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Old 03-15-2018, 07:18 PM   #61
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I would sleep under a bridge before I would borrow money from my family. I have been 100% self-supporting since the day I left home three weeks after my high school graduation, and I like it that way.
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Old 03-15-2018, 07:58 PM   #62
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When DH and I bought our house, my DF gave us some money. DM, who had recently inherited a little money from my DGM, said she wanted to loan us 10k from her own money. Then, when I tried to pay her, she refused to take it back!

I recall one time when we (after we were married DH and I) were living with my parents while I was in law school. I had about 10k in DF's closet for tuition. He asked me if he could borrow it for taxes and I said sure. Didn't think about it again until it was time to may the next tuition payment and he gave me a check. If I didn't have to make a tuition payment, I would not have mentioned it. DF gave A LOT to my family. I had to put the brakes on his generosity a few times.

With kids I tend to gift, not loan. Although my oldest did call from the vet's office for an emergency "loan." Never saw that $ again, although the rest of my kiddos are pretty responsible financially.
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Old 03-15-2018, 08:25 PM   #63
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Never borrowed. Friends borrowed from me.
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Old 03-15-2018, 08:40 PM   #64
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My parents paid for some of my college. I knew they could not afford it so I paid them back shortly after graduating.
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Old 03-15-2018, 09:12 PM   #65
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As an adult (define this however you want) have you ever borrowed or thought of borrowing a large sum of money (define this however you want) from a friend or relative?
No.

heh heh heh - And when the money went the other direction aka borrowed from me I mentally in mind treated it as no expectation of return. Saved myself a lot of grief over the decades.
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Old 03-15-2018, 09:13 PM   #66
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I couldn't get a loan after my divorce and borrowed $6000 from my step-father for a car. No interest and we set up a payment schedule.
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Old 03-15-2018, 10:25 PM   #67
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At age 24 I was going through a rough patch. I asked and my dad loaned me $800. It took awhile but I paid him back with interest of some long-forgotten amount. It wasn't my last rough patch, as I was a bit slow in maturing. But it was the last time I ever allowed myself to ask for financial help, even short-term, from a family member. And I never did so from a friend.
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Old 03-15-2018, 10:35 PM   #68
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I see a lot of you acting as if receiving help from a relative is moral weakness. While I would never ask for a loan or gift of money, being able to loan or give the gift to a loved one is a really nice feeling. Helping people you care for get a step up doesn't indicate that they are less than. And it doesn't mean they couldn't do fine on their own. I appreciate the consideration I was given by family members and have enjoyed paying it forward to future generations. If others haven't had that advantage for whatever reason, that's the way it goes. But I don't think it indicates weakness or strength either way.
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Old 03-15-2018, 10:43 PM   #69
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I have done it twice, both times to buy real estate, both times with a written agreement on interest, etc.

I paid them both back.

It was opportunity knocking, and I didn't have the actual cash or enough cash to do the deal.
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Old 03-16-2018, 12:42 AM   #70
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I see a lot of you acting as if receiving help from a relative is moral weakness. While I would never ask for a loan or gift of money, being able to loan or give the gift to a loved one is a really nice feeling. Helping people you care for get a step up doesn't indicate that they are less than. And it doesn't mean they couldn't do fine on their own. I appreciate the consideration I was given by family members and have enjoyed paying it forward to future generations. If others haven't had that advantage for whatever reason, that's the way it goes. But I don't think it indicates weakness or strength either way.
Well said, and my thoughts also.

