A Worse Scenario than Nord's Case.......:(

[FinanceDude]

DW works with a very nice lady, and they have become friends. This lady is quite frugal, and had to be since she went through a nasty divorce years back and had to raise the kids herself, with little help as the husband was a mess.

She started dating a much older man 3 years ago (she's 53 today, he's 70). He begged her over and over to get married, and finally with some reservations, she agreed. She sold her condo, which was affordable and had 50% equity in it, and moved to his fairly large house in an upscale neighborhood. Almost immediately, the financial arguments started.

Turns out the 70-year old has almost no retirement assets. He has been divorced twice, and those experiences cost plenty. Plus, he loves "toys" and expensive vacations and such. What floored me is this guy owned his own CPA firm, and had worked as a financial advisor for several years. He is still working because they need the money.

If he dies or becomes disabled, they will lose the house, as her income isn't enough to make the payments. His wife wants to roll in her equity from the condo, and then refinance their house to get lower payments and interest, and to make the payments affordable should something happen to him, and he refuses. He doesn't have any disability insurance, life insurance, etc. He still works as a CPA doing taxes and such, and makes a good living.

She is peppering DW with questions about what to do. Her husband is in total denial. She wants to build up her savings, invest for HER retirement, etc, as she knows she will probably outlive him by a significant amount. He has an irregular heartbeat but is overall in good health. It's a real trick bag.

What a mess.............

 

[al_bundy]

simple solution, have her hide money in a personal slush fund

 

[FinanceDude]

simple solution, have her hide money in a personal slush fund

Maybe I could hire someone from the board to go over and hit him with a 2X4. Do we have any "hired muscle" on here??

 

[W2R]

She just "discovered", all of a sudden, after they were married, that he had no retirement assets whatsoever?

You'd think that after a bad marriage like her first one, she would have developed some self-protective instincts. Maybe she is waiting for someone to shake her and yell "Wake up and smell the coffee!"

Unfortunately, it sounds like she is developing a pattern of choosing men who will victimize her.

 

[CitricAcid]

Almost no solution that I can think of with an uncooperative husband, but without the life/disability insurance, everything would be reasonable if they just downsized enough that they wouldn't even need a mortgage. It seems this solution is out of the question though.

 

[Marquette]

Anull the marriage and go back to dating.

 

[Helena]

As I just posted on another topic, the more I observe,
the more I understand that it is not what one earns
that is important. It is how one behaves and uses the
assets he has that matters.

She should keep her assets separate... especially if
her husband has children from his other marriages.

~

 

[FinanceDude]

She just "discovered", all of a sudden, after they were married, that he had no retirement assets whatsoever?

She knew that info, but didn't KNOW how stubborn he would be about doing common sense things. I guess she thought when you marry a CPA and financial advisor, it should be relatively easy to deal with financial issues.........

You'd think that after a bad marriage like her first one, she would have developed some self-protective instincts. Maybe she is waiting for someone to shake her and yell "Wake up and smell the coffee!"

I guess this is a guy who NEEDS to be married so he can CONTROL things........

 

[Marquette]

She knew that info, but didn't KNOW how stubborn he would be about doing common sense things. I guess she thought when you marry a CPA and financial advisor, it should be relatively easy to deal with financial issues.........

I'm probably projecting my own biases, but it seems like the age gap and his personality probably put him in a situation where he doesn't quite view her as an equal partner in their financial life. If nothing else, he might just be against a plan because it's not his plan.

At this point, I don't think it makes any sense to comingle assets and I think she'd be best served by keeping her condo sale money structured in a separate account with enough in liquid assets to pay for short-term housing and eventually a house down payment.

I know absolutely nothing about this, so, how do things work if he dies with a lot of debt? Is she on the hook for it since they're married?

 

[FinanceDude]

I'm probably projecting my own biases, but it seems like the age gap and his personality probably put him in a situation where he doesn't quite view her as an equal partner in their financial life. If nothing else, he might just be against a plan because it's not his plan.

That's a good educated guess...........

At this point, I don't think it makes any sense to comingle assets and I think she'd be best served by keeping her condo sale money structured in a separate account with enough in liquid assets to pay for short-term housing and eventually a house down payment.

I already suggested that, and she's cxonsidering it. I wonder what FA husband would think if she started working with me??

