Financial "Success/Secrets" you only share with strangers but not families/friends

[Sojourner]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HawaiiShrimp It's so sad we can't even talk about it openly and get socially accepted without worrying about envy, jealousy, anger, or resentment. Even in an anonymous Internet forum.

True, but if you think about it, this kind of "brag shunning" (for lack of a better term) applies to more than just money. I think most people would feel some combination of envy, resentment, and belittlement if a friend or relative came up to them and said how they'd had some really good luck in the romance department and had slept with 10 incredibly gorgeous lovers in the past year. Any statement of extreme good fortune in areas that people tend to use for comparison to others (money, sex, career, etc.) is going to arouse a primal emotional response: "Why him and not me?!? That's not fair, I deserve it more than he does!"

[HawaiiShrimp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sojourner True, but if you think about it, this kind of "brag shunning" (for lack of a better term) applies to more than just money. I think most people would feel some combination of envy, resentment, and belittlement if a friend or relative came up to them and said how they'd had some really good luck in the romance department and had slept with 10 incredibly gorgeous lovers in the past year. Any statement of extreme good fortune in areas that people tend to use for comparison to others (money, sex, career, etc.) is going to arouse a primal emotional response: "Why him and not me?!? That's not fair, I deserve it more than he does!"

It seems to me that's one of the reasons why "the less fortunate" folks are staying where they are. They don't want to hear it, to learn & improve, they resent, they steer "the successful" folks away from sharing how they get there so their feelings won't get hurt.

As a result of all that, the so-called "successful" ones get more successful because the marketplace remains with limited competitors out there while "the less fortunate" folks remain where they are being envious and angry. The cycle continues.

[Time2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Souschef Yes it is for a couple. Actually to stretch it, if you are a couple gifting to a couple, it is 4 times. W1 to W2 H1 to W2 W1 to H2 H1 to H2

I think you can gift a whole lot more, you just need to fill out a form, which my buddy says is ridiculously difficult and seems kinda backwards. I haven't done it, but I believe him. He gifted about $250K for his son to buy a house, his son is lucky, if the market had dropped earlier he might have had second thoughts.

https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f709.pdf

[Souschef]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Time2 I think you can gift a whole lot more, you just need to fill out a form, which my buddy says is ridiculously difficult and seems kinda backwards. I haven't done it, but I believe him. He gifted about $250K for his son to buy a house, his son is lucky, if the market had dropped earlier he might have had second thoughts. https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f709.pdf

That is funny, because that is the amount I gave my son to buy a house. I then adjusted the beneficiaries on my accounts to reflect that.
I did fill out the form, and it is a PITA,

[wrigley]

You just "showed off" to all of us!

Mike

[luckydude]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HawaiiShrimp It seems to me that's one of the reasons why "the less fortunate" folks are staying where they are. They don't want to hear it, to learn & improve, they resent, they steer "the successful" folks away from sharing how they get there so their feelings won't get hurt. As a result of all that, the so-called "successful" ones get more successful because the marketplace remains with limited competitors out there while "the less fortunate" folks remain where they are being envious and angry. The cycle continues.

I agree with your basic premise that talking about one's success is a taboo subject in our society and SOME people can get resentful or jealous when others talk about their success.

However, your statement above comes across as bit presumptuous because the statement implies that everyone measures "success" in terms of money. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Maybe people don't want to hear it because they are happy with what they have and with their lives. They don't care if other people have more than they do, and they don't care about learning other people's secret to success financially. Maybe some people are content because they have "enough". Maybe some people measure "success" in terms of having a happy family, friendship, volunteering in the community, charity, etc. etc. So many factors motivate how people live their lives and money is simply one aspect, but surely it isn't the ONLY one.

Just because some people have less money and don't care to learn about other people's financial success doesn't make them "less fortunate". Some of most fortunate, happiest folks I know aren't wealthy, but they have loving families, great friends, jobs their enjoy and hobbies they love. They genuinely love and enjoy their life. I really think these folks are the true fortunate ones because they are content with what they have. They don't seek more because they have enough.

