Mental struggles to let go of the working world

[imnontrad]

I think it's harder to adjust to retirement when the job leaves you rather than you leaving the job.
if there is a local chapter of SCORE, you may want to consider volunteering your time to help new businesses. In addition, you may develop a great network to get some paid consulting gigs or investment opportunities too.
If you do not need the money, you may want to hold off filing for your SS. This is to ensure a larger "surviving spouse" benefit for your spouse.

[Navigator]

I know several of my colleagues who felt retirement was boring. Looking at what they do all day, I would be bored too if I lived that life. If you are happy working, there is nothing wrong with keeping at it in some way.

I certainly was worried about what I would do all day before I retired, but had to retire suddenly due to health problems. I felt greatly disappointed because there was more that I wanted to accomplish at work. For six months, I felt like I should try to go back to work. What changed? I had a recruiter call and ask me to apply for a lucrative job. I realized I didn’t need the money and didn’t want the stress. I had been taking classes at a university and had developed new goals and purposes in life. Now I wish I would have retired sooner.

[Kroeran]

Look up the probabilities of maintaining health for X years.

Not long.

Use this as motivation to squeeze life out of every day, month, year.

Happy retired people, with money, tend to:

1) live in one or two homes in recreationally oriented communities with social and sport facilities that are attractive for kids and grandkids to visit

2) take up all the common sports

3) host parties and are assertively social

4) go on group cruises

5) have a boat you can host guests with

6) change vehicles, boats and residences often

[armor99]

Quote:

Originally Posted by yidal8 I'm 66,DW 64. $5+M invested, 70/30 AA, 80% taxable accounts, no mortgage or other liabilities except one car lease, just became a grandpa, no kids that need my support. My aviation related consulting business just about dried up recently. $190-200K/yr in expenses . Starting my SS next month (modest $2100/mo. DW will get $2400/mo in 2 yrs)), small pensions ($2000/mo). I find myself looking for work, or other consulting opportunities (for income, but why?, and interest) and not fully enjoying the free time this pandemic afforded me. Deep down, not sure I can let it go, relax and stop worrying. We live in a beautiful house, in a stunning spot on the bay, nice beaches, amenities, no reason to move (except my downsize-to-reduce-expenses mentality). I ran FIRECALC but not sure if the instability of the markets/economy is a red flag (or just another excuse not to make the move and fully retire).

I am still many years away from retirement. Lots of hurdles and weirdness yet in store before I get there. My NW just crossed 1.3M, and just over 1M invested. 401ks etc. But I can certainly relate to your feeling this way. You spend such a large portion of your life doing something, and when suddenly that something is not there.... it’s jarring. I know I currently do not have enough hobbies, I need to get more. I think so much of my life has been spent planning, calculating, dreaming of the end point. And can imagine that when you suddenly arrive there... you are like... now what?
I have often heard that people who climb Everest... after they get back are horribly depressed. It takes them a while to find the new “Everest”. I think that is what you are fighting with. Early in my career... I was laid off for a long period of time. I very nearly lost everything. It was good, that it made me focus on saving, but also bad, because it has left a scar on my mind... it always gets better, but never goes away completely. Take a deep breath... and allow yourself to realize.... you have won. The monsters of life are no longer comming to take it from you. Maybe splurge on something expensive... vacation etc, just to help you remember you can now do almost whatever you like... Oh... I am currently 47. [emoji3][emoji1591]

[Live Large]

Da MENTAL

* I liked this analogy - another’s post:
My guess is that going into retirement is sort of like going into a swimming pool. If you try to go in slowly, it will be a bit uncomfortable at first as different parts of your body react to it, and that might make you cautious. But, if you just go into it with a no-looking-back sort of mentality...jump off the diving board or go down the slide, you'll go into it full-force, and notice that momentary shock was just your anticipation of it being too cold, and in no time flat you'll find out that the water's just fine!

