Are you/will you be a "60-year-old kid"?

[Khan]

http://money.cnn.com/2006/09/21/pf/chatzky_october.moneymag/index.htm?postversion=2006092110

The people in this squeeze, according to Cutler, are members of the "senior sandwich" generation. They're at least 60 years old and facing the ultimate financial trifecta: college for their kids (either current tuition bills or paying back borrowed money), retirement for themselves and at-home or nursing-home care for one or more parents. All at the same time.

 

[Brat]

Count me in, particularly shortly after I retired. Been there, done that - big time. School bills are now wraped up. Still have one parent in nursing care.

 

[Nords]

"Back in 1990, 25 percent of young adults between 18 and 24 lived with their parents. Today more than 50 percent do. How old will your kids be when you hit senior-sandwich age? Do they plan on revisiting their old bedroom as they transition from college to the working world?"

There's the solution-- we'll have our kid live with Grandma & Grandpa, and then she'll be all trained & ready when we hit that "in-home care" age!

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

I've been told that the members of the "sandwich generation" really never get a break. By the time the kids are out of college, one or more of the couple's parents becomes ill (which can last 5-10 years). As a result, the bills never stop, and retirement saving -- unless it was done BEFORE the kids went off the college -- never occurs in any significant amount. Thus, the cycle begins all over again.

 

[astromeria]

Too late...in my 50s and the kids are already independent (had 'em in my 20s), and I didn't borrow money to pay for their schooling. Mother could easily need help in her 90s/100s, but she has $500k and a house worth about the same, which would pay for quite a bit of care. I've started looking for places nearby, but the best ones have religious affiliation and she's an assertive atheist. Maybe one of them has an affirmative action program?

Brat, consider renaming yourself Angel, or The Saint!

 

[Brat]

Too late...in my 50s and the kids are already independent (had 'em in my 20s), and I didn't borrow money to pay for their schooling. Mother could easily need help in her 90s/100s, but she has $500k and a house worth about the same, which would pay for quite a bit of care. I've started looking for places nearby, but the best ones have religious affiliation and she's an assertive atheist. Maybe one of them has an affirmative action program? 

Brat, consider renaming yourself Angel, or The Saint!

Few who know me would call me an Angel or Saint... although my DH may well qualify for putting up with me  .  Our parents have needed supervision but not financial help.  From time to time that supervision has about driven us to the funny-farm.

It is my observation that the affiliated facilities were started by a religious group as a mutual benefit association; today the affiliation is one of financial oversight.  In years past religious groups built homes for childless poor elderly (widdows homes).  With the development of Social Security and pensions it wasn't necessary for the kids to provide for their parents old age, some of the facilities morfed into residences for the middle class (Twin Towers in OH is a good example).  There are also communities that are mutual benefit associations for former members of the military, for example.  The facility DH and I just looked at had a small chapel with a Cross, a Menorah and a Buddha.  The best way to discover whether or not the affiliation is more than a reflection of the founding group is to ask.  A large community may have a society of atheists.

Don't let your Mom off the hook just because she is an atheist.

 

[Nords]

I've started looking for places nearby, but the best ones have religious affiliation and she's an assertive atheist. Maybe one of them has an affirmative action program?

It's not as if anyone has to go to mandatory services or kneel for prayer... the conflict might even give her something to live for! I'm sure she'd derive great satisfaction as an atheist being the oldest resident in a religious-affiliation care facility...

 

[youbet]

Astromeria......

Maybe if you could just keep Mom from using her million bux to hire a lawyer and take them to court for having the name of a saint on their logo it would go OK!!   

 

[astromeria]

My mother would never sue anybody-- it's not ladylike!
And she gets along fine with religious people. Hey, she's in 2 bridge clubs in South Carolina--whaddya think the first question always is when she meets someone new: what church do you belong to?! She often is told things like, "But you're too nice to be an atheist!" I guess their only knowledge of atheists is via anti-atheist news/ministers/war on Christmas BS?

I was just concerned that a religious affiliation would be required in a resident of a "home." And that bit about affirmative action for atheists was kind of a rueful joke.

 

[youbet]

I guess their only knowledge of atheists is via anti-atheist news/ministers/war on Christmas BS?

I'm familar with the "war on Christmas" champaigns that seem to receive a lot of press lately, but I can't say I hear much in the news or from ministers that is anti-atheist up here.  It seems to be more live and let live.  Oh, maybe the occasional "take down the cross from the public building" story makes headlines for a day.......  Still,  I do think that many folks define/perceive atheists as anti-religion activists as opposed to just non-believers.  Therefore, they see them as a threat.

As I brought up in another thread, I've been doing some research for DW on how to help her Mom.  We're trying to use equity in her condo to help her stay there as long as she's able.  But we're also checking out assisted care and total care facilities.  The religiously affiliated ones we've investigated stated that there were absolutely no requirements for religious affiliation, their denomination or otherwise.  These happened to be Protestant affiliated places, don't know if Catholic, Jewish, Islamic, etc., would be different.

 

[Khan]

Joke:
--------------
A Jewish family needs to place their grandfather in a nursing home. All the Jewish facilities are completely full and the only place available
is in a Catholic home.

After a few weeks in the Catholic facility they come to visit grandpa.

"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.

"It's wonderful. Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa.

"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this might be the wrong place for you."

"Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile. "There's a musician here-he's 85 years
old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him "Maestro"! And there's a physician here -- 90 years old. He hasn't been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him "Doctor"! And me, I haven't had sex for 30 years and they still call me 'the
F****** Jew.'"

 

[Brat]

I know of a couple affiliated care facilities seem to give preference to their group members - a social contract that if you have been making donations to us we will find a place for your parents if the need arises.  There are also fraternal retirement residences that cater just to members, such as the Eastern Star.

If a person goes to Church or Synagogue weekly and has been supporting their religious institution for many years, when a facility affiliated with that faith to gives a worshiper some assistance it doesn't bother me in the least.  The facilities I am thinking about admit others regularly, but if the facility caters to a particular group with dietary restrictions then you've gotta go with the flow. 

Most large facilities accommodate vegetarian diets as well as Kosher diets, but few have a real Kosher kitchen in my part of the world (we probably have more observant 7th Day Adventists and Buddhists than observant Jews).

The two communities that came to my mind are just a small fraction of the options available.

 

[SteveR]

Sandwiched at present.

Mother is in Assisted Living but is more or less financially sound. I do the bills and investments and look after her as best I can; my brother watches out for her medical issues since he is a PA.

I have one kid still in college with no end in sight. I do contribute to his tuition and board.

We have also set up 529 funds for each of the 4 grandkids.

DW's parents are starting to slow down and there are some major medical issues to face with them in the near future. They have health insurance so we don't expect to have to support them except emotionally.