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Old 05-06-2021, 08:23 PM   #141
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I ER'd at 58. When asked "What do you do?", I would tell people I was Independently Wealthy, or if I was feeling cheeky, I would tell the, "Whatever the f*ck I want!" Now, at 70, I just say that I'm retired.
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Old 05-06-2021, 09:12 PM   #142
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Originally Posted by skyking1 View Post
looking back at the OP, there is no small amount of concern about her being dependent on her husband's income. That is a genuine concern for many. i imagine her mom has seen wives who have been left in a lurch and have no means or experience to make their own way. Just a thought.

+1. She may not have phrased it diplomatically, but that was my thought as well. She is probably a more "hope for the best but plan for the worst" kind of person. Some stay at home parents do find themselves in a tough spot later in life, with the working spouse becoming disabled, passing away or wanting a divorce. Mom might be worried she would be expected to step in and help out if a situation like that arose, especially with grandkids involved.


We try to MYOB with our adult kids, unless they ask for advice, but I do make sure when they change jobs they get gap health insurance if needed, because if something major happened I don't want to have to choose between one of our kids' medical care and our life savings.
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Old 05-06-2021, 11:15 PM   #143
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I had an acquaintance recently tell me that not everyone can retire like I did. It was a veiled attempt to make me feel guilty for my position in life.
I've heard that one too. Like it's this amazing insight. Of course not everyone can retire like you did. Some people work until they die, & some people never even start careers to retire from. And if everyone retired early, it wouldn't be called retiring *early* it would just be called retiring.
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Old 05-07-2021, 05:13 AM   #144
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Just to add on...my parents were very happy when I retired, more time to spend with them! Dad died last June and along with my sister I was able to help and be with him and Mom a lot.
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Old 05-07-2021, 07:53 AM   #145
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The only person who you should care and be concerned about their opinion is your DH. If the two of you have it firmly in hand that he loves his career and emotionally supports you not having a career and/or work PT, then it is no one else's business how you run your life.

My DW works still and I ER'd at 56 a few years ago. We couldn't be happier (well, until she retires then we'll be really happy).
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Old 05-07-2021, 01:06 PM   #146
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To illustrate my point above, we know a family where the stay at home parent, who didn't work much before kids or after they were in school full-time, passed away, and then the working parent was downsized and never found a comparable paying position. Now the grandmother has spent her retirement time and finances supporting the remaining parent and kids.

I don't know if in this case the grandmother ever gave financial advice to the family before the passing, but in her case it did turn into her business. The remaining parent really depends on her. If the OPs' mother knows a family like this, she may have a legitimate concern. She is different from a nosy neighbor or coworker, as the neighbors and coworkers aren't going to have to spend their retirement time and savings raising the grandkids if the OPs plan don't work out.
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Old 05-07-2021, 01:33 PM   #147
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Fortunately when it comes to family I donít have to explain why I stopped working since I was the last one to stop.

As far as others beyond family, when the topic comes up my response is a very vague, ďI donít work anymoreĒ. That usually causes the conversation to go in a different direction.

Itís really no ones business where our income comes from. Both wife and I worked very hard, made reasonable and responsible financial decisions and now in our mid-fifties no longer work.
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Old 05-07-2021, 04:15 PM   #148
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I am at a loss as to why an early retiree would actually care what someone else had to say about it or what that person's opinion would be.

Why on earth does it matter so much?
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Old 05-07-2021, 04:20 PM   #149
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Originally Posted by daylatedollarshort View Post
To illustrate my point above, we know a family where the stay at home parent, who didn't work much before kids or after they were in school full-time, passed away, and then the working parent was downsized and never found a comparable paying position. Now the grandmother has spent her retirement time and finances supporting the remaining parent and kids.

I don't know if in this case the grandmother ever gave financial advice to the family before the passing, but in her case it did turn into her business. The remaining parent really depends on her. If the OPs' mother knows a family like this, she may have a legitimate concern. She is different from a nosy neighbor or coworker, as the neighbors and coworkers aren't going to have to spend their retirement time and savings raising the grandkids if the OPs plan don't work out.
Thank you! I like hearing the otherside and why I tried to not get upset and just let it go. Nope I wouldn't need to depend on my parents. We've got more than enough to manage. Probably why we overbought on life insurance. When we were younger without much assets I worried about needing time to get back into the workforce. Now that I'm older I worry less about it because we have the assets to fall back on.