Mindset for many that post here is All about ER but many of us have or have had the same struggle, perhaps with life identity, longevity, what else am I going to do with myself? What were you when you were a kid? Did you use the steps to the pool being ever so cautious - hell No! Couldn’t wait to jump in!
And even if you did get in slow, eventually our friends pushed us in on the ‘deep’ end ~ Splash!
Share the expensive part of Lifestyle spend what is comfy ~ enjoy it if the #’s allow for it go for it!
30yrs my identity was tied to a singular profession wasn’t so sure I could let it go...then I just let it go!
We age and forget to be more kid like - adventures
before the knees give out or the back is too whack!
How much time do you have? Can’t get it back and frankly tomorrow is Not promised. Jump in! We’ll be here waiting for you to post again, how you find a new you - post retirement. Sad to see the lay-off stories folk on job 30 and simple cut. Best self-direct while you can, money vs Time - Time is running out - post Covid plan travel again! Oh party!
Did you mention grandchildren? They’re work! 😂

[Kroeran]

Armor99:

One thing that has become clear to me is that we are process entities not goal securing. The process is more fundamental than the achievement, to happiness.

So, retiring has to be replaced with new processes. The hard part is taking health, cooking, travel, hobbies, social life, getting along with your spouse and better, etc seriously after a life of doing “things of importance.”

[Retch The Grate]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 24601NoMore Wow! We (2 of us) eat "very" well (minus the frequent big parties where we host large numbers of people) at ~$8,300/yr - and that includes plenty of alcohol ... Of course, that's eating out only 2-3X / month and cooking most of our food (including frequent filet, seafood and other more expensive entrees) at home.. Not doubting your #s, but hard to fathom how food can be $40K or so / yr without really going crazy eating at the highest end restaurants possible on a really frequent basis..that's >$3,333 / month which obviously is more than $100 a day on average.. The other #s posted for travel, healthcare, autos, etc seem pretty spot on..we're at ~$11K/yr for two leased autos, insurance + gas (not 'fancy' cars - 2 Jeeps), budget $15K or so/yr for travel ($0 for 2020), similar #s as you for healthcare, etc. But we also come in under $90K including taxes ($60 - $70K before taxes) for our total # and would be closer to $121K if we had your food budget..($40K - $8,300) + 90K..

Yeah, I estimate our consumable chemicals budget, predominantly alcohol, runs us about $10k a year (my wife has a couple of bottles of $10/bottle wine a day generally, I buy and drink alcohol infrequently, but I buy fancy scotch and tequila, we stop in Napa on our way back from Clear Lake any time we go fishing and buy a few bottles to a case of fancy stuff), our regular groceries are a bit under $200 a week, so there's another $10k, eating lunch out in the bay area usually means a bill on the order of $50-70 for two, dinner tends to be $80-$120 for two, pre-COVID we ate out 2-4 times a week, so that was pretty easily another $10k, and then few tasting menu meals at Manresa or whatnot a year for birthdays and our anniversary ($600-1000 for the pair of us each time), plus party budget ~6 times a year (again about $600-$1000 in alcohol, soda, and high quality steak to grill). I'd guess we actually spend between $35k-$40k so I budget for the higher target

[armor99]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kroeran Armor99: One thing that has become clear to me is that we are process entities not goal securing. The process is more fundamental than the achievement, to happiness. So, retiring has to be replaced with new processes. The hard part is taking health, cooking, travel, hobbies, social life, getting along with your spouse and better, etc seriously after a life of doing “things of importance.”

Once a quarter... he should have his wife give him a job performance accessment... go over goals for the following year... tell him how he has stacked up against his peers... hahah. [emoji33]🥃

[VungTau]

Quote:

