How to structure unusual will?

[2HOTinPHX]

I would only suggest you make it clear to all parties before you pass (hopefully many, many years from now) of your wishes.
We recently spoke to a person who's spouse made a change to their will taking out the children from a previous marriage and didn't tell anyone but the spouse. Made the spouse promise not to tell anyone till their passing to avoid confrontation. Well the children blamed the surviving spouse for the change and even went to court over the will. They had a good relationship before but are no longer speaking.
It is yours to give as you please and nobody should feel entitled to anything. Unfortunately some do feel that way... So I think it may be wise to let them know your wishes now to minimize the potential for conflicts after you are gone.
Hope you find a solution you are happy with. Sorry to hear about your family issues. I think a lot more of us have them then we let on.
I think it was Dave Ramsey who said every family tree has at least one nut on it. If you don't know who it is.. it's probably you.. LOL. My family tree is loaded with them.. [emoji1645]

 

[Scratchy]

So recently B, who is still on good(ish) terms with A, indicated she would leave a good percentage of whatever she got from us in her will to A's child(ren). (B will probably not have kids).

This does not suit us well. Are there ways to prevent, or substantially prevent, that last intention above from being fulfilled?

Consider asking your attorney about having your Will direct your executor to purchase an annuity for B, with no survivor benefit. This will prevent B from leaving it to anyone, will provide a steady income stream for B and also likely will be well protected from her spouse in the event of divorce.

 

[FLSUnFIRE]

Just something to consider, daughter A may divorce spouse at some point down the line because of how he is. She may benefit from having some inheritance from you if she is on her own. If you are setting up a trust to disburse funds to daughter B, then maybe you can do the same with daughter A, in the event that she may be on her own years down the line.

Based off the additional comments, this could be a good reason to include A. If the primary friction point is A's spouse, knowing there is a financial cushion to support her may allow her to leave the relationship if she "sees the light" sometime in the future. If she is dependent solely on the spouse or risks having to pay substantial amounts herself to provide support to them it could be a big barrier to leaving. Lots of horrible relationships are maintained due to real or perceived financial dependencies/costs. Perhaps if there is a trust created to provide support/income only in the event of divorce /separation it would better align with OP's feelings?

 

[pb4uski]

IMHO the OP has every right to structure the will as he/she sees fit. It’s your money/property. Our will doesn’t leave everything to our entitled rug rats [emoji16] and there’s limits (age and amounts) so that they need to make a living and do something productive with their life before they can benefit from our wealth.

Agreed... but on the second part, can you elaborate on the mechanisms that require them to make a living and do something productive with their life before they can benefit from your wealth?

 

[old medic]

There’s a lot of surmising going on here. I genuinely thought the question, posed as a logical/technical one, would be answered to the point.
I do not want to, nor can I, explain the causes.......It is possible that things could change.....

A good question, and I think you got some good ideas mentioned.
You owe no one any further explanation. But we have a similar situation to face with our Son and Daughter, so I'm taking notes.

A story from us....
DW has a sister that was MIA from the family since a late teen. Ran off and married. MIL was always trying to get things fixed, gifts to her kids and never got any acknowledgment back. When MIL died, she had 1 Grandchild and 3 great Grandchildren she had never met, 2 none of the family even knew about. But MIA Daughter showed up out of the blue, with her hand out, demanding HER share of the inheritance and threatening with a lawyer. MIL wishes was to divide the remains among the under 21 children... there was 3. But MIA added 4 more. After a lot of heated discussion and some hurt feelings they reached an agreement.

I agree with the BTD ideas... you earned it, you enjoy it. Then at the end Leave each daughter a copy of the book " Die With Zero"

 

[38Chevy454]

This is good discussion about how inheritance can have good or bad effects on family. One thing I will agree with is that no family member is deserving of any inheritance. Inheritance is a gift from the deceased. A recipient is not justified simply because of a blood relationship. Although family is something to value when it can be.

 

[OldShooter]

Trusts are really not that difficult to break. Or so it seemed to me when 2 unrelated people I know inherited under them and got them dissolved.

This is a the reason that you have to hire an expert attorney to do the trust. They are not easy. A badly written trust can be broken in court.

 

[jazz4cash]

There’s a lot of surmising going on here.

That was my take as well. In particular I did not sense anger in your posts. We had a similar situation with a sibling and he backed away from his thought of depriving grandchildren due to his feelings toward their parents. He’s done nothing instead so it’s completely unresolved AFAIK.

