Depressed.....What to do?

[Travelfreek]

Also, exercise every day even a 45 min walk! Gives you energy and positive outlook! Add some weight lifting (free weights) and it will help a great deal! You tube will give you all sorts of workouts!! I do squats, planks, weights for my arm toning (triceps, biceps) and jumping jacks. I also do water aerobics and play water volleyball 4x a week. Another suggestion is to take an exercise class or join a team or group (bowling, poker, ping pong, golf) or take lessons or class. Keep your mind busy and interaction with new people is helpful. I have to interact with others daily with classes or groups or I get stir crazy!

Once you are home full time, you realize the social part of work is missing. It then requires you to take action to fill in the social part.

 

[chris2008]

It happened to my Dad at your age and he never got over it to enjoy retirement. It is important for all your future to use all help available.

Do not save on the wrong end. Get depression evaluated and treated. Not treating it well may cost you more, like divorce, bitterness, addictions.

If you want to go back to work look for a consultant. Like outplacement paid by yourself. I did it once to get out of a job and it worked like magic. It paid for itself in one year.

Do sports and get out of the house for it. Get fit.

Treat your wife well. Take your fair share of housework. Learn to cook some decent meals.

Keep track of expenses in detail and writing. It is easy to treat yourself too much as you 'deserve it'. Reduce unnecessary cost and stuff and make your wife a member of the team. A $ saved is more than a $ earned.

If you do it right the job loss can be a blessing in disguise.

Take care!

 

[Looking4Ward]

In regards to your financial position, I think you're fine. More than $900K in tangible assets plus some real estate? I pulled the trigger at 53 with not much more and I've been pleasantly surprised at how much I could actually draw each year and still have a legacy.

As far as the depression goes - snap out of it. Yes, it's that easy. Just snap out of it. Go work out like a previous poster suggested, it will do you good. Join some local clubs, get to know some people, take a road trip somewhere, enjoy yourself. Do some grocery shopping and cook what you bought. Mow the lawn, spray the weeds and spend some time just looking at how good your lawn looks. Rent or download some of your favorite movies and kick back with your favorite beverage. Spend all day in bed with your wife. Forget about working or finding another job and spend a couple of weeks piddling around the house instead. Reflect on what you have and what you are able to do going forward. You'll soon realize how the bucket called life isn't large enough to fill with everything you want, so make best use of the time.

You'll be fine.

 

[brucethebroker]

I had a similar situation in 07/08, at your age. The RE crash/economy destroyed my business and I limped into semi-retirement at 62. Looking back, I believe I was depressed also.

Here is the advice I would give my 57 year old self in retrospect:
1. Do not assume the situation is temporary, it may not be. (your DW may be thinking that currently). You might never make that kind of money again.
2. Do not borrow money to keep up your current standard of living. I had peers do that since the RE crash was a "black swan" in our area of the country. (No one thought it would last longer than 18 months.) Many went bankrupt from debt.
3. Likewise with the 401-k/retirement savings.
4. Consider taking any job when the severance/unemployment runs out. Low cash flow is better than no cash flow.
5. If you are still unemployed after 6 mo. or so, consider downsizing or relocation to a lower cost of living area-or both. Don't want to give up dream house? Rent it out until things improve-you are an experienced land lord, so no sweat. We did that while living in a cheaper home for 3 years.
6. Make a "worst case" plan that includes downsizing, getting Obamacare instead of Cobra, self employment, cutting expenses to the bone. Be prepared to exercise the plan if things don't improve in 6 mos. or so.
7. Find a way to make it to 62. Then, when you have the option of one or two SS checks, the pressure will be off.

BTW, if #6 happens, it is a good time to begin w/d from qualified plans. You should be in a much lower tax bracket. Re-invest in taxable investments. Don't spend the money.

Good luck!

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Thank you again for the comments. It really does help to know that complete strangers will take the time to think thru these detailed instructions. I have read and completely considered every post numerous times.

The depressing thing to me is that I have applied to a number of jobs that were a perfect match for me and I am getting summarily rejected. I am sure it is an age thing.

