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Is it just me?
Old 09-05-2020, 12:41 PM   #1
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Is it just me?

First of all , Happy Labor Day weekend. I appreciate the forum and its members. Almost like AA, But SS - Hello, Im ( ) and I'm a Super Saver.

Our net worth is over 9.5M right now. Our situation is all of our friends who are doing OK are spending and showing off everything they have, Pools, Watches, Huge trips, cars etc. I usually don't say much, I guess we could afford those things, but I was brought up to be humble and not be the center of attention. In my older age I feel I am becoming a hermit because of this. I believe think they think they are better than others because of wealth.



They are good people, again is it just me?
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Old 09-05-2020, 12:51 PM   #2
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Sometimes, people spend conspicuously, not because they want to impress others, but rather because it gives them pleasure and they can't take money with them in the end. So yes, it's just you.
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Old 09-05-2020, 12:53 PM   #3
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Your friends aren't doing as ok as it would appear, trust me. Appearances can be deceptive.

Being modest and humble is the way to go. Nobody needs to know my finances, and I have no necessity to show it off to keep up with the Joneses.

It's not just you.
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Old 09-05-2020, 12:58 PM   #4
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Hey, I live in Tampa too and can surely help you spend your money.

Seriously, if you like your friends and they are not putting pressure on you to spend with them, then it seems all fine to me.
Nothing wrong with your thoughts.
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Old 09-05-2020, 01:00 PM   #5
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To the OP, I understand completely. Many of my friends have had comparable, or higher incomes than DW and I and live much larger than we do. We ER'd at 50 and they're now in their sixties wondering if they can retire at 67 or 70 and maintain their standard of living. We ER'd 4 years ago and have over $1m more net worth than when we started, and we live just fine.


I have found ourselves slowly becoming more distant from friends because of this, its easier to just be left alone. It is very hard to find like minded people out there.


A very wealthy man told me once "Never confuse standard of living with quality of life"
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Old 09-05-2020, 01:06 PM   #6
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Long, long ago, when I was a rookie lawyer trying a case with one of the oldest partners in my firm, our opponent showed up in front of the courthouse in his black Porsche 911 with the whale tail and flare fenders (back when that was all the rage). I said to my elderly colleague, "Wow, Lawyer X must be loaded." He replied, "There are only two things we can conclude - Lawyer X either spent a lot of money or borrowed a lot of money. We cannot conclude that he has a lot of money." It was a good lesson.
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Old 09-05-2020, 01:15 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by pletal View Post
First of all , Happy Labor Day weekend. I appreciate the forum and its members. Almost like AA, But SS - Hello, Im ( ) and I'm a Super Saver.

Our net worth is over 9.5M right now. Our situation is all of our friends who are doing OK are spending and showing off everything they have, Pools, Watches, Huge trips, cars etc. I usually don't say much, I guess we could afford those things, but I was brought up to be humble and not be the center of attention. In my older age I feel I am becoming a hermit because of this. I believe think they think they are better than others because of wealth.



They are good people, again is it just me?
Being humble is the best way to live. People leave it all behind anyway. A guy worth 50M would just laugh if he was shown those items.
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Old 09-05-2020, 01:35 PM   #8
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+1 to Gumby's response!

And OP--congrats on your accomplishment of saving up $9.5M! If you want to show some of it off, go ahead! If you don't, that's your prerogative!

That's one of the nice things about having money: it gives you the freedom to do as you please.
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Old 09-05-2020, 01:51 PM   #9
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I don't see it as showing off to "buy stuff" or go places, or have nice things... If I lived in a $10m mansion or drive around in fancy cars that cost 100's of K, how do I hide it? Should I live in a shack or drive around in a junker in shame of wealth? It may be a fine line, but showing off is another thing from my POV even if you can afford it.
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Old 09-05-2020, 02:03 PM   #10
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I buy what I want, and pass on things I don't want. I suppose I could have spent three times as much as I did when I bought my "Dream Home", but this is the one I truly wanted so I didn't have to do that.

I really don't have a need to talk to my acquaintances about what I bought, or my lifestyle, or whatever. Most of them don't have that need either so that sort of topic never comes up in conversation. Some others suffer from raging insecurity and have to tell me about their latest acquisitions or trips and sometimes even have to tell me how much they spent. I guess they are dying to impress me or something. I smile and look bored, I suppose.

