Help me spend money

[FIREd_2015]

Wife and I have lived a fairly frugal life. Have always saved maximum for retirement. Well, we are there and now with pension, SS, dividends, company stock, and multiple IRAs and 401k’s. I am overwhelmed with the nest egg and how to spend it. I feel stuck in this frugality mindset and can’t seem to spend more. I know it is a silly problem but for me it is real. Anyone else have this issue or ideas?

I feel your pain. It's been a slow and gradual process for me. I still hate to waste money and I will still fight if I feel like I'm been taken (see my colonoscopy post). The number one consideration before was cost now it's combination of cost, convenience and comfort. For example, for my trip to South America I found the cheapest ticket I could find (approx. $1000) bought a standby upgrade to business class for another $1000 plus 50k points. (I still won't pay full price for a business class ticket.) When I was looking at Antarctica trips there was a 10 day option for about $7k and a 20 day option that also went to the Falklands and South Georgia for $13k. I realized I'm probably not going to come back and do this again so it made sense to go with the longer trip especially if money wasn't a consideration. I'm also now staying at nicer accommodations when traveling. Don't get me wrong, I still like getting a deal and free stuff. I will still jump through hoops for free stuff like airline points, free TurboTax, etc. That may change over time though.

 

[ckelly78z]

Wife and I have lived a fairly frugal life. Have always saved maximum for retirement. Well, we are there and now with pension, SS, dividends, company stock, and multiple IRAs and 401k’s. I am overwhelmed with the nest egg and how to spend it. I feel stuck in this frugality mindset and can’t seem to spend more. I know it is a silly problem but for me it is real. Anyone else have this issue or ideas?

There was no mention of children in any of your posts, they are a wonderful cause to spread the wealth to. Do you have nieces/nephews who could use a helping hand ?

 

[Dawg52]

Find some worthwhile charities and make donations to them. I've started to do more of that. And just live it up more. Better restaurants. Join a nice country club if your into that. Lots of ways but it is hard to change if you have been extremely frugal over the years.

 

[MrsHaloFIRE]

things I have spent money on and loved: tickets to see shows! new car from the showroom with every bell and whistle- so much easier to drive, comfortable to ride in, safer. I don't compromise on safety anymore. Organic fruits/vegetables/milk and good bread. Fewer but nicer meals out. BEtter groceries to dine in.

 

[latexman]

I am overwhelmed with the nest egg and how to spend it. Anyone else have this issue or ideas?

There's a Nigerian Prince somewhere that needs to use some of that nest egg . . . for a while.

 

[brett]

My spouse has inherited millions of dollars from long lost relatives in Nigeria. She has had at least three emails over the past several years outlining these windfalls. One was not from a distant relative but rather from someone else who left her money because she is such a wonderful person.

She was afraid to follow up on these for fear of the sudden wealth changing her personality.

In a similar vein we have turned down countless free cruises and trips. We prefer that they go to those less fortunate than ourselves.

 

[ER Eddie]

I've been frugal all my life and "struggled" to spend more in retirement, too. It's not just frugality, though, it's really a philosophy of life, simplicity. Keeping things small, simple, and uncluttered, so I can focus on what I really enjoy and care about.

I'm different, in that I don't seem to want or care about most of what normal people do -- you know, kids, family, nice houses, travel, busy social calendar, nice cars, lots of stuff, plenty of entertainment. I get my joy from simple things like reading, taking walks, going to the park and walking my dog, fiddling on the internet, hanging out in the backyard, playing a game, reflecting, or just relaxing. None of these things cost any money.

So despite my desires to spend more, I'm only moderately successful. I can't really change who I am at this point, nor do I want to. Buying stuff just doesn't bring me much happiness, generally speaking.

Now, there have been a few exceptions. I "bought" a dog. I bought a bike. I spend pretty freely on good food. I bought some better patio furniture. I bought a shitload of books. I buy gourmet food for my backyard squirrels and birds, lol. All of those things made me happier or more content. If there's something I want, and I think it'll genuinely bring me long-term happiness/contentment, I'll buy it. I don't deprive myself. But I've only been moderately successful in increasing my spending so far, even though I know I should. I yam who I yam.

 

[Eucerin]

Not sure about OP's age, interest and physical strength but in general, if you retired and not sure how to spend money, why not try the cruise.

Cruise provide all the meals that you need, read in the library if you prefer, activities if you want to be with people, exercise in the GYM, watch a play in the theater.....plenty to fit what you need.

 

[Eucerin]

My spouse has inherited millions of dollars from long lost relatives in Nigeria. She has had at least three emails over the past several years outlining these windfalls. One was not from a distant relative but rather from someone else who left her money because she is such a wonderful person.

