Borrowing money from a friend or relative

[jollystomper]

My parents paid for some of my college. I knew they could not afford it so I paid them back shortly after graduating.

+1

My parents paid their part for my first 3 years (my aid package was scholarship, loan, campus work, and parents contribution). One of the proudest moments of my life was when I made enough during my junior year summer job that I was able to tell them "I've got it covered for my senior year, you do not have to pay anything".

After that when I tried pay them back for the earlier years, my dad - who was fiercely independent - would not hear of it. But I did pay them back by helping to pay for some of my younger siblings' college bills.

 

[omni550]

Well said, and my thoughts also.

...the values that Harley writes above are alien to my family. Their attitude is "Do it yourself and too bad if you can't!"

+1

 

[travelover]

I got an advance on my allowance when I was 13. Then I got a paper route and have been pretty much self supporting since.

 

[aboatguy]

Depends on who it is. I've had good experiences loaning and borrowing money from family and friends. However, I'm pretty selective when it comes to "who" i will loan "real money" to.

 

[RobbieB]

No, I just give 'em the dough.

 

[goodguy1_64]

Never did any borrowing, but in 2003, FIL and MIL were downsizing from the home my DW grew up in. There was a time gap between the time they needed to close on the new house and the closing on the sale of their old place ( a couple of weeks if memory serves).

It was going to cost thousands of dollars for them to finance the new place for a few weeks until they had the funds from the sale of the old house to pay it off.

DW and I wrote a check for the new house and received the money back from them a few weeks later.

 

[redduck]

^ ^ ^
goodguy...

Did they ask you for a loan, or did you just volunteer the loan after you heard the circumstances?

If the situation were somehow reversed, would you have asked FIL and MIL for a loan?

 

[goodguy1_64]

No, they didn't ask. My DW told me that the purchase of the new residence was going to occur before the closing on the sale of the old one, and I knew it was going to cost them some $$. After talking with FIL, we offered the "short term loan" so they didn't have to incur the fees.

No, I wouldn't have asked if the roles had been reversed.

^ ^ ^
goodguy...

Did they ask you for a loan, or did you just volunteer the loan after you heard the circumstances?

If the situation were somehow reversed, would you have asked FIL and MIL for a loan?

 

[harley]

To me, the difference is when someone offers, as opposed to someone asking. If someone asked me for a loan, I'd feel a little resistant. But since our mortgage was offered to us, and since anything I've done or wanted to do for DD was offered, there doesn't seem to be the stigma attached. One is putting pressure on you, the other is being helpful and considerate. In the end, it's really the same, but for whatever reason I would feel differently about the two situations.

 

[AS2019]

Funny you should ask. In January I wanted to buy a new-to-me smaller house so I rounded up the cash that I needed to purchase it outright. But I miscalculated the actual cost of the final transaction by about $10,000. I asked my ex-wife (who I know cashes a very large child support check from me every month) if I could borrow $10,000 for a week until I could liquidate some other assets, so as not to hold up closing on the new house. Bought the house and then paid her back within 2 weeks.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. A friend of mine asks for a short term loan of $2,900 for 2 weeks until he can close on the sale of some land. Since I had just been in a similar situation, and since said friend has always been flush with cash, I loaned him the money. He's 60 years old, came from a wealthy family in which he inherited the entire fortune, and he hasn't had to work in years. Well, today is the due date, and crickets. After I gave him the money, I began to wonder to myself "Why does this friend, who always has lots of money to spend, need a loan until he can sell some land?" The red flags were everywhere and I just didn't see them. He's clearly burned through the inheritance and is broke to the point that he's having to sell assets to pay monthly bills. So, this will be the last time that I loan money - even to people that seem to have tons and tons of cash.

 

[marko]

He's 60 years old, came from a wealthy family in which he inherited the entire fortune, and he hasn't had to work in years. Well, today is the due date, and crickets.

I know a half dozen guys like that.

But there was a thread about a year ago where IIRC a similar thing came up. Something like some guy who was doing a deal with Bill Gates needed to borrow $10K or something......

 

[albireo13]

No. I make it a point of never mixing finances with family!!
That's a recipe for disaster.

My first wife passed away and my FIL at the time immediately offered to finance my mortgage at a low rate (really? is that what you're thinking about??)
It was obviously a ploy to get hooks in me.

My response ..... Noooope!

 

[griffithee]

I've loaned my parents money from time to time. They always pay me back. No interest. If I am liquid enough to help out then I dont have a problem lending my family money. We recently paid off a high interest debt my DS and BIL were carrying. It was $17K and I offered to help out. We came up with a repayment plan of $1K per month and they even paid it off a couple of months early. People need help sometime and it is a blessing to be privileged enough to help them out. The amount of courage required for my proud parents or sibling to ask for help is sobering and humbling. Of course I am going to help them out after they show so much vulnerability. It only increase the love.

 

[CoolRich59]

NO!

Neither a borrower nor a lender be, especially with friends or relatives.

+1

 

[kaudrey]

Yes, I borrowed money to buy my first car out of college. Got a 5 year loan from the bank of Mom and Dad, paid it back with interest in about 3 years. My sister once got a bridge loan from my parents when they sold one house and bought another. We are a close, frugal family, and have no issues with this type of thing.

