If FI, would you keep working for $100k a month?

[bots2019]

Seems crazy to walk away from that kind of money, but like others that's coming from someone who doesn't have the option.

I believe I'd spend the next 12 months working in a Guatemalan slaughterhouse for 100k a month.

Okay, maybe that's going a little too far (or not).

 

[hoping]

Hi everyone. Current situation is that my current job may allow me to move to West Coast and work from there, at least for a while. That would give me some breathing room to sort things out, while still earning far more than I could earn in new position. Has anyone telecommuted or worked from home? Does it get lonely? Thanks!

 

[Rambler]

Good for you! That will help you get that much closer to FIRE, and be with your spouse. I haven't telecommuted, but I think I could do it fine as long as DW or kids were not home. In my case, the "honey-dews" start whenever DW is home.

Good luck!

R

 

[RunningBum]

Hi everyone. Current situation is that my current job may allow me to move to West Coast and work from there, at least for a while. That would give me some breathing room to sort things out, while still earning far more than I could earn in new position. Has anyone telecommuted or worked from home? Does it get lonely? Thanks!

Congrats! I've been telecommuting for over 7 years and love it! It's not for everyone though. I'm basically not the type to get lonely just because I'm alone. I use emails, forums like this, IM, and phone to keep in touch with people. I really like that I don't have the distractions of cubicle land, or even an office where people would still drop by when I'm deep into something and don't want to be bothered. I also like that I can flip on the NCAA tourney or listen to my music or whatever I want as background.

A friend of mine telecommuted and it wasn't for him, because he was more of a social animal. His wife would come home and just want to unwind from her day at the office and he would want to chat about everything. Likewise when the UPS guy would come he would try to start a conversation but those guys are running back to their trucks for the next delivery. I don't think he lasted a year before he came back to the office.

You definitely need the discipline to work while there are plenty of distractions around the house. Besides just goofing off because you have no supervision, I think some people start thinking about their bathroom needing cleaning and not have time to do it after work, and get off on things like that. But I found there were just as many distractions in the office. People would start chatting about last night's game and I'd join in, or about last night's Dancing With the Stars show and I'd want to scream because I hate the show and didn't want to hear all about it.

One difficulty for me is that people would share real work information via informal hall talk that I wouldn't be a part of. When I first started telecommuting I joined a team of two other guys who had adjacent cubicles, and I had a lot to learn. They would discuss things among themselves and I missed a lot, so I asked them to call me and put it on speaker phone and let me join. Now I basically work alone with one of them as backup, so there's not much to miss anymore.

The other big problem is that it's tough to separate home from work. Best advice is to dedicate a home office and when your day is over, leave the room and close the door. But it's tough when all you have to do is carry a laptop to your family room. I haven't really solved this, but I consider this flexibility in hours a strong point for me that makes up for disappearing in the middle of the work day to go for a run or ski an hour or two. So I often work 7 to 10 hours a day spread between 7am and midnight. Works well for me since I live alone, but it's not for everyone. I know people who have designed their home such that the office is a separate wing that makes it easy to get away from, and not hear the phone ringing.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Sounds like a good solution for you and your company--you obviously are valuable to them and I'm sure you get a lot of satisfaction from your work.

DD started telecommuting from a home office when she moved across the country. She works nonstop on computer and phone and I am sure is putting in a lot more true work time than an in-office position results in. Try to set regular hours and don't answer the phone or be too available outside them if you can. Have regularly scheduled conference calls.

Remember to be good to yourself--get up and move around as much as possible, like you would in the office to go down the hall to talk to someone, to get a drink of water, to go to the printer/fax whatever. DD works out every single day to counteract the sitting.

 

[Ronstar]

I telecommute about 20%, and it does get a little lonely. But I maintain frequent phone and email contact so it isnt that bad.

 

[hoping]

Hi everyone. It's been a while. I ended up staying at my current job, at least for the time being. Given the financial crash this year, I am (mostly) glad I did, although cross-country commuting and living alone most of the time are no fun. Thanks again for all of your input and support. The question now is when to leave, as this situation cannot go on indefinitely. DH loves new location, as do I. I'll keep you posted.

 

[hoping]

Hi everyone. It's been quite some time, so I thought I would give an update. I ended up staying in the high $ position, cross-country commuting every 3-4 weeks. Relationship has suffered dramatically and could be on the verge of ending. Financially, I am in great shape, but it has come at an enormous personal cost. Now I have to decide if I am going to move for a relationship that could well be over, or stay and guarantee that the relationship is over. Looking back, I likely made the wrong decision, although maybe the relationship was in for trouble anyway.

