Does anyone feel jealousy from friends/family/others?

[WM]

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Originally Posted by shiny I try to think this way too - it is hard sometimes, but I do believe it is true.

I really like this, too, that's a nice way to approach it. The personal growth must be going well!

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Originally Posted by free4now So what I've been saying recently when I meet new people that I want to know better is "I saved a bunch of money working as an engineer for 13 years, and now I'm living off my investments on a bare bones budget so I can stay free as long as I want".

I like this idea also, or would probably modify it for myself to be something like "I'm trying this other way of living for a while" so that instead of having to say you've retired early (implying you're never going to have to work again), it's something that you're able to do "for now." I did that when I switched to eating vegan, and it was noticeably less "threatening" for other people. Not that we're anywhere near FIRE yet, but actually I guess I kind of do that now. Rather than say we're planning to retire at 42, I say it more like "well, what we're hoping to do is retire when DH is out of the military, but that's an ambitious goal, so we'll see what happens." Which is true anyway.

Not that I normally share that with others, because of the concerns that many people have been sharing.

[kaudrey]

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Originally Posted by MooreBonds There are several 20/30-somethings on the board who are single and lookin'. ::ahem ahem::

Hey, there, fella.

Maybe we need a "Singles" board in addition to the "Young Dreamers" board?

Karen

[bssc]

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Originally Posted by kaudrey Hey, there, fella. Maybe we need a "Singles" board in addition to the "Young Dreamers" board? Karen

Since I have been with my DW since before the internet was big, I have always wondered about websites like Match.com and eHarmony. When I used to work for the American Psycho Association, we used to see compatibility tests. While I know that some things they ask are important, like "Would you prefer to go to a party or stay at home and listen to the 8-track" I would never see questions like "Would you prefer to save for your retirement or spend the money on a Farrah Fawcett haircut?" Have these questions changed to include financial ones?

[MooreBonds]

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Originally Posted by bssc Since I have been with my DW since before the internet was big, I have always wondered about websites like Match.com and eHarmony. When I used to work for the American Psycho Association, we used to see compatibility tests. While I know that some things they ask are important, like "Would you prefer to go to a party or stay at home and listen to the 8-track" I would never see questions like "Would you prefer to save for your retirement or spend the money on a Farrah Fawcett haircut?" Have these questions changed to include financial ones?

I've used eHarmony (and still do), and I believe that they had a few questions on saving/spending in the exhaustive 1-2 hour on-line questionnaire you fill out for your profile. They also have a few preselected questions you can ask the other person that are money-related. (and yes, that's one of my first 5 questions).

Granted, it's not meant to be a tool where you are matched up with 2 people and they are perfect matches....but, whom they do match you up with tend to be far more compatible compared to the random person.

I haven't used the Match.com personality tests (although I do have a match.com profile).

[shiny]

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Originally Posted by WM The personal growth must be going well!

Lord knows, I try!

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Originally Posted by WM I did that when I switched to eating vegan

Good on ya WM!

Its interesting that you brought up the eating factor in the same thread as the money/jealousy/judgemental people thread because I feel that way too. Sometimes when I'm thinking I'm just going about my merry way eating as I wish (vegetarian, not always vegan) I find that others around me feel that I'm judging them and their food choices.

There are just so many layers to human interaction: what is said, what is perceived to be said, what is not said, but felt by others. No wonder so many of us are hermits!

[bssc]

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Originally Posted by MooreBonds Granted, it's not meant to be a tool where you are matched up with 2 people and they are perfect matches....but, whom they do match you up with tend to be far more compatible compared to the random person.

The reason I ask this is that a lot of relationships end up as failures because of money issues (I would want to say money was top on the list but I don't have any articles I can quote) and yet I would never see any questions about money.

I am glad to know that they are at least including a few.

[WM]

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Originally Posted by shiny Sometimes when I'm thinking I'm just going about my merry way eating as I wish (vegetarian, not always vegan) I find that others around me feel that I'm judging them and their food choices.

