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01-13-2017, 09:35 AM
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#61
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 770
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Danmar
I will be paying alimony as long as she is alive. In fact if I predecease her, my estate must continue to pay.
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Ugh....sorry to hear that. I almost experienced a similar fate - until I replaced my incompetent attorney with a bad a$$ one.
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01-13-2017, 09:38 AM
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#62
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 17,774
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Danmar
I am still paying. Retired 10 years. We didn't finalize the deal until after I retired so this was a big uncertainty to ER. In Canada alimony is very common and often open ended. I will be paying alimony as long as she is alive. In fact if I predecease her, my estate must continue to pay. So effectively my second wife must pay the first wife. Crazy,eh? Luckily, I inserted a clause in our final agreement that allows me to replace these alimony payments with a life annuity. I intend to avail myself of this option, perhaps as early as next year and finally get that "monkey" off my back for good.
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I plan to be reincarnated as an exwife of yours (I promise to be the best exwife ever)
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
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01-13-2017, 09:42 AM
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#63
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Alberta/Ontario/ Arizona
Posts: 3,393
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carpediem
Ugh....sorry to hear that. I almost experienced a similar fate - until I replaced my incompetent attorney with a bad a$$ one.
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I don't blame my lawyers. My last lawyer was one of the top family law practitioners in Toronto. In the end, I could afford it and actually wanted everyone to be happy. My daughter would have been disappointed in me if I had "put the screws" to her mother and this might have affected our relationship.
In the overall scheme of things, after 15 years of bitter litigation, I really wanted some closure. Looked bad for a while since we did this deal in late 2007. But luckily everything is working out very well financially. This highlights the idea that it's better to be generous even if you think the other side is unreasonable.
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01-13-2017, 09:43 AM
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#64
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Alberta/Ontario/ Arizona
Posts: 3,393
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Sorry, but I can only afford one ex wife and that position has been taken.
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01-13-2017, 10:31 AM
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#65
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: the prairies
Posts: 5,045
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I divorced a spendarina wife after less than 3 years of marriage. The spending was only part of the problem...there were other issues at play that made divorce inevitable. Luckily, I found out early enough and took immediate steps and will only lose half of 2 years/8 months of my 35 years of govt. pension. Also, in spite of the differences, neither one of us wanted to make lawyers rich and the split of assets went very smoothly. We had just purchased a house with a very small down payment and I kept it in exchange for taking over her car loan which was roughly equal to the house equity.
The only legal cost in the divorce was the filing of paperwork.
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01-13-2017, 11:04 AM
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#66
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 8,368
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In the interest of equality I hereby apply for the position of future ex-husband - however I must warn you that I feel a series of consecutive headaches coming on.
__________________
"Exit, pursued by a bear."
The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare
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01-13-2017, 11:15 AM
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#67
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Alberta/Ontario/ Arizona
Posts: 3,393
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemo2
In the interest of equality I hereby apply for the position of future ex-husband - however I must warn you that I feel a series of consecutive headaches coming on.
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Actually, you'll be glad to hear that ex spouses don't have any responsibilities along those lines.
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01-13-2017, 11:18 AM
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#68
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 17,774
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Maybe your DD always wanted a sister? I could do that....
__________________
“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
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01-13-2017, 11:21 AM
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#69
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Z3Dreamer
Anecdotal stories are good, but your insight as a family law attorney would be quite interesting/valuable. Not for those contemplating divorce, but for those contemplating marriage.
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I think she has already covered that. Don't do it!
Ha
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01-13-2017, 11:35 AM
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#70
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 8,368
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Danmar
Actually, you'll be glad to hear that ex spouses don't have any respondility along those lines.
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I neglected to specify that I was applying for the position of your ex-husband.
__________________
"Exit, pursued by a bear."
The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare
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01-13-2017, 11:37 AM
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#71
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gone traveling
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Greenville
Posts: 653
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Danmar
I am still paying. Retired 10 years. We didn't finalize the deal until after I retired so this was a big uncertainty to ER. In Canada alimony is very common and often open ended. I will be paying alimony as long as she is alive. In fact if I predecease her, my estate must continue to pay. So effectively my second wife must pay the first wife. Crazy,eh? Luckily, I inserted a clause in our final agreement that allows me to replace these alimony payments with a life annuity. I intend to avail myself of this option, perhaps as early as next year and finally get that "monkey" off my back for good.
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I think this kind of thing will be the undoing of marriage, in the traditional sense. It's just unreasonable to think that a person, after a certain period of time, cannot "fend for themselves". It's not that hard, the smallest children eventually do it!
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01-13-2017, 12:01 PM
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#72
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Alberta/Ontario/ Arizona
Posts: 3,393
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Agree but my case was a little unusual given my high profile. The point you raised was made in many media outlets when the judgement became public.
However, the real issue in my case was the finding that I had an ongoing responsibility to keep her appraised of my earnings. It was only in the final agreement that I was able to have this requirement dropped. Up till that point everything was still open to"a material change in circumstances".
I am still very positive on marriage and did it all again (22 years ago) without a prenup.
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01-13-2017, 12:26 PM
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#73
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 17,259
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Danmar
Ag
However, the real issue in my case was the finding that I had an ongoing responsibility to keep her appraised of my earnings. It was only in the final agreement that I was able to have this requirement dropped. Up till that point everything was still open to"a material change in circumstances".
