Why you should never set out to marry rich

[Christine]

Someone sent me this link:


Remember the old adage ‘money talks and wealth whispers’? Not many do. Or so I think after a cursory scroll through TikTok.


The social media platform is rife with get-rich gurus boasting about their bank balances, but an insidious subset of these are often the most popular. Their top tip to a luxe life? Get rich not by earning it but by marrying it.



https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/...humiliation-know-plenty-wives-wish-hadnt.html


TLR: Opt for the partner who makes you happy, not the one you think will make you rich.

 

[Amethyst]

Snag the first, then figure out a path together to the second.

Someone sent me this link:

TLR: Opt for the partner who makes you happy, not the one you think will make you rich.

 

[marko]

Someone sent me this link:


Remember the old adage ‘money talks and wealth whispers’? Not many do. Or so I think after a cursory scroll through TikTok.

"...He was forced to choose between going to work or marrying money..." (Archie McNally)

We live in a fairly affluent area. Large oceanfront mansions, quite a few Rolls and Bentley's. With few exceptions this is real 'money', not posers.

Here's the thing: These are people who you've never, ever heard of. Not flashy and not throwing their weight around.

As far as a career choice, the truly wealthy generally say "prenup!" well before "I do" (almost went down that road myself at one point)

 

[RetiredHappy]

I know this person as the other other half at our club. Unfortunately she was dumb enough to sign a pre-nup that ensured that she walked away from all money in the event of a divorce. Last year he dumped her for a younger gf. She had no money before and have no money now. A year on, she has not gotten over that she had all these money that she lost. She cries whenever she calls me. I told her that she never had that money before when she signed the pre-nup. She is penniless and is now on Medicaid and trying to scrap by on minimum wage.

 

[marko]

I know this person as the other other half at our club. Unfortunately she was dumb enough to sign a pre-nup that ensured that she walked away from all money in the event of a divorce. Last year he dumped her for a younger gf. She had no money before and have no money now. A year on, she has not gotten over that she had all these money that she lost. She cries whenever she calls me. I told her that she never have that money before when she signed the pre-nup. She is penniless and is now on Medicaid and trying to scrap by on minimum wage.

A well done prenup usually involves an attorney from both sides. Shame on her attorney for not covering a divorce that hubby initiated.

Also, most include a scale allowing X dollars per year of marriage. So a 20 year marriage would not leave the losing spouse destitute.

 

[TheWizard]

Golddiggers!!!

 

[RetiredHappy]

A well done prenup usually involves an attorney from both sides. Shame on her attorney for not covering a divorce that hubby initiated.

Also, most include a scale allowing X dollars per year of marriage. So a 20 year marriage would not leave the losing spouse destitute.

She said he denied her counsel. Her ex-spouse is an attorney. She has a case but she has no money to go to an attorney now.

 

[youbet]

She said he denied her counsel. Her ex-spouse is an attorney. She has a case but she has no money to go to an attorney now.

That’s more than odd. He being an attorney or not, he had no way to force her to sign a pre-nup with or without legal representation. I’m not saying he didn’t take advantage of her apparent naivety, but her decision to sign is on her.

 

[RetiredHappy]

That’s more than odd. He being an attorney or not, he had no way to force her to sign a pre-nup with or without legal representation. I’m not saying he didn’t take advantage of her apparent naivety, but her decision to sign is on her.

She said the alternative was not to marry him but they had been together for 10 years by then. She is about as naive/dumb as anyone whom I have met. I helped her with short term lodging by paying for it earlier this year. But she is someone who doesn't help herself. The girls/women sympathize with her situation but we really do not want to go beyond that.

 

[Route246]

Had a tax meeting with my CPA today who is also a close friend since college. We have both done pretty well financially in the past 45 years and we reminisced about when we were young before our careers started, clipping coupons, creating delicious novel dishes with Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, how we were going to get rich someday. Although he prepared my taxes for 45 years he had no idea how much I have because I sold very little stocks and assets during that time so my returns always matched my W-2s. He was impressed how much my wife and I have amassed but if you do the simple math of maximizing 401-K, and otherwise going all in with diverse low expense ratio equity funds (per Bogle and Brinker) the logical conclusion is a very nice asset balance today.