She was afraid to follow up on these for fear of the sudden wealth changing her personality.

In a similar vein we have turned down countless free cruises and trips. We prefer that they go to those less fortunate than ourselves.

Believe it or not, less fortunate people take cruises too. The less fortunate people have much COOLer life style than we frugal people. They live day by day and we live year by year.

 

[SecondCor521]

I think the OP probably is aware of all of the things around them on which they could spend money. Most people of their ilk are aware that travel, philanthropy, and hobbies can be expensive. So I doubt that information is particularly helpful. I could be wrong.

I would suggest trying to spend some time and effort figuring out why. I can think of several reasons that are all different and all probably require different actions to address:

1. Fear of running out of money.
2. Fear that others will judge (someone mentioned this upthread).
3. Fear of getting used to a nicer lifestyle and then running out of money.
4. Wanting to avoid wasting money.
5. Lack of ideas of what to do (someone mentioned this upthread in an incredulous post).
6. Contentment with what one has. In this case extra money is sort of a perplexing thing rather than a problem per se, but it can be something that someone feels obliged to address.

For me it's all of the above except not really #3. OP, what are your reasons for being stuck? Sounds like #6 from your most recent post, but there could be additional reasons. If it is #6, then it could just be a mental shift to deciding you don't really need to spend the extra money if you don't want to - i.e., it's not really a problem that needs to be addressed. Unless you'd be bothered by leaving extra money to whomever is in your will.

 

[Hdhead]

1. Fear of running out of money.
2. Fear that others will judge (someone mentioned this upthread).
3. Fear of getting used to a nicer lifestyle and then running out of money.
4. Wanting to avoid wasting money.
5. Lack of ideas of what to do (someone mentioned this upthread in an incredulous post).
6. Contentment with what one has. In this case extra money is sort of a perplexing thing rather than a problem per se, but it can be something that someone feels obliged to address.

For me it's all of the above except not really #3. OP, what are your reasons for being stuck? Sounds like #6 from your most recent post, but there could be additional reasons. If it is #6, then it could just be a mental shift to deciding you don't really need to spend the extra money if you don't want to - i.e., it's not really a problem that needs to be addressed. Unless you'd be bothered by leaving extra money to whomever is in your will.

OP here. Yes I believe you are about right on #6. Don’t have issues with the others except #4. My 2 boys, now 37 and 35 still joke about me always telling them to turn the lights off and don’t let the hot water run constantly while shaving (rules I still live by). It definitely is a mindset that is very hard for me to change. I am 66 wife 65, both just started SS, (oh no more money!). I could easily just maintain and watch the nest egg grow more but that seems pretty dumb. I am really against letting kids inherit, always believe in hard work and earning it yourself, they are doing very well on their own. Free money is evil. We do like cruising have been on many, 2 each year usually, guess we could make that 6. I’m sure as time goes on I will gradually loosen up. Another thing I hate is going out to eat because I love to cook and can outdo all but the best professionals. It really bothers me to spend $100 in a restaurant knowing I could cook it much better for a quarter of the price. Anyway I’m rambling now, thanks to all for the advice which I’m sure will help with my habits moving forward.

 

[RobbieB]

Lot's of people here struggle with your problem. Hehe, I'm not one of them -

I have a whole list of stuff to blow dough on and the list is no where near the end. Wifey wants another trip to Monterrey, I need another boat, the landscaper is working on the front and back yard, the tuition bills are coming and dorm fees.

I also run the water when I shave because i'm in the shower and if I turn the water off I'll get cold.

I worked for it and now I got it and I'm gonna

Blow That Dough!

 

[tb001]

OP here. Yes I believe you are about right on #6. Don’t have issues with the others except #4. My 2 boys, now 37 and 35 still joke about me always telling them to turn the lights off and don’t let the hot water run constantly while shaving (rules I still live by). It definitely is a mindset that is very hard for me to change. I am 66 wife 65, both just started SS, (oh no more money!). I could easily just maintain and watch the nest egg grow more but that seems pretty dumb. I am really against letting kids inherit, always believe in hard work and earning it yourself, they are doing very well on their own. Free money is evil. We do like cruising have been on many, 2 each year usually, guess we could make that 6. I’m sure as time goes on I will gradually loosen up. Another thing I hate is going out to eat because I love to cook and can outdo all but the best professionals. It really bothers me to spend $100 in a restaurant knowing I could cook it much better for a quarter of the price. Anyway I’m rambling now, thanks to all for the advice which I’m sure will help with my habits moving forward.

