Why you should never set out to marry rich

[marko]

My best friend is very wealthy and had a prenup with young wife #2. Then he had a life threatening health issue from which he recovered.

One day, afterwards, she asked what would happen had he died. He said " it's all in the prenup. What part of it didn't you understand?".

She left the next day. Never came back. Somehow she was expecting a different financial outcome.

Sadly, most people, including his daughter (and myself) could've predicted this.

 

[RetiredHappy]

My best friend is very wealthy and had a prenup with young wife #2. Then he had a life threatening health issue from which he recovered.

One day, afterwards, she asked what would happen had he died. He said " it's all in the prenup. What part of it didn't you understand?".

She left the next day. Never came back. Somehow she was expecting a different financial outcome.

Sadly, most people, including his daughter (and myself) could've predicted this.

Kind of like the woman whom I refer to above. She thought she had all this money if/when he died as he is quite a bit older than her. When they divorced, she said he took away her money and her children's money. I said what? She said she would have gotten all these money if/when he died if they did not divorce. I told her that her pre-nup said zilch. His will is probably zilch to her as well. Some people are too dumb to understand.

 

[TheWizard]

Kind of like the woman whom I refer to above. She thought she had all this money if/when he died as he is 18 years older than her. When they divorced, she said he took away her money and her children's money. I said what? She said she would have gotten all these money if/when he died if they did not divorce. I told her that her pre-nup said zilch. His will is probably zilch to her as well. Some people are too dumb to understand.

This is why they pretty much mandate legal representation for both sides of a prenup...

 

[marko]

Kind of like the woman whom I refer to above. She thought she had all this money if/when he died as he is 18 years older than her. When they divorced, she said he took away her money and her children's money. I said what? She said she would have gotten all these money if/when he died if they did not divorce. I told her that her pre-nup said zilch. His will is probably zilch to her as well. Some people are too dumb to understand.

This is why they pretty much mandate legal representation for both sides of a prenup...

IANAL but actually, she may have a viable case if she was prevented from legal counsel.

 

[RetiredHappy]

IANAL but actually, she may have a viable case if she was prevented from legal counsel.

I believe she has a viable case. She is extremely weak, and hence she was taken so easily. She feels sorry for herself, still cries alot after being divorced more than a year. There is certainly alot of inaction. We have advised her to seek counseling for her mental state, talk to legal aid and she has done nothing. In the meantime, she tries to cling to me in which I shake her off. She wants to move into my home and I told her no. A few of us who have been sympathetic have pretty much given up on her.

 

[Amethyst]

All these stories involve people who clearly were not in love with each other. People who love one another want to share what they have.

My best friend is very wealthy and had a prenup with young wife #2. Then he had a life threatening health issue from which he recovered.

One day, afterwards, she asked what would happen had he died. He said " it's all in the prenup. What part of it didn't you understand?".

She left the next day. Never came back. Somehow she was expecting a different financial outcome.

Sadly, most people, including his daughter (and myself) could've predicted this.

 

[Amethyst]

My understanding, which is shallow since I've never had a prenup and don't expect to, is that a prenup overrides a will.

And a beneficiary designation can override them both.

So keep your beneficiary designations up to date. And beware changes in holding companies...when my husband died, it transpired that the beneficiary (me) on a few his-name-only assets had somehow vanished during a series of holding-company changes, and these assets had to be probated, at considerable expense, even though I was his only heir and the executor of his estate.

As for your "friend"'s husband, I can't understand how he could have married her when he clearly didn't care much for her. If all he wanted was looks and sex, he could've gotten that without marriage. I don't understand these situations at all, as common as they seem to be. Actually I suspect I don't understand people....

Kind of like the woman whom I refer to above. She thought she had all this money if/when he died as he is 18 years older than her. When they divorced, she said he took away her money and her children's money. I said what? She said she would have gotten all these money if/when he died if they did not divorce. I told her that her pre-nup said zilch. His will is probably zilch to her as well. Some people are too dumb to understand.

 

[RetiredHappy]

My understanding, which is shallow since I've never had a prenup and don't expect to, is that a prenup overrides a will.

