How things have changed!

[gayl]

I was invited to 2 baby showers for nephews this summer. Both wanted me to just send checks. Didn't. Used to be a luncheon at someone's home with games, small gifts (outfit / diapers / or toy), food. And that was only 21 years ago

 

[mountainsoft]

I feel the same way about "registering" for gifts for a wedding or new baby. I guess I'm old school, but having the recipient say "get me this" kind of takes away from the "gift" aspect for me. There's no creativity, no feeling behind the gift, and it's usually stuff I wouldn't have chosen in the first place. Not to mention most registered items tend to be on the expensive side. "We're getting married so buy us this diamond crested gold platter set with matching ruby rimmed glasses." Oh, is that all...

When we got married we got two sets of ugly ceramic plates and we were thrilled to have them. Even though we didn't choose any of the gifts we were were given, we still use many of them today (32 years later). Yeah, some people gave us cash and we appreciated it, but those gifts didn't leave a lasting memory with us. And yes, we received several things we didn't like or had no use for (three toasters), but they still meant a lot to us.

Granted, we were just starting out and didn't really have anything. So any gift was good, even if we didn't like it. They served a purpose until we could afford to get something better later on. These days many couples are older and likely live together so they probably already have everything they need. However, I still don't see that as an excuse to ask for expensive items you've always wanted but couldn't afford on your own.

"Five of the eight linen napkins we registered for. So thoughtful, thank you."

 

[candrew]

I was invited to 2 baby showers for nephews this summer. Both wanted me to just send checks. Didn't. Used to be a luncheon at someone's home with games, small gifts (outfit / diapers / or toy), food. And that was only 21 years ago

I'm puzzled. Were there actual invitations sent for these baby showers, or just a plea for $$?

 

[davebarnes]

What is a check?

 

[97guns]

My mom sent a check to her granddaughter for Christmas a few years back and didn’t get a call or a card or any kind of thank you, the next month she looks at her canceled check and in the memo line was “Thank You” from my niece, how tacky is that?

 

[MatatuPuncher]

I'm relieved when someone just wants cash/check as a gift. It makes things a lot easier. Everyone is drowning in crap nowadays. People mostly want to spend money on a dinner out than get a hideous China set that gets used once a year.

 

[97guns]

I'm relieved when someone just wants cash/check as a gift. It makes things a lot easier. Everyone is drowning in crap nowadays. People mostly want to spend money on a dinner out than get a hideous China set that gets used once a year.

It’s totally not appropriate to tell your guest what to give, if someone tells me to buy them something, or bring something for dinner I’ll give/bring them the opposite. If you show no class towards me your gonna get it right back

 

[joeea]

My mom sent a check to her granddaughter for Christmas a few years back and didn’t get a call or a card or any kind of thank you, the next month she looks at her canceled check and in the memo line was “Thank You” from my niece, how tacky is that?

Yup, that's pretty tacky. Hope Mom learned a lesson there and stopped sending her a check.

 

[97guns]

Yup, that's pretty tacky. Hope Mom learned a lesson there and stopped sending her a check.

Nope, mom is a softy, she gets walked on every year

 

[cooch96]

Gift giving among adults is one of those cultural norms I just find bizarre. It makes sense to give gifts to children or the poor as they cannot buy things themselves. But I have my own money, if there is something I want, I’ll get it. Thus, very nearly 100% of the gifts I receive are things I already own or junk I never wanted.

The relentless materialism of the holidays wears on me. And I feel it cheapens what the festivities should really be about.

I patiently, sometimes bluntly, explain to everyone that if they must get me a gift, make a donation to a charity in my name; it’ll save me a trip to Goodwill. It’s taken about two decades, but now only DF sends regular packages of things I have no use for. DW also gives me gifts regularly, but I think it’s mostly to satisfy her own love of wrapping paper and ribbons.

Rant over. Slightly more on point: I don’t think there is anything much tackier than a young couple asking for a $250 spice rack. I’d rather they just pass a hat around at the wedding labeled “honeymoon” or “student loans” even.

 

[Dtail]

What is a check?

Still write one per month.

 

[Philliefan33]

I feel the same way about "registering" for gifts for a wedding or new baby. I guess I'm old school, but having the recipient say "get me this" kind of takes away from the "gift" aspect for me. There's no creativity, no feeling behind the gift, and it's usually stuff I wouldn't have chosen in the first place. Not to mention most registered items tend to be on the expensive side. "We're getting married so buy us this diamond crested gold platter set with matching ruby rimmed glasses." Oh, is that all...

When we got married we got two sets of ugly ceramic plates and we were thrilled to have them. Even though we didn't choose any of the gifts we were were given, we still use many of them today (32 years later). Yeah, some people gave us cash and we appreciated it, but those gifts didn't leave a lasting memory with us. And yes, we received several things we didn't like or had no use for (three toasters), but they still meant a lot to us.

Granted, we were just starting out and didn't really have anything. So any gift was good, even if we didn't like it. They served a purpose until we could afford to get something better later on. These days many couples are older and likely live together so they probably already have everything they need. However, I still don't see that as an excuse to ask for expensive items you've always wanted but couldn't afford on your own.

"Five of the eight linen napkins we registered for. So thoughtful, thank you."

Interesting. I like it when there is a gift registry. I would much rather give a gift that I know the couple will appreciate, than try to guess what they like. While you appreciated the two sets of ugly ceramic plates that you received, wouldn't it have been nicer to appreciate a set of dishes that you actually enjoyed? Instead of three toasters, wouldn't it have been nicer to get one toaster, a rolling pin, and a blender?

