What's Your Greatest 'Comeback Line'

[ownyourfuture]

Unfortunately, my greatest comeback line was directed to my own Mother, who I love dearly BTW.

Sorry I made this so long, but it's cold & miserable outside today & I had nothing else to do.

Scenario: I had a tooth that was beginning to bother me.
The pain would come & go.
Having a slight phobia with dentist visits, combined with the fact that I was working long hours, 6:00 AM To 6:00 PM (My Ex-Employer had an absolutely draconian attendance policy) I put it off for about a month. ((too long))

It was a Friday morning and it was time to make the call. Unfortunately I got a recording. They weren't open that day & wouldn't be open until the following Tuesday. I made it through Saturday, Sunday, Monday & called them as soon as they opened Tuesday morning.

I went in, pointed out the tooth that was bothering me, & the dentist took some x-rays.

He said something looked a 'little bit off' , but he couldn't be absolutely sure. He gave me a prescription for pain medication in case it got worse. I think it was vicodin.

That night about 8 o'clock I had something to eat, then went to the bathroom to floss my teeth. The second I started removing the floss from the tooth in question & the one next to it, searing white hot pain started in the tooth itself & down to my lower jaw.

I have no idea what my pain threshold is ?
I just know it was pain like I've never felt before in my life. I was kind of in a panic, I thought maybe I just got something caught in between the tooth so my first instinct was to gargle. This helped for about five or six seconds, then the pain would come back.

After about the fourth time gargling, the little light bulb began to Flicker.
It wasn't the gargling that was helping, it was the cool water on my tooth.
I ran to the freezer to get some ice cubes. They we were too big to fit properly, so I ran to the garage, got a hammer and started pounding them into smaller pieces.

I have my dentist's home number, so I started calling him at around 8:20. There was no answer. I even called the emergency room at the local hospital to see if there was anything they could do for me. I asked them if they could give me some Novocain to get me through the night. The answer was no.

I had completely forgotten about the vicodin. My next thought was alcohol.
It was about 8:40 PM by this time, so I tried my dentist one more time with no luck, then went to my local liquor store & bought a 12 pack of michelob.

The cashier immediately knew what was going on when she saw me walk in with a glass of ice. I went home & downed 2 of the michelob's in about 20 minutes. Except for the temporary relief that the cold provided, the real pain was as bad as ever. So I went back to putting the ice on my tooth, & kept trying to contact my dentist.

Finally, about 9:30 PM, he answered. He was not enthused about the idea of coming to his office at 9:30 PM, but he finally agreed.

So right about 10 o'clock he took another x-ray, & told me he still couldn't be absolutely sure. I said "just do something for me now"
So he drilled a small hole in the tooth. The pain went away immediately.
The next day he would start a successful root canal on that tooth.

The following week, I went to Timber Lodge Steakhouse, bought a $50 gift certificate, & gave it to him. He was very appreciative.

The following week I was out visiting my Mother & other family members.
I told them about the gift certificate.
My mom calmly started in, saying, "why would you do that, he was just doing his job, he's probably got plenty of money already" & she closed with the following.

"He's not God after all"

I replied immediately

"He was that night"

[lampshade]

Perfect response!! I would have never thought of that!

[marko]

Back early in my career, my territory included Paris, the French Alps and all the way down to Monaco.

One day, at a full/packed sales meeting, our CEO (not known for his patience) barked at me, and only half joking said: "I've looked at your territory...how the hell do you know when you're working or on vacation?"

I said: "I look down at the credit card, boss...when you're name is on it, I'm working".

He loved it!

[travelover]

I was hiking at the local park on the horse trail where it parallels a hiking trail for a distance. Someone on the hiking trail called to me , "I think you are on a horse trail". I replied, "thanks, that explains all the hoof prints and horsesh!t".

[ownyourfuture]

Quote:

Originally Posted by marko Back early in my career, my territory included Paris, the French Alps and all the way down to Monaco. One day, at a full/packed sales meeting, our CEO (not known for his patience) barked at me, and only half joking said: "I've looked at your territory...how the hell do you know when you're working or on vacation?" I said: "I look down at the credit card, boss...when you're name is on it, I'm working". He loved it!

Nice!!

[mystang52]

Unfortunately, in my case I always have great comebacks...........hours after the fact.

[ownyourfuture]

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover I was hiking at the local park on the horse trail where it parallels a hiking trail for a distance. Someone on the hiking trail called to me , "I think you are on a horse trail". I replied, "thanks, that explains all the hoof prints and horsesh!t".

Excellent!!

[ownyourfuture]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lampshade Perfect response!! I would have never thought of that!

Thanks!

[travelover]

One day I was walking my whippet and a lady leading a Sheltie asked me, "is that a greyhound?"

I replied, "No. Is that a Collie?

[LitGal]

My first week of teaching high school English, facing a room full of rambunctious sophomores, waiting to get class started. A girl in the back raises her hand.

"Is this your first year of teaching?"

"And did you brush your teeth this morning?" I ask her.

She stops. The class turns around to look at her.

"Well, what does that have to do with anything?" she demands.

Her rowdy peers go quiet.

"Exactly," I say.

We start class.

[Meadbh]

It was 1994. My father refused to eat his broccoli. "It's good for you!" said my mother. "George Bush (Sr.) doesn't eat broccoli", said Dad. My response: "George Bush didn't win the election."

[LitGal]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh It was 1994. My father refused to eat his broccoli. "It's good for you!" said my mother. "George Bush (Sr.) doesn't eat broccoli", said Dad. My response: "George Bush didn't win the election."

Ha! Ha! Ha!

[Meadbh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LitGal My first week of teaching high school English, facing a room full of rambunctious sophomores, waiting to get class started. A girl in the back raises her hand. "Is this your first year of teaching?" "And did you brush your teeth this morning?" I ask her. She stops. The class turns around to look at her. "Well, what does that have to do with anything?" she demands. Her rowdy peers go quiet. "Exactly," I say. We start class.

[tmm99]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LitGal My first week of teaching high school English, facing a room full of rambunctious sophomores, waiting to get class started. A girl in the back raises her hand. "Is this your first year of teaching?" "And did you brush your teeth this morning?" I ask her. She stops. The class turns around to look at her. "Well, what does that have to do with anything?" she demands. Her rowdy peers go quiet. "Exactly," I say. We start class.

WOW! What a fast comeback! LOVED IT

[braumeister]

I was in the yard raking leaves when a new neighbor walked over and asked if I was going to "recycle" the leaves.

"Sure. I have a big box of safety pins and in the Spring I'll paint them green and put them back on the trees."

He never bothered me again.

[Nemo2]

Wow, you guys are fast......."Oh Yeah?" is the best I can come up with.

[Sarah in SC]

DH borrowed my toothbrush once when we were still dating and I yelled at him for it. He said "wait, but you kiss me and that seems to be okay with you" and I responded "yeah, but I'm drunk then".

[pb4uski]

Not a comeback line but a funny pickup line I used in my youth was to ask a young lass who have caught my eye "What winks and f__ks like a tiger?". Typically they would ponder the question and eventually give up and say "I don't know, what?" at which point I would tilt my head and wink at them.

[Pbkmaine]

Did this ever work?


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[pb4uski]

Absolutely. Funny icebreaker.