Awkward Wealth

[growing_older]

When people I work with talk about money, they are almost always either bragging about some fancy vacation or expensive car they bought, or complaining about their inability to save or high costs of their payments. It would be arrogant and snobby if I participated by proclaiming my savings, near financial independence or lack of debt. So I don't do that and just generally sympathize. Did you think even that is snobby, or the fact that we discuss it (semi-anonymously) here as snobby?

[purplesky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 Um, not sure why you think it is arrogant and snobby. You have a very small, very select sliver of the population with regards to net worth posting here. Some of them don't want to embarrass or upset the people around them by the mere fact that they saved, scrimped and invested their way to being independently wealthy. Where do you find arrogance? Arrogance would be rubbing everyone's nose in your balance sheet, IMO.

I get the wealth building demographic thing. Thats why I am here.

It just seems arrogant to assume a financially struggling neighbor would even care what you buy at her place of work? She has bigger things to worry about?

I guess this is a "lets pat ourselves on the back thing" because we have money?

My ego isn't that big I guess to assume people care about my wealth.

[purplesky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by growing_older When people I work with talk about money, they are almost always either bragging about some fancy vacation or expensive car they bought, or complaining about their inability to save or high costs of their payments. It would be arrogant and snobby if I participated by proclaiming my savings, near financial independence or lack of debt. So I don't do that and just generally sympathize. Did you think even that is snobby, or the fact that we discuss it (semi-anonymously) here as snobby?

Yes discussing it here.

It rubs me the wrong way. But thats just me. My issue I guess.

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplesky I get the wealth building demographic thing. Thats why I am here. It just seems arrogant to assume a financially struggling neighbor would even care what you buy at her place of work? She has bigger things to worry about? I guess this is a "lets pat ourselves on the back thing" because we have money? My ego isn't that big I guess to assume people care about my wealth.

To be blunt, I mostly don't give a crap what people think. That said, I don't want to be a jerk and I don't want the hassles that come with flaunted wealth. So I tend to sing small.

[RunningBum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplesky My ego isn't that big I guess to assume people care about my wealth.

Sometimes people do care. Their reactions are not hard to miss. That's when it can get awkward. Most of us would definitely prefer to be under the radar, but sometimes it's hard to avoid.

[JoeWras]

Quote:

Originally Posted by athena53 Back when they were offering an "economic stimulus" rebate in the US, my husband was talking with our dentist and his BIL as they were on their way to a church campout. (Dentist is also a member of our church.) The dentist and his BIL were talking about what they were doing with their money and asked DH what we were doing with our rebate. DH said, "We didn't get one- we're over the income limit". They asked him what the income limit was. DH gracefully sidestepped the question by saying he wasn't sure, but that between my wages and his SS we were over it. So then I knew I probably made more than our dentist- and he's a darn good dentist. For the most part, DH and I are really careful of giving any indications of how well we're doing. That revelation was a bit of an accident.

Whoops. I had a similar situation with the Medicare tax on investment income while talking to a high income friend. Problem is they are a 1 income family and we are two. We just barely "qualified" for the tax, and he didn't. I shouldn't have even mentioned it. Very awkward.

[jazz4cash]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Walt34 Not very many awkward moments since we mostly keep it to ourselves. Several years ago shortly after I had bought the motorcycle an acquaintance of DW was at the house and came in through the garage and saw the bike. DW mentioned that I had just bought it and the acquaintance asked what the payments were. Without thinking I said "Nothing. I wrote a check for it." She acted like this was a foreign concept but didn't say anything. Come to think of it I haven't seen her around in years.

There's something to be said for exposing people to different ways of thinking when it's done with tact.

When I was very young, I recall a co-working bragging that his dad had paid cash for a new truck....(he was bragging because he was very proud of his dad, not to make him seem superior). Honestly, I never even considered paying cash for such a large purchase, but I knew if his dad could do it...so could I (some day)!

People I know, friends, family, etc would never ask something so personal as how much your payments are, so I would've been caught off guard by such a question as well.

[JoeWras]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazz4cash People I know, friends, family, etc would never ask something so personal as how much your payments are, so I would've been caught off guard by such a question as well.

I dunno. I got a lot of "what is your mortgage rate?" kind of questions from all kinds of people. I had to be honest and said I didn't have a mortgage.

Silence.... then, "You mean you paid it off?"

This was 10-15 years ago, back when I was in my late 30's and "everyone" had a mortgage.

Today, when I talk to the young whipper-snappers at work, I come out and tell them I don't have a mortgage because I've been in my home over 25 years. They can actually grasp that... kind of. And it usually leads to an opening to discuss the idea of saving money and not constantly refinancing at full 30 year term, etc.

