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Old 08-18-2020, 03:15 PM   #41
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I knew a fellow who was sending money to his "fiance" in Nigeria. Her mother had cancer, etc. They met on a Christian singles website.

He is so happy he is finally in love.

He washes dishes in a restaurant and can't afford to send away chunks of his small savings. It's very sad. He gets insulted when people urge him to have someone check on this gal.
Since his girlfriend probably sent a photo, a person can now do a search by photo, to see if the same photo shows up with different names. If he was willing to share the photo.
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Old 08-18-2020, 03:25 PM   #42
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In the example I cited the scammer was relying on the cupidity, (as opposed to the apparent stupidity exhibited in other cases), of his marks......they were eager to `lend` him money because they thought they`d landed a live one and could benefit a thousandfold.
Well, this woman too saw $$ signs pasted on this dream guy. Greed and loneliness combined made her want to believe this guy was for real. I hate to say it, but I have no respect for people who are blinded by someone else's money. What the guy did was obviously criminal, but people like that keep on doing what they do because there are people who are eager to 'lend' money to make money off them, like this woman.

I have a friend who gave some unknown guy $20K (well, her daughter was dating him at the time, so not a complete stranger, but they were only going out for a short time at that point) because he said that he was in with a bunch of rich investors for some housing development and that the money they invest for this development would double in 2 years or less. She had no details on which housing development she was investing her money in from what I could tell. I tried to stop her, but she didn't want to listen. Possiblity of doubling her money in 2 years was way too attractive and blinded her. I should have felt bad for her, but I didn't.

I do feel bad for the dishwasher supposedly dating a woman in Nigeria.
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Old 08-18-2020, 04:16 PM   #43
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he said that he was in with a bunch of rich investors for some housing development and that the money they invest for this development would double in 2 years or less.
A number of years back I watched a quasi documentary recreating a scam, (set in B.C. I believe, but I can`t be sure).......small, affluent, farming community as I recall.....conman attended a church service...was first to the door and got chatting to the minister.

As people filed out, the minister shook hands with them, as did the scammer.....gave him the appearance of legitimacy......and so it began....'out of country housing development'...."We just need a little more money to overcome unseen delays"...etc, etc.

They eventually learned a lesson, but nobody initially had the 'smarts' to say "Yeah, right".
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Old 08-21-2020, 03:45 PM   #44
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The woman in the article is just dumb as a rock, IMO. I mean, for Pete's sake! This is the 21st century, not Mayberry RFD, and one has to be at least marginally aware that the world is full of scam artists if you really want to invite them into your life.

The FIRST date I ever had with Frank after meeting him on a dating site (back in 2000), before I even gave him my real name (or address, or other contact information), I set down my rules and expectations and told him that I would not ever "mix our money" at all. That eliminated scams like this right off the bat, 10 seconds after we met.

Now, 20 years later, we still don't mix our money. He pays for his expenses and investments, I pay for mine. We live next door to each other and spend lots of time together, but do not share living expenses at all. He is the love of my life, but like me, he is a logical person and sees the wisdom in being financially independent and not leeching off one another. He is a retired engineer and can figure out his personal finances as well as I can figure out mine. We're not mathematically illiterate.

We are both too old to start over in life, and (being reasonable people) we have no desires or plans to share our nest eggs with anybody at this stage in life. How hard is it to figure things like this out? DUH!

This is about the level of intelligence that it might take to not walk through the roughest part of central Detroit (or New Orleans, for that matter) at 2 AM alone, carrying your life savings. Honestly I am just shocked that anyone would do what this woman in the article did, in this day and age.
I enjoyed reading your history because I always felt and thought that the best thing to preserve a matrimony was: SEPARATE ROOMS which includes of course SEPARATE FINANCES too. As you say, it's so simple and SO doable that I can't understand all those eager women (some men too) giving it all (blindly) on first encounter! Besides these 2 main reasons for this lifestyle, there are other numerous smaller and larger reasons for this separation lifestyle.
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Old 08-22-2020, 06:35 AM   #45
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I met DH online. Googled him, but his name is generic, so didn't find anything. The first time we met in person I subtly checked the name on the credit card he used to make sure it was the name he'd told me. The first time he left his wallet laying around, I checked his ID to make sure everything was what he told me (I've had a lot of men online especially lie about their age). DH knows all of this; I told him after I trusted him and we had a good laugh about it. Sadly these types of things are necessary.
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Old 08-22-2020, 07:27 AM   #46
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I have been catfished on FB several times by (to my analytical eye) obviously fake male profiles. "Friend" requests, a few gushy private messages about how they couldn't resist my kind, sweet, pretty face.

I believe it's rather common. It is probably a carpet-bomb approach: scan FB for profiles of women who appear to be in late middle age or early old age; send out standard hook; see if any of the old dears bite.
Google Images is a big help- I've found actual articles on a couple of the guys whose images were stolen by scammers who wanted to be "friends" with me. There must be some way for people to know who just changed their marital status on FB and who just signed up for Match. I changed from Married to Single when I got into a new relationship 2 years after DH died- I figured "Widowed" would really bring out the predators. I still got invites form drop-dead gorgeous guys who live several states away, had no other friends and had just put up a profile.