[HawaiiShrimp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luckydude I agree with your basic premise that talking about one's success is a taboo subject in our society and SOME people can get resentful or jealous when others talk about their success. However, your statement above comes across as bit presumptuous because the statement implies that everyone measures "success" in terms of money. Nothing can be further from the truth. Maybe people don't want to hear it because they are happy with what they have and with their lives. They don't care if other people have more than they do, and they don't care about learning other people's secret to success financially. Maybe some people are content because they have "enough". Maybe some people measure "success" in terms of having a happy family, friendship, volunteering in the community, charity, etc. etc. So many factors motivate how people live their lives and money is simply one aspect, but surely it isn't the ONLY one. Just because some people have less money and don't care to learn about other people's financial success doesn't make them "less fortunate". Some of most fortunate, happiest folks I know aren't wealthy, but they have loving families, great friends, jobs their enjoy and hobbies they love. They genuinely love and enjoy their life. I really think these folks are the true fortunate ones because they are content with what they have. They don't seek more because they have enough.

That's why I said "that's one of the reasons". I think I covered my b_tt right there (i.e, being political correct). See, it seems to be so important nowadays to speak P.C. all the time, every time, everywhere. Cover all the basis, otherwise, people call you out on it. How tiring.

[HawaiiShrimp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wrigley You just "showed off" to all of us! Mike

Sure. Everything is a "show off".

[Gumby]

I don't really care how much or how little money (or other assets) people possess. I am much more interested in what they can do, are doing or have done. The latter leads to far more interesting conversations.

[Calico]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luckydude I agree with your basic premise that talking about one's success is a taboo subject in our society and SOME people can get resentful or jealous when others talk about their success. However, your statement above comes across as bit presumptuous because the statement implies that everyone measures "success" in terms of money. Nothing can be further from the truth. Maybe people don't want to hear it because they are happy with what they have and with their lives. They don't care if other people have more than they do, and they don't care about learning other people's secret to success financially. Maybe some people are content because they have "enough". Maybe some people measure "success" in terms of having a happy family, friendship, volunteering in the community, charity, etc. etc. So many factors motivate how people live their lives and money is simply one aspect, but surely it isn't the ONLY one. Just because some people have less money and don't care to learn about other people's financial success doesn't make them "less fortunate". Some of most fortunate, happiest folks I know aren't wealthy, but they have loving families, great friends, jobs their enjoy and hobbies they love. They genuinely love and enjoy their life. I really think these folks are the true fortunate ones because they are content with what they have. They don't seek more because they have enough.

+1000

[brett]

We have no gift tax.

Over the past year we have passed on $285K to our daughter and husband for business purposes and real estate opportunities.

This is not even making a dent in our equity but we are not about to mention that.

We do not want to become a well so to speak at this point in time.

When we feel the time is right we will start transferring wealth to our children. Until then we keep our finances between us and our investment advisor.

[luckydude]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HawaiiShrimp That's why I said "that's one of the reasons". I think I covered my b_tt right there (i.e, being political correct). See, it seems to be so important nowadays to speak P.C. all the time, every time, everywhere. Cover all the basis, otherwise, people call you out on it. How tiring.

I was very lucky to be born into a wealthy family and I know many wealthy family members and friends, both self-made and inherited. DW and I are also very lucky to have amassed a good-sized portfolio over the years.

One of the traits I've observed from my circle of wealthy relatives and friends is that many of them are very humble. They don't flaunt their wealth, and only discuss it or dispense advice if others ask. They treat people they meet in all walks of life with respect, no matter how much $ these people have, and they don't presume to think that they are better or have advice to give just because they have more $.

Be respectful of others and be humble and thankful. These are lessons I'm still trying to take to heart and be mindful of as I climb the wealth ladder, and hopefully I can impart these to my kids.

[TOOLMAN]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWizard Actually, I think that watch costs more than that poor simpleton's entire net worth!