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I used to work with a lady who married a divorced man. She was shocked to find that when she got a promotion with a substantial raise, HER income could now be taken into account and her husband's alimony payment went up quite a bit thus negating a good part of her raise.
The ex-wife was living with a wealthy guy so his income did not come into the picture. About 6 months later when her old job opened up again, she requested a demotion to it - less stress, fewer hours and after the alimony payment was reduce, not much loss of income.
__________________
Comparison is the thief of joy
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
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01-13-2017, 12:35 PM
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#74
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,994
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To the OP's question about divorce affecting ER plans: I divorced a little over 2 years ago and it did not affect my retirement plans because I insisted on and managed to get a signed Post Marital Separation Agreement years before the actual separation/divorce. He did not challenge it.
My marriage of over 22 years however WAS affecting my retirement plans as well as the peace and serenity of my life. I wrote about it on this forum as "another marriage bites the dust due to financial incompatibility" or something like that...so some of you may remember. He was a gambler in all ways along with some other addictions. Not the life I had imagined when getting married to this professional UNC graduate with his own CPA practice and more than disappointing. (which is why it took me so very long to finally do it- not to mention the children involved).
I asked for nothing as I wanted the Agreement to remain in tact. So he has no financial responsibilities to me nor I to him. While I can file for 1/2 his SSN, it doesn't matter as my own will always be more than 1/2 of his.
Due to this experience I admittedly will not ever marry again. Even wanting a relationship has been a struggle (although I have dated and met people) but I am starting to think maybe...maybe....in another year that might be something I am more open about and may pursue IF I meet someone I'm compatible with. Just not quite there yet.
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01-13-2017, 12:41 PM
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#75
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Alberta/Ontario/ Arizona
Posts: 3,393
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckanut
I used to work with a lady who married a divorced man. She was shocked to find that when she got a promotion with a substantial raise, HER income could now be taken into account and her husband's alimony payment went up quite a bit thus negating a good part of her raise.
The ex-wife was living with a wealthy guy so his income did not come into the picture. About 6 months later when her old job opened up again, she requested a demotion to it - less stress, fewer hours and after the alimony payment was reduce, not much loss of income.
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Wow, never heard of that. My second wife's income never became an issue although I seem to recall they tried.
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01-13-2017, 01:01 PM
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#76
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,655
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I didn't keep in touch with my first husband, but about 25 years after we divorced, collection agencies were calling my home asking if I knew where to find him. Apparently, he hadn't been making his mortgage payments.
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
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01-13-2017, 01:26 PM
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#77
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 17,259
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Danmar
Wow, never heard of that. My second wife's income never became an issue although I seem to recall they tried.
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I think it varies by state. And this was over 25 years ago, so the laws may have changed.
__________________
Comparison is the thief of joy
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
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01-13-2017, 02:01 PM
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#78
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Miraflores,Peru
Posts: 1,992
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My Divorce would read like a 2 1/2 men sitcom episode that stretched on for four years. Won't bore everyone with the details but here are some highlights.
Wife files for divorce and sues myself and my mistress (served papers at JFK terminal) upon return from worldwind trip across Europe.
My personal attorney (Father of my now 23 y/o mistress) is not allowed to represent me (conflict of interest). New Attorney retained until we can have mistress removed from lawsuit.
Personal Attorney back in charge until I break up with mistress.
Mistress becomes friends with my EX and agrees to testify that her father and I transferred my assets to the Caymen Islands.
Judge, throws my personal attorney off the case for conflict of interest.
Net result 40/40/20 split.
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01-13-2017, 02:08 PM
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#79
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gone traveling
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Greenville
Posts: 653
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYEXPAT
My Divorce would read like a 2 1/2 men sitcom episode that stretched on for four years. Won't bore everyone with the details but here are some highlights.
Wife files for divorce and sues myself and my mistress (served papers at JFK terminal) upon return from worldwind trip across Europe.
My personal attorney (Father of my now 23 y/o mistress) is not allowed to represent me (conflict of interest). New Attorney retained until we can have mistress removed from lawsuit.
Personal Attorney back in charge until I break up with mistress.
Mistress becomes friends with my EX and agrees to testify that her father and I transferred my assets to the Caymen Islands.
Judge, throws my personal attorney off the case for conflict of interest.
Net result 40/40/20 split.
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Meh, seems like it worked pretty much like it should have...
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01-13-2017, 03:22 PM
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#80
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 1,563
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYEXPAT
My Divorce would read like a 2 1/2 men sitcom episode that stretched on for four years. Won't bore everyone with the details but here are some highlights.
Wife files for divorce and sues myself and my mistress (served papers at JFK terminal) upon return from worldwind trip across Europe.
My personal attorney (Father of my now 23 y/o mistress) is not allowed to represent me (conflict of interest). New Attorney retained until we can have mistress removed from lawsuit.
Personal Attorney back in charge until I break up with mistress.
Mistress becomes friends with my EX and agrees to testify that her father and I transferred my assets to the Caymen Islands.
Judge, throws my personal attorney off the case for conflict of interest.
Net result 40/40/20 split.
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So I guess that saying of 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 was not to far off.
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