Having money to help the kids

[1242Vintage]

Retired Happy, your son should check into the services offered by Vocational Rehabilitation.

That’s a great comment. My daughter has a significant hearing loss and our States Dept of Rehab helped her with substantial funds and services to help her through Undergrad and Graduate school. They also would have helped with job placement, but she didn’t need that help.

 

[RetiredHappy]

That’s a great comment. My daughter has a significant hearing loss and our States Dept of Rehab helped her with substantial funds and services to help her through Undergrad and Graduate school. They also would have helped with job placement, but she didn’t need that help.

My son already has 2 Bachelor's degree and does not require vocational rehab per se. The biggest hurdle is for employers to be aware of his disability during interviews. He will certainly benefit from job placements but he does not accept help.

 

[EastWest Gal]

He does not have Asperger's. He was first classified as having communication and language development disability, before the days of when Autism Spectrum Disorder was coined.

To be specific, he has auditory processing disorder so he finds it difficult to process and retain what he hears.

His reading comprehension is very good and has high IQ, hence he successfully pursued 2 separate Bachelor degrees to improve his chances for employment. I had spoken to some of these agencies who told me that with his 2 Bachelor degrees, he would be deemed unsuitable for their assistance.

My DS has the same disorder. Correctly diagnosed when a newly graduated speech and language teacher suggested the possibility.

They tried to sit him near the teacher in elementary school. But that was also near the noisy air conditioner which was a distraction. Everything was a difficult for him until 2 things-Sylvan learning program and music. Perfect pitch, amazing rhythm skills, very precise skills in his mind, yet words left him stumped. Marching band and indoor percussion competitions in high school and music performance in college gave him experiences of success. He sought and continued language therapy on his own in college when he still struggled socially. Two bachelors and a masters degree and still not working full time in his field at age 29.

People on this board have called me enabling and worse because he does not interview well. Yes, he doesn’t interview well, but that is finally improving. Interviewing has little to do with actual work skills, at any rate.

It’s hard to explain the challenges with the disorder to those who don’t live with it. I wish you and DS well as you navigate his career journey with him.

 

[EastWest Gal]

BTW, Retired Happy, it sounds like our sons are one and the same. Weird.

 

[RetiredHappy]

BTW, Retired Happy, it sounds like our sons are one and the same. Weird.

Yes, except I envy you that he is holding down a position, although not fully utilized for his skills.

I told him to get any job, as a job is better than no job. He should really be working in Accounting field and even though he had very good grades, he had not been successful getting a job in the field. This week he works at grocery store as a bagger and clean-up. It is going to be humbling for him but he knows he has to work. My heart aches for him.

 

[Teacher Terry]

To those of you with adult kids with disabilities one of the services offered is job placement assistance. Often they have relationships with certain employers that understand disabilities and are willing to hire VR’s clients. They trust the job placement specialist and counselor to match the right client with the job. Sometimes VR offers a financial incentive for the employer that eventually disappears but helps the clients get the job.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

People on this board have called me enabling and worse because he does not interview well. Yes, he doesn’t interview well, but that is finally improving. Interviewing has little to do with actual work skills, at any rate.

It’s hard to explain the challenges with the disorder to those who don’t live with it. I wish you and DS well as you navigate his career journey with him.

Work is overrated and the posters here, ironically, with the most judgy and harshest comments are probably the ones who lack decent social skills themselves. Your son seems like a much more productive member of society as a whole than someone in a senior manager role in what Robert Schiller calls "rent seeking" fields, like companies who in effect put a chain across a river then charge people to pass through. They don't add in value to society as a whole. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rent-seeking). If I remember right, he is educated, does volunteer and part-time work. Perhaps that is a better use of ones time than a full-time paid rent seeking, no value added or even destructive to society kind of job.

 

[Joylush]

Work is overrated and the posters here, ironically, with the most judgy and harshest comments are probably the ones who lack decent social skills themselves. Your son seems like a much more productive member of society as a whole than someone in a senior manager role in what Robert Schiller calls "rent seeking" fields, like companies who in effect put a chain across a river then charge people to pass through. They don't add in value to society as a whole. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rent-seeking). If I remember right, he is educated, does volunteer and part-time work. Perhaps that is a better use of ones time than a full-time paid rent seeking, no value added or even destructive to society kind of job.

I don’t think they are the ones who necessarily lack decent social skills but they lack experience as far ask knowing or working with folks who have processing disorders or whose children have these challenges.

Personally I’ve know more enabling, excuse making parents of adult children who have no particular learning challenges than from those who do. Parents of children with learning disabilities or challenges seem more attuned to excuse making and enabling and the last thing they want to do is contribute further to their child’s challenges by doing either.

So just ignore or forgive the critics as they often just lack experience or insight.

 

[RetiredHappy]

I got to say one of the best things that I did for my son was to buy him a home. For the first time, I think he understood the value of money and what being independent was like. He learned what it took to run a home, home security, utilities and HOA fees. He was shocked by the size of the property tax bill and called me when he received the first bill. If I die tomorrow, I know that financially he be fine with the money from my estate. He does not eat well living alone and that is one area that I wish he still lives with me to eat better.

 

[tryan]

I co-signed on my older sons college loans so he could get a lower rate. In the process of cosigning on a ri-fi of the same loan. I want both kids to "have skin in the game" of thier college expences. But not get hosed by high rates.

 

[Joylush]

I co-signed on my older sons college loans so he could get a lower rate. In the process of cosigning on a ri-fi of the same loan. I want both kids to "have skin in the game" of thier college expences. But not get hosed by high rates.

Personally I believe skin in the game is critical. I’d never buy my kid a house but I would assist with a down payment to get a better loan or offer a low/no-interest loan secured by the property to help replace a big ticket item.

In the case of a student loan (mine didn’t have any as we paid for their college so that was a big plus for them already) I would not co-sign for anything but I would contribute to paying down the balance so they would experience savings that way. I just would never want to be on the hook to pay for them in full by being a co-signer.

Then again I’m very cautious as to who I help. I tend to help those who don’t need help over those who do. I tend to reward the financially responsible and never want to enable the less financially responsible because I don’t believe in protecting my children from the consequences of their decisions. I witness first hand in my extended family how that does not work out well.

 

[brett]

We anticipate providing substantial help to both children at some point. Whether it be for business investment, homes, or retirement funds.

But...we are holding off in large part until we feel the time is right. For them, not for us.

We have made provisions to significantly contribute or cover our grandchildren's post secondary education independent of what their parent's financial situation may be when that time arrives.

 

[ncbill]

I co-signed on my older sons college loans so he could get a lower rate. In the process of cosigning on a ri-fi of the same loan. I want both kids to "have skin in the game" of thier college expences. But not get hosed by high rates.

I made the kids apply for every scholarship under the sun, & Uncle Sam delivered the best offer.

Plus they get to go to work for him for at least a few years after graduation in return for covering their tuition & fees.

I did pay their other expenses during that time.