Mr. Money Mustache Divorce Blog Post

[tulak]

MMM posted on his blog yesterday regarding his divorce, called "The Economics of Divorce."

Quote:

So if you haven’t already heard through the rumor mill, the former Mrs. Money Mustache and I are no longer married. Although we had been drifting this way for a while, the formal change of our status is still less than a year old, so it’s still a topic that deserves some quiet respect*.

https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2018/12/31/divorce/

Going through this myself, I appreciate his viewpoint as it resonates with mine.

[brewer12345]

Gee, an overweening personality with an ego the size of Mt. Rushmore and a penchant for putting a lot of personal details out there on the interwebs for gawkers...really, he got divorced? Shocking.

[aja8888]

This guy writes about how he screwed up and blew his marriage and then GIVES ADVICE on HOW TO STAY MARRIED? What a jerk!

Quote:

How to Stay Married Read about how to stay married – early and often. Peruse the bountiful relationship advice section at Amazon and definitely check out the 5 Love Languages book that resonates strongly with so many people.

[Teacher Terry]

Really anyone can get divorced and to be public is painful.

[Mr. Tightwad]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aja8888 This guy writes about how he screwed up and blew his marriage and then GIVES ADVICE on HOW TO STAY MARRIED? What a jerk!

Dr Phil wrote a weight loss book and weighed 260 at the time.

[daylatedollarshort]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Tightwad Dr Phil wrote a weight loss book and weighed 260 at the time.

The really amazing part is lots of people bought it. I'm in favor of schools focusing more on critical thinking skills and less on Beowulf.

[Ronnieboy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Tightwad Dr Phil wrote a weight loss book and weighed 260 at the time.

I'm a fat ass (wishing I weighed 260) but I can tell you how to lose weight....burn more calories than you consume.

I just choose not to at this point

[clifp]

Put me in the unimpressed category with his response. He managed to write a long post but not even touch on the main reason I and some other wanted him to discuss his divorce at all, did his FIRE habits contribute to his divorce.

Yes obviously having money makes lessens the financial impact divorce. Generally, speaking having $ cushions the difficulties of dealing with most things. "Life is a like a crap sandwich the more dough you have the easier it is to swallow"

But I what I think he owed his followers is an answer to this question. Did either his instance of LYBM style when they really didn't need to it anymore or simply too much togetherness contribute to the divorce?

[Maenad]

Given how popular his blog is, what would you have him say, exactly? Should he post something nasty about his ex, for all the world (and his child!) to read? It isn't an anonymous forum where he can vent, his posts will be out there connected to his name for a long time.

I mean, he's just gone through one of the most traumatic events a person can know, maybe sharing the dirt is just a bridge too far. Also, if he's trying to maintain a good relationship with his ex, for the sake of their kid, discretion really is the better part of valor.

I've seen a lot of discussions about the impact of divorce on FIRE since the rumors started up, so it's been good for the community to discuss this risk. We don't really need an opinion from MMM, he isn't any kind of FIRE authority, even if he is a prominent personality.

[Another Reader]

Quote:

Originally Posted by clifp Put me in the unimpressed category with his response. He managed to write a long post but not even touch on the main reason I and some other wanted him to discuss his divorce at all, did his FIRE habits contribute to his divorce. Yes obviously having money makes lessens the financial impact divorce. Generally, speaking having $ cushions the difficulties of dealing with most things. "Life is a like a crap sandwich the more dough you have the easier it is to swallow" But I what I think he owed his followers is an answer to this question. Did either his instance of LYBM style when they really didn't need to it anymore or simply too much togetherness contribute to the divorce?

He would never conclude or admit that his fairly extreme lifestyle had any negative effects.

I sort of expected this to happen. Several years ago, on one of their summer trips to Canada, they spent some time with her parents. He wrote some highly critical, mocking things about their consumption habits. It's possible she wanted a little less of the frugality and extreme eating habits and the criticism of her family.

His parents divorced many years ago, and that often has an impact on whether the kids divorce. In addition, his father died of an aggressive brain cancer in early 2017 IIRC. The death of a parent often sharpens one's focus on how short life is and changes your priorities. He's a constant optimizer, so a new and more suitable partner might have become the top priority.

It's important not to lose the message in the personal details of the messenger. There are far better examples of successful FIRE-ees that are easier to relate to, but he has influenced a lot of people's mindsets and behavior. By spreading the "gospel," he has accomplished a lot in the FIRE movement.

[JDARNELL]

Don’t know the guy not all that impressed with some of his stuff over the years. But to each his own. I am sure he has brought a lot of folks into the movement however it seems like a lot of the movement is a Fad. Just like the live in your van or tiny home movement. I am sure they are some legit people in all these areas but a lot are probably like o crap what did i do? All that glitters is not gold.

[Music Lover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JDARNELL Don’t know the guy not all that impressed with some of his stuff over the years. But to each his own. I am sure he has brought a lot of folks into the movement however it seems like a lot of the movement is a Fad. Just like the live in your van or tiny home movement. I am sure they are some legit people in all these areas but a lot are probably like o crap what did i do? All that glitters is not gold.