I know absolutely nothing about this, so, how do things work if he dies with a lot of debt? Is she on the hook for it since they're married?

They've structured things with pre-nups so a lot of their holdings are seperate. However, they are BOTH on the house as co-owners...........

 

[LOL!]

It seems that she is no better nor worse off than before she married him. As long as he is working to pay his way. If she married him to get rich and free-load off of him, well then, she gets what she deserves.

As an aside, sometimes dysfunctional people find true love with each other. That's nice.

 

[FinanceDude]

It seems that she is no better nor worse off than before she married him. As long as he is working to pay his way. If she married him to get rich and free-load off of him, well then, she gets what she deserves.

Not a likely scenario,since she has more money in her retirement accounts at 53 than he does at 70.

 

[Marquette]

I'm guessing that term life is rather expensive for a 70 yr old male with an irregular heart beat. But, she could always take out a term contract on him... then maybe put the ol' dog through his paces; she might be able to cash out early enough to make it profitable enough to keep the house.

I always wonder about people that should know better, so I assume they're getting what they need out of the relationship too. For example, my wife has a coworker, about our age. She dated this guy forever that was obviously a bit of a self-centered man-child that had no interest in maturing. They got married, bought a house, got a dog, and tried real hard to have a kid in spite of professing a strong desire to live abroad. Well, now they have a house, a dog and a kid, and he's travelling abroad for his job as much as he can (volunteering for assignments) while she's now staying here. My wife kind of feels sorry for her every now and then but I've pointed out that the guy hasn't exactly changed over the years so it's not like she was surprised by what she was getting on the other side of that nuptual.

 

[Moemg]

Why doesn't she just divorce him and get on with her life ?

 

[Nords]

Turns out the 70-year old has almost no retirement assets. He has been divorced twice, and those experiences cost plenty.

Looks like he's fixed his retirement planning for the third time, and this time it's really gonna be different!

Unbelievable. Just when we think that it can't possibly get any worse. I sure hope he's not vacationing in the Poconos.

I wonder what the disability insurance premiums would be for a 70-year-old. I'd hate to be the actuary analyzing that part of the bell curve...

 

[jclarksnakes]

Love is not only blind it is also stupid.

 

[eridanus]

Two words: Life Insurance

 

[FinanceDude]

Two words: Life Insurance

Working on getting that message across........

 

[haha]

Could she get an annulment? Like hey, we were never married, so go fly a kite.

Ha

 

[Walt34]

She just "discovered", all of a sudden, after they were married, that he had no retirement assets whatsoever?

You'd think that after a bad marriage like her first one, she would have developed some self-protective instincts. Maybe she is waiting for someone to shake her and yell "Wake up and smell the coffee!"

Absolutely amazing what people will do. After my first bad marriage (composed mostly of chasing credit card bills) I made it a point to watch carefully not only what the future DW (but I didn't know it then) said, but what she did. One of those moments was when she was wearing a pair of jeans with a small hole. When I pointed it out she said "Yeah, I know, but I hate shopping."

I was thinking "I could get to really like her".

But for this situation, yes, think term insurance and hit man.

 

[MGYog]

my 2 centavos worth

She just "discovered", all of a sudden, after they were married, that he had no retirement assets whatsoever?

You'd think that after a bad marriage like her first one, she would have developed some self-protective instincts. Maybe she is waiting for someone to shake her and yell "Wake up and smell the coffee!"

Unfortunately, it sounds like she is developing a pattern of choosing men who will victimize her.

This is why serious consideration of prenups must be made for second marriages and above!!!!

 

[clifp]

Do you or wife know any nice, stable single guys around her age. Some marriages are better ended early before they get too ugly.

 

[citrine]

Thank god for their pre-nup agreements!
I would let this marriage go.....their financial style is totally against each other. How the heck does he get so much business when his own affairs are in such a mess? I guess none of his clients have asked to see his assets!
I have learned to watch like a hawk as potential dates talk about money and how they treat their finances......a little attention can ward off a lot of problems later on.

 

[CitricAcid]

It seems like a lot of us have dating standards similar to financial underwriting standards... or even better in light of what is happening now!

 

[Jessica08]

Because he should know all about financial security, it may be the case that he married her with ulterior motives. Perhaps he wants someone liquid enough to take care of him when he can no longer work, because obviously he has made some very poor financial decisions...