I've had that same experience, and it was quite surprising when it first happened. It's been a good lesson that people's responses sometimes are more about whatever they're bringing to the situation than what I'm putting out there, regarding food or otherwise.

This is getting off-topic, but the same thing seems to apply for alcohol. DH and I don't drink much, and it really seems to bother some people if they're drinking alcohol and we're not. Haven't entirely figured it out, but it can be quite annoying to be hassled. Thought we were done with the drinking peer pressure in high school or college.

[lazygood4nothinbum]

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Originally Posted by WM This is getting off-topic, but the same thing seems to apply for alcohol. DH and I don't drink much, and it really seems to bother some people if they're drinking alcohol and we're not. Haven't entirely figured it out, but it can be quite annoying to be hassled. Thought we were done with the drinking peer pressure in high school or college.

i absolutely noticed this on a continual basis when i stopped drinking (was only a weekend drinker) about 8 years ago or so until i started having a drink or two a few months ago when things were getting really rough watching mom die. and now when i order a drink before dinner everyone is so happy for me as if i've accomplished some deed worthy of praise. it is very odd. now that my life is coming together again i think i will stop drinking again just to freak them out.

[WM]

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Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum now that my life is coming together again i think i will stop drinking again just to freak them out.

Sounds like fun

I guess it's all part of the "loosen up" mentality that goes for food, money, anything. Like we're being overly disciplined or depriving ourselves in some way that makes them self-conscious.

[kaudrey]

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This is getting off-topic, but the same thing seems to apply for alcohol. DH and I don't drink much, and it really seems to bother some people if they're drinking alcohol and we're not. Haven't entirely figured it out, but it can be quite annoying to be hassled. Thought we were done with the drinking peer pressure in high school or college.

I have several friends who don't drink at all. They are called "designated drivers"

Karen

[Nords]

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Originally Posted by kaudrey I have several friends who don't drink at all. They are called "designated drivers"

The really good DD friends are the one who stock their cars with airsickness bags instead of making you roll down a window...

[bssc]

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Originally Posted by kaudrey I have several friends who don't drink at all. They are called "designated drivers" Karen

I have a reaction to alcohol and so am the DD. I get free sodas in bars and all that good stuff. Another way to LBYM.

[Martha]

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Originally Posted by WM Sounds like fun I guess it's all part of the "loosen up" mentality that goes for food, money, anything. Like we're being overly disciplined or depriving ourselves in some way that makes them self-conscious.

I heard a speaker on public radio yesterday (don't know who he was) who said that "fun" for young people has displaced "interests." Fun takes no work, and is immediate gratification. Interests are developed over time, may take some effort but with effort comes rewards, and interests or affinities can develop into real avocations.

[haha]

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Originally Posted by Martha I heard a speaker on public radio yesterday (don't know who he was) who said that "fun" for young people has displaced "interests." Fun takes no work, and is immediate gratification. Interests are developed over time, may take some effort but with effort comes rewards, and interests or affinities can develop into real avocations.

This does not seem true to me. Watch the young guys in a skate park. They are awesome athletes, and it took years to get those skills. Many young people play an instrument very well, also a demanding path. And how about martial arts? Snowboarding and ski-ing, etc. ?

I'm sure there are lazy kids around, but not most of the ones I see.

Ha

[Nords]

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Originally Posted by Martha I heard a speaker on public radio yesterday (don't know who he was) who said that "fun" for young people has displaced "interests." Fun takes no work, and is immediate gratification.

Thank goodness we weren't like that when we were growing up!

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Originally Posted by HaHa This does not seem true to me. Watch the young guys in a skate park. They are awesome athletes, and it took years to get those skills. Many young people play an instrument very well, also a demanding path. And how about martial arts? Snowboarding and ski-ing, etc. ? I'm sure there are lazy kids around, but not most of the ones I see.