I do have a Planet Fitness membership and have been working out daily. It does provide a great escape and I do feel better while exercising. I am willing to work any job during or before the UC runs out. I am trying to stay busy but it is difficult with the depression. I have to use a "one step in front of the other" mantra to keep moving forward.

I know that the house downsizing thing sounds like a slam dunk solution and I am not ruling that out by any means. My wife is also open to that. I just feel that it would be a rash decision so soon into this issue. If nothing changes in 6 months, it will be an easy decision.

If I keep my earnings low enough, I can get some pretty low cost ACA insurance. That is an option that also gives me hope.

 

[JBmadera]

Been through the same, hang in there! I did not address the underlying mental health/self-esteem issues (I am my job! lol) and focused exclusively on $$$. As a result I made some pretty stupid decisions. I agree with you that not making major decisions when you're feeling down. is a good idea. For me, in hindsight, I should have dealt with the depression, whatever the cost, first. Best of luck to you.

 

[HadEnuff]

The first thing I would recommend is to have a heart-to-heart with yourself about the source of your depression. Is it because you miss the work? Or is it that your financial plan has been derailed?

As John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens while you are busy making plans." It appears that your worst case scenario, financially speaking, is that you may have to abandon your dream of retiring to the lake home. Which sucks. I get it. It really would suck. But you may be a long way from having to do that.

If you don't want to retire, don't. Keep looking, and you'll find something that may not be the job you had, but then, if you've spent the last years dreaming about early retirement, maybe a change of scenery on the job may be just what you need to keep you going a few more years so your financial plans can and your dream of retiring on the lake can come true.

Best of luck, and keep us posted on your success!

 

[Amethyst]

Yes, it can be depressing when you realize you've arrived at an age where age discrimination is actually something that can happen to *you.* Because there is nothing you can do about it, no way to control the calendar (the exercise does help though).

But, speaking as someone who was once quite involved in hiring (as a manager - not from the HR end) it may also be nothing but the (bad) luck of the draw. Someone else got there first, had the right connections, made the right impression. I don't know if you are getting interviews, but they can be such a cr@p shoot...especially if it's one of those "group interviews" where they all get together and talk about you later on. Sometimes these can almost degenerate into fights, as some people want you very badly while others want someone else!

Numbers game - just like a salesman, gotta keep knocking on doors. We need an emoticon of someone holding a torch "We are pulling for you."

The depressing thing to me is that I have applied to a number of jobs that were a perfect match for me and I am getting summarily rejected. I am sure it is an age thing.

.

 

[Senator]

Apply for unemployment, and any benefits that are available. Even better if you got a severance package. You may find that life is easier than you think not working. You may get free healthcare too, as you have no income.

For some reason, people think they have to work. Once you get used to it, and understand all the public benefits, you will do just fine.

If you do the handyman thing, do it now. Do not sell the duplex. You can generate several hundred a week, if you hustle. Handymen make ~$35 to $50 an hour here. No one gives them a 1099 either. That is a higher take home hourly wage than you were making at the W2 job.

 

[JoeWras]

My Megac*rp is methodically laying off all the 50+ too. You are in good company.

From what I hear, a few have found jobs even after 1 year if they persisted. All hope isn't lost.

The ones that did best, however, also got on with life instead of waiting for the phone call or email, which may just be a rejection. Here's some ideas. You will fill time, make some money, and have some purpose:
- Work at the local sports arena. Our arena is having a job fair right now. Yours may too. You are in MSP, so you have this opportunity.
- You are handy. Look at Lowes, Home Depot, Menards. Maybe you'll continue that kick to the handyman business, or find out you hate handiness.

 

[mystang52]

Many great suggestions here. I'll echo/modify a few:
Do at least one job search activity every day. When I was laid off years ago, the job search efforts took up a good portion of my time....in the first few weeks. After a while, though, there was only so much "networking" I could do. But I made sure I did that minimum of one-job-search effort each day. This alone led me to feel I was still in charge of my life, and not a helpless victim.
Get out of the house every day, for one hour bare minimum.
Exercise (I believe you're doing that now).
Continue - or start - doing hobbies and other recreational activities you enjoy. The fact that you are unemployed does not take away your right to have fun.