 

[Scuba]

My parents co-signed on my first car loan - $1,200 - and I paid the loan back with earnings from my job. When I graduated from college (which I self-financed through scholarships and jobs), I asked my dad for a $500 loan to help out with moving and set-up costs. I had a good job working for Deloitte. He lent me the funds but made such a big deal about it that I paid him back with interest within a few months and never asked either parent for a penny again.

 

[GravitySucks]

Guess I'm in a pretty different place. I've met a whole lot of wealthy, free-spending people and sometimes it crosses my mind, "Hmnn, wonder what would happen if I asked this guy for $50,000? Maybe he would just reach in his pocket and just hand it to me." But, of course, I'd ask in my own unique and interesting way, so it wouldn't be offensive. Nobody here has ever had a thought like that?

But what would you do with the money before you paid it back?
You would pay it back wouldn't you?

 

[GravitySucks]

Guess I'm in a pretty different place. I've met a whole lot of wealthy, free-spending people and sometimes it crosses my mind, "Hmnn, wonder what would happen if I asked this guy for $50,000? Maybe he would just reach in his pocket and just hand it to me." But, of course, I'd ask in my own unique and interesting way, so it wouldn't be offensive. Nobody here has ever had a thought like that?

But what would you do with the money before you paid it back?
You would pay it back wouldn't you?

 

[kimcdougc]

When DH and I got married back in 1979 at the ripe old ages of 21 and 19, didn't even have money for food. Fast forward two years and asked my mom if we could borrow a $1,000 to move into our own mobile home and not pay apartment rent. We paid her back in 2 years at no interest. Very hard times then.

In 1995 I asked to borrow $7,000 to purchase the land we were building a house on. Paid her back (no interest) in two years. We could have taken the money from our 401K but she was kind enough to loan it to us.

I was fortunate to "pay her back with love" by doing her finances for over 10 years when she got dementia.

Loaned DS $7,000 when he lost his job and got very depressed. He has since paid us back with no interest charged to him. He is doing good and has never asked to borrow any money again.

We were fortunate to be able to help him.

Life is good.

 

[Red Badger]

You guys never thought about it? Was that due to lack of imagination or fantasy life, or was there nobody around that you could ask or even thinking about asking?

Different strokes for different folks.

Asking a bank (car dealer, etc) for a loan always made me feel like a beggar. There is just know way I could approach someone I love and ask them for $$ under any terms (loan, gift, whatever).

This held true when, as a young man, I enjoyed a stint of homelessness during a Minnesota winter.

Later in life, I got "downsized." For several months after that, I worked a FT job, a PT job, and mowed lawns on the side to make ends meet.

 

[RunningBum]

Yes, I have borrowed money from and lent money to a parent, in-law, or sibling. Sometimes it was to get out of a jam, usually car related or medical. Once it was for a down payment for a house. Another time it was to float money between house transactions, rather than a bridge loan or causing a big tax situation.

Sometimes it was asked, sometimes it was offered. Always repaid. Actually my son didn't repay me once but I didn't really expect it. The only time I'd hesitate and maybe say no is if it involved someone with an alcohol or drug problem. That's case-by-case and I'm not going to get into when I would or wouldn't. I'll just say in my family that in some short term cases it probably did more harm than good, but long term it turned lives around for the better.

Never with friends, unless you count the "spot me a twenty for dinner/drinks/whatever, get you next time" kind of thing. I don't think I've been asked or asked anyone. Nothing significant anyway, except a couple of business/investment deals that I passed on.

 

[gauss]

Never considered borrowing money from anyone. Since graduating college, full time employment has always provided more income than I needed. It was just a matter of how much was saved.

I did loan an office-mate/coworker $600 once. He gave me a check and asked me to wait until payday to cash it or something to that effect. I went to his bank the day our company annual bonus was deposited. It was then I first learned of the term "return to maker". The account had been closed. Arggh.

I kept quiet and mentally wrote it off. I was pretty much FI by that point and he was struggling professionally, financially, family wise, and mentally. He was institutionalized several times along the way.

He eventually brought up the issue and paid me off. I said Thanks! and was always relieved that our places in the world were not reversed.

 

[rodi]

My dad lent me $14k for my first house. I paid it back with interest.

4 friends have borrowed money (more than a thousand). Two paid back when promised. Two did not. The two that didn't faded away from friendship... Probably because they felt guilty. (I had written off the money and valued the friendship more than the $). The two that repaid me are still very close friends.... In fact my closest friends. They, apparently, also valued the friendship.

I would never lend money without being fully prepared to lose it.

 

[brucethebroker]

Loan family money but always consider if it doesn't get paid back it was a gift and if it did it was a gift to me. Surprisingly 4 out of 5 were paid back in full on time! The 5th just was a gift that was a mistake anyway.

I have always considered money not paid back "deadbeat insurance". They are usually too embarrassed to come back for a second loan when they have not repaid the first.

 

[MarieIG]

Different strokes for different folks.

Asking a bank (car dealer, etc) for a loan always made me feel like a beggar. There is just know way I could approach someone I love and ask them for $$ under any terms (loan, gift, whatever).

This held true when, as a young man, I enjoyed a stint of homelessness during a Minnesota winter.

Later in life, I got "downsized." For several months after that, I worked a FT job, a PT job, and mowed lawns on the side to make ends meet.

You are REALLY hard core. I'm not a fan of loans, but under those circumstances I would have begged to crash on my parents' (or a friend's) couch and cleaned their house and did the lawn as payment till I got a job.