How to politely let your elders know you won't support them?

[Bigritchie]

I haven't read through this thread, but I have to point out there's about 10,000 years of tradition in the first view. What do they say it costs to raise a kid, $300k or so? Write your parents a check and you're square.

Uh, you do realize that not all parents are good parents right? You do realize that some parents don't give a S*** about their kids, and would rather shoot up cocaine, cheat on each other, commit suicide, abandon their children, beat/abuse their children, and then first sign of said child having a dollar in their pocket they feel they deserve said dollar because they "raised you".

 

[bongo2]

Yup, long tradition. If they could have sold you to the lord of the manor to work in the coal mines they probably would have. My grandmother got basically that treatment, and that was just a few years ago. I'm sure it's still available if you look. Life aint fair all over - no doubt about it.

 

[FancyBear]

Not a question of whether or not you should contribute to your parents shortfall in retirement. I was glad to be in a position to help my mother and brother. I had only wished it would have been shared with my other brother and sisters who were financially able to contribute, but didn't.

I personally feel that *no one* is obligated to help *anyone* financially unless that person is your own minor child. There is a fine line between "helping" and being an enabler.

It is very noble and generous that you could and were willing to help your family (and felt good about it) but do not project your morals, sense of obligation, guilt, generosity or other feelings onto your sibs.

As for the original poster, if you don't want to suport your elders, just don't. What is the difference if you warned them prior but they still end up needing your help vs. if you do not warn them and they expect your help?

"Warning" them will not change the behavior. If simply "warning" someone worked my parents would have raised the perfect child. You have to be mentally prepared to say no.

I am not agreeing or disagreeing with anyone, but simply saying be true to yourself (don't do something if you will be full of resentment) without forcing your values on others.

 

[Bigritchie]

BTW I am not saying here that I wouldn't feed a starving family member, what I am saying is NO I am not going to buy your new plasma tv or car.

And if you blow all your money on a new car or plasma tv, I think I would make matters worse by paying your bills or feeding you. Parent and child alike have to learn the meaning of responsibility. Maybe after being hungry for a few days their brains would kick in "hmm maybe I shoulda bought food instead of a new tv!"