Beware the Rom Con

[Amethyst]

While these things may factor in, I was getting the FB friend invitations before our travel photos started. I don't think I give many, if any, other clues to having disposable income, and my profile has always stated "Married."

(Can't speak to Match since I've never been on it).

I really do think they are like door-to-door salesmen. Approach everyone who looks like an older woman, see who bites, and worry about the other stuff later. Why would they care if we're married? Plenty of women have dead marriages, and might send money to someone who acts smitten.

I changed from Married to Single when I got into a new relationship 2 years after DH died- I'd included details of my travels in my profile because I wanted to meet men with similar interests but was well aware that pictures of me in India and Costa Rica also screamed, This woman has disposable income".

 

[NW-Bound]

Why are people desperate for love or for companionship?

 

[Rosedala]

Why are people desperate for love or for companionship?

I'm shocked at your question! In an intermingled world society...without love and companionship can be a very isolated and sad life. A handy sample: the present Covid19 Crisis making us to have to live without IN PERSON love and companionship.

Maybe you prefer a lone life and that's fine too if it makes you happy. It is possible. So I wish you best of luck!

AFTER THOUGHT: I know this subject is much more complex than my comment.

 

[Amethyst]

Because love and companionship are, hands down, the best things life has to offer?

The real question is, why are many people so desperate that they will make fools of themselves for an illusion of love and companionship? Loneliness hurts, and can be devilishly hard to fix, since the one thing we cannot do is compel others to want our company.

Why are people desperate for love or for companionship?

 

[Wishing]

I have a friend who met a much younger man on a dating site. He claims he loves older women (a huge red flag for me). He is 19 years younger than my friend. He has strung her along for months - promising one face-to-face meeting after another, and then coming up with a last minute excuses not to see her. I don't think he has asked for any financial assistance, and I'm not sure about his motive, but my alarm bells have been going off like crazy. She hasn't asked for my opinion, so I am hesitant to tell her what I really think. She lost her life partner (he was 25+ years older than her and in failing health for the last several years) recently, and she's starved for human affection, but I don't think this guy is the answer. She is head-over-heels in love and sure that he is "the one". I have hinted that there are worse things than being alone, but she's starry-eyed and not rational right now. I can see why they say to avoid making any major life decisions after losing a close loved one.

 

[Rosedala]

I have a friend who met a much younger man on a dating site. He claims he loves older women (a huge red flag for me). He is 19 years younger than my friend. He has strung her along for months - promising one face-to-face meeting after another, and then coming up with a last minute excuses not to see her. I don't think he has asked for any financial assistance, and I'm not sure about his motive, but my alarm bells have been going off like crazy. She hasn't asked for my opinion, so I am hesitant to tell her what I really think. She lost her life partner (he was 25+ years older than her and in failing health for the last several years) recently, and she's starved for human affection, but I don't think this guy is the answer. She is head-over-heels in love and sure that he is "the one". I have hinted that there are worse things than being alone, but she's starry-eyed and not rational right now. I can see why they say to avoid making any major life decisions after losing a close loved one.

You seem to be a really good friend of hers to be concerned, I would be concerned too. But I would, definitely, warn her in a subtle way of course. This way 2 things accomplished (1) she may open her eyes or at least doubt, and (2) you've done your friendship duty.

 

[Amethyst]

Your friend is not rational, as you have said. I've known some widows/widowers to do very out-of-character things right after the loss.

If he hasn't asked for money by this time, then it sounds like he is as lonely as she is, and strange to boot. No man actually prefers women who are 19 years older, unless he is 12 and she is 31. (When I was 26, I had a 12-year-old boy develop a massive crush on me - wanted to date me! His Dad and I were hobby friends - Dad found the whole thing funny - I did not).

Perhaps he is extremely unattractive, and figures nobody wants to see him in person.

I have a friend who met a much younger man on a dating site. He claims he loves older women (a huge red flag for me). He is 19 years younger than my friend. He has strung her along for months - promising one face-to-face meeting after another, and then coming up with a last minute excuses not to see her. I don't think he has asked for any financial assistance, and I'm not sure about his motive, but my alarm bells have been going off like crazy. She hasn't asked for my opinion, so I am hesitant to tell her what I really think. She lost her life partner (he was 25+ years older than her and in failing health for the last several years) recently, and she's starved for human affection, but I don't think this guy is the answer. She is head-over-heels in love and sure that he is "the one". I have hinted that there are worse things than being alone, but she's starry-eyed and not rational right now. I can see why they say to avoid making any major life decisions after losing a close loved one.

