Geriatric financial management & asset allocations

[Huston55]

My condolences & some words from someone more eloquent than me...

—-
Father to a Son, poem by Jose Murguia

these tears of joy,
are for the first time that i saw you
my beautiful baby boy,
i never thought this love i would find,
for what i feel for you is so deep inside,
when i see your face i see mine,
when i look into your eyes i can see the sun shine,
no matter how hard times may get,
just remember that i’m here for you don’t ever forget,
for you are my heart my strength my all,
when ever you need me just give me a call,
for i will always be here for you until the end,
because i’m more than just a father i’m also your friend.

Copyright ©2009 Jose Murguia
—-

 

[kcowan]

Deepest condolences, Nords. I know that it is very final when it eventually happens. I appreciate you sharing your journey with us here.

 

[Walt34]

Condolences. I know from my own experience that even when you know it's going to happen that doesn't make it hurt any less.

 

[W2R]

Nords, I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's not easy. Your father gave you a wonderful gift when he suggested you could retire at such a young age.

 

[Nords]

Thanks, everyone. It's a shock and a relief at the same time.

We're just working through the process.

Your father gave you a wonderful gift when he suggested you could retire at such a young age.

It was an easy gift for me to accept, too! I'm very glad that I had the time to help him take care of things.

 

[Sue J]

Nords, I am sorry for your loss. I went back and read all the earlier posts. It’s been a long haul. You did a good job for him all these years. I appreciated the detail of your posts about Medicare, POAs and taking over his affairs when my Dad moved to assisted living and then to hospice before passing in 2016.

 

[ejman]

Thank you for posting the details of this very difficult road. I'm very sorry for your loss but both of you did well.

 

[ncbill]

Condolences,

and your father's words are why I encouraged both my kids to go military (career if possible)

one's already signed their contract (in for the next 7 years)

the other one's busy applying to undergrad (civilian & military), plus ROTC scholarship applications for the civilian schools.

 

[Free To Canoe]

Nords,

I am sorry for your loss.

Mark

 

[HawkeyeNFO]

Sorry to hear about your dad, Nords. At least you didn't have a job competing with him for your time and attention.

 

[kaudrey]

Nords,


I am so sorry. I lost my uncle to Alzheimer's last year, and I fully understand the "shock but relief" feelings.


kaudrey

 

[friar1610]

Nords,

Let me add my condolences to the many you have received.

Friar

 

[pb4uski]

I'm sorry for your loss Nords.... a nice tribute to your Dad... I miss my Dad every day.

 

[audreyh1]

Thanks, everyone. It's a shock and a relief at the same time.

We're just working through the process.


It was an easy gift for me to accept, too! I'm very glad that I had the time to help him take care of things.

I figured it was.

I know how hard you worked to take care of your Dad and advocate on his behalf. And I really appreciate the sharing you've done over the years with us giving details about some of those battles.

I'm sure you are very glad now that you had time and the ability to help him.

It's great that he was your inspiration for RE. I'm not sure I had picked up on that detail before.

 

[brewer12345]

Condolences, Nords.

 

[1-31-18]

Condolences. You are a good son.

 

[Brat]

Condolences. You treasured him as your parent, seen to his care when he needed your help. You can now rest because you have given him your best.

 

[Nords]

You can now rest because you have given him your best.

Thanks, Brat-- the last two weeks have been a little better every day, and everything has gone well with my Dad's remains and the tsunami of paperwork.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

Just heard. Sad to hear it. You did well.

 

[Eagle43]

Condolences Nords. My mom passed a few years ago of the same disease. It's not easy to watch the disease take away a lifetime of memories.

 

[Nords]

Thanks, everyone.

 

[Amethyst]

Nords, I felt that your Dad was very courageous in how he tried to manage his disease, all alone, for years before it got so bad he had to accept help. He obviously raised a couple of brave boys too.

 

[Nords]

Nords, I felt that your Dad was very courageous in how he tried to manage his disease, all alone, for years before it got so bad he had to accept help.

Thank you.

Admittedly I have a conflicted perspective about that courage.

He was already living a reclusive life (one step away from hermit) and absolutely afflicted (for his entire life) with Tough Guy syndrome. Asking for help would have been his last resort even at the peak of his cognition. When cognitive decline sets in and it's tough to think through an issue, the default answer is "No".

That's why he wouldn't accept help, and that's why we were advised to wait him out, and that's why he lived independently for over two years after he noticed his declining cognition. It took a lot of courage to persevere through that, yet he lacked the cognition to figure out a better way to live... even though it was as simple as paying for services to help with cleaning, laundry, and cooking. He had more than enough assets to handle the expense, but cognitive decline kept him from analyzing that too.

The event which put him in the hospital was being unable to remember that he'd had his afternoon drink. Alcohol has a much stronger effect on elderly drinkers (because the liver's a lot slower to metabolize it) and dementia prevents forming memories of how much they've had to drink. Prolonged malnutrition led to a perforated ulcer, and the trauma surgeon told us that Dad's peritoneal cavity was awash in alcohol. While Dad was in the ICU we also noticed a number of other minor (healing) bruises, scabs, & scars on his body. It could've been from fighting off bears while he was hiking the Rockies, but I suspect it was from injuring himself around his apartment. There's no telling (and no record of) how many close calls he had before he ended up in the ER.

 

[kcowan]

Wow that is very troubling! In support of the general decline, we found MIL with many unexplained bruises while in a full care facility, so I think that is not unique to living alone. We alway questioned the staff and no one could recall how they happened. We are pretty sure she was punished by the staff for being incapable and also mouthy.

 

[W2R]

The event which put him in the hospital was being unable to remember that he'd had his afternoon drink. Alcohol has a much stronger effect on elderly drinkers (because the liver's a lot slower to metabolize it) and dementia prevents forming memories of how much they've had to drink. Prolonged malnutrition led to a perforated ulcer, and the trauma surgeon told us that Dad's peritoneal cavity was awash in alcohol. While Dad was in the ICU we also noticed a number of other minor (healing) bruises, scabs, & scars on his body. It could've been from fighting off bears while he was hiking the Rockies, but I suspect it was from injuring himself around his apartment. There's no telling (and no record of) how many close calls he had before he ended up in the ER.

I am so sorry that your father had such a bad reaction to alcohol in his later years. I am going to use this as a springboard for an anti-drinking post, which many readers may wish to ignore.

Although it has been an accepted part of our culture for as long as I can remember, drinking does seem to become more and more unwise for us as we grow older and older.

I know that most have a different viewpoint on this from me, especially those in "The Greatest Generation" (IMO), but I regard this habit of drinking alcohol as something that is due to cultural reasons.

As for me, I just will not drink any more even if people think I'm a little weird and wonder why I don't. My avoidance of alcohol is not due to religious conviction (I am agnostic and was brought up Presbyterian, and believe me Presbyterians drink). It is also not due to personal alcohol addiction. I never drank a whole lot, although I have a family member who is alcoholic and therefore does not drink any more. Everyone else in my family drinks.