 

[MichaelB]

Hi everyone. It's been quite some time, so I thought I would give an update. I ended up staying in the high $ position, cross-country commuting every 3-4 weeks. Relationship has suffered dramatically and could be on the verge of ending. Financially, I am in great shape, but it has come at an enormous personal cost. Now I have to decide if I am going to move for a relationship that could well be over, or stay and guarantee that the relationship is over. Looking back, I likely made the wrong decision, although maybe the relationship was in for trouble anyway.

The last two years in my job were like that, and I wasn’t certain the relationships would survive or recover. Now, 10 years later, they’re better than they ever were. Not just DW but children as well, and other family. Part of that was (is) me, part them – but job change was the spark.

It wasn’t until I left the job that I became aware of how much it had changed the way I related to my loved ones.

 

[W2R]

Hi everyone. It's been quite some time, so I thought I would give an update. I ended up staying in the high $ position, cross-country commuting every 3-4 weeks. Relationship has suffered dramatically and could be on the verge of ending. Financially, I am in great shape, but it has come at an enormous personal cost. Now I have to decide if I am going to move for a relationship that could well be over, or stay and guarantee that the relationship is over. Looking back, I likely made the wrong decision, although maybe the relationship was in for trouble anyway.

So sorry to hear this. Best wishes now and in the future.

 

[smjsl]

Financially, I am in great shape, but it has come at an enormous personal cost. Now I have to decide if I am going to move for a relationship that could well be over, or stay and guarantee that the relationship is over.

Obviously very hard to say for someone else... But overall, sounds like you are all set financially, so staying does not buy you much more in life (unless you value your job more than the relationship). Saving a relationship probably is way more important... Worst case: you move, relationship still does not work out and... so what? is that much better than you staying and guaranteeing no relationship? I would not think so personally.

- some random anonymous guy on an internet board

 

[Texas Proud]

This is someone who knows nothing about your relationship, job etc. etc...

But IMO, you working where you were and getting paid a LOT more money is the correct decision... and if you SO is about to leave.. I think there is something else going on... you would think that if you she was thinking long term... she would know that the sacrifice now pays off big dividends in the future... so to me, she saw no future and did not like the current sacrifice...

I know of people who did like you... for far less compensation... and their relationship was just fine...

 

[santiago]

Dear Hoping,

I am sorry to hear how difficult it has been for you. I can sense the anguish and guilt you are feeling, and I wish you the best in deciding what path to tread next.

I’ll toss out some ideas that I had as I read through this post. Please take them as just ideas and thoughts and opinions, where maybe one of my hare-brained notions will strike you in such a way to provide a glimmer of clarity or familiarity.

There is no right answer to your dilemma. This is one of those instances where no matter how astute and finely-tuned our brains might be, gut-instinct and feelings are the primary decision makers. You’ve done all the thought and there’s not a bad intellectual decision to be made; now the question is what the best emotional decision is for you. This dilemma is a choice, not a solvable problem. This is the paradox of choice: sometimes with greater freedom to choose, we become unhappier. I think this is because the onus of choice is directly upon ourselves, and this tends to evoke our fears (we have to choose to relinquish control; we have to choose to be seen as selfish or unkind when we choose to pursue our dreams; etc.). I think it also arises when our brains are finely tuned to solving intellectual problems and then we try to apply those same tools to emotional choices.

I sense that this decision has enveloped large emotional parts of your life: your relationship, your job, and your personal dreams and aspirations. I sense that the anguish and guilt that you feel from your relationship and your job are making it difficult to assess what it is that you truly want. I might suggest dividing this into three categories: your relationship, your job and finances; and your personal dreams and aspirations. Of these, I believe that understanding your personal dreams and aspirations will guide you to decisions in the other two realms. This is what I would encourage you to think most deeply about.

So – what do you dream of doing? What do you hope to experience during your life? What did you love to do when you were a child? What crazy non-sensible things do you dream about? When you want to escape your job, what do you want to be doing? The odd thing is that you may not know. I know personally that I worked so hard for long that I had lost this sense of direction. But, deep-down, it was always there – it was just covered with responsibility and guilt and fear. Perhaps try dreaming that you are unemployed and single – what would you think about doing with your time? What experiences would you like to have?

You are in an enviable financial position. You can literally do almost anything you want to do for the rest of your life, even if you never made a single cent of income again (which I suspect is unlikely). You could decide that you want to paint every day for the rest of your life, and you could. You could travel. You could volunteer. You could start a new career. You could start a small law office where you do the type of work you are most passionate about. You have worked hard and built up a considerable safety net, and it is more than OK to avail yourself of your financial independence. What would you like to try in the next chapter of your life? You don’t have to know for certain – maybe you just have a sense that you should try out of particular path or follow an intriguing idea.

