divorce affecting FIRE plans

[Carpediem]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar I will be paying alimony as long as she is alive. In fact if I predecease her, my estate must continue to pay.

Ugh....sorry to hear that. I almost experienced a similar fate - until I replaced my incompetent attorney with a bad a$$ one.

[Bestwifeever]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar I am still paying. Retired 10 years. We didn't finalize the deal until after I retired so this was a big uncertainty to ER. In Canada alimony is very common and often open ended. I will be paying alimony as long as she is alive. In fact if I predecease her, my estate must continue to pay. So effectively my second wife must pay the first wife. Crazy,eh? Luckily, I inserted a clause in our final agreement that allows me to replace these alimony payments with a life annuity. I intend to avail myself of this option, perhaps as early as next year and finally get that "monkey" off my back for good.

I plan to be reincarnated as an exwife of yours (I promise to be the best exwife ever)

[Danmar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carpediem Ugh....sorry to hear that. I almost experienced a similar fate - until I replaced my incompetent attorney with a bad a$$ one.

I don't blame my lawyers. My last lawyer was one of the top family law practitioners in Toronto. In the end, I could afford it and actually wanted everyone to be happy. My daughter would have been disappointed in me if I had "put the screws" to her mother and this might have affected our relationship.

In the overall scheme of things, after 15 years of bitter litigation, I really wanted some closure. Looked bad for a while since we did this deal in late 2007. But luckily everything is working out very well financially. This highlights the idea that it's better to be generous even if you think the other side is unreasonable.

[Danmar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bestwifeever I plan to be reincarnated as an exwife of yours (I promise to be the best exwife ever)

Sorry, but I can only afford one ex wife and that position has been taken.

[Music Lover]

I divorced a spendarina wife after less than 3 years of marriage. The spending was only part of the problem...there were other issues at play that made divorce inevitable. Luckily, I found out early enough and took immediate steps and will only lose half of 2 years/8 months of my 35 years of govt. pension. Also, in spite of the differences, neither one of us wanted to make lawyers rich and the split of assets went very smoothly. We had just purchased a house with a very small down payment and I kept it in exchange for taking over her car loan which was roughly equal to the house equity.

The only legal cost in the divorce was the filing of paperwork.

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar Sorry, but I can only afford one ex wife and that position has been taken.

In the interest of equality I hereby apply for the position of future ex-husband - however I must warn you that I feel a series of consecutive headaches coming on.

[Danmar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemo2 In the interest of equality I hereby apply for the position of future ex-husband - however I must warn you that I feel a series of consecutive headaches coming on.

Actually, you'll be glad to hear that ex spouses don't have any responsibilities along those lines.

[Bestwifeever]

Maybe your DD always wanted a sister? I could do that....

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z3Dreamer Anecdotal stories are good, but your insight as a family law attorney would be quite interesting/valuable. Not for those contemplating divorce, but for those contemplating marriage.

I think she has already covered that. Don't do it!

Ha

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar Actually, you'll be glad to hear that ex spouses don't have any respondility along those lines.

I neglected to specify that I was applying for the position of your ex-husband.

[Pilot2013]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar I am still paying. Retired 10 years. We didn't finalize the deal until after I retired so this was a big uncertainty to ER. In Canada alimony is very common and often open ended. I will be paying alimony as long as she is alive. In fact if I predecease her, my estate must continue to pay. So effectively my second wife must pay the first wife. Crazy,eh? Luckily, I inserted a clause in our final agreement that allows me to replace these alimony payments with a life annuity. I intend to avail myself of this option, perhaps as early as next year and finally get that "monkey" off my back for good.

I think this kind of thing will be the undoing of marriage, in the traditional sense. It's just unreasonable to think that a person, after a certain period of time, cannot "fend for themselves". It's not that hard, the smallest children eventually do it!

[Danmar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pilot2013 I think this kind of thing will be the undoing of marriage, in the traditional sense. It's just unreasonable to think that a person, after a certain period of time, cannot "fend for themselves". It's not that hard, the smallest children eventually do it!

Agree but my case was a little unusual given my high profile. The point you raised was made in many media outlets when the judgement became public.

However, the real issue in my case was the finding that I had an ongoing responsibility to keep her appraised of my earnings. It was only in the final agreement that I was able to have this requirement dropped. Up till that point everything was still open to"a material change in circumstances".

I am still very positive on marriage and did it all again (22 years ago) without a prenup.

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar Ag However, the real issue in my case was the finding that I had an ongoing responsibility to keep her appraised of my earnings. It was only in the final agreement that I was able to have this requirement dropped. Up till that point everything was still open to"a material change in circumstances".

