Divorce, Net Worth and Early Retirement

[Mr._johngalt]

"A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience."

One was more than enough.

Amen, brother.

JG

 

[donheff]

For us, well we kind of missed the boat. It's been 42 years since we first started dating and 36 years since we tied the knot. It got kind of busy inbetween then and now with earning a living and raising a family and we just forgot to call the lawyers to get the divorce proceedings going. So now we just party on knowing we missed our opportunity and living with the scorn and ridicule of being "old married fuddy duddies."

Could be worse I guess.....

Congratulations 2B. That is an accomplishment to be proud of. I remember my parents 50th and 60th reunions - loads of fun.

 

[astromeria]

Frankly, I'm proud of my divorce. We were both miserable (especially me) and it took a LOT of guts to put it in motion. It was incredibly frightening as I had nothing (no money, no prep to earn a decent living, no lawyer, not much self-esteem at that point) and young children. Those of you who haven't woken up in the middle of the night most nights wondering what to do about your utter misery are very fortunate--and to be honest, IMO not in a postion to pass judgment on those who have been there. With my second husband, I've had more usual ups & downs--but I never spent months on end in a miserable funk with my life. It was easy to stay in this relationship--no kudos deserved or needed! Personally, I feel more deserving of congratulations for my divorce than for staying with my second marriage. Not that I ever expect to get it. Except from one person: when I told my best friend that my first husband and I were splittting, she said, "Thank God--what took you so long?!" And I had never even told her how I felt--I never told anyone! Apparently my unhappiness was obvious enough to those who cared to look.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

when I told my best friend that my first husband and I were splittting, she said, "Thank God--what took you so long?!" And I had never even told her how I felt--I never told anyone!

Yeah, I got some of that reaction (second time, not first time). Expect she did also.

JG

 

[bosco]

Frankly, I'm proud of my divorce. We were both miserable (especially me) and it took a LOT of guts to put it in motion. It was incredibly frightening as I had nothing (no money, no prep to earn a decent living, no lawyer, not much self-esteem at that point) and young children. Those of you who haven't woken up in the middle of the night most nights wondering what to do about your utter misery are very fortunate--and to be honest, IMO not in a postion to pass judgment on those who have been there. With my second husband, I've had more usual ups & downs--but I never spent months on end in a miserable funk with my life. It was easy to stay in this relationship--no kudos deserved or needed! Personally, I feel more deserving of congratulations for my divorce than for staying with my second marriage. Not that I ever expect to get it. Except from one person: when I told my best friend that my first husband and I were splittting, she said, "Thank God--what took you so long?!" And I had never even told her how I felt--I never told anyone! Apparently my unhappiness was obvious enough to those who cared to look.

wow, there are many similarities between this and my experience. Although I did have a profession and way to make a living. I was pretty beat down psychically, though. I was ready to settle for "every other weekend and 6 weeks in the summer" and sign over custody just to get it over with. My 11-year-old son stood up to me and basically said it "wasn't fair" that he and his brother couldn't spend half their time with each parent.

My ex was dead-set against this, so I had to threaten to have the court appoint a guardian ad litum in order for her to back off and agree to joint custody. That and a child therapist who really took my ex to task for her position. Looking back, I am so grateful that my son straightened out my thinking on this. I knew that I needed to get out of the marriage to save my life, but was brainwashed into thinking it was better to just give her what she wanted, that by traumatizing the kids I would be doing them more harm. I almost harmed them immeasurably more.

Ultimately, we both remarried and my second spouse and I bought a house 3 blocks from my ex. The kids went back and forth freely and although there were some rocky moments, I think everyone come out ahead.

 

[kcowan]

... Apparently my unhappiness was obvious enough to those who cared to look.

Same here. Many comments about how spouse was odd and hard to get to know. A few who said they were also miserable but staying together for the money.

And some who said they were really lucky to have selected well in the first place.