Live by the kids? Risky Investment.

My Dad is 86 lives with his girlfriend, 6 months here, 6 months in Florida, would live in Florida year round but as he is Canadian, not possible.

He has almost 40 Grand Children and Great Grand Children, some he has never seen, spread out all across the country.

Unfortunatly, his Funeral is probably the only time some of them will see him.

He is very Independant.

[SteveR]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Honkie Mostly off - topic, but as we are talking about proximity to parents - how many people live in families with Great Grand Children/Parents. ...How common is this?? Cheers, Honkie

My only surviving parent is my mother, age 83 and she lives in Assisted Living in TN. We never lived with any of our grandparents or even near them. I moved my family away from both sets of parents 3 months after the birth of the first grandchild on either side. That made me quite popular with both families. We never lived closer than 800 miles from our parents.

My current wife and I live 500 miles from her parents and sisters while I am 1800 miles from my mother and brother. Only our respective kids live near us; for now.

There were many times I wish we had lived closer, but with all the moves I made during my previous working life, to places the company had manufacturing plants, it did not give me much of an option to live close by.

[Nords]

When we were growing up we couldn't wait to get away from our parents. The closest I've been to my family since high school is one time zone, and it's usually been three or four with perhaps an ocean or a continent thrown in. Our last Nords family reunion was my grandfather's funeral nearly four years ago.

Spouse's brother stayed near her parents and has been helping out for the last couple decades. But my spouse's parents used to visit us regularly in Hawaii & San Diego for a month in February to get away from their DC area winters. When we (foolishly) publicly declared our intent to stay in Hawaii for the rest of our lives, they decided to move here and watch their grandkid grow up.

I've never experienced it and I don't understand it, but an amazing transformation comes over my parents-in-law when they encounter our hormonally-challenged surly hair-trigger teenager their darling granddaughter. Maybe it's because she's the only one or because she stays on her best behavior around them (unlike with her own parents). When she was younger they never swooped down and whisked her away to give us some quality grownups time, but lately they've been taking care of her for a week or two while we're on Bangkok trips. So they know who they're dealing with and they understand our parental bitching concern. But they still wax blissfully about what a great grandkid they have! Intellectually I agree with them but it'll take a few years to get past the emotional scars of parenting. Or maybe you never get over them.

It'll be interesting to see what happens with the parents-in-law when our kid flees the nest in 2010. Spouse's parents will be pushing 75 by that point and they were extremely stressed out by their last relocation, so I don't know whether they'd feel up to another move. There are a lot of places to grow old that are worse than Hawaii, though, and they don't seem to miss winter or their old stomping grounds one bit. They may be quite content to spend the rest of their lives here tormenting their daughter enjoying the islands. The week after her parents moved here, my spouse got a one-liner from her brother: "I stand relieved."

It'll be interesting to see where our kid settles. She still has her heart set on 20 acres in Wyoming with a veterinary practice and a home full of pets. (Of course she's never experienced any of that!) Most Hawaii kids can't afford to live here in their 20s or they perceive far more opportunities on the Mainland, but they're the same ones who try to return here in their 30s when their own kids are growing up. Wherever she settles, I'm thinking it should be at least a time zone away with perhaps an ocean or a continent thrown in. But maybe my perspective will change when she moves out!

[SteveR]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords I've never experienced it and I don't understand it, but an amazing transformation comes over my parents-in-law when they encounter our hormonally-challenged surly hair-trigger teenager their darling granddaughter.* ... Intellectually I agree with them but it'll take a few years to get past the emotional scars of parenting.* Or maybe you never get over them.

Being a parent is the price you pay for being someone else's kid.

Once you become a grandparent...your perspective on children changes rather dramatically. The major difference is that you are no longer responsible for them. You can play with them and be a buddy to them without worrying about being the evil parent. When you get sick of them....you send them home to mom and dad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords It'll be interesting to see what happens with the parents-in-law when our kid flees the nest in 2010.* Spouse's parents will be pushing 75 by that point and they were extremely stressed out by their last relocation, so I don't know whether they'd feel up to another move.*

They will most likely want to stay put by then. I don't see many grandparents moving around the world trying to follow their grandkids. I would not want to live closer than two hours from parents. The older they get the more testy they can become and guess who they will want to "share" this with?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords It'll be interesting to see where our kid settles.* She still has her heart set on 20 acres in Wyoming with a veterinary practice and a home full of pets.* (Of course she's never experienced any of that!)*

She better like winter and wide open spaces if she want to live in Wyoming. 20 acres would be a garden plot there. It has the lowest population density of any other state and can really make one feel isolated.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords But maybe my perspective will change when she moves out!

You can bet the farm on that one. Especially once she starts creating grandkids for you.

[Jay_Gatsby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords The week after her parents moved here, my spouse got a one-liner from her brother:* "I stand relieved."