 

[pacergal]

OP--You may not be on good terms at this time with DD A, but it looks like A and B still are somewhat.
When you are gone, their relationship will still be there. It is entirely possible that their relationship will completely blow apart if A gets nothing and B gets all, plus you make it impossible for her to share, if that is her desire. Is that what you wish for their future relationship?


Many in my family, like so many, have been through addiction issues, mental health issues, abuse issues, alienation issues, painful and decisive divorces. Some have survived and thrived, some have been torn apart and become angry, spiteful folks.
Those that thrived have typically been through family and individual therapy.

Is that an option for your family? Just a thought, no need to answer.

If it is DD A's spouse who is a primary problem, can you set up a trust in some way to at least benefit your grandchildren? Perhaps a college fund or a set amount they inherit at an older age, say 25 or 30, where their parents most likely won't be able to get too? Something like that may ease DD B's mind about DD A not inheriting.

Best wishes to your family. I hope time will heal all.

 

[PlayinwithFIRE]

Wow-this one strikes close to home. Up front let me say to the OP- i hear you and understand the dilemma. I hope you find a good solution.

Our will is setup for equal parts to our children. There is a glaring difference
in financial responsibility and family relations between the first and second kid. Unfortunately, the first kid, he falls on the side of poor financial responsibility and poor family relations.

I am pressing hard to adjust the will to better reflect that. The wife, not so much. I don't know if I would try to force the 2nd child to not help the first financially. He's being ignored by his brother -so i dont think I have to influence that outcome, it will be its own outcome.

The blood relation trump card doesn't mean crap to me. How you treat others does.

One word of caution- this can affect the relationship with your significant other, especially if their view does not align well with your own.

 

[marko]

Agreed... but on the second part, can you elaborate on the mechanisms that require them to make a living and do something productive with their life before they can benefit from your wealth?

Butting in here, but I've seen far too many of my former classmates waste their lives/health waiting for their 'fu' money to come in at age 25, 28 or 32. A few died even before that from 'poor life choices'. A sort of upside down lottery winner's syndrome.

"Making a decent living first" is a common trust strategy to keep junior on the straight and narrow rather than contributing to their delinquency, and very often, an early grave. The delinquency may not be avoidable but the extra cash need not be a contributor.

One of my old acquaintances lives in a $3MM house but even now at 70 years old he is required to 'demonstrate that he is working or building a business' each year to get his payment. He comes up with all kinds of half-hearted business schemes to cover the spirit of the trust; they all fail but at least he's being creative!

 

[ivinsfan]

This is good discussion about how inheritance can have good or bad effects on family. One thing I will agree with is that no family member is deserving of any inheritance. Inheritance is a gift from the deceased. A recipient is not justified simply because of a blood relationship. Although family is something to value when it can be.

I agree on this 100%..but when you are using it to manipulate you have gone too far.



The OP has drawn DD B into this discussion and is trying to control what happens to the money after he is dead and after DD B is dead. It's a control mechanism not a gift.


OP is not yet in his mid 60's so DD A grandkids can't be that old, what could they have possibly done that OP will go out of his way to prevent DD from leaving those kids money AFTER she is dead. Well I guess according to OP they have the wrong father. I wish him the best going forward.

 

[Sunset]

There’s a lot of surmising going on here. I genuinely thought the question, posed as a logical/technical one, would be answered to the point, but sadly, there’s a good bit of assuming to know somebody else’s life details.

....

People here have widely varying opinions on simply answering should inheritance be divided equally... no surprise your question has no simple answer.

I think of this as a feature.

OP - you may want to check your State as in many places, inheritance given to the daughter cannot be claimed by the husband unless the daughter mixes the money with family money... It's a weak defense unless the daughter is strongly independent.

 

[W2R]

Should you give "A" everything and cut "B" out of your will?

I feel like one's kids deserve a substantial chunk in one's will just because taking care of them is a parent's responsibility, like it or not. If you leave all of your estate to one kid, and none to the other, then bitter, evil, terrible lifetime conflicts will be set up for the rest of their lives. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy, much less a child of mine.

If you want to reward the "good kid" and not the "bad kid", then leave the good kid something special but not especially valuable in dollar terms; like, maybe, a pendant that you always wore, or love letters between you and their other parent, or some such thing.

