DW leaving job 3 years early....what to do?

[pb4uski]

Yes, it is a problem. A great example is the other day, she had a doctor's appointment and there was a comment that she was away from her desk for 2 hours. They are implying that she must not be working very hard if she isn't online continuously during the day, which is complete nonsense. Adults should be allowed to manage their own time. The whole situation with her employer is a really long story. But, point is, I agree 100% with her decision to leave.

You said that she is in sales.... how are her sales?... I'm surprised that they are not focused on that. Is she paid by the hour or salary or based on sales (eats what she kills)?

If the latter and she wants to quit, she might tell them that she is planning to leave and why but that she might consider staying with certain changes... they may think that some concessions are better than nothing... if she decided to leave I can't see how it would hurt.

 

[Aerides]

I was virtual the last couple of years of my career. For a while I had a VP whose attitude was "i don't care where you are, or when you are, i care that the job is done well and leave you to do it".

Then I got a new boss. He had alerts set on all his staff when we logged on or off of our companies IM/Email (ie, if you were online or away). He would make little snide comments if someone had to step away or come in late or leave early for whatever reason. Being untrusted after working hard for decades doesn't feel good. Results should be almost all that matters.

I'd say to your wife, she doesn't have to decide now, but it sounds like she'll make up her own mind either way.

 

[timo2]

Fast forward to yesterday. Her j*b has really been a toxic environment for a while now. But, it pays decent, she works from home and that provides flexibility to handle household and DD duties while I was travelling 1 to 2 weeks per month. Recently, things have gotten so bad that her company has been tracking the amount of time that she (and all other salespeople) is actually on her computer or away. I told her, at this stage in her career if she can't be trusted to get things done on her own schedule (which she does) that she needs to get out of there. So, yesterday she put in her notice.

that same thing happened to us. DW left her toxic job early after she saw the ER plan. She made less, I made more. So I changed my plans and worked longer until the math worked out again. It was worth it because DW was starting to get depressed and burned out.

 

[trumpeting_angel]

I reached an age (late 40s? 50s?) when having someone track my work or whereabouts was intolerable. I'm a psychologist who has worked in institutions, jails, courts, and private practice. After 30-40 years in the field I was, while cooperative and easy to get along with, not interested in meeting stupid requirements. If I were in sales and was meeting or exceeding the $$ goals, I wouldn't want anyone to bother me about being away from the computer.


It depends, of course, on your spending, but $3M should provide a long, prosperous retirement. One key is structuring your taxes and expenses once you retire. These techniques are finally being recognized as extremely important, and a new generation of planners ("retirement income" specialists) are focused on them.

 

[Music Lover]

In 6 years, the $150k-$200K could grow to be $300k. Also, failed to mention that we will lose 3 years of her 401k contributions, so add in another $50k, plus any growth in that. On a $3 million portfolio, $300kish is 10% of the total. That's not a small chunk and could change the decision to FIRE.

A 4% WD rate from $3 million is $10,000 a month. From $2.7 million it's $9,000 a month. I see very little difference between $10k a month and $9k a month.

 

[Walt34]

<snip>.... if a great job offer comes along and she wants to do it, then go for it... otherwise she can chill for a few months, recharge her batteries and if she decides that she wants to work she can look for a job.

This is huge. After we moved to WV and DW's father began needing more and more assistance to the point that it almost became a full time job for her in itself, she told me several times that one of the best gifts that I had ever given her was the free time to do that and not have to think about holding down a job at the same time.

OP's situation is different, but the core issue at play here is placing her welfare first, way above whatever money OP's wife could bring in. So at least from this perspective, as long as he makes it clear that he's okay with her decision, and that her welfare comes first, then (as I know from experience) that's the best outcome for both of you.

Bottom line: I'm far better off with a happy and relaxed, albeit unemployed, wife than I am with a stressed-out but employed wife. And she's better off too.

 

[marko]

Depends on his spending. Seriously, I've personally seen a friend blow through twice that amount.
.

With a 3 million portfolio I seriously doubt he will ever be saying do you want fries with that.

 

[MarieIG]

One of my friends worked at a company where they monitored key stokes on the computer. (She found out by accident.) At my job, the support staff all need to log in and out on their computers, so I don't think it is that unusual - although with sales, I have to wonder who would really care.

Anyhow, this sounds more like an emotional question/decision than a financial one. Otherwise, why ask after she gave notice and not before? Typically, when finances are the main concern, one finds a new job before leaving the old.

You obviously make enough money to be the sole provider, but the question is, will you become resentful working longer so that your younger wife can stay home?

In any event, she's already given notice. My thoughts, give it six months and see how you both feel about the situation.

 

[brett]

Why not let her make the decision? No doubt she is intelligent enough to make the right decisions for her current and future career. My guess is that she is a pretty smart lady who can figure this out on her own.

No one on the forum can judge the impact of her work situation on her health. Maybe she needs to get off the treadmill.

This seems very straightforward to me.

