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Letj · 05-25-2011, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by donheff

Fair enough on both highlighted assertions. I don't object to your doubts. I just objected to blanket statements that it would be impossible for someone to intimidate a grown woman into oral sex. I doubt it would be extremely difficult to scare a lot of men or women into complying.

I don't entirely disagree with you but someone will really have to fear for his/her safety to comply. DSK strikes me as a dirty old man not one that a woman would be deathly afraid of. The maid had to have known that he was wealthy and probably important staying in such an expensive hotel. He regularly stays at the same hotel. I wonder why all of a sudden, he decided to commit such a horrible crime (tongue in cheek).

Texas Proud · 05-25-2011, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letj

I don't entirely disagree with you but someone will really have to fear for his/her safety to comply. DSK strikes me as a dirty old man not one that a woman would be deathly afraid of. The maid had to have known that he was wealthy and probably important staying in such an expensive hotel. He regularly stays at the same hotel. I wonder why all of a sudden, he decided to commit such a horrible crime (tongue in cheek).

I heard that this is not the first time that a maid has been assaulted in this hotel.... so it seems that it might be more common than one might think...

Also, there are rumors that he has done this to other women in France... again, not the first time...

Will any of this get to court.... no... but it does not mean that the lady was doing this to get money...

Now, I believe that the boys that accused Michael Jackson were after money... I know others who think he did the deed....

haha · 05-25-2011, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

Now, I believe that the boys that accused Michael Jackson were after money... I know others who think he did the deed....

And neither group has any idea what they are talking about.

Ha

ferco · 05-25-2011, 09:44 PM

To our pseudo-puritanical hypocritical society...."if most men do, surely some women must "....half the people who are convinced of what they would or wouldn't do statistically have mates / spouses who are getting "laid" outside of their relationship and don't know it or are too naive to recognize it.........wake up to the real world !

calmloki · 05-26-2011, 05:24 PM

Maybe our president had some sort of feeling:

kcowan · 05-28-2011, 11:36 AM

Looks like an invitation to keep his hands off!

(BTW I think most would accept that he is a dirty old man. The question is whether he is deemed guilty for his behaviour. I find that a much tougher question!)

Ready-4-ER-at-14 · 05-28-2011, 02:22 PM

First wife cheated around the time that the social roles and expectations between men and women were changing. I humbled myself for the benefit of the kids to try to save the marriage and give then an intact set of parents. I would never do that again or sugguest anyone else do that either. You get even less respect.

Second wife had a couple coworkers over the years who set off my fidelity warning
signals by courting couple type activities and spending time together outside of work. I suspect infidelity but have never conclusively proven it. She states love for me but since one lie confirmed something died in me about her. Once younger child is gone to college, I am not sure what I will do.

kcowan · 05-29-2011, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ready-4-ER-at-14

...but since one lie confirmed something died in me about her. Once younger child is gone to college, I am not sure what I will do.

I think you know what you must do...

Nords · 05-30-2011, 12:30 AM

I'm a little late to this thread, but starting from the top:

Quote:

Would you stay in a marriage if your spouse Cheated?

If the other spouse cheats then I'm not exactly sure whether there's any longer a marriage to stay in. Seems to me that the decision has already been taken out of your hands.

I think the cheating begins in the heart, not in the physical act. If I'm in a situation where I feel that a woman is having more than just a friendly good time with me then I'll bring it up with my wife: "Hey, did that seem a little strange to you back there?" Her answer may be "You wish, you geezer" but the point is that we feel comfortable enough in our relationship to discuss the question. Same with a guy who's overly friendly with my spouse, although her antennae are much more attuned to this issue than mine.

A cheating spouse apparently didn't feel comfortable or secure enough to have the spousal discussion, let alone maintain their fidelity contract.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brat

Humm, it appears to me that Warren Buffett and his first wife made an arragement that worked for the three of them.

Yeah, well, gotta read Alice Schroeder's interpretation of the situation.

Warren routinely neglected Susie mentally, emotionally, & physically, and didn't at all appreciate how she felt about his very public "work relationship" with Katherine Graham. (By "neglected" I mean that Buffett's lack of emotional intelligence & social intelligence borders on Asperger's.) Susie eventually decided to live more of her own life (since Buffett had apparently abdicated by apathy) and moved out. This included an affair of her own. But Susie felt enough concern for Warren that she asked Astrid to keep an eye on him. Only Susie & Astrid know the arrangement they made, and Astrid ain't talkin'.