I think some of your examples of frugality are as much about not being wasteful. I agree—it bothers me to waste resources, whether those resources are money or natural.

I believe Brett mentioned above leaving money to heirs. Hard work and earning it yourself is great, but opportunities are different now. Neither of your children is likely to have a pension or significant SS. These are huge advantages that the current generation of retirees is enjoying that are difficult to replace with hard work alone. We grew up with very little and while I have every intention of spending down the nest egg if we’re in a bad scenario, if we end up in a good scenario I’ll be happy to make life easier for our kids. Though it will likely be held in trust until they’re old enough to appreciate it!

 

[SecondCor521]

OP here. Yes I believe you are about right on #6. Don’t have issues with the others except #4. My 2 boys, now 37 and 35 still joke about me always telling them to turn the lights off and don’t let the hot water run constantly while shaving (rules I still live by). It definitely is a mindset that is very hard for me to change. I am 66 wife 65, both just started SS, (oh no more money!). I could easily just maintain and watch the nest egg grow more but that seems pretty dumb. I am really against letting kids inherit, always believe in hard work and earning it yourself, they are doing very well on their own. Free money is evil. We do like cruising have been on many, 2 each year usually, guess we could make that 6. I’m sure as time goes on I will gradually loosen up. Another thing I hate is going out to eat because I love to cook and can outdo all but the best professionals. It really bothers me to spend $100 in a restaurant knowing I could cook it much better for a quarter of the price. Anyway I’m rambling now, thanks to all for the advice which I’m sure will help with my habits moving forward.

Right. I'm pretty similar.

So don't waste money by spending it on restaurants or letting the kids have it. You have to find what you value - whatever that is - and then spend on that. Maybe 6 cruises is not wasteful, maybe it is. That's up to you.

So spend without wasting, whatever that looks like to you and your spouse.

 

[Scuba]

Remodel your home. That takes care of some big bucks!

 

[ugeauxgirl]

OP, I get what you're saying about leaving money to heirs. We don't mind leaving some, but the amounts the calculators show us leaving are far too much. It was great fun achieving FI and something we are proud of. We don't want to take that away from our kids. So, we just have to spend more. Flying first class sounds great...

 

[wmc1000]

Old habits are hard to break. When my husband and I bought our first house a long time ago, we were on a very tight budget and didn't buy anything (including a $3.00 wastebasket for the bathroom) for a couple of years. Finally, we had a little wiggle room in the budget and I felt frozen by the idea of spending any money. I called a friend who was a big spender and we went shopping together and I bought some new clothes. It helped break the ice and I was able after that to occasionally buy something.

Plus 1 on your comment. I can remember when just before our wedding when my future wife went in to buy some bread and milk while I stayed in the car. A few minutes later she came out in tears because she realized as she was walking up to the register that she had dropped the $20 bill she was going to pay with and couldn't find it in the store. That was the only cash we were carrying that day and it was A LOT OF MONEY at the time. Nowadays, oh well no big deal.

 

[ER Eddie]

I've tackled it by forcing spending at sustainable levels. I've done the endless playing with the FIDO calculator and Firecalc, and come up with a very sustainable spend rate good through age of 95 (could easily stretch since pension and SS are about half). That amount starts the month, forcing us to move money from the investments to the local credit union. At the end of the month what doesn't get spent is moved into "temporary savings" account. Rule is that anything in there must be spent, can't be moved back to "investments."

I appreciate you mentioning that method. It lodged in my head, and I've been pondering it the past couple days. I think I'll give it a try.

I'm still early in retirement, but my natural spending seems to be at around a 2% withdrawal rate. In a sense, that's nice -- it provides a lot of financial and emotional security. But on the other hand, I know that if that spending rate continues, I'll end up winning the booby prize of Dead Guy with Lots of Money in the Bank.

One thing I've noticed is that, even though I'm free to spend much more than I do, I still habitually procrastinate about doing it. For instance, I'd like new windows in my house. I can afford it. But despite that, it's very easy for me to put it off, to say to myself, "Well, but do I really NEED new windows? They're expensive. It'd really add to the budget for this quarter, and I like seeing the spending numbers come in low."

Before I retired, having the spending numbers low meant additional security; it meant I could more easily pull the plug, without worrying. It felt good. I lived a long time like that, so it's automatic at this point.

But now that I've retired, low spending is taking on a different meaning. It's starting to feel as if I'm cheating myself somehow, being overly cautious, and setting myself up to win the booby prize mentioned above.

Anyhow, I'm going to see if I can implement a method similar to the one you describe. Maybe that will help me to spend more.