Divorce? Who knows. But we also have more assets to split than before and I'd get alimony and child support. Longer we're married more the assets grow. I'd keep the life insurance on him until it's done just in case and that would help.
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Old 05-07-2021, 04:32 PM   #150
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Thank you! I like hearing the otherside and why I tried to not get upset and just let it go. Nope I wouldn't need to depend on my parents. We've got more than enough to manage. Probably why we overbought on life insurance. When we were younger without much assets I worried about needing time to get back into the workforce. Now that I'm older I worry less about it because we have the assets to fall back on.

Divorce? Who knows. But we also have more assets to split than before and I'd get alimony and child support. Longer we're married more the assets grow. I'd keep the life insurance on him until it's done just in case and that would help.

Your mom might feel better if she doesn't already know about your plans in case of disability, death, divorce, stock market drop, downsizing, etc. Or at least just give her some assurances you've thought these all through and have a plan in place for one (or more) of these to happen. We do have members here who ended up caring for adult children or grandchildren so it does happen.
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Old 05-18-2021, 04:31 PM   #151
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I told my parents about my plan to retire in the next 5-7 years (I just turned 51) and they poo poo'd the idea. They are in their early to mid 70's and still work part time even though they don't need the money. Their careers give them purpose and their identify so it is hard for them to let go and can't understand just calling it quits. They basically do their jobs for free at this point because they enjoy it.

However, neither of them had a corporate job like me. They live in a smaller community where people know them by what they do. My town is full of similar corporate stiffs like me. There is no prestige to it. It's just a job and while I am fortunate to work with great people, I would really prefer to not be beholden to answering e-mails all day. There is no way I would do this job for free.

Some people just won't get it.
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Old 05-19-2021, 07:33 AM   #152
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anothrcog,

you should congratulate your parents, tell then I m happy for them because they're doing what they want to do. Then let them know that you want to do what you want to do is retire in 5-7... And do it.

My folks were life long union workers with a steady pension and benefits and they couldn't wrap their heads around my changing jobs (this was years ago). It took some explaining, but eventually they just had to deal with it.
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Old 05-19-2021, 09:17 AM   #153
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I told my parents about my plan to retire in the next 5-7 years (I just turned 51) and they poo poo'd the idea. They are in their early to mid 70's and still work part time even though they don't need the money. Their careers give them purpose and their identify so it is hard for them to let go and can't understand just calling it quits. They basically do their jobs for free at this point because they enjoy it.

However, neither of them had a corporate job like me. They live in a smaller community where people know them by what they do. My town is full of similar corporate stiffs like me. There is no prestige to it. It's just a job and while I am fortunate to work with great people, I would really prefer to not be beholden to answering e-mails all day. There is no way I would do this job for free.

Some people just won't get it.
I'm going to suggest that your parents probably are working at a job that allows them some control of their time, and gives them a lot of the personal rewards people enjoy in life along with a paycheck. My father was like that. If he wanted to meet Joe for a long lunch on Tuesday, he could usually work it out. Golf late Friday afternoon? He could usually find a way to squeeze that in.

My work experiences were the opposite. Mon-Fri 7:30-5:00 (and often later) were owned by the employers. And often the employer laid claim to my weekend, holiday and even vacation time. Not so good.
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Old 05-19-2021, 10:59 AM   #154
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I was hanging out with my dad a few weeks ago and we got to discussing investments. He was really proud that him and my stepmom have finally reached $1 million in retirement savings (He is 72 now and retired at 55). They have always lived beneath their means and have worked hard to grow their investments. I'm really happy for them and it's great to see their hard work payoff.

He also knows that I have been working hard to become FIRE for awhile now. So once he told me his number, I let him know that I was ~$900K in investments and over a million with my home. I could see that he was very happy for me and proud as well. I told him I wanted to beat his retirement age by a few years. So far, I'm on track!!
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