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Your Brain is Hooked on Being Right
03-16-2013, 11:58 AM
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#1
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 13,143
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Your Brain is Hooked on Being Right
Ever notice some folks that won't settle until getting the last word in?
That may be because we are hooked on being right. I heard about this during a Saturday morning news program. It's them brain chemicals controlling us again
Quote:
That's partly due to another neurochemical process. When you argue and win, your brain floods with different hormones: adrenaline and dopamine, which makes you feel good, dominant, even invincible. It's a the feeling any of us would want to replicate. So the next time we're in a tense situation, we fight again. We get addicted to being right.
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Your Brain Is Hooked on Being Right - Judith E. Glaser - Harvard Business Review
__________________
Have you ever seen a headstone with these words
"If only I had spent more time at work" ... from "Busy Man" sung by Billy Ray Cyrus
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03-16-2013, 12:06 PM
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#2
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Texas~29N/98W Just West of Woman Hollering Creek
Posts: 6,674
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Nice link. Thanks easysurfer.
Quote:
We get addicted to being right.
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Never thought about it that way but I seem to feel better about myself when I know that I am correct and the other guy has taken a different stance. I guess I get a shot of euphoria at the victory and become defensive about my position as I don't want to get a minus euphoria ding. I know all of this behavioral psychobabble ("minus ding") may confuse some. But my idea is correct.
__________________
Part-Owner of Texas
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.
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03-16-2013, 12:10 PM
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#3
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by easysurfer
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This is a very important observation. I used to joke that I would rather be dead than wrong, and unfortunately it was not a complete joke.
I have used this board to try to learn other approaches, and I think I have improved, but frankly it is still one day at a time. When the other drops his left, and bang here comes your hook, short term it feels good.
Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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03-16-2013, 12:15 PM
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#4
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,301
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03-16-2013, 12:15 PM
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#5
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NC
Posts: 21,298
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I saw the story on CBS this morning too. Thanks to my Dad and career at least in part, unfortunately I battle the urge all the time, sometimes with success, and sometimes not. For me it's truly a jumbled mix of wanting to be first-helpful-right, the CBS story mentioned all that. They provided some suggestions for improvement, we'll see. Hopefully I'll get better as I mellow age keep working on it...
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No one agrees with other people's opinions; they merely agree with their own opinions -- expressed by somebody else. Sydney Tremayne
Retired Jun 2011 at age 57
Target AA: 50% equity funds / 45% bonds / 5% cash
Target WR: Approx 1.5% Approx 20% SI (secure income, SS only)
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03-16-2013, 12:24 PM
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#6
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Texas~29N/98W Just West of Woman Hollering Creek
Posts: 6,674
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Quote:
Originally Posted by photoguy
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Very funny! Thanks.
__________________
Part-Owner of Texas
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.
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03-16-2013, 12:25 PM
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#7
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 13,143
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I'm addicted to CBS This Morning
I remember one time back in the days of w*rking, I had the graveyard shift as we had some critical jobs running that needed monitoring. So, during the wee hours of the morning (around 2 am) we had this conference call.
Can you imagine that? Not only the need to be right, but also crabby folks from lack of sleep. The conference call turned towards a shouting match and had me thinking, there are lot of psychological dynamics going on here
__________________
Have you ever seen a headstone with these words
"If only I had spent more time at work" ... from "Busy Man" sung by Billy Ray Cyrus
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03-16-2013, 01:04 PM
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#8
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Leeward Oahu
Posts: 17,911
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Fortunately, none of this is a problem to me. I'm always right, so I don't NEED to be right.
__________________
Ko'olau's Law -
Anything which can be used can be misused. Anything which can be misused will be.
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03-16-2013, 01:51 PM
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#9
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Moderator
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 7,940
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Wow, I sure saw myself in this article.
I am pretty sure I was addicted to being right around the house about as much as I was at work, in fact it probably carried over from work to home more than I would like to admit. For those times I gave in to "fight" around the house, I wish I could undo the damage I know it caused. Wish I'd seen this article 10 years ago - although I probably would have been too stressed out to recognize myself in it then.
I do find myself consciously not arguing for the sake of being right these days - I'm much better at picking the important battles, which are much fewer and farther in between. I think being less stressed definitely helps with this as well.
__________________
"One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute." William Feather
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ER'd Oct. 2010 at 53. Life is good.
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03-16-2013, 07:01 PM
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#10
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,655
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In addition to your own brain chemistry, there are cultural factors to consider. I work in a competitive environment, where it is often safer to argue a bad point to the death, then give up and publicly admit you're wrong. Strenuously arguing a wrong-headed position actually seems to garner more respect than admitting to error.
In fact, I have known senior government and military people who refused to admit to me when they were clearly wrong and I was right - instead, they had their underlings apologize to me at third hand.