Originally Posted by armor99 I am still many years away from retirement. Lots of hurdles and weirdness yet in store before I get there. My NW just crossed 1.3M, and just over 1M invested. 401ks etc. But I can certainly relate to your feeling this way. You spend such a large portion of your life doing something, and when suddenly that something is not there.... it’s jarring. I know I currently do not have enough hobbies, I need to get more. I think so much of my life has been spent planning, calculating, dreaming of the end point. And can imagine that when you suddenly arrive there... you are like... now what? I have often heard that people who climb Everest... after they get back are horribly depressed. It takes them a while to find the new “Everest”. I think that is what you are fighting with. Early in my career... I was laid off for a long period of time. I very nearly lost everything. It was good, that it made me focus on saving, but also bad, because it has left a scar on my mind... it always gets better, but never goes away completely. Take a deep breath... and allow yourself to realize.... you have won. The monsters of life are no longer comming to take it from you. Maybe splurge on something expensive... vacation etc, just to help you remember you can now do almost whatever you like... Oh... I am currently 47. [emoji3][emoji1591]

I retired at 53, now 60 and loving it! I never saw it as the "end point" but rather the beginning! And my mount Everest had been waiting for me to open that door of "retirement" and start climbing. Got to the top of my first Everest, could see some other nice peaks up there and headed for the next one ��Gonna keep climbing until I can't...

[Amethyst]

+1. Except...I know very, very few people who want to go back to work.

(Given how COVID has shredded the travel industry, make sure one's retirement goals aren't mainly "hit every major destination on the globe.")

Quote:

Originally Posted by enjoyinglife102 I have been very surprised how many people I've known who have ended up bored, unfulfilled and basically lost without employment. If you haven't lived a life with many other interests other than working, especially something that has or you think will provide a purpose, I'd strongly consider having your life's plan include some kind of work. It's nothing other than that's how some people are, simple as that.

[atmsmshr]

Mental exercise that helped me in perspective prior to retiring.

Pretend that you have only 20 years left to live. And in 15 you will be a widower. And in 10 years your health will become a limiting factor for physical activities and mental acuity.

How do you want to live those remaining years?

Discuss with your spouse.

Prepare for a psychological adjustment taking 6 months, longer if you are an extrovert or closely identified with your work.

Now go implement the plan that you and your life partner want to live.

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

This is definitely an interesting topic. When I was 24 and met with a free financial planner that was offered by my company, I set 59 as my target retirement age. I'm 59 now and don't have to work (well, according to all the calculators out there), however, here I am staring at One More Year, mainly for two things: 1) not sure what I'd do every day, and 2) the dumb amount of $ I will make over the next year with RSUs (and salary/bonus).

For those that have enough $, I don't think I have ever met someone who regretted retiring, or perhaps those people keep to themselves.

Oh, and I just switched roles, and not sure if I even like what I do.

I like atmsmshr's idea about only having 20 years left. I love to travel (can't do that right now, but I expect that will change at some point), and if I have 10 solid traveling years left, that's actually not that long.

Maybe I need to rethink the OMY idea...

[Markola]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst +1. Except...I know very, very few people who want to go back to work. (Given how COVID has shredded the travel industry, make sure one's retirement goals aren't mainly "hit every major destination on the globe.")

I really resonate with your observations. On one hand, I’m too new at RE to know anything. On the other hand, I always had the best ideas in new j*bs during my first few months, while I still had “fresh eyes,” so I’m paying attention.

I am less than a month in but I already feel the motivation to go back to my 28 year career field quickly bleeding away. Just yesterday, I was out for a walk, dodging all the commuter traffic and I thought, with huge relief and gratitude, “I never have to go back to that crap ever again. Even if the financial need emerges, I will find some other ways to cope.” Later yesterday, a former colleague who is a consultant texted me and my gut reaction was “Oh, &*$@! She wants me to do something!” She didn’t, fortunately, but it helped confirmed that I have moved on. Honestly, I probably moved on a couple years ago but couldn’t fully see it. I thought fewer hours/week working in my field would be sufficient but, one month in, I have no taste at all for it.

Also, I absolutely used “World Travel!” as a shiny escape fantasy to mentally bridge the past few years of working. We were fully determined to rent out the house and vagabond globally. Now that it’s here but we can’t travel internationally, I find I’m not even jonesing for it. I’m finding corners of our nice city and state to enjoy and this winter we will snow bird to Georgia for the first time ever. My wife, who works part time, is more attached than I am to the original world travel bug that I caught. I’m happy to do introverted stuff around the house and neighborhood.