And a beneficiary designation can override them both.

So keep your beneficiary designations up to date. And beware changes in holding companies...when my husband died, it transpired that the beneficiary (me) on a few his-name-only assets had somehow vanished during a series of holding-company changes, and these assets had to be probated, at considerable expense, even though I was his only heir and the executor of his estate.

As for your "friend"'s husband, I can't understand how he could have married her when he clearly didn't care much for her. If all he wanted was looks and sex, he could've gotten that without marriage. I don't understand these situations at all, as common as they seem to be. Actually I suspect I don't understand people....

We also learned from her after the fact that he was physically abusing her and they had moved out of state after they got married. A social worker friend theorized that it was about control. The abuser moved them out of the state so that she lost her support system, i.e. family. It is one ugly situation. He is still a member at our club and obviously, she is not. We avoid him like a plague.

 

[marko]

There is certainly alot of inaction. We have advised her to seek counseling for her mental state, talk to legal aid and she has done nothing. In the meantime, she tries to cling to me in which I shake her off. She wants to move into my home and I told her no. A few of us who have been sympathetic have pretty much given up on her.

There's a pattern here. She's lost one sugar daddy and now looking for another to pick up the tab. Her mindset seems to be that she's someone else's problem.

 

[marko]

All these stories involve people who clearly were not in love with each other. People who love one another want to share what they have.

I have a prenup (now expired) and we're now 34 years strong and couldn't live without each other and make a great team. It's not about not wanting to share. It's about the reality that many things can go wrong and very often do.

Sharing is one thing...getting taken for half your assets--including family assets--after 2 or 3 years is another.

"...I really did love you but then...." Either party can be to blame and the contract need not be one sided. In my case it protected both each other's assets.

I've also personally seen well a crafted prenup scare away potential gold diggers.

 

[Aerides]

All these stories involve people who clearly were not in love with each other. People who love one another want to share what they have.

Eh, I would have said that if I'd never made a bad choice for love. My first marriage ended early, and I was lucky that we both just walked away with no one paying anyone. During those few years, it became clear that goals and ambitions we'd shared now differed. I would have been working for both of us before long, and he was becoming a trainwreck in most aspects, including finances...not what I signed up! The marriage ended for totally non-financial reasons.

When I met DH a few years later, I took those lessons with me. While we were both in similar shape financially/income (something I looked for in a new match), had it been perhaps another 5 years later I think we'd both have wanted a pre-nup, and I would not have minded.

As far as someone balking at one, that's fair, but they should leave vs. sign it and hope for the best...

 

[Amethyst]

It was not the prenup that made me say that. I think prenups can be a good thing. What set me off was the heartless way one party in the anecotes treated the other. As if they had contempt for them. Like the older man who married the woman who wasn't bright (why? couldn't he tell?) and just got rid of her when he felt like it. And she didn't seem to have much affection for him - only for the security she imagined he would provide.

My first marriage ended in divorce, fortunately with very little to split. My heart was broken for years, though, due mostly to the heartless way he behaved at the end. Fortunately, I found someone who cared as much for me (if not more than) he cared for himself - and I reciprocated for as long as he lived.

I have a prenup (now expired) and we're now 34 years strong and couldn't live without each other and make a great team. It's not about not wanting to share. It's about the reality that many things can go wrong and very often do.

Sharing is one thing...getting taken for half your assets--including family assets--after 2 or 3 years is another.

"...I really did love you but then...." Either party can be to blame and the contract need not be one sided. In my case it protected both each other's assets.

I've also personally seen well a crafted prenup scare away potential gold diggers.

 

[W2R]

We don't have a written pre-nup. In fact, we aren't married so that would be silly. But we both agree that neither of us can afford to save enough for retirement a second time, starting at this age.

So, we don't live together. Nothing is in both names. And if we break up, we'll each leave the relationship with what we started out with.

 

[brett]

I married smart. That was a priority for me at the time. We were both poor students.

50 years later we are financially independent.

Worked for us.