 

[Badger]

My wife came home one day 8 years ago and announced she was going to retire in a month. I respected her decision and without hesitation said "Good for you. Now you are ready to play tennis every day if you like." Our combined income was much less than $100k/yr but we had been putting almost half of that away for years so our lifestyle wouldn't change. I followed her into retirement the next year and we have been having a great retirement ever since pretty much living on our SS and a couple of small pensions with a few dollars from dividends. Still have been able to travel to Scotland, Iceland, Greece, France, Italy, Belgium, the Netherlands, and a couple of cruises. We look for good deals and travel mostly on off season and generally not the summer. Still watching the budget and keeping the same lifestyle but having fun. The kids will benefit from the retirement savings. It is all doable but it just depends of your expectations of how much income is needed to have a good time.



Cheers!

 

[joeea]

I see very little difference between $10k a month and $9k a month.

The difference is $1k per month.

 

[brokrken]

An alternative to working more for her would be to look at optimizing expenses instead, living the same or better life only at a lower cost. A $5K reduction in expenses a year X 30 years = $150K. With not working and more free time, we were able to reduce expenses like our energy and water bills, spend less for healthier groceries, find ways to go out more often for less, get free travel and gift cards from credit card hacks, drop the landline for Ooma, get cheaper cell phone plans, lower the cable bill, etc. The combined savings really added up, especially with the annual savings multiplied by 30 or 40 years. And we don't have to pay taxes on the money we saved, unlike taxable income, so $1 saved is worth more than a $1 earned.

For sure, we will do this! +1

 

[brokrken]

You said that she is in sales.... how are her sales?... I'm surprised that they are not focused on that. Is she paid by the hour or salary or based on sales (eats what she kills)?

She gets a salary, but the bulk of her pay is commission. This is part of what the situation so frustrating. Her numbers are really good. But, the company, as a whole is struggling so the owners are freaking out and that is translating into the sort of treatment that I mentioned. Again, my wife isn't alone, it's everyone that is getting this. She is likely one of the few in a position to take action.

 

[pb4uski]

In that case she can sit down with them and tell them to back off or she'll be gone and that 100% of Mrs. brokrken is better than 0% of Mrs. brokrken since her numbers are good..... since she can live with them agreeing and also live with them showing her the door there is nothing but upside.

Who knows.... either way it may make the employer more cognizant that employees don't like being micro-managed.

 

[kgtest]

She gets a salary, but the bulk of her pay is commission. This is part of what the situation so frustrating. Her numbers are really good. But, the company, as a whole is struggling so the owners are freaking out and that is translating into the sort of treatment that I mentioned. Again, my wife isn't alone, it's everyone that is getting this. She is likely one of the few in a position to take action.

My current employer is struggling so i feel your pain. Things were sooo good a few years ago, then leadership changed and it's been a mess. Thinking micro mgmt will increase productivity is a thieves game. People function better with balance in their lives, now yes do you need to deliver on commitments that are reasonable...absolutely.

Tough to navigate sometimes. DW works from home but is not micro managed so we enjoy that flexibility a LOT! There are good days and bad days no matter what...pace and attitude are the few things you can control.

 

[brokrken]

It was worth it because DW was starting to get depressed and burned out.

+1 This is where I'm at. Same thing is happening to DW.

Anyway, she has a call this afternoon with the CEO, so we'll see if he's able to talk her off the ledge, or even tries to.

 

[ponyboy]

Your wife should have looked for a new job when she already had a job. That was a mistake.

Also, tracking time on a computer, or for anyone who works from home and their IM software has to stay active, so it looks like your always on your machine. There are programs that will always keep your computer awake, or your IM software from going inactive. If you do not have the ability to install software, open ms word, click anywhere in the blank document, take a roll of pennies and lay them on the space bar. Walk away and you wont have to worry about your status going inactive. You can thank me later. Get external speakers, turn your volume to max when you're not on your machine, that way when someone IM's you or you get an email, you'll hear the alert.

 

[brokrken]

Your wife should have looked for a new job when she already had a job. That was a mistake.

Also, tracking time on a computer, or for anyone who works from home and their IM software has to stay active, so it looks like your always on your machine. There are programs that will always keep your computer awake, or your IM software from going inactive. If you do not have the ability to install software, open ms word, click anywhere in the blank document, take a roll of pennies and lay them on the space bar. Walk away and you wont have to worry about your status going inactive. You can thank me later. Get external speakers, turn your volume to max when you're not on your machine, that way when someone IM's you or you get an email, you'll hear the alert.

Sorry, but I'll respectfully disagree with the first comment. Life is too short to be miserable at work, even if that means leaving before you get a new job. That being said, you must be in a financial position to do so, and thankfully, we are. She has marketable skills and if she wants to work again finding a new job will not be an issue. Recruiters already are contacting her on weekly basis.

On your second point, if I had to do all of these tricks in order to satisfy my employer that I was doing what I was supposed to, I don't want to be there. Again, life is too short. I want to be somewhere that I'm valued and trusted. If I don't deliver, I'm perfectly fine with having that difficult discussion. But, let me do the job you hired me to do, especially at the level we are at.