 

[traineeinvestor]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Independently of the financial suggestions, I'd recommend keeping yourself at least moderately busy - exercise (walking, running, weights - whatever works for you but it sounds like you are doing that already), hobbies, keeping in touch with friends and family.

If there is anything you have always wanted to do but haven't had the time - you could think of this as an opportunity.

Hope it works out for you.

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

I think my depression is from a combination of the following:
1) Feeling of uselessness (nobody wants me)
2) Feeling of anger (how could they do this to me)
3) Feeling of helplessness (why won't anyone hire me)
4) Concern over finances
5) Concern that I will need to give up my dream house
6) Concern over quality of health care that I can afford
7) Some concern over what others think of me (that loser lost his job)
8) Feeling that I have let down my wife and kids

 

[canuck5]

Step outside of the box and think about the top 5 things/skills people have praised you for. Then think about the top 5 things that you really enjoy doing (or you and your wife). Do the analysis that all us Engineers were trained for!

There has to be a job in there somewhere! May not be the highest paying job, but I guarantee it will be one that will make you want to get up in the morning!

Good luck and tomorrow WILL be brighter!

 

[bingybear]

While I would typically start with funding life comments, you have many of those already. But I will add one thing, I have not seen a spending budget which is a core piece in deciding most financial plans.

I was laid off 7 years ago. Well actually the facility I was at was being closed and all were laid off with a few being offered a relocation. The really interesting part was the dynamics of how different people handled it; anger, fear, loss, clueless, and even relief. I'm not talking a process, just the initial feelings. Note that anger, fear and loss can easily lead to depression.

What to do? Develop a routine for this phase of your life. This is necessary for most. One thing many miss about work is the structure it brings to life. Many need it, some don't.
Get regular exercise!
networking --
there is typical networking... and more. The goal is to extend your network, not just find a job. You're an engineer. So, check out a local tech incubator, check out maker spaces, maker meetups, etc.
If you're religious, get in some church groups.

Don't use these as "I need a job" completely. Meet people. Try to figure out what else your skills can be used for employment. See where it leads you. The more you learn and the broader your network, the more options you might see.

Just sending in resumes may be frustrating. When our facility was closed employers had resumes screened and most dumped either by HR or by a computer before HR. So avoid being alone and just submitting resumes from the corner of a room at home with little human interaction.

Keep your social interaction up. Note that the above is for your depression. You lost your job. You need to realize you did not loose yourself. You may find that you can ER and don't need a j*b, or not. Hopefully some of this will allow you to see places where your contributions will be appreciated and help with self worth.

Just a place to start. Remember these comments are from a somewhat introverted engineer... so I obviously don't have people skills

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Thank you all so much for the comments. I feel better just discussing the situation. I am going to take a few days to absorb all this information and then try to come up with a plan. I can already feel the bones of the plan developing.

 

[ivinsfan]

I think my depression is from a combination of the following:
1) Feeling of uselessness (nobody wants me)
2) Feeling of anger (how could they do this to me)
3) Feeling of helplessness (why won't anyone hire me)
4) Concern over finances
5) Concern that I will need to give up my dream house
6) Concern over quality of health care that I can afford
7) Some concern over what others think of me (that loser lost his job)
8) Feeling that I have let down my wife and kids

Did you have any issues over depression before you lost your job?

What were your plans for retirement before you lost your job?

You keep referring to your wife's SS..are your eligible on your own or for a spousal benefit?

I don't know how many hours a week your spouse works for the 800 a month but she might look for a different job with higher pay more hours..her wage doesn't even cover the prop tax on your lake home..

Were the victim of a system wide layoff or a targeted layoff..if it was targeted poke around and see if you have a case for age discrimination.