That said our wives liked us when we were broke and they still like us today. Probably starting from very little helps this. I couldn't imagine courtship today if I were widowed, mainly because it would be very difficult to assess whether my assets has anything to do with my appeal. I would like to believe I would never remarry but I'm not so naive to believe that would be an absolute.

Upon our session completion today we both remarked that neither one of us would appear to have much money, in fact, quite the opposite given the way we dress and how we look and how we present ourselves in public.

I firmly believe you can marry up but you should never marry rich.

 

[rodi]

When I was single and entering my thirties my criteria wasn't for a rich husband... It was for someone who
a) had ambition. Could be a starving artist as long as they were working hard to pursue their art.
b) didn't have massive debt.
c) made me laugh.

I met my husband in my late 30's... he was 10 years older than me... neither of us had been married. 24 years later, he still makes me laugh. We came to the marriage with similar net assets. We've grown our assets together.

And did I mention, he makes me laugh.... Much more important than money.

 

[Calico]

She said the alternative was not to marry him but they had been together for 10 years by then. She is about as naive/dumb as anyone whom I have met. I helped her with short term lodging by paying for it earlier this year. But she is someone who doesn't help herself. The girls/women sympathize with her situation but we really do not want to go beyond that.

Well, if he pressured her into marrying him by insisting she not have her own attorney for the prenup, then the decision to marry him anyway is on her.

Personally, I think women and men should both earn their own money and both be self-supporting, but in her case she acquiesced to his demands up front, so the outcome is on her as much as him.

Pressuring and bullying and blackmailing someone to do what you want (re: a prenup or anything else) are huge red flags.

 

[Calico]

Had a tax meeting with my CPA today who is also a close friend since college. We have both done pretty well financially in the past 45 years and we reminisced about when we were young before our careers started, clipping coupons, creating delicious novel dishes with Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, how we were going to get rich someday. <snip>

Ahh yes, the memories!

 

[W2R]

Why you should never set out to marry rich

Because you'll have to look in the mirror some day?

 

[Koolau]

I was in a bit better shape financially than DW when we met, but we both started out lower middle class. It never occurred to me that there were significant differences between rich and poor - until about Senior year in HS. It was then I finally picked up on the fact that MOST of the "popular" kids had rich parents. I'm glad I was that naive. It has served me well.

 

[old medic]

I told my wife that when we 1st met, We lived in a tiny dump of an apartment, drove a falling apart junk car, ate the cheapest stuff we could find.... But I was sleeping with a sweet hot young thing.....

She told me I could go find me a Hot Young Thing..... And she would make sure I would go back to a dump of an apartment. junk car and eating hot dogs and mac and cheese.

 

[MarieIG]

Love, loyalty, respect, kindness, thoughtfulness, a certain similarity in values in my opinion are important values. Fiscal responsibility has a role in the equation - but it does not equate to "wealth."

 

[athena53]

A well done prenup usually involves an attorney from both sides. Shame on her attorney for not covering a divorce that hubby initiated.

Also, most include a scale allowing X dollars per year of marriage. So a 20 year marriage would not leave the losing spouse destitute.

I agree. When my Ex and I married he'd just inherited $300K from his late mother. He made noises about a pre-nup and I said fine, but I'd want different provisions if, say, the marriage ended after 6 months with no kids, or ended after 10 years with 3 kids. He never followed through.

The rest of the story, condensed version: he put down $100K on the house (he got 60% of the equity when we divorced 13 years later) but mostly squandered the rest.

 

[Chuckanut]

I agree. When my Ex and I married he'd just inherited $300K from his late mother. He made noises about a pre-nup and I said fine, but I'd want different provisions if, say, the marriage ended after 6 months with no kids, or ended after 10 years with 3 kids. He never followed through.