Years ago, a college loan would have been so helpful, but I never asked my wealthy family for a loan because the values that Harley writes above are alien to my family. Their attitude is "Do it yourself and too bad if you can't!" DH and I are not like that, thankfully! We feel good when we are generous.
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Old 03-16-2018, 05:34 AM   #71
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I see a lot of you acting as if receiving help from a relative is moral weakness. While I would never ask for a loan or gift of money, being able to loan or give the gift to a loved one is a really nice feeling. Helping people you care for get a step up doesn't indicate that they are less than. And it doesn't mean they couldn't do fine on their own. I appreciate the consideration I was given by family members and have enjoyed paying it forward to future generations. If others haven't had that advantage for whatever reason, that's the way it goes. But I don't think it indicates weakness or strength either way.
Yes, but... You have to be able to judge the person you would be lending money to. If they have a good track record then yes. I would never just blindly lend money to a friend or relative. To be a friend of mine in the present you have to be a responsible person. The vast majority of my current friends yes I would lend to. Family is a different story. Many on my side of the family are not very reliable or successful in life. Numerous bad life decisions. I would never lend to them. As a matter of fact I just sold a golf course townhouse on contract for deed because I am afraid my DS(dead beat sister) will ask to move into it. Her house is completely falling down. I would love to have kept the property but I just want to avoid the potential conflict. The property is near her and far from me. Oh well.

A down and out close life long friend was basically living in his car in SoCal. He asked for $1000. I gave it. About 10 years later he gave me a check for $1150. He is back on his feet and doing well.
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Old 03-16-2018, 05:50 AM   #72
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Yes, I borrowed $45K from my parents in 1983 @13% for my first house. We had a lawyer write up the papers, I paid it off within two years. I wish I had stayed in that house as I would have retired by 40. I loaned money to many friends over the years that wanted to buy houses and start businesses, very risky, but I had been very fortunate and wanted to help them.
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Old 03-16-2018, 06:38 AM   #73
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we borrowed $9k in grad school from my in laws at I think 8% for a down payment on a house. We paid it back in a year which I think blew their mind. The house was a loan assumption. I doubt we would qualify for a new loan at the time.
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Old 03-16-2018, 08:08 AM   #74
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I'm fortunate that I have never been in a position where I needed to borrow money from a friend or relative.

Our niece came to us earlier this year and asked for a $5k loan to get her (and her 2 yr old daughter) out of an abusive marriage and into a stable environment. We quickly agreed and though she insists she will pay us back, we did not set any terms of repayment. She's since separated from her husband and the divorce proceedings are underway. I'll certainly let her pay us back if she's able because I know it will be a matter of pride for her. If she can't, it'll be one of the best gifts we ever provided. Although it was unsaid, I know she didn't ask her parents for the money because they wouldn't have let her forget it.

I must admit however, I blanched a little bit when I heard that earlier this month she rented a hall and invited 40 or so of her friends to a birthday party for her two year old daughter!!
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Old 03-16-2018, 08:39 AM   #75
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Tried to borrow money for college but my parents wouldn’t loan me anything. They gave me a few thousand though. I paid off my college loans with my signing bonus 4 years later (and summer earnings)
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Old 03-16-2018, 10:30 AM   #76
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My parents paid for some of my college. I knew they could not afford it so I paid them back shortly after graduating.
+1

My parents paid their part for my first 3 years (my aid package was scholarship, loan, campus work, and parents contribution). One of the proudest moments of my life was when I made enough during my junior year summer job that I was able to tell them "I've got it covered for my senior year, you do not have to pay anything".

After that when I tried pay them back for the earlier years, my dad - who was fiercely independent - would not hear of it. But I did pay them back by helping to pay for some of my younger siblings' college bills.
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Old 03-16-2018, 10:45 AM   #77
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Well said, and my thoughts also.

...the values that Harley writes above are alien to my family. Their attitude is "Do it yourself and too bad if you can't!"
+1
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Old 03-16-2018, 11:30 AM   #78
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I got an advance on my allowance when I was 13. Then I got a paper route and have been pretty much self supporting since.
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Old 03-16-2018, 11:51 AM   #79
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Depends on who it is. I've had good experiences loaning and borrowing money from family and friends. However, I'm pretty selective when it comes to "who" i will loan "real money" to.
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Old 03-16-2018, 12:15 PM   #80
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No, I just give 'em the dough.
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