 

[Tracer]

I can recall my parents who grew up dirt poor and struggling during the Depression. Through a lot of hard work they eventually became quite well off while I was growing up. They however maintained that frugal, stretch the dollar, depression mentality until their dying day. It's a hard habit to break.

Even though I didn't grow up the way they did, I sometimes find myself picking up on some of their habits. I have to look at my financial situation often to remind myself that I am going to be alright.

I think I'll take another trip to Europe.. Yea! Why not?

 

[kgtest]

How many good summers left before you are getting wheeled out to the courtyard in your wheelchair? Or worse pushing up Daisies. Dont wanna be the richest guy in the graveyard.

 

[Rianne]

Or worse pushing up Daisies. Dont wanna be the richest guy in the graveyard.

+1 I recall the story of the lady at Lake Forest (wealthy Chicago suburb) College who lived in a tiny apartment. Bought 2nd hand clothes etc. She went about her life unnoticed, single, no kids. When she passed, left $7M to the college scholarship program. Naaa, I don't think I want to go that route.


https://www.chicagotribune.com/life...lake-forest-donation-0304-20100304-story.html

 

[Retired Expat]

Time to make life easier!

Wife and I have lived a fairly frugal life. Have always saved maximum for retirement. Well, we are there and now with pension, SS, dividends, company stock, and multiple IRAs and 401k’s. I am overwhelmed with the nest egg and how to spend it. I feel stuck in this frugality mindset and can’t seem to spend more. I know it is a silly problem but for me it is real. Anyone else have this issue or ideas?

Changing old habits is hard. I don't see you changing from say a Midsize SUV (if that is what you drive) to the Porsche version for 4-5 times the money.. But start small.

Look around and realize your mattress is probably 20 years old or more. your back and joints have gotten older too. Time for new mattress and maybe new bedroom furniture? Does this apply to other things in the house? new efficient fridge with though the door ice? Super quiet dishwasher so you can actually talk while it is running....

That big flat screen TV and all the streaming services? Find the joy of watching movies at home and maybe a new couch or comfy chairs will be next. How about Echo devices or satellite music at home and in the car. Internet controlled lights and security. See who is at the door with video doorbell. Once you start to get accustomed these small improvements you won't want to go back. I mean do you know anyone who got power windows in their car and then went back to the crank kind.

You don't have to spend a fortune to improve your life. Tell your wife to go get her nails done regularly, join a gym with a spa and get a couple of massages a month. I don't need a bigger house or a pool or a boat, but I want things in my house to work well, and I belong to a gym that has a pool.

Not about BLOWING that dough, just living better. Then if the money is still growing faster than you can spend it, take some fantastic trips, get a nice car, rent a home in the south of france and learn french and how to cook! Or Italy perhaps.

 

[Bamaman]

We've seen that too often people have not lived their dreams or grabbed as much gusto out of life as they should have.

My wife and I have inherited my parents' desire of international travel, and we're spending any future inheritances overseas. My wife did pay for a trip to Spain & France 3 months ago with her daughter, however.

My wife grew up in an apartment with 5 kids in a tiny bedroom (bunkbeds), no television, no telephone, very little food, no car, etc. She's just so thankful to be able to live in her nice home and not to have to share a bed or underwear with anyone.

On a serious note: I am very sensitive to cigarette smoke, and only have had two friends that continue to smoke. Both retired recently, and both had Stage IV lung cancer before they even knew they cancer. Neither lasted very long. Yearly physicals including chest X Rays might have spotted the problem before it because terminal.

 

[TromboneAl]

We're getting better at this. Stay at more expensive hotels. Buy an expensive car.

 

[Mulligan]

I grew up poor and have also amassed a nice nest egg. Sometimes I find myself being too frugal--refusing to spend money on something I really want or need and can easily afford. This has caused some disagreements with DH. Old habits are hard to break. As I have aged one thing I do is think about what will happen to the money I have left when I die. I am sure my beneficiaries will not hesitate to spend, spend, spend. So I ask myself would I rather spend the money on something I need or let my beneficiaries spend it when I am gone. Looking at the issue from that perspective sometimes helps.

I have a good friend who had a very frugal husband. Even though they had plenty of money he did not want her to spend hardly anything. He died a couple of years ago and now my friend is buying all the things her husband would not get her buy, traveling, etc. I often think how much happier my friend and her husband's life would have been if he had not been so very frugal.

Harlee, My dad was the same way being frugal. I told him he needed to spend it because after they died, it would just get split 6 ways and pissed away. He just said, “If you all enjoy spending it half as much as I enjoyed saving it, it will be worth it”. Nothing more to say after that comment as I gave up.