Majority of young adults (ages 18-29) now live with their parents.

[euro]

Obviously, that is going to put a damper on retirement plans that contemplate a move.

Depends. If they pay rent and make contributions to food, utilities, etc, then it can very eaisly be a "win-win" in terms of finances and actually accelerate FIRE

 

[MuirWannabe]

Depends. If they pay rent and make contributions to food, utilities, etc, then it can very eaisly be a "win-win" in terms of finances and actually accelerate FIRE

Seems like, if they could do that in any meaningful way, they could be living on their own.

 

[WyomingLife]

Depends. If they pay rent and make contributions to food, utilities, etc, then it can very eaisly be a "win-win" in terms of finances and actually accelerate FIRE

Nothing like taking advantage of one's offspring's unfortunate economics to accelerate one's retirement, huh?

Personally, I don't want my children's rent to be subsidizing my green fees down at the club. I'd rather see my children successfully launched and financially independent. I want to pay it forward; I don't want my kids to be supporting me, in contrast, particularly when I could have worked a few more years to help the entire family unit.

 

[Freedom56]

Our parents gave us a choice. Go to university and stay at home until you graduate and start your career or leave home after high school and be completely disowned. We applied the same rules, my brothers applied the same rules and the kids followed the rules and are better off for it. I see too many kids today living in much more affluence with much better technology than we had growing up and doing absolutely nothing with their lives. Many people I went to high school with who did nothing with their lives but party, still depend on their parents who are in their eighties for support. One of our neighbors, who are in their seventies, are still working because their daughter who is now in her late forties still needs their financial support. She bounces from one bad boyfriend to another. The self entitled generation needs a wake-up call.

 

[euro]

#27 and #28: please notice that I said "could be a win/win". I understand that each particular situation is different and will require different arrangements.

That said, I don't object at all, Wyoming, if you decide to subsidize your kids for the rest of your life. I understand your point of view - it's not mine, but I understand it.

 

[travelover]

Nothing like taking advantage of one's offspring's unfortunate economics to accelerate one's retirement, huh?

Personally, I don't want my children's rent to be subsidizing my green fees down at the club. I'd rather see my children successfully launched and financially independent. I want to pay it forward; I don't want my kids to be supporting me, in contrast, particularly when I could have worked a few more years to help the entire family unit.

You are entitled to your opinion, but personally, I've seen too many kids become enabled by over indulgent parents. Paying rent is not a hardship, it is part of their education.

 

[jollystomper]

Our rule for our children was, if they were living at home after age 18 and not enrolled in school, we would charge them an amount that would be their "rent". It was way below the local rental rates , but enough to starting teaching them they needed to take this aspect of life into account. In addition, when they moved out we rebated to them what they had paid.

At the moment we have an empty nest. We have no objections to the kids moving back in, as long as everyone sees it as a temporary measure, they obey our rules, and are working towards moving out. For example, one son who had a couple of months between overseas jobs came home during that time. No big deal living at home and he was very respectful and thankful and acted accordingly.

We hope to avoid my late BIL's situation where he never gained the independence or drive to move out when he was young, nor did MIL encourage him to do so. In his mid 50s he was still living at home with her, and just making plans to marry and move out when he died.

 

[GravitySucks]

We just need to save more.

https://www.theonion.com/report-more-americans-saving-money-for-child-s-unemplo-1819577063

 

[Born2BRetd]

As long as adult children are being productive by getting an education and/or working and are also saving their money, I don't have problem with them living at home. We have two at home. One is working and saving (real estate is expensive here!) and the other one is in a post grad program that allows no time for work. Both kids are hard workers and a joy to have around. They are setting themselves up for their future and I support that.

I have never understood parents that would pay for their kids' activities (dance, soccer, etc.) but the minute they were eighteen send them out the door. Education isn't a luxury, it sets you up for the rest of your life. Freeloading, partying behavior doesn't happen because someone turned a certain age but has roots in how the child was raised.

 

[HenryD]

We've been very clear for several years that the family house is getting sold when the youngest reaches college graduation age. The kids' other parents (blended fam) have already sold up their family homes and moved away while the youngest still has a year a highschool, living with us. We've always been the responsible providers, but housing into adulthood just won't be available.

 

[JoeWras]

You are entitled to your opinion, but personally, I've seen too many kids become enabled by over indulgent parents. Paying rent is not a hardship, it is part of their education.

I was the youngest of many cousins. I remember discussions among aunts and uncles at family gathers regarding "room and board" being charged to my non-college cousins. Usually, they were drinking a bit and hence freely sharing tips I overheard.

I thought it was outrageous! Parents charging kids rent. Seriously?

I had to ask mom and dad and they explained that if you are 18 and want to be treated like an adult, then you are going to have to chip in and help with the household costs, at least a bit. Wow, it blew me away, but made sense too. I also knew I wanted to go to college since most of my family's adults helped the kids in that process. (Mine paid about 2/3 of my college expenses.)

