Marriage financial advice location/person?

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FIREarly Yes, one side is more interested in finance and the other side buys (both paying) a new SUV on loan and puppy from breeder... didn't know how EXPENSIVE a dog is. The other side just increased their 401k to 8% (company match max). It's a great start but is not enough to retire "early"

It's not just who's "interested in finance" here. My dear second husband had very little interest in investing and left that to me. He always knew what we had and roughly how it was invested, and if I were thinking of doing something relatively risky I'd run it by him because I valued his common sense. If he didn't like the idea I wouldn't do it or I'd take a smaller stake. OTOH, almost without talking about it we developed a rule that neither of us would spend more than about $300 without consulting the other. (And I don't think we ever had a disagreement on it- it was a matter of keeping each other informed.)

What you're describing is a couple where one person is more interested in SAVING. Big difference.

[Amethyst]

My 35-year marriage was just like this. The difference being, neither of us knew anything about investing; I had just enough interest to become the "finance" person, however little qualified.

We talked over purchases, even less than $300, because we liked talking to one another. (This is key ). Sometimes he'd have a question, but usually his response to me was "Sure, go ahead, if you think we can afford it."

Quote:

Originally Posted by athena53 It's not just who's "interested in finance" here. My dear second husband had very little interest in investing and left that to me. He always knew what we had and roughly how it was invested, and if I were thinking of doing something relatively risky I'd run it by him because I valued his common sense. If he didn't like the idea I wouldn't do it or I'd take a smaller stake. OTOH, almost without talking about it we developed a rule that neither of us would spend more than about $300 without consulting the other. (And I don't think we ever had a disagreement on it- it was a matter of keeping each other informed.) What you're describing is a couple where one person is more interested in SAVING. Big difference.

[Souschef]

We have been married for 15 years, and both have substantial assets. Even though this is a community state, we have kept everything separate.
Since I am somewhat more computer literate, she has let me take care of checking on her assets.
YMMV

[COcheesehead]

Here is our secret. Her money is her money. My money is our money. We have a common credit card for our common expenses. She has her own for her fun. I ask no questions. Happy wife, happy wife.

[Aerides]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst We talked over purchases, even less than $300, because we liked talking to one another. (This is key ). Sometimes he'd have a question, but usually his response to me was "Sure, go ahead, if you think we can afford it."

We do this, a lot. DH likes to debate most purchases with me. I do for anything 200+, or less if it impacts us both. It was also fun to review our progress when we were planning ER. We still check and discuss our NW totals about once a month.

A few of these threads lately reinforcing how valuable it is for all couples to have this alignment, early and often.

[captain3d]

We had fully combined finances for all the years we were not financially independent.

The month our investments covered more than our living expenses we created two virtual ‘luxury’ accounts in the spread sheet and divided some of the excess.

Now if either of us wants to buy something without the other persons opinion we use our individual luxury account.

The less we spend in general the more luxury money we get.

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst My 35-year marriage was just like this. The difference being, neither of us knew anything about investing; I had just enough interest to become the "finance" person, however little qualified. We talked over purchases, even less than $300, because we liked talking to one another. (This is key ). Sometimes he'd have a question, but usually his response to me was "Sure, go ahead, if you think we can afford it."

He sounds lovely. Thanks for sharing this story....

[Amethyst]

Thanks. I miss him more every day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan He sounds lovely. Thanks for sharing this story....

[GravitySucks]

Quote:

Originally Posted by COcheesehead Here is our secret. Her money is her money. My money is our money. We have a common credit card for our common expenses. She has her own for her fun. I ask no questions. Happy wife, happy wife.

Same here DW made much less than I did. It would sometime bother me but she really used the money buy our girls nicer clothes and hide the cost of makeup. I remember her sending me out for a drug store makeup item and I called her saying there must be something wrong, how could that cost $12? Never did learn the cost of the pearl infused under eye stuff.
I think a lot of it was her mother never had anything of her own and her father was abusive. DW always kept enough on hand for a plane ticket to her sisters.