On Match I got the "I saw your profile (or my friend saw your profile), I like your smile, my paid account is about to expire, please contact me at this phone number..." messages. I reported them all. I'd included details of my travels in my profile because I wanted to meet men with similar interests but was well aware that pictures of me in India and Costa Rica also screamed, This woman has disposable income".
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Old 08-22-2020, 07:37 AM   #47
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I enjoyed reading your history because I always felt and thought that the best thing to preserve a matrimony was: SEPARATE ROOMS which includes of course SEPARATE FINANCES too. As you say, it's so simple and SO doable that I can't understand all those eager women (some men too) giving it all (blindly) on first encounter! Besides these 2 main reasons for this lifestyle, there are other numerous smaller and larger reasons for this separation lifestyle.
Separate rooms? No thanks. My BFF has a separate room from her DH due to his snoring/sleep apnea. I couldn’t do it. We always end the night snuggling when one of us rolls away we know who is falling asleep first. I wouldn’t want to sleep alone!

We got married when I was 50 second marriage for me. Thank goodness I had known him for years the few dates I went on post divorce via internet dating really soared me to dating. Like can you get to know me a little before you try to shove your tongue down my throat? Still gives me the willies 10 years later!
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Old 08-22-2020, 07:42 AM   #48
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Memories keep popping up here: Online, before I met DW, a (supposed) woman in Europe contacted me; nice pic with a list of her 'accomplishments'......'she' said she'd just returned home after being interviewed on the radio.....told her that I was incapable of even tuning my radio in.

C'est tout.....never heard back...too many (other) fryable fish.
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Old 08-22-2020, 09:13 AM   #49
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Back in the 80s I put an ad in the dating section of a local classifieds paper. Each day for two weeks I got a small stack of letters from guys looking to meet someone. The most enticing letter was from a fellow in prison who promised divine love and devotion and signed off with "champagne wishes and caviar dreams". At least he was honest about being in prison.

Things haven't changed, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is!
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Old 08-22-2020, 09:27 AM   #50
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I guess I am too distrustful of folks in real life to succumb to these online scams. I had enough experiences with women who went from no interested to high interest in me after they saw my new car, or found out what university I graduated from, and assumed that with my job I had money to spend on them. A big red flag for me is anyone I am becoming friends with suddenly asking me to "help them out" with money. Call me cheap.

I have posted her before about a friend of DW's who is very beautiful and with whom I have common interests and taste. She went through a horrific situation with her first husband that resulted in divorce. When she decided to start dating again she went the online dating route, and DW and I became, as she said, her "protective angels". In retrospect it was a humorous situation She would ask me to evaluate pictures she planned to put in her profile to get my blunt male perspective. When she did agree to meet a few in person they were all shocked that she looked exactly like her pictures. We even "shadowed" her on several of her initial in-person meetings. More than once we rescued her from them, including a wild one that could have become a stalking situation.

She did meet her husband through that service, he was one of the honest ones who matched his profile. But she had to crawl through a lot of others to find him, and was grateful for DW and I being available to give her a "reality check" through the process.
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Old 08-22-2020, 09:32 AM   #51
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While these things may factor in, I was getting the FB friend invitations before our travel photos started. I don't think I give many, if any, other clues to having disposable income, and my profile has always stated "Married."

(Can't speak to Match since I've never been on it).

I really do think they are like door-to-door salesmen. Approach everyone who looks like an older woman, see who bites, and worry about the other stuff later. Why would they care if we're married? Plenty of women have dead marriages, and might send money to someone who acts smitten.

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I changed from Married to Single when I got into a new relationship 2 years after DH died- I'd included details of my travels in my profile because I wanted to meet men with similar interests but was well aware that pictures of me in India and Costa Rica also screamed, This woman has disposable income".
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Old 08-22-2020, 12:03 PM   #52
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Why are people desperate for love or for companionship?

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Old 08-22-2020, 12:11 PM   #53
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Why are people desperate for love or for companionship?

I'm shocked at your question! In an intermingled world society...without love and companionship can be a very isolated and sad life. A handy sample: the present Covid19 Crisis making us to have to live without IN PERSON love and companionship.

Maybe you prefer a lone life and that's fine too if it makes you happy. It is possible. So I wish you best of luck!

AFTER THOUGHT: I know this subject is much more complex than my comment.
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Old 08-22-2020, 12:25 PM   #54
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Because love and companionship are, hands down, the best things life has to offer?

The real question is, why are many people so desperate that they will make fools of themselves for an illusion of love and companionship? Loneliness hurts, and can be devilishly hard to fix, since the one thing we cannot do is compel others to want our company.

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Why are people desperate for love or for companionship?