The nieces and nephews have been getting married and having babies over the past seven years. I purchase bridal shower gifts from the registry, we give a check for the wedding. Sometimes the other aunts and I pitch in for one of the large registry items, such as a $300 cookware set. Some items on the registries have been low-cost items such as cooking utensils, which made it possible for my own DD's (at the time, students with relatively little $ to spend on gifts) to find a suitable gift.

My go-to gift for baby showers for family members is a hand-made baby quilt. I've been able to keep up with the demand so far.

 

[VanWinkle]

What is a check?

 

[candrew]

The relentless materialism of the holidays wears on me. And I feel it cheapens what the festivities should really be about.

+1

DW & I worship at The Church Of Stop Shopping.

 

[gayl]

Candrew : they were evite invitations

 

[candrew]

Candrew : they were evite invitations

DS received a similar baby shower evite that was a request for $$. No actual "baby shower" event that one would traditionally expect. Merely a request for a minimum $50 contribution to junior's 529C that Mom & Dad had set-up.

Like you, DS opted out of making a contribution.

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

What is a check?

Like Venmo, but I think you have to use papyrus and a quill pen.

Seriously though, I find registries very convenient, but I still think they shouldn't be distributed with the invitation. If the invitees want to know, they can ask the family or even the inviters if necessary. Including registry information in the invitation is basically begging for (or worse, demanding) gifts, and true gifts are not required in exchange for admission to a party. If you'd rather have a gift from someone instead of having them attend your party, you're not a friend, you're a user. I would always prefer my friends show up and attend our weddings/birthdays/graduations rather than get us anything.

[/rant]

 

[mountainsoft]

Gift giving among adults is one of those cultural norms I just find bizarre... I have my own money, if there is something I want, I’ll get it.

I agree. Birthdays and holidays always stress me out. I know I'm expected to buy them something, even though I know they already have everything they need. I also cringe knowing I'm going to receive a bunch of stuff I didn't really want and have to act appreciative when I get it.

Like you, I would rather just buy the things I want whenever I need them throughout the year. Though honestly at 54 years old there's not much I need anymore.

 

[mountainsoft]

I would much rather give a gift that I know the couple will appreciate, than try to guess what they like. While you appreciated the two sets of ugly ceramic plates that you received, wouldn't it have been nicer to appreciate a set of dishes that you actually enjoyed? Instead of three toasters, wouldn't it have been nicer to get one toaster, a rolling pin, and a blender?

Sure, it would have been nice to receive items we wanted, though to be honest we didn't really know what we needed when we started out. We were young. And I still think the gifts we received were more meaningful because the giver chose them themselves.

For example, we received a small food processor from my sister-in-law. At the time I didn't even know what a food processor was or what I would use it for. I certainly wouldn't have put it on a gift registry. But once we had it we used it a lot and still enjoy it to this day.

And yes, we got a really nice marble rolling pin. We still enjoy it today, but I didn't know I wanted one when we got married.

Then were items like the mop and broom, laundry baskets, hangers, etc. Simple things I wouldn't have thought to put on a registry, but in our first apartment those simple items were some of our most used gifts. I'm sure the younger me would have chosen some really oddball items for a registry instead of items that we would really use day to day.

It was a different time and a different situation. Today's older couples living together aren't going to want a broom or laundry basket, but we loved them and remember the people that thought enough to give them to us.

 

[JoeWras]

Type of gift aside, isn't part of the problem here no event?

I thought millennials were all about "experiences." There's no experience here. What, they don't want to rub elbows with old people?

To me, that's the main problem here. They just want a text message and some cash. Don't want to actually have to spend time with their relatives.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Gift registries for weddings are normal but ridiculous for baby shower. If there is no actual event then no gift is needed. Just asking for money is tacky. For weddings we give cash but baby showers always a gift I pick out.

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

Type of gift aside, isn't part of the problem here no event?

I thought millennials were all about "experiences." There's no experience here. What, they don't want to rub elbows with old people?

To me, that's the main problem here. They just want a text message and some cash. Don't want to actually have to spend time with their relatives.

It sure seems that way. I hate to say it, but I will anyways. All some people care about is what you can do for them and that's it. They might dress it up a little with a smile if your lucky and a hello along with it. But the bottom line is all some people want is what you have, and that usually means money.

 

[Midpack]

Being asked to send a check in lieu of a gift or baby shower gathering might be rude, but DW hates to go to them so she might be OK with the idea. But I can't think of one that didn't have an actual baby shower gathering and registry, none have just asked for a check.

I think a registry for weddings and baby showers make sense for young couples who are building a household and may not have much. Why risk getting a bunch of gifts you don't need, or worse yet triplicates of a gift you never wanted. It's easier for all concerned if folks have a registry to guide them.

However, I can't imagine asking for a check or a registry for other events like birthdays, Christmas or the like. Those gifts or checks should be chosen by the giver IMO.

 

[Scuba]

I like gift registries and appreciate having suggested gifts I know people will like. For the few adults we exchange gifts with, we ask them for a wish list. Sometimes we get things on the list and sometimes not, just depending on what we find. I’ve asked these people several times if they want to opt out of exchanging but they always say no. I think it’s because we enjoy giving gifts and usually pick out things they like. Plus many enjoy having surprises to unwrap.

 

[Scuba]

However I do think it’s tacky to ask for cash, especially for a baby shower.