If that is all they can think of to talk about, we probably don't have much in common.
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Old 09-05-2020, 02:07 PM   #11
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OP - Congrats on having 9.5M

I sure hope you are having fun and enjoying life as much as you can, vs sitting home watching tv and your bank statement.

If your friends are doing lots of stuff and buying things, I see nothing wrong with it as long as they can afford it.
If they are constantly bragging and going on and on for days or weeks about their things (beyond the initial "hey look at the cool watch I bought"), then sure they are a bit confused or trying to impress.

We went on a Viking River cruise a couple of years ago, it was nice to hang out with folks who could afford it and more.
We didn't mention to our friends at the cabin about our trip, as it was expensive, and we felt they would only be envious or worried at our wastefulness of hard earned money.

OP- are you reluctant to spend, is that part of the issue ?
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Old 09-05-2020, 02:09 PM   #12
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... is it just me?
Congratulations on your success. You have ample reason to be proud.

But your post does beg the question: "What's it all for?" Hopefully you have already answered this question for yourselves but if you haven't, you really should.

In our case, our wealth is for:
1) Enjoying ourselves. Our needs are modest and DW still tells me proudly when she finds a grocery bargain. Our main luxury is international travel. $25K trip to Africa just before the pandemic hit this year.

2) Helping two of our grandchildren, primarily with college but with a good launch into life as "trust fund kids."

3) Helping a third grandchild who has special needs due to a genetic disease. He will have a special needs trust to help support him in life.

4) About 1/3 to charities and DW's church. That giving is ongoing and gives us pleasure, plus more will be provided via our estate plan.
We're not jealous of anyone. We have been phenomenally lucky in life and we have "enough." Much more than most of our friends would guess, actually. Certainly you do too; but what's it for? If you don't want material things, explore the pleasures of giving some away now -- while you can enjoy the experience.
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Old 09-05-2020, 02:18 PM   #13
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I buy what I want, and pass on things I don't want. I suppose I could have spent three times as much as I did when I bought my "Dream Home", but this is the one I truly wanted so I didn't have to do that.

I really don't have a need to talk to my acquaintances about what I bought, or my lifestyle, or whatever. Most of them don't have that need either so that sort of topic never comes up in conversation. Some others suffer from raging insecurity and have to tell me about their latest acquisitions or trips and sometimes even have to tell me how much they spent. I guess they are dying to impress me or something. I smile and look bored, I suppose.

If that is all they can think of to talk about, we probably don't have much in common.

I guess they are dying to impress me or something. I smile and look bored, I suppose. That's it ! It happens quite a bit. " Reminds me of "I wish I was like you, Easily Amused"
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Old 09-05-2020, 02:21 PM   #14
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Whenever we roll into a campground, I am proud of how well our 2003 diesel Excursion, and 2011 Heartland travel trailer have held up over the years. We bought both of them used at far less than 1/2 price of new. It is amazing to walk through the campground and see all the 2020/2019 sparkling equipment, but I have to wonder what the payments on those are.

We are completely debt free, and will be staying that way, we don't need to compete with the Jones's, we are content with what we have (not many people can claim that).
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Old 09-05-2020, 02:22 PM   #15
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I guess they are dying to impress me or something. I smile and look bored, I suppose. That's it ! It happens quite a bit. " Reminds me of "I wish I was like you, Easily Amused"
I think you need to look for some additional friends, whose conversation is more interesting to you! There are lots of retirees out there who are thinking like you, and would love to talk about something else - - like politics, astronomy, religion, cross stitching, ham radio, light carpentry, recipes, or whatever-it-is that interests you these days.
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Old 09-05-2020, 06:10 PM   #16
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My wife and I love to travel as much as possible. We've had the great fortunate of visiting some amazing places and, because my wife is an avid photographer, we have great photos of our experiences that we can look back on with a smile.