I think it's a function of how involved the parents are (or can be). If a kid sees a parent come home and collapse on the couch in exhaustion for an evening of asocial TV, that's one example. If a kid sees a parent come home (still exhausted) to have the kid help take care of dinner & chores while the parents keep an eye on school, homework, and their teen's life, then that's a different example.

Of course if a parent comes home to yell at the kid and make them cook dinner, that's a completely different example.

But that's only my biased perspective. We just spent two weeks being hostages to the science project from hell. Now that it's been turned in (in spec and on time) the kid is about to find out about payback hell...

[Billy]

Cute Fuzzy Bunny

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I made a lot of my own luck and in many cases, made it better. .. When i did the right thing, treated people well, didnt take the easy way out, and worked as hard as I could...things went well.

Donheff

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I volunteer teaching basic computing skills to immigrants twice a week. Some of these people are amazing - smart, hard working, etc. But very few of them will have the opportunities that seemed to fall into my bag. It isn't all due to what we choose.

These comments made me think a little. I come from immigrant stock myself: both sides of the family. I got the 'hard work' ethic and self reliance talks as well as some difficult 'old country' ethnic obstructions that I had to overcome. Mine was a pretty mixed bag.

One thing I worked on continuously and conscientiously was my attitude, thanks to my parents. Nothing was ever guaranteed for me, and I agree with CFBunny in that in many cases, I made my own luck better.

When things 'fell into place' it was because I had cleared the pathway for it to do so. Something about opportunity and being prepared at the same time. Or at least I had a willingness to give it a go.

I have known lots of people who have had better opportunities and connections, more money, better looks, the right last name and address, but have lost this advantage due to a sour or entitlement attitude.

Like I said, these comments made me think a little.

Be well,
Akaisha
Author, The Adventurer's Guide to Early Retirement

[cute fuzzy bunny]

A smart guy I used to work with often said "Some people make things happen...some people let things happen TO them."

[SteveR]

Interesting thread.

My experience has been similar in many ways. Family is happy for me but also know what I went though to get where I am today. I don't get any resentment except from my oldest son and that is a very long story. I do see jealousy from friends and especially co-workers (most of them are in their mid 30's). I don't rub it in but I am not ashamed of it either. I have done a lot of jobs that many of these kids would turn their noses up to. I have sought and accepted positions working for a@@holes that they cannot imagine. I have lived in some not so nice places and took some jobs just because I thought it would help my 10 years down the road.

I have also had luck....some good and some bad. I am still alive (came close to not being so a few times) my health is not so bad. My financial situation is the result of my good and bad luck as well as my willingness to suck it up and do a lot of things most people outside this board would not consider. I made some good investments and I lost my shirt on others. I believe my success is as much due to perseverance as it is to anything else.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Winners never quit, Quitters never win... yada, yada, yada. :

[OkieTexan]

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Originally Posted by Billy I have known lots of people who have had better opportunities and connections, more money, better looks, the right last name and address, but have lost this advantage due to a sour or entitlement attitude. Like I said, these comments made me think a little.

Certainly 'ENVY' was included in the list of seven deadly sins for a worthy reason. In the short time I have been enjoying ER, envy has changed several 'friendships' into something else. Maybe it is tragic. Maybe it is good riddance. Time will tell.

I never discuss personal finances with anyone where I reveal my net worth etc. Fortunately, I have some trusted friends and family members I can talk to. But most of my friends and associates have no need or desire to know. I don't want to be a braggart. PRIDE is also on that list!

I, too, have heard the "hard work" ethic all my life. I practiced it well for 35 yrs. Having reached my goal of early retirement, it still amazes me that people imply that I am lazy, worthless, or somehow not carrying "my share" of the load because I don't report to a job every day. It seems to be deeply ingrained in a lot of folks just like racial, gender, or other biases people pass on from one generation to another. Phrases like "I'm retarded" (translated retired) reflect some who are willing to accept some of this burden of guilt produced by others' envy.

Like Akaisha, I have to work on my attitude!

[Empty Pockets]

From the great General Stillwell "Don't let the bastards grind you down".