I mean you can drive Uber if you need to. You've got a lot of hand wringing going on here if you need to spend some money on counseling just grit your teeth and do it.

 

[joeea]

While at work, I dreamed constantly about ER. Now, though, I am very depressed over losing my job.

Anyone want to give me some hope or advice?

Have you sought professional help for your depression? That's not uncommon when hit with major life events. Counselling might help.

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Well, I just ran firecalc using 35 years, 70K income, 850k starting, 12K duplex income, 10K wifes income, and taking SS at 62, wife is 5 years younger so she takes it when I am 67.

I added no income from me (very conservative, I will make money). Outcome is 100% success with average final balance of 2.9 million. I didn't include the $$ (400-500K) from downsizing my house or a probable inheritance of about 500K in 10 years.

I don't know if I am missing something but this looks very positive!!

 

[IMATERP]

Personally I think you should put the job search thing on the shelf for 6 months.

Take a "fun" vacation or do something to celebrate having experienced - a successful career.

Also, many people do not like their jobs and stay because they have to. You, on the other hand, liked your job so much that your depressed because you can't be their anymore.

I tell you this - because I have woken from a self induced coma where I have really hated my job for 8 years. Every task in my department is made extremely complicated (of course, State Govt.) that it is just ever so frustrating to go into the office. Salary and benefits are fine but 8 hours a day of constant frustration and aggravation wears on you.

My Agency is offering voluntary buyouts (for a select few) and I'm putting my name in the hat to get the buyout/severance. If I don't get it, I've made the decision to leave anyway.

I'm jealous of your situation as it sounds like you really enjoyed your work and the organization. Be grateful and use this time for a healthy break.

Michael

 

[HadEnuff]

Well, I just ran firecalc using 35 years, 70K income, 850k starting, 12K duplex income, 10K wifes income, and taking SS at 62, wife is 5 years younger so she takes it when I am 67.

I added no income from me (very conservative, I will make money). Outcome is 100% success with average final balance of 2.9 million. I didn't include the $$ (400-500K) from downsizing my house or a probable inheritance of about 500K in 10 years.

I don't know if I am missing something but this looks very positive!!

Beautiful. Looks like you've got it knocked. Now, whatever you do find for work from now until YOU decide you are ready to retire, is gravy.

 

[ivinsfan]

Well, I just ran firecalc using 35 years, 70K income, 850k starting, 12K duplex income, 10K wifes income, and taking SS at 62, wife is 5 years younger so she takes it when I am 67.

I added no income from me (very conservative, I will make money). Outcome is 100% success with average final balance of 2.9 million. I didn't include the $$ (400-500K) from downsizing my house or a probable inheritance of about 500K in 10 years.

I don't know if I am missing something but this looks very positive!!

That's good, but what number did you use for health care until you hit 65? At medicare a couple can still pay around 500-600 total a month for good coverage.

Did you raise the amount of your Prop Tax, no way that will stay stable. It's good to relax a little bit and see that your situation is not as dire as you thought. How about spending a few of those bucks for counseling now so you can cut this depression off at the pass and start to relax on the path to retirement. I live in MN and I know lakeshore can very rapidly turn into a very expensive drain on the pocketbook.

 

[Bamaman]

My former employer offered nothing. I have a high deductible cobra plan. The first 14k is on me so I don't want to spend $$ on a doctor.

You can shell out enough out of pocket for a simple office visit. That might be all it takes to jump start you into the next chapter in your life. You might be just a pill away from much more happiness.

 

[TNBigfoot]

Best advise here is to seek help first for depression. Until you can think rationally and clearly, no decisions should be made. I've been there and sought counseling. It makes a world of difference. Do it now!

 

[ivinsfan]

You can shell out enough out of pocket for a simple office visit. That might be all it takes to jump start you into the next chapter in your life. You might be just a pill away from much more happiness.

So true I have an example of depression in my extended family and she sometimes uses every excuse in the book not to seek treatment. But pay for a regular physiatrist, sometime true situational depression does not need a pill a day,OTOHif there is another underlying issue that might be the right call.