Explaining ER to people and looked down

ExFlyBoy5 said:
A lot of parents just can't stop being parents. My DW's Mom is like that. As an example, we were visiting them for dinner a few weeks ago and the subject of spending money on house repairs/etc. came up. Instead of actually LISTENING to what we were talking about, she immediately asked, "Do you need some money? I can help you!" We have been crystal clear that was are A-OK financially yet it falls on deaf ears. It is what it is.
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Take the money and tell her you put it into Bitcoin. She probably won't offer again.:dance:
 
chassis said:
ER is viewed by some as unproductive. To be fair, what will you do with your time and energy to make the world a better place? Serious question. Wasting away in Margaritaville is not a good way to live. How will you be productive to yourself and others, beyond "enjoying" life?

ER is not understood by many. It can also be a trigger for jealousy.

ER is a legitimate option for all people. It is not a practical option for all people.

What will you do with your time and energy when ER?
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I think this is being very judgmental. Why should it matter to her and to anyone else if she is being productive- in someone else’s estimation?

Why does she have to do anything to make the world a better place? I’m sure in her own way she has.

For myself- I felt working in health care service positions my entire life until I retired at 62 that that was my service to humanity. Now retired I’m not interested in volunteering or any of that. I help out my neighbors if they need it- even if it’s just a small thing. I participate in some litter cleanups once in a while. Try to be kind to people.

But I feel now is the time for me and my husband. We’re home bodies and just living day to day life with some outdoor activities, hobbies and entertainment and socializing thrown in here and there is enough.

True- we did not retire early really but even if we did we’d probably be the same. Maybe travel a bit more. That’s it.

If we want to do nothing we do nothing.
 
Explaining ER to people

I was retired, bought out, fired (take your pick) in 2000 at age 59. My reply to people asking why was that I am unemployed and just too lazy to go back to work.

Most of my friends and peers were quick to let me know they would do the same thing if financially able.

My original plan was to retire at 55. Family planning interfered (Three kids in College at the same time).
 
Just Smile

I’ve been through the same thing with family and some friends. The more you are secure in your decision making, the easier it is to brush off other people’s opinions.

There is nothing to explain and nothing to justify. You make the best decision you can for you and your family. Mom ( along with everyone else) gets to do the same. Mom can have her opinions about your life and it’s ok to just let her be wrong. My stock answer in those situations is....thanks for your concern, but we’re happy with this decision.
.
 
Parental visits are a good reason to have a cocktail. Sure Ma, sounds great!
 
We expect to ready to be retired in 5 years (fingers crossed), not super FIRE, but by age 60.

In a casual conversation with my dad, who is now 78, he stated that his dad (Irish immigrant, a carpet layer with 7 kids) worked to the day he died & that this is his plan as well. Although he’s not working at a traditional job, he is still hustling hard at his age!

My response was......well, dad, I’ll be sitting on the porch with an umbrella drink watching you! Haha! This led to a light conversation where I actually shared a very small insight into just a fraction of the $$ we had set aside at the time. My dad’s eyebrows went up, he shut up, and hasn’t gone down that road with us since!!

Moral of the story?? I don’t know.....maybe just that our parents want us to be happy & secure & able to enjoy life?? I don’t know.....
 
You post really resonated with my hubby and me!

Except for a couple of things (that my hubby and I were both teachers, for 51 years and 41 years respectively, and that we retired later than you (we retired together, hubby at age 74 and me at age 64)), you have described us, too!

We do volunteer at the Food Bank once a week, but it is strictly by choice - we feel no pressure to be there, which is probably why we like being there.


These parts of your post are especially how we view retirement:

"But I feel now is the time for me and my husband. (Italics mine.) We’re home bodies and just living day to day life with some outdoor activities, hobbies and entertainment and socializing thrown in here and there is enough."

And "If we want to do nothing we do nothing."
 
FWIW, I had been RE'd for about a year and, in a moment of insanity walked into my favorite small wine boutique and asked the owner if I might work a few hours a week "to keep busy".

He looked at me and said: "What are you....crazy?! You're doing what everyone else wishes they could do! Get out of here and go to the beach"

I bought a nice bottle of Cab and went to the beach.
 
