Adult Children vs Retirement Planning

[steveark]

My parents were millionaires next door types with a high net worth but low cost of living. They paid for college but nothing after that, no car for high school or college and no chance of ever moving back home under any circumstances. And that was an awesome way to be raised, my brother and I became millionaires on our own and I've treated my kids the same. They are well on their way to successful lives.

 

[bolt]

Multi-Millionaire pal.........

I’ve a few I know w/ kids still living of them at over 40yrs old each former child, still living at home really.

 

[laurence]

There is a lot of pressure from my peer group (mid 40’s, STEM middle class millionaire set) to plan on paying for all of college (“how could you saddle them with debt?”) and to help with the first house down payment as part of financial planning. My wife is more resistant than I To it. I’ve already told my kids expensive weddings are stupid and I won’t help with one, but we’d be open to helping bridge a gap on a home purchase when the time came. We’re debating between 50% and 75% of college costs so they have some skin in the game....so far they are exemplary kids but they are very young still...

 

[Ally]

Thankfully, the only money either of our children have asked for as adults was $500 when my son failed to pay a speeding ticket his first year out of college. He was picked up by the police and to avoid a night in jail, he had to have us wire $500 to the police. We got it back from him within a week. Believe me, he was never irresponsible about paying a bill since. Of course, if it were truly an emergency, we would try to help, but both our children are very LBYM and have savings.

 

[Dave in VA]

Very proud of my two DD's. They never looked back after college. Got jobs, houses, guys, married, kids, financially successful. Never expected a handout. they are both happily married, 35 and 37 , 2 kids each, great jobs. Its still the land of opportunity if you are willing to work for it!

 

[Free]

Paid for 4 years of college for 4 kids. All got through without debt. DD got a masters later and although we helped, she took.out student loans to suppliment her living expenses. It was her choice and we didnt know about it. 3 DS doing well.

DD is the oldest, almost 40, makes a decent living, but can't manage her money. She's changed jobs every couple of years, but never has a problem in her profession landing a new job. Over the years, she has needed help to the tune of a few thousand a year on average. We have reluctantly helped, often giving her slightly less than she wants/needs. Her credit rating is horrible, so she can't get loans.

We have the means to help, but over the years we've given her at least 3-4 times as much as the sons combined. They never ask for money, At some point in the near future, we plan to gift the sons money to make up the difference.

Fortunately, we are in a good financial position and the help hasn't impacted our retirement at all. I do pull the "we're retired" card on DD since I retired 3 1/2 years ago and it seems to help.

 

[Oakster]

We was poor living on love and the struggle of living life and loving each other. I would not change a thing. But that is near to 44 year later and being financially comfortable...

I think this is well said and really important. I think we can do a disservice to our children if we take this away from them. Its not good for everything to come right on time, or too easily. I think its good for a young couple to have the goal of getting into a house and accomplishing it on their own. There is some character building, and bond building that is precious that can be lost if they don't experience what it takes to get there on your own.

I have had all of my kids buy their own cars. They can buy them, maintain them and take care of them. Its a life skill, caring for your property, learning that poor behavior can lead to repairs, lack of maintenance costs money later etc. They have all worked and saved for bigger purchases. We paid their insurance, because it gets to be a lot of money for high school kids. I want them to pay for maintenance and their own gas etc. It gets to be too much if I don't cover their insurance.

Neither of my boys went to college, but they are both doing very well in their young careers and living on their own. My 29 year old son and his wife have been married for almost 7 years and has two wonderful kids and a small house. They are doing great. My 20 year old son is living in an apartment, has a girlfriend for over a year and is almost 1/3 of the way through the electricians apprentice program.

My daughter is a junior in high school and she is very driven, bought her own car, works to save money for college and intends to be a Lawyer. We will help her with school costs but its important that she works in school and contributes. I watched a lot of people drinking mom and dads money at the bar and not doing well at school when I attended. We will help so that she does not need loans (hopefully) and our state college is very reasonable.

I sound Draconian in my methods but one of the biggest problems I can see now is the need for young people to think they need nice houses, new cars etc right now! They create so much debt and burden on themselves by not waiting to buy things until they can really afford them. We as parents may put a lot of that on them by not wanting them to struggle and to have things better than we did. We all want our kids to be successful, and I think part of that is learning how to make it happen.

One thing that is hit on a lot in this thread is dispersing the wealth while its really helpful to the kids and not having to wait until we pass, when they have become much more established. That is very good advice and a nice way to do it. I think it is smart. You have to have responsible, financially smart children before you do it. The post contributer have done a very good job with raising their kids.

 

[ExitLeft]

Curious if others would allow their adult children to continue to live at home on the stipulation that they pay rent and expenses?

 

[Teacher Terry]

Oak, I totally agree.

 

[brett]

I believe that there is a huge difference between helping and enabling.

I know two of two enablers who have slowly withered away their retirement savings. And still are. They do not seem to realize that they are the problem, not their children.

I know a fair amount who have financially helped one or more of their children from time to time. Their retirement resources are intact. They did not enable their children. Those children quickly learned to sink or swim without mommy or daddy.