Christmas Gift Allocation for your adult children

[bizlady]

We had an interesting conversation with friends this week, parents of 3 adult children with families. We only have one child, so no decision to make, but...

How do you allocate your Christmas budget for your adult children-when some or all they have families?

 

[REWahoo]

None of the above.

We have two adult children, both married with children. The adults draw names over the T-Giving holiday and have an agreed on $ limit on what we'll spend on the gift. It has worked well for us for many years.

The five grandkids are exempt of course. We spend about $75 or so on each of them.

 

[Spanky]

Nothing - I am cheap.

 

[Brett_Cameron]

I generally give DD-31 money to buy gifts for her children from Santa Claus. DS-26 gets money but 2/3 less than DD & family.

 

[Sue J]

Our 2 sons are 27 and 24, both single with no kids. We don't do Christmas but we give Winter Solstice gifts. Since DH retired we dropped the budget from $100 each to $50 each. DS-27 makes more than we do and can't find anything he needs to spend it on so we have no guilt over cutting back on gifts.

The last few years we've given gift cards, things like Amazon or NewEgg for the older one, Subway or Chipotle for the younger one who works odd hours and needs a quick meal while working.

If I'm ever lucky enough to have grandchildren I'm sure I'd re-evaluate all this.

 

[Ally]

We generally spend about $150 for each couple (child and in-law). Then we spend about $50 for each grandchild.

 

[Khan]

Why would anyone give gifts to adult children?

 

[Moemg]

Why would anyone give gifts to adult children?

Because even though they are adults they are still our children and super important in our lives . I still get presents from my Mom who is 95 . It is one of the ways we show love and caring in my family .

 

[MichaelB]

We give an equal amount to each of our adult children and their lucky spouses in some combination of stuff and money. DW works out the details in advance with the DD's so there are no surprises. DS lives abroad so they get small, inexpensive and easily mailed gifts and mostly cash. Grandchildren are even more fortunate because DW is quite generous.

I tell the kids to save everything because at this rate we'll soon be broke.

 

[Khan]

Because even though they are adults they are still our children and super important in our lives . I still get presents from my Mom who is 95 . It is one of the ways we show love and caring in my family .

Love equals money?

 

[Khan]

So if I send someone a $20 gift card and I receive same in return, something meaningful has occurred? I guess I just don't get it.

 

[Dreamer]

Because even though they are adults they are still our children and super important in our lives . I still get presents from my Mom who is 95 . It is one of the ways we show love and caring in my family .

+1 It is amazing to me how much we think alike Moemg.

My take on your question Khan is no, love does not equal money. I would love my adult children and they would love me whether any of us had any money or not. We give our adult children money and usually small gifts for them to open and they give us small gifts, such as a book or a CD, since their financial situation is not as good as ours, unfortunately. I would do anything possible for my adult children the same as I would have when they were my minor children. My love for them grows. I could not imagine not giving them presents, unless I was destitute. If I did not have any money, I would give them poems or stories or whatever I could find. Love is a wonderful thing!

 

[TromboneAl]

If someone gives me something that I like and use, I think of them when I use it.

 

[Running_Man]

So if I send someone a $20 gift card and I receive same in return, something meaningful has occurred? I guess I just don't get it.

I think this video pretty well illustrates what the purpose of gifting giving is and the fears inherent in such decisions. Some people try to avoid due to the first part as much as possible. Many truly enjoy risking for the chance of the outcome at the end of the video

 

[Nuiloa]

Why would anyone give gifts to adult children?

I posed the same question to my mom once. She told me that, because all of her kids (6 of us) were scattered across the country, she rarely got a chance to treat everyone to home-cooked family dinners or shopping trips, etc. We aren't a "gifty" family at any rate - birthdays and Xmas were the big ones for us. She was as excited as we were for Xmas to come around. For that reason, she chose to continue giving gifts at Xmas. $100/adult (including in-laws) and $50/grandchild. That, plus no matter how old we got, we were still her kids.

Mom passed away in February so this is the first Christmas where we are "orphans". It's just not the same anymore.