For a number of years, whenever we'd get back home from a trip, I would make a Facebook post that included the photos of where we'd just gotten back from. I hadn't done this with the intention of "showing off". I liked to think that my friends would enjoy them and perhaps encourage them to travel as well, and that they would be happy that we had these great experiences. Although I received one inquiry from a friend about our itinerary when we got back from Iceland (she was thinking about going), for the most part I got the impression that it was making some people resentful, so I decided to stop with the vacation photo posts. One friend shares my wife's and my appreciation for travel and only share our experiences with her now.

My intention was not to boast, but I guess that's the way it came off. We don't drive expensive cars, we don't wear expensive jewelry, we don't wear expensive clothing. I like to think that my wife and I are humble people.
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Old 09-05-2020, 07:23 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by pletal View Post
First of all , Happy Labor Day weekend. I appreciate the forum and its members. Almost like AA, But SS - Hello, Im ( ) and I'm a Super Saver.

Our net worth is over 9.5M right now. Our situation is all of our friends who are doing OK are spending and showing off everything they have, Pools, Watches, Huge trips, cars etc. I usually don't say much, I guess we could afford those things, but I was brought up to be humble and not be the center of attention. In my older age I feel I am becoming a hermit because of this. I believe think they think they are better than others because of wealth.

They are good people, again is it just me?
nope. we're much the same. assuming the world doesn't end in <60-days we have more than we could ever spend in our lifetimes.

we don't travel internationally except for Canada and we haven't been there in years. in normal times we spend 5-6 mos away from home in our motorhome, most of that in the south, southwest ans Arizona between early January and late May. we had been thinking of a train trip through the Canadian rockies this fall to celebrate our 50th but the CV19 got in the way of that.

we've been extra extra generous with local and national charities but nobody knows that..well, until now ans you're all sworn to secrecy. we live modestly in a 3-BR split level in regular middle class neighborhood. my daily drivers are a 17-yr old Jeep Wrangler or my grandpa's '46 Willys CJ2A. my wife drives a 10-yr old Jeep Liberty. we have zero debt.

about the only outward sign of our wealth is our 40' class A motorhome, a lawn and snow removal service and we both retired early in '05 and '06. we've been remodeling our home bit by bit for the last 25-years but with increasing frequency over the last 10-years. we have no interest in having new, foreign or expensive cars and my wife is the very definition of low maintenance. i married so far up that everytime i look at her i get a nose bleed. .

we definitely don't think we're better than anyone...we know we're no better. what we are is blessed.
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Old 09-05-2020, 07:51 PM   #18
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Vincenzo, we are sort of like you. Instead of posting our travels on Facebook, We have our own website where I wrote trip stories complete with pictures to share with others. Many of our fellow travelers enjoyed reading them as it brought back memories of their trip.
We live modestly, in a +55 MHP. Many of the people here are living on SS and whatever, so this is not a place to be ostentatious.
We recently bought two cars, and if anyone said anything, I would mumble about car payments. Actually, it is the first car DW owned that was paid for.
We have nowhere $9 M, but are comfortable, and have more than we need. Right now we are giving back to the community in the way of volunteering and charitable donations.
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Old 09-05-2020, 08:05 PM   #19
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Our net worth is over 9.5M right now. Our situation is all of our friends who are doing OK are spending and showing off everything they have, Pools, Watches, Huge trips, cars etc. I usually don't say much, I guess we could afford those things, but ...
Right now, with Covid, it's understandable that more people are taking the opportunity to invest in their homes, and heck, whatever makes them happy.

So, the "showing off" might be in the eye of the beholder. Is it "hey, I finally got a pool!" or "hey, look at me, I'm rich and spending money, hahaha here's my pool suckers" - chances are more often it's the former, being read as the latter.

I guess the defining line here is less judging the spending than how it is portrayed. I go on a nice trip, I tell a few friends and post a few pics, I had a great time! I don't post a blog with 876 pictures and insta, but I do take a lot of pics.

OP your NW is higher than probably 90% of those here, more than 3x mine. But hey, I'm finally getting a pool and I plan to post a photo when it's done.
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Old 09-06-2020, 07:25 AM   #20
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As a pilot, I'd be thinking of my nest egg as altitude and "things" as airspeed. Pilots trade one for the other.

As a scientist, I think of kinetic energy (stuff) vs potential energy (nest egg.)

Just my twisted way(s) of looking at things after a lifetime of experience.
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