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Old 03-10-2017, 09:43 AM   #21
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25 yrs of alimony

Obviously I don't know the circumstances, but that is INSANE.. worth it to get a lawyer to review how to end it (besides dying).
Family law is quite different in Ontario (Canada) than in the US. I had the best lawyers in the country, still do. I do have a way out that involves buying her a life annuity to replace the alimony. Will be a multi million dollar cost, but in my view, worth it to finally remove her completely from my financial life.
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Old 03-10-2017, 11:45 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Big_Hitter View Post
we also have one: "it's just money"
We have one; "Don't get upset about things that money can fix!"
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Old 03-10-2017, 11:48 AM   #23
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25 yrs of alimony
That is just the tally so far. Many lawyers believe that you married for life and you should get a life sentence for divorce too.

My lawyer argued that the alimony would leave her with 3/4 of my pension so agreed to a ten year limit.
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Old 03-10-2017, 12:11 PM   #24
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My DW is exactly on the same page as me financially, which in large part explains the 29 years of wedded bliss. I do have a funny story though:

When we were in our 20's and had a credit card balance at 18% interest, she thought it was 18% PER MONTH. So needless to say, she paid it off quickly! I should never have told her it was per year... But in reality, she's been better than me about living within our means and saving for the future, so I'm very, very grateful.
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Old 03-10-2017, 12:12 PM   #25
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Same here. My X had the same attitude. Was awful. Left her 25 years ago but still paying alimony. Most expensive "mistake" I ever made. Worth it to have her (mostly) out of my life though. Current spouse and I are on the same wavelength re money, mostly.
Me too!

First wife lasted 2 1/2 years (separated 1 year) then divorced. I thank my lucky stars that I was smart enough to have a prenup in place.

Second Wife - We've been together 8 years and married 6 of those years. We are both on the same "cash management & retirement plan." She is definitely a keeper!

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Old 03-10-2017, 01:08 PM   #26
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I totally agree with the OP's link.

I have a friend who was always very comfortable charging stuff and making minimum payments. Living just a smidge past her means, so the debt was growing - but not super fast. Her first husband had crappy credit - and when they got married - she added them to her cards... and the debt started growing rapidly. Then they started fighting (in large part about what the *other* was spending.) It became a competition to see who could spend the most. When they divorced the settlement was a 'division of debt' - not a division of assets. Even after the divorce there was one card that hadn't fully been transfered to him - he defaulted and she was taken to court.

She still has spending issues but her current husband has set firm rules and limits... he's super frugal - which helps compensate for her spendy ways.
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Old 03-10-2017, 05:11 PM   #27
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My friend asked a woman friend who is NOT rich, how much she owed on her credit card, and she told him $100. About a month later I was visiting her and her cc bill was lying out in the open, it had about $5,500 balance on it, but yep, the minimum payment was about $100
And because of the attitude with the EX, on the third date with my DW, we showed each other our credit reports. And yes, we most definitely did a pre-nup!
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Old 03-10-2017, 05:23 PM   #28
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we also have one: "it's just money"

she actually let me buy this beauty last weekend - hey, it's a real asset
Heck yeah! Look at that extended truck bed!
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Old 03-12-2017, 09:18 PM   #29
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Excellent advice, though I don't plan to either get married or to co-mingle accounts.
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Old 03-13-2017, 12:04 AM   #30
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This is true for my brother and his wife, both very frugal.
For me, I dated a cheapskate once and that was too much for me.
My husband is not a tightwad, but not a spendthrift either. He spends his grandfather's inheritance on his wind surfing equipment. I was a spendthright before marriage, but inched closer to spend sensible after marriage. But I was never the frugal type unless I had to. My husband often urged me to spend more and me to him. So I guess we are compatible in that regard. Not having money trouble due to high income is the key. No friction over money ever.
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Old 03-13-2017, 04:09 AM   #31
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I was married the first time to person who racked up and hid debt throughout our short time together (1.5 years). I was stuck with all the bills upon our divorce and paid them off to salvage my credit. Last I heard she was on husband number five. The joke is that all the ex-husbands are getting together for a convention in Vegas next year.

Now my current bride of 25 years is more frugal than I and she is truly a jewel. She has pulled me toward her frugal ways and I count my blessings every day.
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Old 03-13-2017, 05:50 AM   #32
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A piece of fluff I actually agree with...

In my 20's I was engaged to someone who spent every dollar that touched OUR hands. She lost her job and we were living on my pay. We were behind on our bills. I came home from work one day to a very nice Christmas tree and decorations. She had spent virtually all of our cash on Christmas stuff. The electric was shut off the following week. Happy holidays. We were done shortly thereafter.
We recently have been back in contact after 30+ years. She and her husband (#4) live a grand lifestyle. Beautiful house. 2 newer expensive cars. Great Harley they ride every weekend. She told me she will "have to work forever". No savings. They very recently have had a problem that they needed legal help with. She tells me they don't have the resources to pay the 5k retainer for the lawyer.
I about bit my lip in half on that one. Glad I escaped.
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Old 03-13-2017, 06:25 AM   #33
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My girl friend right out of college worked at a department store was earning $8500/year and I was at $22,080. She used to buy me all kinds of cologne, trinkets and what not (she got a 40% discount) that I would never buy to this day. I looked at a credit card statement in 4/81, it was at $1400 and interest rates were 22%. She said she was going to have some "rich mining engineer" to pay it off. I left that business major so fast and never looked back.
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Old 03-13-2017, 07:20 AM   #34
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I have seen this play out up close and personal with DW and her siblings.

DW and I are both on the frugal side and when we we younger we definitely held the line on our spending. DW didn't know much about saving and being thrifty, but wanted to do better in those areas after seeing how I handled things before we married. My MIL was always giving "gifts" to her kids, but I noticed those gifts always came with a "catch" sooner or later. Once we were engaged I told DW "no more taking gifts" (MIL was very upset at me for years, but has come around).

Meanwhile, all of DW's siblings are divorced, at least once. 99% of it was due to spending. Either they were the spendthrift, or the person they married was the spendthrift. In one marriage, both were spendthrifts - they had as much or more income as we did but couldn't grasp years later why they were struggling and we were not. One SIL and ex-BIL even blamed us for their money woes at one point, since we would not "help them out" (i.e., loan/give them money to keep them at their desired lifestyle which was higher than ours - "you are not spending much, the least you can do is help us" ).

At one point before we were engaged, DW was living overseas and not yet knowing our future decided we wouldn't hold the other to not dating other people. One woman I met at a community organization I volunteered at was a physical beauty but gave me the cold shoulder - until I showed up one day in a new car (which I had carefully saved for). Then she practically hounded me for dates. I went out with her a few times, but it was all about spending and showing off material things. Word even got back to be how she was telling people she found a "nice guy with lots of stuff" ... she was ready and willing to offer me, shall we say, "more"... I'm glad I turned and ran in the opposite direction. It made me realize was a treasure I had in DW.
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Old 03-13-2017, 08:22 AM   #35
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I have seen this play out up close and personal with DW and her siblings.

DW and I are both on the frugal side and when we we younger we definitely held the line on our spending. DW didn't know much about saving and being thrifty, but wanted to do better in those areas after seeing how I handled things before we married. ...

Meanwhile, all of DW's siblings are divorced, at least once. 99% of it was due to spending. Either they were the spendthrift, or the person they married was the spendthrift....
Your DW would likely have ended up like her siblings had she not met you. It's easier not to be a spendthrift if you observe healthy relationships with money, as she did with you.
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