This was during the youth pushback years of the late 60s, early 70s, which were not much different than today in retrospect. I think the parents were making a point to the counterculture of the time.

Today, I never hear the words "room and board" mentioned. Nobody talks about it! It is a change in culture.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

When I had jury duty a few years ago we had to say in court our occupations and who we lived with. There were many mult-generational households. The only young adults living on their own, without parents or roommates, had high paying jobs, usually software engineers. Average rent in San Francisco for a one bedroom apartment is over $3K a month.

We've always told our kids they are welcome to move back if they ever need to for financial, health or whatever reasons. We never downsized and still have extra bedrooms. I think it is different to move back because rent is $3K and you want to save up for a house, you graduated from college during a major recession and can't find a job, or got laid off and "failure to launch" type situations. It seems sad to me the parents that tell 18 year olds they are on their own. Within 18 months of aging out of foster care half become homeless.

 

[nhcycling]

Our mid to late 20 something kids all moved out right after college, they all went on to pursue doctorate degrees and I’m sure it was tough financially but they managed. Today they’re successful and living on their own. We expected them to find their own way and “adult” and move out in their early 20’s.

Same with all of my nieces, they’re all living on their own early 20’s to early 30’s. We have a 27 y.o. nephew on the other hand who has a masters degree and has barely worked, first part time job after his masters. His parents wonder why he can’t launch like his cousins.

 

[kgtest]

Interesting piece by Pew Research Center that suggests (to me, at least) that those contemplating early retirement should be considering that their children may very likely still be in their house when they are ready to retire. Analyzing the latest census data, they find that 52% of adults aged 18-29 now live with their parents, the most since the Great Depression.

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-ta...or-the-first-time-since-the-great-depression/

Obviously, that is going to put a damper on retirement plans that contemplate a move.

DW and I "lived with" my folks for a period of time when we were transitioning back from island living when we were 31 and looking for our next home to purchase... Two words,

NEVER AGAIN!

Athough DF seems to think my basement is the retirement community he will settle down at...LMAO!

 

[CardsFan]

I read these stories, and I consider us very lucky.

When DS went to college, he never really came home. He was responsible, and wanted the independence. Sure, he came home for most of the summers, but he worked. He worked at college for gas and "beer money". We paid tuition and room and board. That was the deal.

Upon graduation, off to Chicago. Luckily, he had several close friends that did the same, so there was a support group.

His first few jobs were not in his field, but he was self sufficient. He knew he COULD come home (for a while), but focused on making ends meet, sometimes working 2 jobs.

He is now almost 39, totally independent for over 15 years, with money in the bank and engaged (finally DW would say) to a gal we adore.

I used the word lucky a couple of times above, and we are, but just maybe we had something to do with it?

 

[tulak]

I don't think there's any harm in helping your kids in their early 20s to have a strong financial start. Why not give it to them now, where it can make a big difference, instead of after you're gone?

Of course, I'd never let my kids live with me and not work or help out. But if they can avoid paying 2k+/month in rent for living with me for 5 years, that's at least a 100k they were able to save towards a down payment when they are in their mid-20s. Seems like a good deal and it costs me very little.

 

[Dash man]

Our boys were on their own in their twenties and struggled to different degrees. But once they married and had kids we incentivized them to move closer to us and bought townhomes for them each to live in with their families. They’re supposed to pay the carrying costs and one is doing so. The cost of twins made it too much of a burden for the one son, so for now we’re letting it go. At least we see the grandkids a lot! [emoji4]

 

[Walt34]

It seems sad to me the parents that tell 18 year olds they are on their own.

That happened with a guy I knew in HS. His father told him he had a week (maybe two?) to move out after HS graduation. Not having a lot of options he enlisted in the Navy. He could have done worse of course, but I never heard from him again.

So much depends on the personalities of the people involved. I myself didn't really "launch" until age 24, but it wasn't because I couldn't. My father had died, and I was the live-in "handyman" for a house that my mother could not possibly have kept up by herself. I only moved out after a sister boomeranged back with a two-year-old after her divorce and I was working rotating shifts. Shift work and two-year-olds do not work well together so I got an apartment. There was no drama, it was simply "time". I lived close enough to still do the maintenance stuff as needed, lawn mowing, snow clearing, fixing faucets and the like.

About ten years later I myself boomeranged back after my divorce. At age 35 living at my mother's house was NOT where I wanted to be but the house needed some deferred maintenance done, I needed a cheap roof overhead, and most important, I had a plan that limited the time to 18 months and it worked. I saved my money and bought my own place as planned. To make a long story short while there I hauled out a lot of the stuff/junk that my Depression-era parents had so far refused to get rid of and Mom finally saw the necessity of getting rid of it. I repainted the entire interior that hadn't been painted for 25+ years (including white enamel on all trim work) and got the lawn in better shape than it had ever been. She didn't charge rent (house was paid for) but I did volunteer to pay all the utilities, and did so. Suffice it to say that I was not watching a lot of TV, it was a pretty busy 18 months. Mom was on a waiting list for a CCRC and when that opened up and the house went on the market, it sold in three days.