[Amethyst]

Same goes for happy husbands, only there's no good rhyme for it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by COcheesehead Here is our secret. Her money is her money. My money is our money. We have a common credit card for our common expenses. She has her own for her fun. I ask no questions. Happy wife, happy wife.

[N02L84ER]

Quote:

Originally Posted by COcheesehead Here is our secret. Her money is her money. My money is our money. We have a common credit card for our common expenses. She has her own for her fun. I ask no questions. Happy wife, happy wife.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Same goes for happy husbands, only there's no good rhyme for it!

Based on his response, it would be happy husband, happy husband.

[Amethyst]

No doubt, that is also true!

Quote:

Originally Posted by N02L84ER Based on his response, it would be happy husband, happy husband.

[FIREarly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by COcheesehead Here is our secret. Her money is her money. My money is our money. We have a common credit card for our common expenses. She has her own for her fun. I ask no questions. Happy wife, happy wife.

Good thoughts, where/who contributes to the mortgage $?*

*easily believe it's in the combined account. Do both of you contribute?

For me, the other side used to pay the mortgage/rent and now believes it's ok or return for the past or what should happen that I pay the entire mortgage 🤷*♀️🤷*♂️

[COcheesehead]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FIREarly Good thoughts, where/who contributes to the mortgage $?* *easily believe it's in the combined account. Do both of you contribute? For me, the other side used to pay the mortgage/rent and now believes it's ok or return for the past or what should happen that I pay the entire mortgage 🤷*♀️🤷*♂️

I pay all our common expenses.

[street]

We never had a problem with financing matters in almost the 40 years we have been married. From the start everything was pooled together, and she took care of all bills paying etc. The only separate is 401K and pension still pool everything else and we both are fragile and were great savers.

When a large purchase was made, we talked about that and neither of us would spend any amount of money till we talked it ovah. I was one that would say if you think we can afford it I have no problem. She never ever questioned me from buying land, but we always discussed it, and they were always great purchases for us. I think that trust must be there from day one. Never disagreed on money once and for sure not now.

Neither one of us like to deal with investing of care to do financial matters. I something think if only I would have learned more and got more involved in financial investing, we would have done a whole lot better.

In the end we did very well because each were savers.

[rrs26ja]

For 37 years I made all of our financial and investment decisions. I retired in 2018 and about a year later my wife and I had a discussion about who would manage our finances if something were to happen to me. For a year I spoke to many investment people but couldn't connect with anyone. Then I found a company called E3 Wealth. After a few meetings with them, we decided to move our investments to them in 2020.


My suggestion is to watch their video online and see if they are a company you would like to do business with. If so, I suggest you meet with their investment team and let them develop a plan for you.



Copy the link below into browser.



https://www.facebook.com/e3wealthHQ/...r9OoHrLBg&_rdr

[FIREarly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by street Neither one of us like to deal with investing of care to do financial matters. I something think if only I would have learned more and got more involved in financial investing, we would have done a whole lot better. In the end we did very well because each were savers.

Wish both of us were savers. Wonder how the retirement age would change if that was the case.

[HunterAdvisor]

There actually are CFPs who are also Registered Life Planners and work with couples regarding exactly what you describe. Rick Kahler comes to mind, Gayle Coleman, Ted Klontz is a therapist who works along with a CFP. There is a whole new niche of financial and therapeutic planning combinations these days. When I was in practice as a CFP those who struck out into this area were the outliers, but that was 15 years ago. Check out kinderinstitute.com and there should be a list.

[Music Lover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Same goes for happy husbands, only there's no good rhyme for it!

Happy spouse, happy house works for both.

[kgtest]

Quote:

Originally Posted by COcheesehead Here is our secret. Her money is her money. My money is our money. We have a common credit card for our common expenses. She has her own for her fun. I ask no questions. Happy wife, happy wife.

We do this as well. Just got in a little rift today, but DW re-established our plan of hers is hers, and mine is ours