[purplesky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RunningBum Sometimes people do care. Their reactions are not hard to miss. That's when it can get awkward. Most of us would definitely prefer to be under the radar, but sometimes it's hard to avoid.

Yes I have had people make smart comments about my income but I just ignore it because thats all you can do.

[purplesky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoeWras I dunno. I got a lot of "what is your mortgage rate?" kind of questions from all kinds of people. I had to be honest and said I didn't have a mortgage. Silence.... then, "You mean you paid it off?" This was 10-15 years ago, back when I was in my late 30's and "everyone" had a mortgage. Today, when I talk to the young whipper-snappers at work, I come out and tell them I don't have a mortgage because I've been in my home over 25 years. They can actually grasp that... kind of. And it usually leads to an opening to discuss the idea of saving money and not constantly refinancing at full 30 year term, etc.

I know several coworkers with paid off houses.
I know several Dave Ramsey people who have become debt free.

It seems like a lot of people are trying to pay off debt as quick as possible these days.

[jazz4cash]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoeWras I dunno. I got a lot of "what is your mortgage rate?" kind of questions from all kinds of people. I had to be honest and said I didn't have a mortgage. Silence.... then, "You mean you paid it off?" This was 10-15 years ago, back when I was in my late 30's and "everyone" had a mortgage. Today, when I talk to the young whipper-snappers at work, I come out and tell them I don't have a mortgage because I've been in my home over 25 years. They can actually grasp that... kind of. And it usually leads to an opening to discuss the idea of saving money and not constantly refinancing at full 30 year term, etc.

"What is your rate" is totally different from "what's your payment". Your comment about speaking to young people is similar to my co-worker making me think about things differently....that's a good thing.

[steelyman]

The thing to do, in my opinion, is keep quiet about your worth. Even in a backward way, like on an Internet site.

[dallas27]

Anyone with a strong desire to less wealthy, please contact me. I know a surefire way to reduce your wealth and make you feel normal again.


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[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazz4cash People I know, friends, family, etc would never ask something so personal as how much your payments are, so I would've been caught off guard by such a question as well.

None of ours would either, now. I cut her some slack because she is half our age (she was in a school class with DW) and back when "everybody" was deep in debt it wasn't that uncommon a question where I came from because we all knew the real question was "Gee, I wonder if I could afford one of those too?"

[purplesky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jazz4cash "What is your rate" is totally different from "what's your payment". Your comment about speaking to young people is similar to my co-worker making me think about things differently....that's a good thing.

I have had some great conversations about money and retirement planning with coworkers.

[Sue J]

Not awkward about wealth but more about working part time for fun and the opportunity to put money in my ROTH IRA. Talking to other concert venue ushers, many of them are ushers as a 2nd job that they depend on to make ends meet. Long hours, late nights and dealing with drunks is ok if you don't have to do it but choose to do it. It's much different if you have to do it.




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[RunningBum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplesky Yes I have had people make smart comments about my income but I just ignore it because thats all you can do.

I think you still may be missing the point. A random person is easy to ignore, but when it's a neighbor, friend, or family member it can affect the relationship in many ways when they start looking at you differently, no matter how much you try to ignore the topic.

I agree with the posts that generally it's best to avoid or deflect conversations when possible. When asked about a mortgage or car payment I might just say "gee, I don't remember, I have everything auto paid from my account so it's not like I write a check every month". A true statement that doesn't mention there is no such payment to auto pay.

[Sea Kayaker]

I've been remarkably (and purposefully) successful in not revealing the "more than comfortable" nature of our finances to people. My parents have a pretty good inkling, but in no way do I feel the need to "flaunt" our financial success.

My early retirement, for anyone who wants to put 2+2 together, should probably be more than enough for people to guesstimate our net worth, but I doubt any will. And that is fine with me. The smuggness of some of the early retirement blogs I find more than a bit distasteful.

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplesky No offense people but this thread sounds kind of arrogant and snobby? Maybe I am missing something?

easy peasy. When you say "No offense people but this thread sounds kind of arrogant and snobby", we may or may not be showing arrogance or snobbishness, but you are definitely being offensive. Kind of like saying "excuse me", then banging someone's ankle with your grocery cart. So if you want to slap someone, hold the no offense bs.

Most here won't really care what you think, but I thought you might appreciate this little bit of feedback.

Ha

[brewer12345]

The only person I discuss net worth with is my wife. I am sure people could put two and two together based on the fact that I walked away from an ultra-secure job with no specific plans, but I don't go around disclosing net worth or genitalia size.