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Old 08-22-2020, 12:27 PM   #55
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I have a friend who met a much younger man on a dating site. He claims he loves older women (a huge red flag for me). He is 19 years younger than my friend. He has strung her along for months - promising one face-to-face meeting after another, and then coming up with a last minute excuses not to see her. I don't think he has asked for any financial assistance, and I'm not sure about his motive, but my alarm bells have been going off like crazy. She hasn't asked for my opinion, so I am hesitant to tell her what I really think. She lost her life partner (he was 25+ years older than her and in failing health for the last several years) recently, and she's starved for human affection, but I don't think this guy is the answer. She is head-over-heels in love and sure that he is "the one". I have hinted that there are worse things than being alone, but she's starry-eyed and not rational right now. I can see why they say to avoid making any major life decisions after losing a close loved one.
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Old 08-22-2020, 12:51 PM   #56
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I have a friend who met a much younger man on a dating site. He claims he loves older women (a huge red flag for me). He is 19 years younger than my friend. He has strung her along for months - promising one face-to-face meeting after another, and then coming up with a last minute excuses not to see her. I don't think he has asked for any financial assistance, and I'm not sure about his motive, but my alarm bells have been going off like crazy. She hasn't asked for my opinion, so I am hesitant to tell her what I really think. She lost her life partner (he was 25+ years older than her and in failing health for the last several years) recently, and she's starved for human affection, but I don't think this guy is the answer. She is head-over-heels in love and sure that he is "the one". I have hinted that there are worse things than being alone, but she's starry-eyed and not rational right now. I can see why they say to avoid making any major life decisions after losing a close loved one.
You seem to be a really good friend of hers to be concerned, I would be concerned too. But I would, definitely, warn her in a subtle way of course. This way 2 things accomplished (1) she may open her eyes or at least doubt, and (2) you've done your friendship duty.
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Old 08-22-2020, 01:42 PM   #57
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Your friend is not rational, as you have said. I've known some widows/widowers to do very out-of-character things right after the loss.

If he hasn't asked for money by this time, then it sounds like he is as lonely as she is, and strange to boot. No man actually prefers women who are 19 years older, unless he is 12 and she is 31. (When I was 26, I had a 12-year-old boy develop a massive crush on me - wanted to date me! His Dad and I were hobby friends - Dad found the whole thing funny - I did not).

Perhaps he is extremely unattractive, and figures nobody wants to see him in person.

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I have a friend who met a much younger man on a dating site. He claims he loves older women (a huge red flag for me). He is 19 years younger than my friend. He has strung her along for months - promising one face-to-face meeting after another, and then coming up with a last minute excuses not to see her. I don't think he has asked for any financial assistance, and I'm not sure about his motive, but my alarm bells have been going off like crazy. She hasn't asked for my opinion, so I am hesitant to tell her what I really think. She lost her life partner (he was 25+ years older than her and in failing health for the last several years) recently, and she's starved for human affection, but I don't think this guy is the answer. She is head-over-heels in love and sure that he is "the one". I have hinted that there are worse things than being alone, but she's starry-eyed and not rational right now. I can see why they say to avoid making any major life decisions after losing a close loved one.
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Old 08-22-2020, 02:00 PM   #58
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I have a friend who met a much younger man on a dating site. He claims he loves older women (a huge red flag for me). He is 19 years younger than my friend. He has strung her along for months - promising one face-to-face meeting after another, and then coming up with a last minute excuses not to see her. I don't think he has asked for any financial assistance, and I'm not sure about his motive, but my alarm bells have been going off like crazy. She hasn't asked for my opinion, so I am hesitant to tell her what I really think. She lost her life partner (he was 25+ years older than her and in failing health for the last several years) recently, and she's starved for human affection, but I don't think this guy is the answer. She is head-over-heels in love and sure that he is "the one". I have hinted that there are worse things than being alone, but she's starry-eyed and not rational right now. I can see why they say to avoid making any major life decisions after losing a close loved one.
Quite possibly she has given him money, but does not talk about it as there are many different reasons people who give money don't mention it. Until they are broke, or they finally stop and the "relationship" ends..

Even the reluctance of a friend to ask about money giving shows how taboo this can be.
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Old 08-22-2020, 02:04 PM   #59
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Your friend is not rational, as you have said. I've known some widows/widowers to do very out-of-character things right after the loss.

If he hasn't asked for money by this time, then it sounds like he is as lonely as she is, and strange to boot...
Perhaps he is extremely unattractive, and figures nobody wants to see him in person.

I would not even assume that... might be someone not even 19 or even male, who just loves playing a trick on someone. Maybe I have watched too many episodes of "Catfish: the TV Show".
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Old 08-22-2020, 02:06 PM   #60
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I'm shocked at your question! In an intermingled world society...without love and companionship can be a very isolated and sad life. A handy sample: the present Covid19 Crisis making us to have to live without IN PERSON love and companionship.

Maybe you prefer a lone life and that's fine too if it makes you happy. It is possible. So I wish you best of luck!

AFTER THOUGHT: I know this subject is much more complex than my comment.
My question was rhetorical.

Here's some more sad music: "What have I got to do to make you love me?"

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