I used to work with a lady who married a divorced man. She was shocked to find that when she got a promotion with a substantial raise, HER income could now be taken into account and her husband's alimony payment went up quite a bit thus negating a good part of her raise.

The ex-wife was living with a wealthy guy so his income did not come into the picture. About 6 months later when her old job opened up again, she requested a demotion to it - less stress, fewer hours and after the alimony payment was reduce, not much loss of income.

[sheehs1]

To the OP's question about divorce affecting ER plans: I divorced a little over 2 years ago and it did not affect my retirement plans because I insisted on and managed to get a signed Post Marital Separation Agreement years before the actual separation/divorce. He did not challenge it.
My marriage of over 22 years however WAS affecting my retirement plans as well as the peace and serenity of my life. I wrote about it on this forum as "another marriage bites the dust due to financial incompatibility" or something like that...so some of you may remember. He was a gambler in all ways along with some other addictions. Not the life I had imagined when getting married to this professional UNC graduate with his own CPA practice and more than disappointing. (which is why it took me so very long to finally do it- not to mention the children involved).

I asked for nothing as I wanted the Agreement to remain in tact. So he has no financial responsibilities to me nor I to him. While I can file for 1/2 his SSN, it doesn't matter as my own will always be more than 1/2 of his.

Due to this experience I admittedly will not ever marry again. Even wanting a relationship has been a struggle (although I have dated and met people) but I am starting to think maybe...maybe....in another year that might be something I am more open about and may pursue IF I meet someone I'm compatible with. Just not quite there yet.

[Danmar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut I used to work with a lady who married a divorced man. She was shocked to find that when she got a promotion with a substantial raise, HER income could now be taken into account and her husband's alimony payment went up quite a bit thus negating a good part of her raise. The ex-wife was living with a wealthy guy so his income did not come into the picture. About 6 months later when her old job opened up again, she requested a demotion to it - less stress, fewer hours and after the alimony payment was reduce, not much loss of income.

Wow, never heard of that. My second wife's income never became an issue although I seem to recall they tried.

[Amethyst]

I didn't keep in touch with my first husband, but about 25 years after we divorced, collection agencies were calling my home asking if I knew where to find him. Apparently, he hadn't been making his mortgage payments.

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danmar Wow, never heard of that. My second wife's income never became an issue although I seem to recall they tried.

I think it varies by state. And this was over 25 years ago, so the laws may have changed.

[NYEXPAT]

My Divorce would read like a 2 1/2 men sitcom episode that stretched on for four years. Won't bore everyone with the details but here are some highlights.

Wife files for divorce and sues myself and my mistress (served papers at JFK terminal) upon return from worldwind trip across Europe.

My personal attorney (Father of my now 23 y/o mistress) is not allowed to represent me (conflict of interest). New Attorney retained until we can have mistress removed from lawsuit.

Personal Attorney back in charge until I break up with mistress.

Mistress becomes friends with my EX and agrees to testify that her father and I transferred my assets to the Caymen Islands.

Judge, throws my personal attorney off the case for conflict of interest.

Net result 40/40/20 split.

[Pilot2013]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NYEXPAT My Divorce would read like a 2 1/2 men sitcom episode that stretched on for four years. Won't bore everyone with the details but here are some highlights. Wife files for divorce and sues myself and my mistress (served papers at JFK terminal) upon return from worldwind trip across Europe. My personal attorney (Father of my now 23 y/o mistress) is not allowed to represent me (conflict of interest). New Attorney retained until we can have mistress removed from lawsuit. Personal Attorney back in charge until I break up with mistress. Mistress becomes friends with my EX and agrees to testify that her father and I transferred my assets to the Caymen Islands. Judge, throws my personal attorney off the case for conflict of interest. Net result 40/40/20 split.

Meh, seems like it worked pretty much like it should have...

[FANOFJESUS]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NYEXPAT My Divorce would read like a 2 1/2 men sitcom episode that stretched on for four years. Won't bore everyone with the details but here are some highlights. Wife files for divorce and sues myself and my mistress (served papers at JFK terminal) upon return from worldwind trip across Europe. My personal attorney (Father of my now 23 y/o mistress) is not allowed to represent me (conflict of interest). New Attorney retained until we can have mistress removed from lawsuit. Personal Attorney back in charge until I break up with mistress. Mistress becomes friends with my EX and agrees to testify that her father and I transferred my assets to the Caymen Islands. Judge, throws my personal attorney off the case for conflict of interest. Net result 40/40/20 split.

So I guess that saying of 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 was not to far off.