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08-15-2017, 08:26 PM
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#1
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North
Posts: 4,043
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Fun math for divorce
someone *very close to me finally settled a 2+ yr divorce.
-SHE finally get's her 2nd divorce finalized!
-Her lawyer gets $35k
-His lawyer gets $55k
-He gets $70k settlement to pay for back taxes he shorted while married
-He gets the house
-She gets no back child support nor future child support
-They sell one mutually owned property to split any gain/loss which goes straight to the lawyers
-She paid off his $10k vehicle loan, and dropped $50k into equity on his "other" property she had no name on, while HE cheated on her and Uncle Sam while MIL babysat.
-3 kids under 12 get years of counseling and psych bills
-Match.com gets the $100 enrollment fee from both of them
Were married 9yrs, if that 'aint true love, I don't know what is. 
And they say the gal's always make out in court. This is definition of taken to the cleaner for a blue-collar family. Complete travesty especially for the children caught in the middle. 12 yr old went from straight A accelerated courses to expulsion. 5yr old is in counseling weekly. Make sure you marry someone truthful or honest, or prepared to have your world flipped.
__________________
Time > $$$ ~ 100% equities ~ FIRE @2031
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08-15-2017, 08:34 PM
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#2
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Conroe, Texas
Posts: 18,731
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Somehow, I can relate to all of that. Long story, not worth telling here, or anywhere.
The kids always lose. 
__________________
*********Go Yankees!*********
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08-15-2017, 08:44 PM
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#3
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 609
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I got divorced from 9 year marriage but kept things as amicable as possible. Am still friendly with ex and kids are doing way better than when we were married. Divorce itself doesn't ruin things IMO...it's that the lawyers try to get everyone to only see the bad in the other and forget the good.
__________________
Saved 8 figures by my mid-40's as a professional bubble-spotter. Beware...the Fed creates bubble after bubble after bubble.
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08-15-2017, 09:01 PM
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#4
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Williston, FL
Posts: 3,925
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Half the marriages end in divorce, the other half in death... Neither a good option...
Stay single, stay alive.
__________________
FIRE no later than 7/5/2016 at 56 (done), securing '16 401K match (done), getting '15 401K match (done), LTI Bonus (done), Perf bonus (done), maxing out 401K (done), picking up 1,000 hours to get another year of pension (done), July 1st benefits (vacation day, healthcare) (done), July 4th holiday. 0 days left. (done) OFFICIALLY RETIRED 7/5/2016!!
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08-15-2017, 11:35 PM
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#5
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,934
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 Quote:
Originally Posted by kgtest
Make sure you marry someone truthful or honest
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Everyone marries someone truthful and honest. It's what happens afterwards that ruins us.
__________________
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know.
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08-16-2017, 05:00 AM
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#6
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 9,343
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My lawyer fees were considerably cheaper. I paid my lawyer $0.00 in fees. Just by chance my soon to be Ex's dad was a lawyer. He liked us both so handled both sides for free....Always pays to be nice!
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08-16-2017, 05:18 AM
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#7
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 7,373
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Senator
Half the marriages end in divorce, the other half in death... Neither a good option...
Stay single, stay alive.
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So young and yet so cynical! I've had both endings- would marry second DH all over again even though he died in our bedroom. First marriage produced DS and, as a much later result, my wonderful grandchildren.
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08-16-2017, 05:45 AM
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#8
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 9,958
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Senator
Half the marriages end in divorce, the other half in death... Neither a good option...
Stay single, stay alive.
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A witty comment, but I have a news flash for you....even single people have a date with the Grimm Reaper... 
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08-16-2017, 07:08 AM
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#9
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Williston, FL
Posts: 3,925
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My calendar is already booked that day. I am not accepting any invites from anyone with a long scythe. 
__________________
FIRE no later than 7/5/2016 at 56 (done), securing '16 401K match (done), getting '15 401K match (done), LTI Bonus (done), Perf bonus (done), maxing out 401K (done), picking up 1,000 hours to get another year of pension (done), July 1st benefits (vacation day, healthcare) (done), July 4th holiday. 0 days left. (done) OFFICIALLY RETIRED 7/5/2016!!
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08-16-2017, 07:13 AM
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#10
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,695
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HER lawyer got $35k? For what, making her poor and bailing HIM out?
__________________
Retired in late 2008 at age 45. Cashed in company stock, bought a lot of shares in a big bond fund and am living nicely off its dividends. IRA, SS, and a pension await me at age 60 and later. No kids, no debts.
"I want my money working for me instead of me working for my money!"
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08-16-2017, 07:19 AM
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#11
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 7,373
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I agree- women don't always win. My lawyer warned me that some (mostly male) judges, sick of seeing men taken to the cleaners, are just waiting to do the same to a woman with means. Fortunately she held off my STBX's request for temporary alimony (which she said could morph into permanent). It was a real threat- I knew two other female actuaries paying alimony to ex-husbands.
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08-16-2017, 07:28 AM
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#12
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Bonita (San Diego)
Posts: 1,795
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Yeah, I mean 100% of single folks die. Seems like better odds when married!