Interesting. When I was in college I had dorm mates who said they would never get married until they had a job and could support a wife. The idea of their wife working reflected poorly on them. I was completely the opposite. When I married it was going to be these case that we both worked. On top of that we chose not to have children. We were fortunate in our careers and I retired at 55. Fortunately, I was never that close to the rest of my family. They had no influence on my life and work choices however they seemed to be proud of my modest success. When it came time to ER I consulted my wife but not my family. I was never concerned about what they thought. I think they knew I would go my own way.
 
ivinsfan said:
Were the words "get off your butt" actually used? Turn about is fair play because you said they had "no identity besides working". So apparently there is a lot of judging in your family.
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Tell the naysayers just what this person said, that they have "no identity besides through their work", and then tell them that you have better things to do other than wasting your life away at some dumb 9-5 job!

[Mod Edit]

If you want to do something worthwhile, teach little kids how to read and write. THAT, would be good for the world. It's also a lot of fun!
 
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Sorry, I didn't read past the third post. This thread seems like deja vu all over again. Is this for real? Either OP has a problem with sense of self worth and needs to vent or this whole thing is contrived. I vote for the latter. It seems like I have read this thread before.
 
WWDog said:
Sorry, I didn't read past the third post. This thread seems like deja vu all over again. Is this for real? Either OP has a problem with sense of self worth and needs to vent or this whole thing is contrived. I vote for the latter. It seems like I have read this thread before.
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The OP has only weighed in once since the initial post. Here we are all in a frenzy posting our responses and suggestions and the OP seems to have moved on.

The OP also has a history of starting threads and never following up with a second response.
 
audreyh1 said:
they can’t imagine a traditional breadwinner leaving money on the table.
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I feel this about DW and myself - we're earning more than we ever have, and it feels dumb to walk away...but it's not about the money, it's about those grains of sand slipping through the hourglass!
 
I'm going to give your mother the benefit of a doubt, despite her harsh words. I think she's jealous that you've had opportunities she didn't and feels you're throwing them away. I think she's also truly concerned about your future because you're financially dependent on someone who may not always be there (divorce or death). Agree with others to make sure that you're financially set even if something were to happen to your husband or marriage. If so, you can just tell her thanks for your concern, but I'm all set for the future.
 
street said:
I think in general, any way in my area and culture. People relate ER people as lazy, a quitter, content with just having enough to get by, type of people. I think they may feel sorry for ER people, because of not really understanding why they ER.

I look back as a younger person and couldn't beleive so & so retired from such a great job. I thought to myself, that I would be more successful then that person in life because I'm working, getting a pay check and they aren't.

I didn't at the time realize the real meaning of ER. I do know thou!! Lol
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Funny you mention that. Even though I'm not retired yet; I work at home thanks to covid. I'm right at 61 and my DW made mention that I've become lazy. This is what it's going to look like when I actually am retired. I politely reminded her that I've worked since I was 13 and most always worked two jobs to make ends meet. I take care of all the repairs on our vehicles, home repairs as well.
To the OP, it's no one's business except you and your husband's as to whether you should work or not. I'm quit sure you are intelligent and know by your income and outgo if you need to work.
 
Why on earth is it any other persons business that you are either lazy or industrious in retirement?

And why on earth would some one else's opinion on the this upset or bother you in any way?

Just get on with it and ignore the naysayers, those who are envious, or those who somehow think their values are the ones that everyone else should embrace.

We make a habit of completely ignoring the busybodies.
 
Reading some of these horror stories makes me glad my friends and relatives have always been respectful of our personal life choices. Being an outlier in so many ways (childfree, atheist, retired at 45), they could have my life miserable for not following the so-called "life script." Nobody has ever given me any grief on my decisions which hurt nobody (and, in some ways have indirectly benefited them).
 
scrabbler1 said:
Reading some of these horror stories makes me glad my friends and relatives have always been respectful of our personal life choices. Being an outlier in so many ways (childfree, atheist, retired at 45), they could have my life miserable for not following the so-called "life script." Nobody has ever given me any grief on my decisions which hurt nobody (and, in some ways have indirectly benefited them).
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Childfree? You mean you aren't childLESS? :D:D:D
 
Although neither of my parents would (did) embrace early retirement, I wish they had been around to see me FIRE. They would have embraced my decision and been happy - because I was happy.

I'm sure it's true that even the possibility of ER is a relatively recent phenomenon (for the general population.) It may well be a "thing of the past" in a generation. Who knows? Just because something is new or different to folks shouldn't imply "bad" though I fall into that trap from time to time.:blush: For that reason, I say YMMV.
 
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