Just my $0.02. Of course, YMMV on both points depending on your situation.

 

[MichaelB]

Your wife should have looked for a new job when she already had a job. That was a mistake.

Also, tracking time on a computer, or for anyone who works from home and their IM software has to stay active, so it looks like your always on your machine. There are programs that will always keep your computer awake, or your IM software from going inactive. If you do not have the ability to install software, open ms word, click anywhere in the blank document, take a roll of pennies and lay them on the space bar. Walk away and you wont have to worry about your status going inactive. You can thank me later. Get external speakers, turn your volume to max when you're not on your machine, that way when someone IM's you or you get an email, you'll hear the alert.

All she needs is a time machine and a compromised ethical attitude about work.

Anyway, she has a call this afternoon with the CEO, so we'll see if he's able to talk her off the ledge, or even tries to.

I side with Walt and others that getting away from a stressful situation can have a positive outcome despite the financial impact. Best of luck to her when she meets with the CEO.

 

[pb4uski]

.... On your second point, if I had to do all of these tricks in order to satisfy my employer that I was doing what I was supposed to, I don't want to be there. Again, life is too short. I want to be somewhere that I'm valued and trusted. If I don't deliver, I'm perfectly fine with having that difficult discussion. But, let me do the job you hired me to do, especially at the level we are at.

Just my $0.02. Of course, YMMV on both points depending on your situation.

+1 It reminds me of a manager who reported to me one time coming into my office and asking if she could take a couple hours off in the afternoon to attend a school play at her son's school. I told her yes right away but also said that she knew what had to be done and when the deadlines were and as long as the work got done well on or before deadlines I didn't much care if she did it at 2 in the afternoon or 2 in the morning.... and that she was a good performer and I trusted her to not let the rest of the team down by missing a deadline or producing shoddy work product.

 

[Jerry1]

What I would suggest is that your DW "casually" look for a new and better job for a few months (or more).... if a great job offer comes along and she wants to do it, then go for it... otherwise she can chill for a few months, recharge her batteries and if she decides that she wants to work she can look for a job.

42 or 47 is pretty young to retire, particularly if she wants to work.

This is the path I would encourage. Maybe she has some ideas about her own gig. Bottom line is that I would look for something rewarding first and if it has money attached to it all the better.

 

[SpinDoctorTX]

Hi brokrken- Your wife is where I was 3 years ago.

"She is dead set on finding a new gig, but only because she doesn't want to derail our plans, which I really appreciate. But, she doesn't really want to work and this would be a great gift to her..."

My DH had been telling me to retire for 3 years before I finally did. I was being shifted to a less that desirable corp offshoot, so to preserve my early retirement benes from main co- pension & 50/50 healthcare- I set a retire date and got the heck out of dodge.

We have had a wonderful 3 years together- busy both together and with others, and have been together to deal with unexpected ongoing health concerns. I prob lost 400 k by leaving megacorp, but being retired has brought pure joy to me- every single day.

I did a half-hearted look into contract work after I left. As expected, nobody wanted to pay going rate for my skill set- at least not for someone my age. I wasn't gonna work for free.

Fun facts. My hair got less gray right away and a LOT less gray over the total 3 years. Stress will mess you up. I've also lost 10 lbs due to increased activity as a housewife. I loved having a housekeeper, but I pretty much like being a housewife now. AND even with both of us fighting diseases we are in and look to be in really good health. We have taken 3 trips to hike over the past year. We are going to the Grand Canyon & environs soon. We can be there for each other with anything else taking back seat.

If you're able to jointly pull the trigger, I'm thinking you'll have no regrets. It would be a great gift for her, and I know this b/c my Groom did it for me.

I gave 3 months notice per co policy, and I'd advise doing less than that if she can. Mine was a matter of locking in a menu of benes in writing. I was a Sr. Analyst but given no assignments to speak of so I was a lame duck. My new manager was really mad that I put in my notice just a month after she started, so things didn't go all that well with us.

 

[pb4uski]

...Fun facts. My hair got less gray right away and a LOT less gray over the total 3 years. Stress will mess you up. ...

DBIL just retired on July 1 and I was talking with DSis the other day and she said that his COPD is much less severe now that he is retired... in fact, almost non-existant... she thinks that the stress of work was a big cause of his COPD.

 

[SpinDoctorTX]

DBIL just retired on July 1 and I was talking with DSis the other day and she said that his COPD is much less severe now that he is retired... in fact, almost non-existant... she thinks that the stress of work was a big cause of his COPD.

We've both had the same experience with our health... I had High BP, chol, & the added bonus of migraines. Now, I'm off of meds for the first two, and have hardly any migraines except for weather related ones or unusual stressors.

You just cannot put a price on happiness.

 

[meleana]

I retired 3 years early (at age 62) after new management came in and the same issue- toxic environment, age discrimination, harassment- you name it. They forced some of us out. It;s been a year now and hubby has been on a salary cap for years and is retiring the end of this year at age 65 1/2.


We made it work and hopefully we will be ok going forward.


Worse comes to worse your wife can always get another job somewhere or working from home.