working wife w/retired husband support group

[Moemg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords . Early in our marriage, when I was young & stupid much more idealistic than I am today, I made an offhand comment about optimal dishwasher packing. 30 years later I'm still in charge of dishwasher loading. But it's optimal...

What is up with guys and dishwashers ? Gary waits until I am asleep and then he rearranges it .

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moemg What is up with guys and dishwashers ? Gary waits until I am asleep and then he rearranges it .

I wouldn't say this is guys. Maybe "some guys".

This is first I have heard about this particular conflict.

Ha

[FIREd]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moemg What is up with guys and dishwashers ? Gary waits until I am asleep and then he rearranges it .

Now, is he as eager to empty the dishwasher in the morning?

[FIREd]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords Early in our marriage, when I was young & stupid much more idealistic than I am today, I made an offhand comment about optimal dishwasher packing. 30 years later I'm still in charge of dishwasher loading.

In the words of the wise:

"in ER [...] everything should be up for re-negotiation. People change, and they should have a chance to change the deal".

[harley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moemg What is up with guys and dishwashers ? Gary waits until I am asleep and then he rearranges it .

Dishwashers are built with a single logical arrangement. Putting things in in any different order is suboptimal. If your dishes are different colors they need to be put in proper order by color too.

[braumeister]

I am told that it has to be loaded/unloaded in the correct order as well.

[ERD50]

Quote:

Originally Posted by harley Dishwashers are built with a single logical arrangement. Putting things in in any different order is suboptimal. If your dishes are different colors they need to be put in proper order by color too.

Oh yes, there is a science to it. Things must be arranged in such a way to reduce 'shadowing', so that dishes get maximum exposure to the water streams. It's important (well, to us obsessive people).

We recently had a little family discussion. FIL purposely arranges spoons together, forks together, etc. I purposely split them up, with forks between spoons (reduce the 'shadowing' of two nested spoons). Not surprisingly, DW and SIL both said " ?, we just throw them in any old way".

So I try to get it arranged before someone runs it. And yet, if DW nests two bowls and runs it, and I leave the one that now has baked on crud on the counter for her as an example of what poor packing leads to, it's somehow my fault? Such is life.

-ERD50

[Katsmeow]

Quote:

Funny. I cannot help but think that a thread by a man complaining about his lazy housewife spouse would get a slightly less warm reception than this one.

I was 37 when I married DH...my first marriage. His ex-wife had been a housewife. He was clearcut in his view that if a man is out working all day and the wife is at home then she should be in charge of most of the housework and other household tasks. He also felt that if both were working then it should be evenly divided.

We both worked full time so we evenly divided from the beginning. Unlike many marriage I was never in charge of vacuuming and dusting since I'm extremely allergic. He did do the traditional male "outside stuff" and did the vacuuming and dusting. On the other hand, I did all the financial stuff and bill paying.

We had been married several years when DH starting thinking that he was doing more work than me that handling financial stuff and bill paying couldn't possibly be taking me any time.

Instead of arguing, I offered to trade some jobs with him giving him all the financial stuff and bill paying. I turned over Quicken to him (the software I was using then) and told him how to do it.

Two months later, our financial records were a shambles. Nothing was properly characterized in Quicken and we were starting to get notices about bills that hadn't been paid (not major ones that would hurt our credit, but still). He came to me and told me I could have that job back and we would take back his jobs. He's never complained since....

[freebird5825]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moemg What is up with guys and dishwashers ? Gary waits until I am asleep and then he rearranges it .

This is an example of one of the multitude of reasons Mr B is relieved of dishwasher duty of any sort. However, I would be the nocturnal re-arranger.

I'm the perfectionist and like to spray off the food. I place the items in the smaller side of the double kitchen sink for later filling of the dishwasher in one session with the accumulated set of pre-rinsed dishes. No wooden handled knives or my good Henckels knives are allowed in the dishwasher.
In contrast, he will put in a single item, one at a time, with thick coatings of food on it. Those door hinges do have a limited service life, ya know. And a knife is a knife is a knife, isn't it?

And don't even get me started about the emptying part of the process...

See what happens when Engineers and Accountants cohabitate?

[Bestwifeever]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ERD50 And yet, if DW nests two bowls and runs it, and I leave the one that now has baked on crud on the counter for her as an example of what poor packing leads to, it's somehow my fault? Such is life. -ERD50

You know when she murders you, no jury will find her guilty.

[REWahoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ERD50 Things must be arranged in such a way to reduce 'shadowing', so that dishes get maximum exposure to the water streams. It's important (well, to us obsessive people). ....if DW nests two bowls and runs it, and I leave the one that now has baked on crud on the counter for her as an example of what poor packing leads to...

Better leave a jar of petroleum jelly next to your example - should reduce discomfort when she uses it to perform a colonsocopy on you.