The rest of the story, condensed version: he put down $100K on the house (he got 60% of the equity when we divorced 13 years later) but mostly squandered the rest.

Interesting. In my state inheritances are treated as separate property in many cases. Unless the money is mingled with other shared money and can no longer be separated out. It’s not a cast in concrete rule. Inherited money could, for example, reduce spousal support payments. I’m not a lawyer, and this is what I recall from over 20 years ago.

No prenup on my only marriage. But, when it ended I had a property purchased when I was single and in my name only. She had an inheritance worth about the same amount, so we agreed they balanced each other out. Thankfully, we both had the sense to not give the lawyers a big chunk of our assets. I think the entire cost was under $1000 and that included getting 10 copies of the divorce decree (needed for so many reasons over so many years).

 

[Chuckanut]

IMHO, the tables turn somewhat as we age. There are lots of older women, usually widowed, who have a pile of $$s and are looking for a man. Probably not as many as those who only have their SS check and are looking for a man with his own dollar pile. But, enough to make financially well off women not very hard to find.

I don’t care how much they have as long as they aren’t dependent on my $$s to survive. Obviously, I don’t want to depend on their dollars. I think financial smarts and financial independence are more important than finding someone with a bigger pile of dollars.

 

[RetiredHappy]

When I first got together with my now-husband, I was a little wealthier than him. He wasn't poor, he just wasn't rich. We both work our butts off our entire working lives. Even when I had a kid in my twenties, I never stopped working.

 

[iloveyoga]

This topic reminds me of how poor DH and I both were when we first met

 

[LateToFIRE]

Well, I kinda sorta married up. When met DW I had no money (neither did she), only weak job prospects, and a mountain of crushing student loan debt. I also had no idea about budgeting or managing what little income I had, having grown up in a hand-to-mouth household. DW was from a middle-class, Millionaire-Next-Door type family. Her parents died millionaires, but they led a relatively frugal lifestyle and preached self-sufficiency to their kids. While DW did inherit a a few dollars, this came long after we'd become millionaires a few times over ourselves, not that it didn't help pad our cushion.

The real benefit of marrying up wasn't the $ inheritance, it was the life-long lessons I learned about how to handle money, LBYM and build wealth from DW and in-laws.

 

[aja8888]

IMHO, the tables turn somewhat as we age. There are lots of older women, usually widowed, who have a pile of $$s and are looking for a man. Probably not as many as those who only have their SS check and are looking but a man with his own dollar pile. But, enough to make them not very hard to find.

I don’t care how much they have as long as they aren’t dependent on my $$s to survive. Obviously, I don’t want to depend on their dollars. I think financial smarts and financial independence are more important than finding someone with a bigger pile of dollars.

Same feelings here.

Since I lost my wife in 2022, I have met a few women who were much wealthier than me and I dated them (for a while). One of them wanted to hook up and live together in HER big house on the golf course, but I declined and quit seeing her. Nothing personal. but I kind of like living by myself (and dog) in my new small house.

I was invited to a Xmas part over the holidays at a local, high end 55+ community near by (Bonterra) and all, except a few of the women, were widowed/divorced. The women outnumbered the men about 4 to 1. I was not ready for that.

Right now I am seeing a younger single (widowed) woman who is doing OK financially, but not well off, and I am enjoying being with her once in a while.

 

[athena53]

Interesting. In my state inheritances are treated as separate property in many cases. Unless the money is mingled with other shared money and can no longer be separated out. It’s not a cast in concrete rule. Inherited money could, for example, reduce spousal support payments. I’m not a lawyer, and this is what I recall from over 20 years ago.

By the time we divorced (also over 20 years ago) the rest of the inheritance was gone. Our settlement was a negotiated one we worked out with the help of our lawyers, which is a process I highly recommend. The court approved it and we were done. It was not left up to a judge to apply any particular laws as long as the settlement was fair to both sides.