Wait, once someone gets divorced, that means their only option is to die, unless they re-marry, in which case they could divorce again. In an infinite cycle of divorce and remarriage, can someone mathematically defeat death?
Eureka?
__________________
"So we beat to our own drummer in the sun;
We ask for nobody's permission to run.
I just wanna live in a world like that;
Now I'm gonna live in a world like that!" - World Like That, O.A.R.
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08-16-2017, 07:33 AM
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#13
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Williston, FL
Posts: 3,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53
I agree- women don't always win. My lawyer warned me that some (mostly male) judges, sick of seeing men taken to the cleaners, are just waiting to do the same to a woman with means. Fortunately she held off my STBX's request for temporary alimony (which she said could morph into permanent). It was a real threat- I knew two other female actuaries paying alimony to ex-husbands.
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My uncle used to say 'My ex-wife made me a millionaire. I used to have two million, now I only have one..." 
Quote:
Originally Posted by nash031
Wait, once someone gets divorced, that means their only option is to die, unless they re-marry, in which case they could divorce again. In an infinite cycle of divorce and remarriage, can someone mathematically defeat death?
Eureka?
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Maybe after too many divorces, you wish you were dead?
__________________
FIRE no later than 7/5/2016 at 56 (done), securing '16 401K match (done), getting '15 401K match (done), LTI Bonus (done), Perf bonus (done), maxing out 401K (done), picking up 1,000 hours to get another year of pension (done), July 1st benefits (vacation day, healthcare) (done), July 4th holiday. 0 days left. (done) OFFICIALLY RETIRED 7/5/2016!!
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08-16-2017, 08:00 AM
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#14
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Les Bois
Posts: 5,761
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that's why I don't plan on getting divorced
__________________
You can't be a retirement plan actuary without a retirement plan, otherwise you lose all credibility...
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08-16-2017, 08:01 AM
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#15
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Leeward Oahu
Posts: 17,915
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nash031
Yeah, I mean 100% of single folks die. Seems like better odds when married!
Wait, once someone gets divorced, that means their only option is to die, unless they re-marry, in which case they could divorce again. In an infinite cycle of divorce and remarriage, can someone mathematically defeat death?
Eureka?
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This makes me think of my alternate tag line: If the gators don't get you, the skeeters will. YMMV
__________________
Ko'olau's Law -
Anything which can be used can be misused. Anything which can be misused will be.
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08-16-2017, 08:20 AM
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#16
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ex-Cali
Posts: 1,245
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That's why we work hard on our marriage. Do what we can to try and avoid it! Stuff happens but I am hopeful of a long and healthy marriage. Have heard way too many horror stories.
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______________________
The plan was September 1, 2022 and I am 95% there. Still working a few hours a week at the real job.
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Wounds heal but scars remain
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08-16-2017, 08:49 AM
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#17
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: The Shire
Posts: 1,504
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Wounds heal but scars remain
A lot of threads on this forum involve money issues, but I suspect most of us believe that happiness > money.
Both of my brothers have been divorced for many years. Each divorce progressed amicably since there weren't a lot of assets to fight over. But amicable isn't the same as painless. Neither brother has ever recovered emotionally; they are both recluses, which they had not been before marrying.
I've watched other divorces where there were significant matrimonial goods and chattels. Mutual bitterness, stoked by third-party counselors, reached shocking levels. I can only speculate how much more painful those breakups were.
To all those here who have suffered through similar events, I hope you find peace sooner than later. 
__________________
Paying it forward is the best investment.
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08-16-2017, 08:54 AM
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#18
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 17,263
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And there is no reason go fuss with a matching site for that date! 
__________________
Comparison is the thief of joy
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
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08-16-2017, 09:10 AM
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#19
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 17,263
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mdlerth
But amicable isn't the same as painless. Neither brother has ever recovered emotionally; they are both recluses, which they had not been before marrying.
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I was fortunate in the my ex - whatever her other failings - realized that if we both fought it out in court, our lawyers would take a big chunk of our assets and we would be net losers. We gave a $1000 deposit to a lawyer who helped to mediate the divorce and guide us through the legal process. It went so well we ended getting over $250 back (which we split of course).
Yes, the scars remain. They get a bit painful, especially on the children's and now the grand children's birthdays and other such special events.
I have to remind myself not to burden women in my life by trying to make them carry my ex-wife's baggage. I had a previous lady friend who saddled me with her ex-husband's baggage (emotionally cold, selfish, some narcissism) and I believe it affected her attitude towards me and short-circuited what could have been a great love affair between us.
The best advice I have ever received about dealing with the emotional issues brought on by divorce is still this:
Living Well Is the Best Revenge. 
Corollary: Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
__________________
Comparison is the thief of joy
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
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08-16-2017, 09:13 AM
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#20
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Pacific latitude 20/49
Posts: 7,677
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Lawyers and judges are not to be relied on for life-changing issues. While there are many good ones, remember the Bell Curve.
__________________
For the fun of it...Keith
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