While Susie felt free to carry on an affair with another man, she probably didn't feel free to complain about Warren's "relationship" with Astrid. Schroeder even implies that Susie carried on her relationship long after she reassured Buffett that it was over.

Frankly, from Schroeder's description of Buffett's behavior by the time Susie moved out, it's hard to imagine him having a physical relationship with another human.

obgyn65 · 05-30-2011, 03:01 AM

Many people cheat. It is not gender specific.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ready-4-ER-at-14

First wife cheated around the time that the social roles and expectations between men and women were changing.

ziggy29 · 05-30-2011, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords

I think the cheating begins in the heart, not in the physical act

Maybe. I'd not say that feeling lustful thoughts is (in and of itself) "cheating" in the heart. I don't believe it's reasonable to expect *any* of us to "turn off" our hormones completely and pretend to be unstirred by "forbidden fruit" which tempts us. As some would say, "I'm married, not dead."

Having said that, I would fully agree it's "cheating in the heart" if, provided you knew you'd never get caught, you would consider physically cheating.

Nords · 05-30-2011, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ziggy29

Maybe. I'd not say that feeling lustful thoughts is (in and of itself) "cheating" in the heart. I don't believe it's reasonable to expect *any* of us to "turn off" our hormones completely and pretend to be unstirred by "forbidden fruit" which tempts us. As some would say, "I'm married, not dead."
Having said that, I would fully agree it's "cheating in the heart" if, provided you knew you'd never get caught, you would consider physically cheating.

I knew Jimmy Carter would come back to haunt me on this.

I mean that cheating begins when the cheater starts having thoughts which they're not comfortable discussing with their spouse. It's a big help (for me, anyway) to be able to ask her "Hey, here's something this person's doing that I might not understand. Am I missing their message?"

Of course I probably need to come up with a new line to replace that old standby "Gosh, honey, it's a good thing I met you first!"

kcowan · 05-31-2011, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords

...Of course I probably need to come up with a new line to replace that old standby "Gosh, honey, it's a good thing I met you first!"

The idea that there is someone just for you is silly. Statistically, there are probably 1000 people that would suit you just fine. Maybe more!

But the core issue is: What kind of person are you? Robert Redford or Donald Trump? It has little to do with opportunity and everything to do with values. Shortly after DW and I got together, I had a job that took me to SEA for weeks at a time. Pretty women were readily available. Many of my workmates wondered if I was OK. Sure I am OK, I said.

In my world view, they were not OK. Just because you are in a candy store does not mean that you need to sample the candy...

Unless you have some problems with your relationship back home?

Nords · 05-31-2011, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcowan

Shortly after DW and I got together, I had a job that took me to SEA for weeks at a time. Pretty women were readily available. Many of my workmates wondered if I was OK. Sure I am OK, I said.
In my world view, they were not OK. Just because you are in a candy store does not mean that you need to sample the candy...
Unless you have some problems with your relationship back home?

I accompanied spouse on one of those SEA trips for a military exercise supervised by a colonel. Every morning when we rode the elevator down for breakfast, the colonel was accompanied with a different piece of candy. This went on for six days.

By the fourth day we'd stopped wondering if someone was going to discuss the issue with the colonel's spouse. Clearly at least one of that couple didn't care who did what with whom.

FinanceDude · 06-01-2011, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords

I accompanied spouse on one of those SEA trips for a military exercise supervised by a colonel. Every morning when we rode the elevator down for breakfast, the colonel was accompanied with a different piece of candy. This went on for six days.

So, M&M's, Baby Ruth, Skittles, Twix, 3 Musketeers, and 100,000 bars?

Da Nag · 06-01-2011, 04:06 PM

If my wife cheated with another man, or I with another woman - we both know that would be the end.

Now...if my gorgeous wife chose to cheat with another beautiful middle aged woman - perhaps that would be different. As long as it was just once, and she gave me a copy of the video - I'd probably get over it.

Mmm Rrr · 06-01-2011, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FD

The seductive power of French women is well known, to themselves particularly.

OK, this doesn't have anything to do with this thread's topic, but FD's comment reminded me of a funny post that Olivier Magny, a young (27 maybe) French wine merchant and blogger, made several years ago about Parisian women:

Foreign girls | Ô Chateau

kcowan · 06-02-2011, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Da Nag

Now...if my gorgeous wife chose to cheat with another beautiful middle aged woman - perhaps that would be different. As long as it was just once, and she gave me a copy of the video - I'd probably get over it.

What if she invited you to join in?