Talk about a change of command ceremony. I guess the Navy band playing "Anchors Aweigh" would have been overkill.

P.S. For those of you curious about Anchors Aweigh, here's a link to the Navy page with a bit of history.
http://www.navy.mil/palib/traditions/music/anchor1.html

[BUM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Howard We have learned that you cannot plan around your kids, Lord knows where they will move,a nd wives become Ex- Wives and Grand kids get relocated.

I think you've nailed it Howard. Others have had very interesting responses. If your family and extended family have set down deep roots in the community or have made commitments to each other then I believe that keeping close to the family could work out.

However, as in my case, if your adult children are likely to faced with job related relocation then keeping that house for the sake of the kids could be a costly and disappointing miscalculation.

[SteveR]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay_Gatsby Talk about a change of command ceremony.* I guess the Navy band playing "Anchors Aweigh" would have been overkill. P.S.* For those of you curious about Anchors Aweigh, here's a link to the Navy page with a bit of history. http://www.navy.mil/palib/traditions/music/anchor1.html

Thanks Jay, I do enjoy learning new stuff and military history is one of them; especially Civil War stuff since I lived in the middle of it for many years down South.

[MRGALT2U]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveR Thanks Jay, I do enjoy learning new stuff and military history is one of them; especially Civil War stuff since I lived in the middle of it for many years down South.*

Well then, you are a lot older than I thought.

JG

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveR Being a parent is the price you pay for being someone else's kid.

Ouch-- great quote! I think I'll call my father and apologize (again).

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Originally Posted by SteveR I would not want to live closer than two hours from parents. The older they get the more testy they can become and guess who they will want to "share" this with?

I can vouch that 15 minutes is too close.

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Originally Posted by SteveR She better like winter and wide open spaces if she want to live in Wyoming. 20 acres would be a garden plot there. It has the lowest population density of any other state and can really make one feel isolated.

I think that the people who appreciate Hawaii the least are the ones who are raised here. I'm pretty sure her attitude will change by the middle of her first Wyoming winter (e.g., late August). But nooooooooooo, she won't listen to me, she has to find out for herself. I think I owe my father another apology.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveR You can bet the farm on that one. Especially once she starts creating grandkids for you.

We've told her plenty of stories about how she was for the first 10 years. I'll continue to share those heartwarming tales with every one of her boyfriends if necessary. But nooooooooooooo...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay_Gatsby Talk about a change of command ceremony.

It was more of a "high five" as he raced across the brow.* Not that I ever did anything like that...

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveR Thanks Jay, I do enjoy learning new stuff and military history is one of them; especially Civil War stuff since I lived in the middle of it for many years down South.*

I've been to several Civil War Roundtable meetings here.* Daniel Martinez (of Discovery's "Undiscovered History" series, including the one on Gettysburg) is the director of the Arizona Memorial.* Always a great presentation.

[Michael Moore]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BUM If your family and extended family have set down deep roots in the community or have made commitments to each other then I believe that keeping close to the family could work out. However, as in my case, if your adult children are likely to faced with job related relocation then keeping that house for the sake of the kids could be a costly and disappointing miscalculation.

Live where you want to live.* When I left home after graduating from university I went to Houston (for training) then to Northern Louisiana, then escaped (at my moving expense) with a transfer to Los Angeles, and after a year and a half followed my sweetheart to her (4th generation) hometown of San Francisco with a lateral job change.* Should my mother (in Albuquerque) and father (in Las Vegas) have dropped everything in their lives to follow me around the country?

Moving somewhere because someone you don't live with is also there may leave you holding a fairly empty bag if that other household has some reason to pull up stakes and move (say, to be closer to the ailing in-law parents?).

It may sound cold, but you've got to live for yourself first.* I've seen a number of parents/children/siblings that have not followed the plans that others laid down for them.* If you need to visit, shucks, you're retired, drive and inflict gift them with your presence for an extended stay.*

The way my older and younger (and same aged) relatives/friends have been kicking the bucket recently, there's obviously no assurance that anyone will stick around once you make the move to be near them.

It seems like Nords' admonition to be responsible for your own entertainment should apply to this situation.* Live for your self.* Living for someone else (especially a relative that you may see once every 2-4 weeks - do your kids REALLY want you barging in the front door on a daily basis?) may be a poor choice.

cheers,
Michael

[SteveR]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MRGALT2U Well then, you are a lot older than I thought.* JG

My kids would agree with you.

I spent a lot of hours hiking over many battlefields in the area I grew up and the war was an ever present thing there with all the historical markers, cannons, and monuments. My dad is buried in military cemetary that was started during the Civil war in that area. While I may not have "lived" during that era, I lived in the aftermath for many years.

I even had to help a buddy free is '57 Chevy's bumper from a Civil war cannon after parking touring a battlefield park while having a meaningful historic discussion with the two young women we were escorting that evening.