I found that, for me, Joseph Campbell’s conversation with Bill Moyers in the book ‘The Power of Myth’ was particularly enlightening during the time in my life when I was working through similar issues. I thought it did a very intelligent job of discussing the adventure of life, of finding our own path, of discerning love, of learning about what prevents us from fully becoming ourselves, and to moving beyond our known everyday existence. Maybe it will strike you as well.

I wish you the best and courage for the journey ahead.

 

[hoping]

Thanks to everyone, especially Santiago. You have given me a lot to think about.

 

[mountaintosea]

Having just stumbled onto this thread, my opinion is that you didn't make the wrong decision. I get the feeling from reading the earlier posts that your DH had issues. There is absolutely no guarantee that if you had moved, your relationship would not now be on the rocks anyway. I think that making the kind of money you do means a lot more to you than you think. And it should because obviously you worked hard and are now considered worth top dollar. Certainly your DH could have stayed with you and when you felt you had enough and DH was willing, then you both could have moved to the West Coast. I mean it does sound like you put him through medical school. So he could have returned the favor and supported you in your decision to stay put. I've heard so many stories about women putting hubby through med school only to have marriage end upon graduation. FWIW you made the correct decision. Just my two cents.

 

[haha]

My very non-poetic, non PC idea gathered from years of living and life watching is that men with little money are always looking for relationships, while men with plenty money always have relationships looking for them.

The time to work on a relationship is after you are married as you have little choice. Prior to being married it is way easier and usually a lot more effective to check out and seek a fit elsewhere that requires less cutting and fitting.

Ha

 

[tuixiu]

For 100k/month I'd work as long as they'd have me.

 

[roger r]

Reminds me of the old joke where the man proposes to the respectable lady whether she would sleep with a man she didn't love for a million dollars. And she says she might consider it. Then he asks if she would sleep with him for a hundred dollars. Insulted, she slaps him ahd says, what to you think I am. He replies, lady we've already estblished that. Now we're haggling over price.

 

[Spanky]

Reminds me of the old joke where the man proposes to the respectable lady whether she would sleep with a man she didn't love for a million dollars. And she says she might consider it. Then he asks if she would sleep with him for a hundred dollars. Insulted, she slaps him ahd says, what to you think I am. He replies, lady we've already estblished that. Now we're haggling over price.

What was the final price?

 

[hoping]

Hello everyone. Just wanted to note that I am female! Also, current status is that I have essentially been given the ultimatum of move or end of relationship. I am FI and willing to move, although I will have no job to move to at this point. What do you think I should do?

 

[Moemg]

Hello everyone. Just wanted to note that I am female! Also, current status is that I have essentially been given the ultimatum of move or end of relationship. I am FI and willing to move, although I will have no job to move to at this point. What do you think I should do?

I would follow my heart . If I loved the guy and wanted to make it work I would move .

 

[bbbamI]

I agree with Moe.

Try to imagine him never being in your life again, how would you feel?

 

[Texas Proud]

Hello everyone. Just wanted to note that I am female! Also, current status is that I have essentially been given the ultimatum of move or end of relationship. I am FI and willing to move, although I will have no job to move to at this point. What do you think I should do?

Why the ultimatum Again, if there is true love from both sides a compromise can be made... it appears that he wants to control the situation.. but then again, you might not be there emotionally if you are working at a job you make $100K a month...

 

[MuirWannabe]

You must decide. But this is your DH not a SO. For me, I would move and try everything to save the relationship. Marriages are worth fighting for IMO.

Good luck to you.

 

[mbooth]

Hello everyone. Just wanted to note that I am female! Also, current status is that I have essentially been given the ultimatum of move or end of relationship. I am FI and willing to move, although I will have no job to move to at this point. What do you think I should do?

Hmmmmm, quite a few issues to deal with there, and so little info to go on!

Others have made mention, but I'd also ask why is there an 'ultimatum'?

Assumptions (bad things I know): there is no marital contract of any kind, there are no kids involved. Those being true (are they?), then you need to decide whether the relationship is worth the 'capitulation' to do it 'his way', or you would eventually get peeved at having to make a sacrifice.

What would make you happier/more fulfilled....maintaining the relationship(love!), or pursuing your own career and sense of individual accomplishment.

No answers from me, just questions for you to answer. Good luck, life's a gamble ain't it!