on a bender and not knowing where you are or who is next to you. But it is definitely you next to them.

 

[DatumPoint5]

plus 1 to the comment by Nemo2!!

 

[marko]

How about, say, (and this is from third party observation), getting into a marriage/relationship/job wherein your behavior, (in order to 'survive' whatever), dictates that you are obliged to act and/or (pretend to) think in a way that is counter to 'you'?

This.
I certainly had to 'be' someone else to maintain my job. I often had to do things I wasn't happy about (firing, making the hard decisions, being a hard @$$) but it's what I had to do to get the job done. Sometimes, just 'being fair' forced some hard choices.

It wasn't me but it wasn't a conscious thing...I slowly grew into that role (along with a big ego) and it was only after I REd that I could look back and say "Wow!" and realize how far from 'me' I had drifted.

Interestingly, after I left, most people said I was the best boss they ever had.

 

[Amethyst]

But that's not losing yourself. It's putting on an act, same as many of us have/had to do at work. When I got out of such situations, I stopped having to play the role. Took time to decompress. But I knew who I was all along.

How about, say, (and this is from third party observation), getting into a marriage/relationship/job wherein your behavior, (in order to 'survive' whatever), dictates that you are obliged to act and/or (pretend to) think in a way that is counter to 'you'?

 

[JoeWras]

A similar one that drives DW nuts is when people say "I didn't really know who I was, or "I had to learn who I was". What a bunch of mush. I would not want to get caught in a conversation with one of these bores, w/o an escape path.

The feeling is probably mutual on their part.

 

[target2019]

I think it is a reference to addiction/recovery, losing/finding belief, finding/losing a mate, etc.

 

[Nemo2]

It's putting on an act, same as many of us have/had to do at work.

As an elongation of Nietzsche's "When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you", is it unfeasible to imagine that, when you're putting on an act, that the act is also 'putting on you'?

Me? I dunno...I'm like Popeye....a herbaceous tuber....."I Yam What I Yam".

 

[razztazz]

I tune this stuff out. It seems to me like talk from someone who can't face reality, so they make up some sort of fantasy world and assign meaningless words to it and pretend they are being 'deep' and intellectual. I just want to yawn and say "get over yourself".

A similar one that drives DW nuts is when people say "I didn't really know who I was, or "I had to learn who I was". What a bunch of mush. I would not want to get caught in a conversation with one of these bores, w/o an escape path.

-ERD50

This. Silly mostly spoiled people looking for something that isn't there. The World is right in front of you. That's all there is. There ain't no more.

 

[Keim]

I run a Recovery Community Center (www.latahrecoverycenter.org if you're curious what an RCC does). The phrase is VERY common amongst people dealing with behavioral health issues. I'd not make light of it for people dealing with these issues. Many are truly lost.

 

[Scrapr]

I am a bit "lost" right now. Lost my wife and love of my life 7 months ago. I am having to make a new life and i hate it. We were right on the verge of being able to do most anything we wanted. Travel, friends, dogs. We had spent several years getting the finances in order. 566 days later that life is over.

So yes, I'm "finding myself" I would not wish this on anyone

and FB is silly. Bunch of people putting on the "perfect" life for others to praise & "like" them....IMO

example: one of Mrs Scraprs friends posted up on FB with a bunch of Mrs & her long time friends. getting together for lunch. My friends are so important, etc. Got lots of likes. Good for her. She sent a Christmas card to me this week with a picture of the family. No note of concern or anything else. We have not talked since the Celebration. Maybe that's a one off

 

[Nemo2]

I am a bit "lost" right now. Lost my wife and love of my life 7 months ago. I am having to make a new life and i hate it. We were right on the verge of being able to do most anything we wanted. Travel, friends, dogs. We had spent several years getting the finances in order. 566 days later that life is over.

So yes, I'm "finding myself" I would not wish this on anyone

Don't lose hope.....I was in a similar situation, wife & dog, 17 years ago......now things, (except for age/health annoyances), are better than I could ever have hoped for.

Hang in! All the best.