 

[Sunset]

I have a friend who met a much younger man on a dating site. He claims he loves older women (a huge red flag for me). He is 19 years younger than my friend. He has strung her along for months - promising one face-to-face meeting after another, and then coming up with a last minute excuses not to see her. I don't think he has asked for any financial assistance, and I'm not sure about his motive, but my alarm bells have been going off like crazy. She hasn't asked for my opinion, so I am hesitant to tell her what I really think. She lost her life partner (he was 25+ years older than her and in failing health for the last several years) recently, and she's starved for human affection, but I don't think this guy is the answer. She is head-over-heels in love and sure that he is "the one". I have hinted that there are worse things than being alone, but she's starry-eyed and not rational right now. I can see why they say to avoid making any major life decisions after losing a close loved one.

Quite possibly she has given him money, but does not talk about it as there are many different reasons people who give money don't mention it. Until they are broke, or they finally stop and the "relationship" ends..

Even the reluctance of a friend to ask about money giving shows how taboo this can be.

 

[jollystomper]

Your friend is not rational, as you have said. I've known some widows/widowers to do very out-of-character things right after the loss.

If he hasn't asked for money by this time, then it sounds like he is as lonely as she is, and strange to boot...
Perhaps he is extremely unattractive, and figures nobody wants to see him in person.

I would not even assume that... might be someone not even 19 or even male, who just loves playing a trick on someone. Maybe I have watched too many episodes of "Catfish: the TV Show".

 

[NW-Bound]

I'm shocked at your question! In an intermingled world society...without love and companionship can be a very isolated and sad life. A handy sample: the present Covid19 Crisis making us to have to live without IN PERSON love and companionship.

Maybe you prefer a lone life and that's fine too if it makes you happy. It is possible. So I wish you best of luck!

AFTER THOUGHT: I know this subject is much more complex than my comment.

My question was rhetorical.

Here's some more sad music: "What have I got to do to make you love me?"

 

[Walt34]

But she had to crawl through a lot of others to find him, and was grateful for DW and I being available to give her a "reality check" through the process.

As one sister put it "Before you find your Prince Charming you have to kiss a lot of toads."

Of course that works the other way too.

 

[outdoorgirl02]

An engineer co-worker of mine almost got taken by this. She met a guy on JDate who claimed to be an engineer on an offshore oil rig (how convenient!). They'd corresponded for a week or so when she started showing me some of the messages and photos he'd sent and telling me she was falling in love with him. It seemed very suspicious to me, but she was so lit up that I said nothing at the time. She's a very intelligent, independent woman, but also vulnerable in the area of romance, possibly because her strong personality traits make it hard for her to maintain relationships. I was hoping for the best for her, but it wasn't much later that he started asking if she'd mind buying a birthday present for his daughter. You see, he'd been approved to work on a top-secret project and so had to have all his credit cards and other accounts temporarily cancelled to help conceal his identity during the job. He kept pressing her about the gift, finally arousing her suspicion. She did some online sluething and was actually able to find the guy's photo under a different name. It was sad to see her realize what was happening.

My friend had this exact scenario happen to her. I wonder if it was the same guy - it was the same story with the oil rig and working a top secret project.. Luckily she didn’t send him any money but he was such so charismatic and seemingly honest and caring for about a month before any mention of money came up.

 

[O2Bfree]

My friend had this exact scenario happen to her. I wonder if it was the same guy - it was the same story with the oil rig and working a top secret project.. Luckily she didn’t send him any money but he was such so charismatic and seemingly honest and caring for about a month before any mention of money came up.

Apparently, it's a popular cover for rom conners. A quick search shows that they've earned their own web page on many sites warning about scams:

https://lovescammers.com/types-of-romance-scams/oil-rig-scam

Oil rig workers serve as a better cover as these people spend the majority of their time offshore, with no access to money or ATMs. Therefore, it is easier for scammers to ask for money under the guise of such professionals.

 

[Nemo2]

.... for about a month before any mention of money came up.

"Softly, softly, catchee monkey"......or whatever other prey you're after.

 

[Retired Expat]

That was a bit over the top!

Actually credit cards for under a false name would make for a great cover. And not all that tough to do.

Lately I get a lot of rental requests for my AirBnB where their company is paying so will send a certified check. All a scam, since when don’t companies pay with a credit card? I probably get 1-2 scam/Phising emails every day from people looking to separate me from my money. Beware!

That being said I did remarry just last year to a woman who approached me via the internet and we are buying a house together although it is all my money. Of course we have been together for 10 years now and dated 30 years ago. What can I say? I like to take things slow!

 

[RenoJay]

I have a female middle aged divorced friend. She tells me she gets catfished via online dating sites on a regular basis. As a public service, she’ll engage in text/conversations with these scammers for long periods to keep them too busy to follow up with more naive targets. She’s shown me some of the text threads. They’re hilarious!