As for the estate, leave 50%-55% to the "good kid" and the rest to the "bad kid". They'll get the message and maybe they'll even understand that you did this because it was the responsible thing to do, not because you approve of their actions.

 

[jazz4cash]

WOW. My obligation to my children ended somewhere between age 18 and getting that undergrad degree, depending on the child’s needs and capabilities. Any financial contributions beyond that are strictly free will including wedding expenses. It’s extremely unlikely I would choose to treat them unequally in a will, but it could happen. Likewise I am hell bent on not being dependent on my children as I age, but who knows how that will play out.

 

[Silver]

This thread is interesting reading. Almost everyday I find another reason to be thankful I never had children.

Just a thought; Perhaps you could split the inheritance in half. One half would go to a charity of your choice, but in the name of daughter A.

The second half would go to daughter B to do with as she chooses.

 

[ivinsfan]

This thread is interesting reading. Almost everyday I find another reason to be thankful I never had children.

Just a thought; Perhaps you could split the inheritance in half. One half would go to a charity of your choice, but in the name of daughter A.

The second half would go to daughter B to do with as she chooses.

Interesting take, yet sometimes it's not the children it's the parents....we all have baggage, imperfect humans that we are.

 

[Gumby]

I often find myself reading threads like this as if I'm reading about a mysterious tribe of people who live in a far land I will never visit. For many generations in my family, it has been every man for himself, and that continues in the generations following mine. You leave home when you are 18 and make your way in the world as best you can. There is no financial support for adult children and nobody has ever inherited anything because everyone has been poor. So far, to my knowledge, I am the only one to have any money.

 

[pb4uski]

I feel like one's kids deserve a substantial chunk in one's will just because taking care of them is a parent's responsibility, like it or not. ...

WOW. My obligation to my children ended somewhere between age 18 and getting that undergrad degree, depending on the child’s needs and capabilities. Any financial contributions beyond that are strictly free will including wedding expenses. It’s extremely unlikely I would choose to treat them unequally in a will, but it could happen. Likewise I am hell bent on not being dependent on my children as I age, but who knows how that will play out.

+1 with jazz4cash... my parental responsibility ended when they became adults... anything they get from here on is just from the goodness of my heart and NOT due to any semblance of obligation or responsibility.

 

[marko]

+1 with jazz4cash... my parental responsibility ended when they became adults... anything they get from here on is just from the goodness of my heart and NOT due to any semblance of obligation or responsibility.

No kids here but +1

Never understood people who delayed an expensive vacation or RE or deprived themselves so that "we can help the kids buy a house".

If there's extra, fine, but to deny yourself over adult children?? To each is own, I suppose.

 

[ivinsfan]

No kids here but +1

Never understood people who delayed an expensive vacation or RE or deprived themselves so that "we can help the kids buy a house".

If there's extra, fine, but to deny yourself over adult children?? To each is own, I suppose.

It's about priorities not necessarily denial

 

[marko]

It's about priorities not necessarily denial

As I noted, in many cases, it is denial.

DW and I have put three nieces and a nephew through college. There was no denial required on our part but we wouldn't have done it if there was.

 

[yakers]

We’ll I like to think about generational wealth since there has been none of that in my family.

 

[ivinsfan]

As I noted, in many cases, it is denial.

DW and I have put three nieces and a nephew through college. There was no denial required on our part but we wouldn't have done it if there was.

That's nice of you to educate those family members. I think we're getting into semantics which get OT. So I'll move on.

 

[Philliefan33]

About ten years ago when my parents were doing estate planning, they told me that they didn’t want to leave anything to my brother and his wife because they would likely waste it. Instead, they wrote their will to skip my generation (which is just me and my brother) and distribute things evenly to their four grandchildren (two are brother’s kids, two are mine).

That was fine with me because 1) it’s their money/their decision and 2) DH and I are doing well, so I don’t begrudge any inheritance going to my daughters. We aren’t talking huge amounts of money, maybe about $100K to each heir at the time. It may be more, or less, by now. DH & I are much better off financially than my brother, and my DD’s are earning much more than their cousins. $100K would certainly help either of my girls at this stage of their life; it would be life-changing for their cousins.

Recently my aunt asked me what I thought of my parents’ plans for their estate. I told her that as I understood, it was going equally to the grandkids. She indicated that was not the case but wouldn’t fill me in. So maybe things have changed. Still not my business. But deep down I know I will be disappointed if the will has changed to give everything to my brother or his kids, and my girls get nothing. (I doubt that’s the case).