 

[RobbieB]

I can understand. I used to tell people I didn't think one should get married before age 25 because until then you don't even know who you are.

 

[Amethyst]

I'm not making light. Then again, people who post such memes, must be assuming that others know what they are talking about.

Something tells me, though, that it will do no good to ask them. Sort of "If you have to ask, I'm certainly not going to be the one to tell you."

I run a Recovery Community Center (www.latahrecoverycenter.org if you're curious what an RCC does). The phrase is VERY common amongst people dealing with behavioral health issues. I'd not make light of it for people dealing with these issues. Many are truly lost.

 

[Scrapr]

Don't lose hope.....I was in a similar situation, wife & dog, 17 years ago......now things, (except for age/health annoyances), are better than I could ever have hoped for.

Hang in! All the best.

Thanks. I know I'm in the early stages. I'm working on it. But the grief iscoming at me pretty hard in the Season. I'm typically a pretty positive person & that will return. Our friends are taking good care of me

Thank you

 

[Amethyst]

See, I don't get that at all. I would say don't get married until mid-20's because you probably don't make enough money yet to run a good household and raise kids.

But it's got nothing to do with "knowing who I am."
It's not as if at 24 I was this one kind of person, and at 27 I became someone completely different! I certainly know and understand a lot more than I did at age 10, but I think I was almost exactly the same, otherwise.

I can understand. I used to tell people I didn't think one should get married before age 25 because until then you don't even know who you are.

 

[Amethyst]

I am very sorry for your grief, and the horrible changes you are having to survive. Am no stranger to grief myself, nor to having to make a new life under unexpected and undesirable conditions. But I bet you are Scrapr through and through, not some other identity.

I am a bit "lost" right now. Lost my wife and love of my life 7 months ago. I am having to make a new life and i hate it. We were right on the verge of being able to do most anything we wanted. Travel, friends, dogs. We had spent several years getting the finances in order. 566 days later that life is over.

So yes, I'm "finding myself" I would not wish this on anyone

and FB is silly. Bunch of people putting on the "perfect" life for others to praise & "like" them....IMO

example: one of Mrs Scraprs friends posted up on FB with a bunch of Mrs & her long time friends. getting together for lunch. My friends are so important, etc. Got lots of likes. Good for her. She sent a Christmas card to me this week with a picture of the family. No note of concern or anything else. We have not talked since the Celebration. Maybe that's a one off

 

[RobbieB]

I lost my first wife 9 years ago between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Did lots of sobbing. I think it was 3 to 4 years that I needed to be able to watch Christmas shows without blubbering bad. Yeah, sucks. Sorry to hear Scrapr.

But time does heal and now I have wife number 2. And dogs eight and nine. And a Christmas tree again and lights up. Took 3 years for me to get that far.

All the best!

 

[RobbieB]

See, I don't get that at all. I would say don't get married until mid-20's because you probably don't make enough money yet to run a good household and raise kids.

But it's got nothing to do with "knowing who I am."
It's not as if at 24 I was this one kind of person, and at 27 I became someone completely different! I certainly know and understand a lot more than I did at age 10, but I think I was almost exactly the same, otherwise.

Probably why you don't get it then.

Me, I was all over the place before I was 25, a bit crazed with one foot back in 18.

 

[Nemo2]

Thanks. I know I'm in the early stages. I'm working on it. But the grief is coming at me pretty hard in the Season.

There's no easy fix I'm afraid. I'd advise against making any major decisions for at least a year or more, (preferably more).

I figured I was handling things 'pretty well'.......a year or so later it was "What on earth was I thinking?"

 

[marko]

But it's got nothing to do with "knowing who I am."
It's not as if at 24 I was this one kind of person, and at 27 I became someone completely different! I certainly know and understand a lot more than I did at age 10, but I think I was almost exactly the same, otherwise.

Definitely not the case for me. Around 28 or 29 it was like a light bulb went off and I went "Ohhhhhh! Got it!" It was almost instantaneous, like a matter of months and I took on a whole different personality.