So it can work out.

 

[Nick12]

I moved in to live with my parents for three years. It was the best move I made out of college before venturing out on my own.

 

[candrew]

Freeloading, partying behavior doesn't happen because someone turned a certain age but has roots in how the child was raised.

You are correct that those behaviors you mentioned don't occur because someone turned a certain age. But they don't always happen because of a poor upbringing. Our oldest son eked his way through his senior year of high school. This, in spite of education being a priority in our household and both of us as his parents doing our best to give our kids the best possible upbringing.

Children eventually reach an age of accountability and will make their own choices and decisions; sometimes consistent with their upbringing and sometimes counter to it.

To categorically state that poor decisions on the part of young adults are rooted in their upbringing is just not true.

 

[Letj]

You are correct that those behaviors you mentioned don't occur because someone turned a certain age. But they don't always happen because of a poor upbringing. Our oldest son eked his way through his senior year of high school. This, in spite of education being a priority in our household and both of us as his parents doing our best to give our kids the best possible upbringing.



Children eventually reach an age of accountability and will make their own choices and decisions; sometimes consistent with their upbringing and sometimes counter to it.



To categorically state that poor decisions on the part of young adults are rooted in their upbringing is just not true.

I couldn’t agree with you more. My 50 plus years have taught me never to throw stones. I’ve seen so many children from the same parents go in different directions. Some more reflective of the upbringing and some not so much. I’ve also seen people thrived despite horrible childhoods and parents. I think brain chemistry has something to do with it. In my own personal experience, we provided a wonderful home and good upbringing to our two children. One thinks her parents walk on water and one blames her parents for her anxiety and depression. Go figure.

 

[kgtest]

You are correct that those behaviors you mentioned don't occur because someone turned a certain age. But they don't always happen because of a poor upbringing. Our oldest son eked his way through his senior year of high school. This, in spite of education being a priority in our household and both of us as his parents doing our best to give our kids the best possible upbringing.

Children eventually reach an age of accountability and will make their own choices and decisions; sometimes consistent with their upbringing and sometimes counter to it.

To categorically state that poor decisions on the part of young adults are rooted in their upbringing is just not true.

I feel like your son. I eked my way through and I had super supportive parents. It was total accountability issues, or a lack of accountability.

I eventually found my accountability when a sweet little thing came hopping along my crooked and windy path.

 

[Born2BRetd]

You are correct that those behaviors you mentioned don't occur because someone turned a certain age. But they don't always happen because of a poor upbringing. Our oldest son eked his way through his senior year of high school. This, in spite of education being a priority in our household and both of us as his parents doing our best to give our kids the best possible upbringing.

Children eventually reach an age of accountability and will make their own choices and decisions; sometimes consistent with their upbringing and sometimes counter to it.

To categorically state that poor decisions on the part of young adults are rooted in their upbringing is just not true.

CANDREW,

I'm sorry my post was clumsily put and I should have qualified it. What I was trying to express was that turning eighteen doesn't turn someone overnight into a freeloader. You are correct that some parents do everything right and their kids still aren't able to take advantage of the opportunities they were given. I grew up in a large family and witnessed the different avenues that each kid took despite being given similar advantages. There is nature and nurture and some kids have a lot of nature. My kids are not perfect and have had different issues. I try to be a source of support in their lives while at the same time allowing for them to grow strong.

 

[Teacher Terry]

My youngest son is 40 and is living with us. He was teaching English and math in Vietnam and loved it. Then schools closed and he lived off of savings. After 4 months he came back. He moved here in April and couldn’t find work despite having a master’s degree. He recently returned to IT as a contractor and would like to get his own place. Rents have skyrocketed and we told him he is welcome to stay here and continue to save for awhile. He does contribute money towards food. He plans to return once Vietnam opens. He also helps around the house. It’s a unusual and unexpected situation. We had downsized to a smaller house but still have a guest bedroom. He hasn’t lived with us in decades.

 

[Koolau]

Probably a poor reflection on us as parents, but all 3 of ours left at 18, even though they were welcome to stay as long as they were in school. They went so far as to take out loans in order to finance their "freedom" from us. One was still finishing HS (living with a buddy.)

With that as background, some 12 or 15 years later, we are much closer. I think mom and dad got much "smarter" and a lot more lovable once the kids got a taste of the real world. I AM quite proud of all their accomplishments and independence! None ever hinted at returning, though a couple did ask for money. We were quite happy to help with down payments for homes. Perhaps that qualifies for "remotely" returning to the nest. YMMV