10% of US households have a negative net worth.

[HawaiiShrimp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luckydude I was very lucky to be born into a wealthy family and I know many wealthy family members and friends, both self-made and inherited. DW and I are also very lucky to have amassed a good-sized portfolio over the years. One of the traits I've observed from my circle of wealthy relatives and friends is that many of them are very humble. They don't flaunt their wealth, and only discuss it or dispense advice if others ask. They treat people they meet in all walks of life with respect, no matter how much $ these people have, and they don't presume to think that they are better or have advice to give just because they have more $. Be respectful of others and be humble and thankful. These are lessons I'm still trying to take to heart and be mindful of as I climb the wealth ladder, and hopefully I can impart these to my kids.

I respect every sentence you said right there.

[Letj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luckydude I agree with your basic premise that talking about one's success is a taboo subject in our society and SOME people can get resentful or jealous when others talk about their success. However, your statement above comes across as bit presumptuous because the statement implies that everyone measures "success" in terms of money. Nothing can be further from the truth. Maybe people don't want to hear it because they are happy with what they have and with their lives. They don't care if other people have more than they do, and they don't care about learning other people's secret to success financially. Maybe some people are content because they have "enough". Maybe some people measure "success" in terms of having a happy family, friendship, volunteering in the community, charity, etc. etc. So many factors motivate how people live their lives and money is simply one aspect, but surely it isn't the ONLY one. Just because some people have less money and don't care to learn about other people's financial success doesn't make them "less fortunate". Some of most fortunate, happiest folks I know aren't wealthy, but they have loving families, great friends, jobs their enjoy and hobbies they love. They genuinely love and enjoy their life. I really think these folks are the true fortunate ones because they are content with what they have. They don't seek more because they have enough.

Very true and very well said. You just described me. I have more money than I will ever spend. I live a happy, way under my means life and get way more enjoyment out of my friends and hobbies than I will ever get from a bigger house, private plane, etc. I do love to travel and I spoil my children with trips abroad. However, there really isn’t much more that I would want materially out of this life. I assume I am this way because I grew up with frugal parents who lived a simple and contented life so my desires and wants aren’t grand. I am grateful for that upbringing because I find so much joy without needing the bells and whistles.

Most people I associate with know what I did for a living and know I have some real estate interests but I will never divulge my net worth to anyone because I grew up with the idea that this was bad taste and doing so would cause envy. My estate planning attorney asked me about it and I was reluctant to give a number. Some days I wonder what’s the point of accumulating so much more that we need.

[travelover]

If I made four million dollars last year, I'd brag about it. Just not to anyone I know.

[Souschef]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letj bells and whistles. . Some days I wonder what’s the point of accumulating so much more that we need.

On the whole, I agree with you. BUT there may be the "black swan" event that can eat into your savings.
For example, my dad left my mom comfortable, but she lived to 102! In her last years she had 24/7 caregivers, which ate into her funds. At the end, my sis and I had to help her.

[Markola]

Mr. Money Mustache said something that stuck with me. Imagine him, someone who managed with his wife to save $600,000 and built his own paid off house before he was 30, with the intention of being free from work to focus on raising their son.

Man, talk about culling oneself from the herd of one’s peer set and standing out. Furthermore, he chronicled it all in a very public and successful blog, making himself wealthy in his 30s and even more odd.

His comment was, essentially, “In choosing to retire early, you are doing something very unconventional compared to virtually everyone else you know. That presents a difficult challenge, so the way to handle it is to build up one’s mental toughness. You have to build a unique strength, like it’s a muscle.”


A related saying that’s important for FIRE people and anyone else with a goal, not that we have to be obnoxious about it, is:

“To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”

[Freedom56]

I think most friends and family members are smart enough to understand that anyone retiring early and travelling around the world whenever they feel like it, possess some financial acumen.

[finnski1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover If I made four million dollars last year, I'd brag about it. Just not to anyone I know.

Yeah but you 'd have to tell them about the 5 million you've lost this year.