 

[Nuiloa]

So if I send someone a $20 gift card and I receive same in return, something meaningful has occurred? I guess I just don't get it.

Yes, something meaningful has occurred. You thought of someone and send them a gift to show that you love/like/tolerate them at least for one day a year. And vice versa.

I feel the same way about Christmas cards. I don't think that it's too much to ask family and friends to send me a card once a year - and to h*ll with the cost of the stamp.

 

[tednvon]

As my dad used to say, "There are just some things in life that if I have to explain it to you, you will never understand!" I guess I put the giving of gifts kind of in that catagory.

I would bet that Khan took that name and image for a very good reason. The real Khan was probably pretty stingy with his gift budget, too!

And true to my dad, I just do not understand no matter how much you explain your side. Sorry...

Santa at heart (Ted!)

 

[Bestwifeever]

I love giving our two adult kids gifts, not just at the holidays and birthdays but whenever I see something they might like getting. They don't expect them and are appreciative of them, but even if they weren't I'd still do it. Well, I probably wouldn't knit another sweater for DS (he took a photo of himself wearing it and we agreed it wasn't the best fit and now it probably still lies at the bottom of the Salvation Army store bargain bin ), but other than that....

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

Why would anyone give gifts to adult children?

Great question! I don't know.

Our Christmas get-together includes three extended families. Gifts are just trinkets (M&Ms, books, etc). We used to rotate between us siblings' homes, but now we rendezvous at a residence inn in a central city where several of our kids are living, and cook and eat and drink and talk for days.

It just worked out this way.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

This year, after Christmas, we are taking or DS (24), DD (26) and her hubby to 'Vegas to see Circ's Love. They do not know it yet, but I will also be giving a PowerPoint presentation on LBYM/pay-yourself-first/you-can-have-a-million-dollars-someday and why you need to.

It is a one-time thing. We do not expect to be all together again this way again.

 

[ERD50]

So if I send someone a $20 gift card and I receive same in return, something meaningful has occurred? I guess I just don't get it.

Well, an equal exchange of gift cards isn't exciting, but sometimes it's the only practical alternative.

(Very) occasionally, I get a gift that is something that I would not have thought of getting for myself, and I totally enjoy it. Now that is high-level (and rare) gift giving.

If someone gives me something that I like and use, I think of them when I use it.

Absolutely.

I think this video pretty well illustrates what the purpose of gifting giving is and the fears inherent in such decisions. Some people try to avoid due to the first part as much as possible. Many truly enjoy risking for the chance of the outcome at the end of the video

Thanks - I laughed so hard I was crying!

-ERD50

 

[Khan]

I donate ~$10K in (mostly) cash to organizations and individuals throughout the year. This year a few folks got the 4# mixed chocolate box (Esther Price if you want some really good stuff).

But yes I'm a curmudgeon and a Scrooge because I don't see the point in exchanging crap for no apparent reason; and I have no contact at all with folks I am biologically related to.

I also hit blood donation #177 in November.

I'll stop before I get moderated.

 

[Moemg]

I donate ~$10K in (mostly) cash to organizations and individuals throughout the year. This year a few folks got the 4# mixed chocolate box (Esther Price if you want some really good stuff).

But yes I'm a curmudgeon and a Scrooge because I don't see the point in exchanging crap for no apparent reason; and I have no contact at all with folks I am biologically related to.

At $10 K you are certainly not a Scrooge . None of us came near this amount . We just choose to spend ours on our adult kids . Different strokes for different folks !

 

[Spanky]

Nothing - I am cheap.

I have changed my mind and spent more than $600 for my two-adult daughters.

 

[Walt34]

Generally we don't exchange gifts since everyone already has enough "stuff" and in fact many are making progress in shedding it. Although this year the hosts of the family party are going to do a "gift exchange" of gag gifts, the rule is nothing over $20.

I kinda like the idea of a bag of coal for that party.

Side note: DW had never heard that if one was a "naughty" child instead of a "nice" one then Santa left a lump of coal in one's stocking. That's what made me think of a bag of coal. She must've had a sheltered life.