I don't think it's a fad but from the little I've read on his site it seems that a lot of followers take it to the extreme which is not sustainable for most long term...never eating out, making a tube of toothpaste last 6 months, refusing to do any activity that costs money, etc.

I live frugally and get by on far less than most people here do, but I have no interest in living like a pauper.

[Marita40]

No woman wants to live with a penny pincher.

[Big_Hitter]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marita40 No woman wants to live with a penny pincher.

apparently there are plenty of this forum that do

[Octogirl]

Yes, the frugality habits at the extreme are not sustainable in many relationships, in part because it often limits compromise. ("I want to eat out 4x/year - I don't" ) Or a critical attitude toward choices that do not align.

It s one thing if there is a financial need (we're poor) or a goal (Let's save to go on vacation), but saving just to say there is more $$ in bank - no thanks.
I've been through a divorce - so no judgment here. My sympathies for both.

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marita40 No woman wants to live with a penny pincher.

Good thing you are a woman or I'd have to ding you for this comment

[tulak]

Hey, he did give up the Leaf. No credit for that one?

I'm no MMM fanboy, but sometimes life happens and it sounds like he's managing it as well as can be expected. Kudos to him.

I appreciate his perspective. For somebody who is going through this, it's always interesting to read about people going through the same process and how they are handling it.

Much like how it's helpful to read about how others handle their finances, right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by aja8888 This guy writes about how he screwed up and blew his marriage and then GIVES ADVICE on HOW TO STAY MARRIED? What a jerk!

That was my initial take, but I quickly changed my opinion. Going through a divorce provides an opportunity for self-reflection and thinking about what went wrong. That's a good thing. His comments around this are sound and also telling if you read between the lines.

If you don't see it, that's fine. As I said, his article resonates with me because the patterns he points out in a declining relationship are common and amazingly obvious after the fact.

Quote:

Originally Posted by clifp Put me in the unimpressed category with his response. He managed to write a long post but not even touch on the main reason I and some other wanted him to discuss his divorce at all, did his FIRE habits contribute to his divorce. Yes obviously having money makes lessens the financial impact divorce. Generally, speaking having $ cushions the difficulties of dealing with most things. "Life is a like a crap sandwich the more dough you have the easier it is to swallow" But I what I think he owed his followers is an answer to this question. Did either his instance of LYBM style when they really didn't need to it anymore or simply too much togetherness contribute to the divorce?

So? Sure, lets assume his LBYM lifestyle contributed to his divorce. Does it matter? Or that they spent too much time together?

That's just noise. I'm sure there are a lot of reasons his relationship didn't work out, LBYM, being a blog celebrity, etc, may have been a factor. More likely is that his spouse and him were on a different page for lots of reasons and drifted apart. People change. It happens.

What's more interesting is minimizing the impact of a divorce, which he touches on:

Quote:

But fortunately, like everything else, going to war is almost always a choice. And if you don’t choose to fight, a divorce doesn’t have to cost much at all. Two people can peacefully collect up their financial and physical belongings and go their separate ways, and the only cost is in any duplication of possessions you choose to do, to replace things you formerly shared.

That alone is worth the price of the article.

No divorce is easy, but it's best to stay positive. Again, MMM said it well:

Quote:

We can get right back to work on positive things to rebuild our lives. Improving ourselves through better habits and health. Building new relationships and nurturing old ones, and making sure we put out only positive energy to every person in our lives, including our ex-spouse. Building everyone up and never, ever tearing anyone down. Because they already do that plenty to themselves.

Personally, I wish him all the best.

[Aerides]

Anyone who thinks they can intelligently speculate as to the reasons for the demise of anyone else's marriage is foolish.

Most divorced couples - THEMSELVES - cannot properly articulate or understand exactly why (and rarely can recognize their own contribution to the situation).

All that we can do is guess and gossip, or, preferably, give them the "quiet respect" that he asks for.

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Music Lover I don't think it's a fad but from the little I've read on his site it seems that a lot of followers take it to the extreme which is not sustainable for most long term...never eating out, making a tube of toothpaste last 6 months, refusing to do any activity that costs money, etc. I live frugally and get by on far less than most people here do, but I have no interest in living like a pauper.

The MMM family certainly didn't live like paupers. But although the message is good more then a few bloggers get kind of smuggy and obsessed with saving one last penny. I'm going to even say that Root of Good is starting to lean in this directions with the side comments he puts into his posts sometimes. Just a few whiffs of smugness have started to creep into some of his posts. "He is trying to spend money but it's hard work". And then his mentions his government subsidized high speed internet and the family's 40 dollar a month HI. Let's not forget those student loans that doesn't ever plan to pay back. Before you pile on about ROG remember he makes money off his blog and choose to share all the these details and even went on TV to spread the word about his blog.



MMM is a bit of an eco-warrior too which means sometimes he doublesdown. And yes many money bloggers end up getting pretty preachy.

[joeea]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maenad Given how popular his blog is, what would you have him say, exactly?

Perhaps just say nothing, like most normal folks would.