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Old 06-18-2021, 07:23 AM   #101
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Stop volunteering information that can result in a situation that drives you into a corner. Not all people share the same financial goal or restraint like you.
I have mixed feelings about this. I was married once to a spendthrift, divorced him and the second time married a man who shared my financial priorities. I have to admit I was less transparent with the Ex- he'd want to spend any spare money he knew about and max out his credit cards, too- but lack of transparency, IMO, is unhealthy in a marriage.

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I wonder how many that responded in this thread will actually spend that 35k as they say if it is their money on the line and in the same situation. The risk factor doesn't exist when they are not the one doing the spending.
In 2015, one year after I retired, DH and I downsized. We bought a house on a lake with a screened-in back porch facing the lake. We immediately agreed we wanted to enclose it so we could use it for more months of the year. It cost $26,000. We bit the bullet and did it anyway. That was a very expensive year- also ended up needing to replace the 20-year old HVAC in the new house- but it was well worth it. We spent a lot of tie out there and our grandchildren love that space. DH died in 2016 but I'm out there almost every day in good weather and when the guy I'm dating comes over (he lives in a post-Grey Divorce apartment) he heads there immediately.

I should mention that my net worth has increased over 4%/year since retirement AFTER withdrawals so it was sustainable.

Not quite the same as landscaping since this has minimal continuing costs, but we did make a similar decision.
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Old 06-18-2021, 11:26 AM   #102
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> she knows that we are in much better shape than that because I tell her.

Stop volunteering information that can result in a situation that drives you into a corner. Not all people share the same financial goal or restraint like.

Do you (teetee) advocate hiding basic financial information in a marriage? We both have access to our portfolio and can see what is going on. We both are involved in paying the bills as well. It is a death knell to a marriage if one hides the household income to prevent spending. It leads to hiding spending as well.

Better to share how spending affects future assets and decide how much discretionary spending you can do together on a year by year basis than to simply not tell one’s life partner anything.
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Old 06-18-2021, 12:21 PM   #103
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Do you (teetee) advocate hiding basic financial information in a marriage? We both have access to our portfolio and can see what is going on. We both are involved in paying the bills as well. It is a death knell to a marriage if one hides the household income to prevent spending. It leads to hiding spending as well.

Better to share how spending affects future assets and decide how much discretionary spending you can do together on a year by year basis than to simply not tell one’s life partner anything.
Agree.
I monitor all the finances and investments in our relationship. I update my DGF on a monthly basis where we stand on each account and overall NW and investments.
We also discuss all major spending before pulling the trigger. No surprises.
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Old 06-18-2021, 05:32 PM   #104
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Agree.

I monitor all the finances and investments in our relationship. I update my DGF on a monthly basis where we stand on each account and overall NW and investments.

We also discuss all major spending before pulling the trigger. No surprises.
Every relationship is different. What works for yours may not be the same with others. In this case, the description that OP gave is that he is surprised that his partner's idea on using 1+ year worth of the discretionary budget on landscaping.

What would you do if your partner's concept of spending is different from yours and there does not seem to be a path to change their mind?
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Old 06-18-2021, 06:07 PM   #105
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We bought a house on a lake with a screened-in back porch facing the lake. We immediately agreed we wanted to enclose it so we could use it for more months of the year. It cost $26,000. We bit the bullet and did it anyway. That was a very expensive year- also ended up needing to replace the 20-year old HVAC in the new house- but it was well worth it.
We were 4 years retired when i decided last year, at the start of covid, we should really get a pool. Big investment that DH wasn't really into. Were it 100% his decision, a firm no. But he reran our numbers and realized the cost made zero difference to our portfolio in the long run.

And literally within 1 hour of turning on the pump after the pool was finished our HVAC failed. The issues meant replacing the whole system.

So yeah...woof...expensive back to back years given the pool payments were spread over last year and this.

But we don't hide or fudge finances with one another. We both have Fidelity and Fullview with everything right there in broad daylight. Hiding finances doesn't sound like anything close to a healthy partnership.
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Old 06-18-2021, 06:08 PM   #106
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We bought a house on a lake with a screened-in back porch facing the lake. We immediately agreed we wanted to enclose it so we could use it for more months of the year. It cost $26,000. We bit the bullet and did it anyway. That was a very expensive year- also ended up needing to replace the 20-year old HVAC in the new house- but it was well worth it.
We were 4 years retired when i decided last year, at the start of covid, we should really get a pool. Big investment that DH wasn't really into. Were it 100% his decision, a firm no. But he reran our numbers and realized the cost made zero difference to our portfolio in the long run.

And literally within 1 hour of turning on the pump after the pool was finished our HVAC failed. The issues meant replacing the whole system.

So yeah...woof...expensive back to back years given the pool payments were spread over last year and this.

But we don't hide or fudge finances with one another. We both have Fidelity and Fullview with everything right there in broad daylight. Hiding finances doesn't sound like anything close to a healthy partnership.

PS. DH is enjoying daily dips and I know he appreciates how much better the back yard looks.
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Old 06-18-2021, 06:22 PM   #107
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Good thing you have a pool since the house is hot eh?

It's only dough. Comfort is priceless -
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Old 06-18-2021, 06:56 PM   #108
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Good thing you have a pool since the house is hot eh?

It's only dough. Comfort is priceless -
hehe, but it was the first day! wasn't ready to swim yet had to stabilize. It was like...they turned on the pump, drove away, and then I was going...hmm it's hot in here.

Took an AC guy hours later, showing me where the welds had rusted out on the compressor to believe the two events weren't related.
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Old 06-19-2021, 02:55 AM   #109
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Every relationship is different. What works for yours may not be the same with others. In this case, the description that OP gave is that he is surprised that his partner's idea on using 1+ year worth of the discretionary budget on landscaping.

What would you do if your partner's concept of spending is different from yours and there does not seem to be a path to change their mind?
Sometimes my partner does wish to spend more than I like to (usually not the other way around) and then we just talk it out and come to a mutually agreed conclusion.
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Old 06-19-2021, 04:25 AM   #110
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Ha! That other 5 acres is nothing but woods, so it would cost a small fortune just to clear the land.



We have a friend that owns a company in Dallas that installs fake grass. It looks really awesome and it is REALLY FREAKING expensive. I don't recall the exact price, but in a short discussion about our yard I recall it would be in the neighborhood of half a million bucks to have it installed. Yeah...that ain't happening!
Now that would be the most expensive landscaping I've heard about, $500K astro turf grass.
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Old 06-19-2021, 03:25 PM   #111
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Originally Posted by teetee View Post
Every relationship is different. What works for yours may not be the same with others. In this case, the description that OP gave is that he is surprised that his partner's idea on using 1+ year worth of the discretionary budget on landscaping.

What would you do if your partner's concept of spending is different from yours and there does not seem to be a path to change their mind?
First OP made it clear later on that he was the one most excited about doing the major landscaping.

Anyway, when DH and I have a different concept of spending we discuss it and work it out. I guess if we couldn't do that and it was imperiling our financial wellbeing then maybe it wouldn't be a good marriage. Of course, it our case we always work it out. If we couldn't work it out and no one was willing to compromise then that would be a sign of more serious problems that should be addressed. In any event, hiding financial info from DH would not be something I would do. (I do most of the money handling in our household but I keep DH informed).
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