 

[Octogirl]

When my 2nd husband and I married, we both had our own homes. Although he had less in retirement funds than me, he had a guaranteed pension with retirement healthcare. We did not have a pre-up. We both sold our homes and bought a home that was ours, then worked on it together.
14 years later, we are enjoying our life and retirement together.

 

[sengsational]

Reminds me of this quote:



“Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.”


I always thought it was Lewis Grizzard, but it came up Rod Stewart.


Then I found this one, LOL!


"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
--Groucho Marx


I had enough for a 20% down payment on a house, so if it didn't work out, she'd get a house, maybe, but it would come with a big mortgage. But it did work out. Or is working out, I guess, but after 37 years, it's probably good 'till the end.

 

[Koolau]

Reminds me of this quote:



“Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.”


I always thought it was Lewis Grizzard, but it came up Rod Stewart.


Then I found this one, LOL!


"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
--Groucho Marx


I had enough for a 20% down payment on a house, so if it didn't work out, she'd get a house, maybe, but it would come with a big mortgage. But it did work out. Or is working out, I guess, but after 37 years, it's probably good 'till the end.

Before we married, she said she had piles. I thought she meant money.

 

[tryan]

I said on another thread a women I know married a trust fund kid. They then hit for 18M in the dot com craze. So she lived the high life for 30 years. They separated for a decade ... separate houses. When I asked why she wouldn't divorce him and get her 1/2 she said she was "afraid" of what he and the family would do if she initiated divorce.

Well fast forward a few years he initiates divorce. Viciously slanders her in divorce documents. Claims the 18M was spent by her ... and it's "all gone". She is driven to multiple suicide attempts. To which I said "Your giving him exactly what he wants; you need to stay in this for the kids." He basically starves her into submission by slow pay and no pay on her home utility bills. She has little will to fight and accepts 6k/mo as a divorce settlement.

 

[aja8888]

Before we married, she said she had piles. I thought she meant money.

Good thing she didn't have piles of debt too!

 

[Koolau]

Good thing she didn't have piles of debt too!

Amen, brother!

 

[Gumby]

When the young wife and I met, I was 21 and she was 19. We married 4 years later. Neither one of us had any money. We just celebrated our 40th anniversary and everything we have now has been a joint enterprise.

 

[kgtest]

Define "rich". Rich, and famous...or just rich and discreet. I would take the latter if I had some choice of the matter, but a guy can't wait around. And when you know, you know.

I asked for a prenup. Denied. We still married . I had drive and ambition. So does DW though.

We make a great team. Wouldn't change it for the world. I enjoy the deep conversations we have in life. It's great to be able to provoke deep thought and thinking in a supportive partnership.

Isn't for everyone though, and marriage is a contract, so get your ducks in a row before you say I do!

 

[livingalmostlarge]

When you are young and dumb you marry for lust and fun. Or at least i did. Gosh I had no idea DH would make any money more than what I did since we were in similar fields and in grad school together. He'd probably tell you the same thing, we were so poor all we did was stay in the apartment all the time...Then we got married and started making money and i guess we lucked out it worked out.

He made me laugh and a very good time all the time KWIM? And I watch our friends who married for money? Most don't like their spouses and barely sleep with them. 25 years later and it's hard to go on vacation with the kids longer than a weekend.

And now i have friends who are considering divorce but won't because of money

 

[TheWizard]

When the young wife and I met, I was 21 and she was 19. We married 4 years later. Neither one of us had any money. We just celebrated our 40th anniversary and everything we have now has been a joint enterprise.

Those were the same ages I met my former wife but we married just two years later.

Sadly, we divorced a bit after 20 years, not my idea.
So anyway...

 

[street]

I told my wife that when we 1st met, We lived in a tiny dump of an apartment, drove a falling apart junk car, ate the cheapest stuff we could find.... But I was sleeping with a sweet hot young thing.....

She told me I could go find me a Hot Young Thing..... And she would make sure I would go back to a dump of an apartment. junk car and eating hot dogs and mac and cheese.

LOL!!!! It must have all worked out good.