Amethyst
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
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03-16-2013, 07:28 PM
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#11
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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Location: Hooverville
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst
In addition to your own brain chemistry, there are cultural factors to consider. I work in a competitive environment, where it is often safer to argue a bad point to the death, then give up and publicly admit you're wrong. Strenuously arguing a wrong-headed position actually seems to garner more respect than admitting to error.
In fact, I have known senior government and military people who refused to admit to me when they were clearly wrong and I was right - instead, they had their underlings apologize to me at third hand.
Amethyst
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Sweeet environment. I hope your pension is worth it.
Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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03-16-2013, 07:34 PM
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#12
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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Location: Northern IL
Posts: 26,888
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Interesting article, but the author is wrong!!!
j/k
Seriously, some of this takes place, but I feel some of the explanations are misguided. For example:
Quote:
When you argue and win, your brain floods with different hormones: adrenaline and dopamine, which makes you feel good, dominant, even invincible. It's a the feeling any of us would want to replicate. So the next time we're in a tense situation, we fight again. We get addicted to being right.
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Fine, and we can compare that to anything competitive - winning at a sport or cards or a trivia game or anything. Sure it makes you feel good!
But I think it is out of context. What if you won by cheating? Would you feel good? And if you 'win' an argument even though you knew you were wrong, isn't that like cheating? So I think the 'feel good' response should be limited to 'winning' an argument because, as in a fair competitive sport, you were truly superior - not because you cheated. And as in sports, a good winner is gracious to the 'loser'. We don't deny the winner of the race their excitement over winning, why not the winner of an argument? Physical superiority is to be celebrated, but mental superiority must be hid under a basket?
Quote:
The body makes a chemical choice about how best to protect itself — in this case from the shame and loss of power associated with being wrong — and as a result is unable to regulate its emotions or handle the gaps between expectations and reality.
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Again, that does happen. But often the best protection is to be able to admit you are wrong. Maybe you are faced with a sudden emergency (say a grease fire), and you go to throw water on it. Someone yells 'No! Not water on a grease fire!'. The best thing you can do is quickly realize/admit you were wrong, and find something to smother the fire. Arguing that you are right and sticking to your guns is going to work against you.
Maybe I'm just wired different, but I actually appreciate someone pointing out that I'm wrong. Like the grease fire, I learn and am better off for it. Why live under some false idea of what is right? How does that help me?
-ERD50
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03-16-2013, 07:46 PM
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#13
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 927
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When I lose an arguement I always learn something from it. I look at that as a very valuable experience. I enjoy competing in sporting events and especially like trivia contests and doing well in them. To me arguments are no fun win or lose.
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CW4, USA-(ret)
RN, BSN-(ret)
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03-16-2013, 08:14 PM
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#14
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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Naturally I'd rather have been born rich or destined to inherit money, but as a 3rd choice...the pension sure beats a sharp stick in the eye.
As for the environment, one must learn to be "in it, but not of it."
Amethyst
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha
Sweeet environment. I hope your pension is worth it.
Ha
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__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
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03-16-2013, 09:54 PM
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#15
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Administrator
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: N. Yorkshire
Posts: 34,124
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Quote:
Originally Posted by easysurfer
Ever notice some folks that won't settle until getting the last word in?
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Not before I became a member here.
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Retired in Jan, 2010 at 55, moved to England in May 2016
Enough private pension and SS income to cover all needs
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03-17-2013, 02:16 PM
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#16
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Texas~29N/98W Just West of Woman Hollering Creek
Posts: 6,674
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Quote:
But I think it is out of context. What if you won by cheating?
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Cheaters never win. I know that you learned that in first grade.
__________________
Part-Owner of Texas
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.
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03-17-2013, 02:53 PM
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#17
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Sacramento area
Posts: 473
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I am not always right. I made a mistake. Once. I thought I was wrong, but I wasn't
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03-17-2013, 08:36 PM
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#18
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gone traveling
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 329
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I always though this was a female trait, but reading the comments here I obviously was wrong.
Not that I mind, I was right once in an argument with the wife and have lived to regret it ever since
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03-18-2013, 08:54 AM
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#19
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: East Nowhere, 43N Latitude, NY
Posts: 9,037
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Being right is not always worth the cost, i.e. other people feeling inferior or feeling like they lost. Not my style.
Mr B and I joke with each other about the "you're right" thing. We make little side bets
on who is right about something we disagree on and then go google it.
Life is too short for arguing over trivia.
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"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney
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03-18-2013, 09:53 AM
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#20
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Northern IL
Posts: 26,888
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Depends how you go about it. If all you are trying to do is 'win' , then yes, that can make the other person feel inferior. But if you aim to educate, you may be doing that person a big favor. What good is it to live under a false assumption? That can have a very high cost.
-ERD50
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