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by harley Dishwashers are built with a single logical arrangement. Putting things in in any different order is suboptimal. If your dishes are different colors they need to be put in proper order by color too.

See, I knew someone else on the planet would understand!!

It takes a creative mind to think of wedging cereal bowls sideways on top of the silverware rack, held in by the forks & knives. At least I'm pretty sure that the dishwasher design engineers never got this initiative past the marketing staff...

Quote:

Originally Posted by FD In the words of the wise: "in ER [...] everything should be up for re-negotiation. People change, and they should have a chance to change the deal".

In this case the "negotiation" turned out to be that when our daughter left for college, spouse would assume her dishwasher-unloading duties. I'm happy to let her have that task, although I can't help pointing out how much more quickly it unloads (and how infrequently it has to be unloaded) as a result of the optimal packing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful. The dishwasher incident was early in the marriage and I instigated it. These days she mows and weedwhacks the lawn, because I got enough of that from working at a golf course as a teenager. She cooks her half of the food, not that we cook much in the first place. She dusts her own tchotchkes (despite her sneezing attacks) and vacuums. She even washes windows & screens...

[freebird5825]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ERD50 ...So I try to get it arranged before someone runs it. And yet, if DW nests two bowls and runs it, and I leave the one that now has baked on crud on the counter for her as an example of what poor packing leads to, it's somehow my fault? Such is life. -ERD50

Are we related?

You will need me in your jury for sure.

[bssc]

I do the dishwasher myself because that way, I get the results that I want and I don't have to supervise anyone. And it is important that the dishes be sorted by color, that way it makes them easier to put away.

[gizmo]

funny that this has turned into quite a discussion about dishwasher loading & unloading since that is one of the few chores that DH does willingly (he thinks I don't load it correctly either).

there is also quite a bit about ex-wives & such.....my DH tells me stories all the time about how he used to clean bathrooms, grocery shop, do laundry, cook & basically keep everything picked up around the house in addition to getting daughter fed & off to school each morning (he was a fireman so worked 24 off 48). BUT his ex was not the appreciative type and basically accused him all the time of feeling guilty about something so that is why he kept doing stuff for her! I guess I have her to thank for him not doing much anymore.

this has been a fun & informative thread.....thanks everyone for contributing

I will probably give DH a couple more months to get used to the idea of being retire but if he does not start doing a little more on his own, we will have to TALK!

[Sarah in SC]

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Originally Posted by bssc I do the dishwasher myself because that way, I get the results that I want and I don't have to supervise anyone. And it is important that the dishes be sorted by color, that way it makes them easier to put away.

Can you tell me why your dishes must be put away by color? I have Fiestaware in 4 colors and it never occurred to me that the red plates would be sad if they were intermixed with the yellow or blue ones.

And as for some of you guys--your wives are saints is all I can say. I married an equal slacker and we seem to always have at least enough clean dishes to eat and drink.

[W2R]

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Originally Posted by Sarah in SC Can you tell me why your dishes must be put away by color? I have Fiestaware in 4 colors and it never occurred to me that the red plates would be sad if they were intermixed with the yellow or blue ones.

OMG, we need a Fiestaware intervention! Those poor abused red plates, forced to be shelved between yellow and blue plates like that. They need to be rescued! I'll bet sometimes you throw them against the wall too, for sport, just to see if they chip.

[rescueme]

My; and I thought I was the only one anal about how to properly load a dishwasher, and equally important - to select the correct options (e.g. pot-scrubber, hot rinse, etc.) depending on the type of food left on the surfaces.

I also drive DW crazy since I'm the one who does not like dirty dishes, pots, etc. on the countertop or in the sink, waiting to be loaded. My wife will want to grab an additional few left-over pieces of a meal (e.g. 2nd helping) and she will leave the room for a minute or so after her first "plate". By the time she returns, I've already packed up the left-over’s, rinsed her plate/utensils and have everything in the dishwasher (in the proper spray-pattern order, of course)...

[Texas Proud]

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Originally Posted by Nords The best advice I have for this thread is that in ER (and any other significant life change, like empty nester) everything should be up for re-negotiation. People change, and they should have a chance to change the deal. Early in our marriage, when I was young & stupid much more idealistic than I am today, I made an offhand comment about optimal dishwasher packing. 30 years later I'm still in charge of dishwasher loading. But it's optimal...

Since I am still 'newly married'... I was almost old & stupid... I made an offhand comment out how she was putting the dishes in all wrong... she said that if it was a problem with me I could do it... I recognized that way to fast and slowly left the kitchen without touching the dishwasher..

Now, I just don't look...

[Moemg]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ERD50 And yet, if DW nests two bowls and runs it, and I leave the one that now has baked on crud on the counter for her as an example of what poor packing leads to, it's somehow my fault? Such is life. -ERD50

Boy do you live dangerously !