My son wants to me to help pay for his very expensive wedding? How much?

[Mr. Tightwad]

Weddings are bad luck.

I wouldn't pay for one.

[audreyh1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunset We attended a wedding in NV, also a nice rehearsal, wedding and morning after brunch, which was really surprising to us also!! They were a happy couple, but after a few years are now DIVORCED.... at least DW and I took some time to go site seeing while we were there so it was not a total waste

What’s the point of a morning after brunch? Aren’t the bride and groom already off on their honeymoon? Or is the brunch for everyone else?

[Chris7]

When my wife and I got married, neither family had lots of resources. So some things were gifted. Somethings were done by friends. Besides the rings, our wedding was less than $2K.


1 one of our sons got married last year. We don't have a ton of resources and I'm not sure about her parents, but the wedding was done at the Courthouse. My wife made the flowers. My daughter the cake. Her friend did the photos. We paid for the after wedding lunch.


Our daughter just got married. Her finance and her paid for most of it, less than $5K. We actually forgave a dept, took care of the flowers and pitched in $1,500,00.


So, I would say no.
cd : O)

[Exchme]

Of course not. If the fiancee and her family are so image conscious that they can't afford the wedding they demand, your son has bigger problems than this one party. The demands to live like a princess or keep up appearances will never stop.

Truly "wealthy and cultured" people wouldn't have put you in this awkward spot in the first place.

[socca]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Digital Nomad ... His fiancee ... grew up in a wealthy family and expects the best the world has to offer. ...

I agree with others in this thread. Your future DIL is your son's problem, not yours. I wouldn't do anything to risk my financial security just to help throw a party.

BTW: there is no shame in being poor. In fact, I love pretending that I'm poor. Crooks go where the money is.

[disneysteve]

Quote:

Originally Posted by audreyh1 What’s the point of a morning after brunch? Aren’t the bride and groom already off on their honeymoon? Or is the brunch for everyone else?

The brunch is for everyone else, all of the guests who have traveled from out of town and spent the night. It's often held at the hotel where everyone is staying.

[disneysteve]

To the OP, I would offer to contribute whatever amount you are comfortable with. You are under zero obligation to match what the bride's family is doing. Traditionally, they're the ones responsible for the wedding costs. My wife's parents paid for the wedding. My parents chipped in a much smaller amount. I think they paid for dinner the night before for the bridal party and for some other stuff, but nowhere near what her parents spent.

[HarveyS]

Give what you are comfortable giving. Don't be guilted into any more.
I have never heard of the groom's parents paying half as "tradition", but possibly it is so in some cultures.
I have also never heard that groom's parents "traditionally" cover the honeymoon.
Maybe I need to get out more?

[MarieIG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by disneysteve The brunch is for everyone else, all of the guests who have traveled from out of town and spent the night. It's often held at the hotel where everyone is staying.

Yes, a lot of my family does this. (No, I did not.)

[Still Learning]

We had this conversation with our daughter about 10 years ago just before she graduated college. Since then she probably attends about 5 weddings a year (some local, some require international travel), some relationships fail in the first few years, others survive longer........life. Our preference is a $10-20K reception that would allow us to provide a larger wedding gift. If they decide on a more expensive reception the gift decreases.


To our surprise her career moved to the restaurant business including her side business that caters weddings, retirements, special events and small corporate outings. She already has much more exposure to this than we ever will.

[Souschef]

One comment I have not seen is about 250 "close personal friends". Nobody has that many, except on Facebook.
I am concerned the the bride may expect the same lifestyle she hsd with her parents.

[Jerry1]

I’m in the “Give at the level you’re comfortable with.” camp. Decide on a number that makes sense to you and tell your son the number. There is no way I’d be pressured into giving based on what the other family is providing. You can get married for practically free. Everything else is a party. Not going into debt or risking my financial well being for a party.

[jollystomper]

Quote:

Originally Posted by audreyh1 What’s the point of a morning after brunch? Aren’t the bride and groom already off on their honeymoon? Or is the brunch for everyone else?

We have been at this at a few weddings. It usually happens when a lot of people have come from out of town and are staying overnight after the wedding.In those cases the bride and groom were not departing for their honeymoon until the next day. It is seen as a time to chill with close families and friends. Also a chance to get more informal, relaxed pictures.

[Irishgirlyc58]

Disclaimer- I think all weddings are a complete waste of money.
So I’m in the no, heck no camp.
I do think I would offer the amount I could easily provide without having heart failure.
Maybe for you that amount is the $40,000.

Just remember- seems like they have expensive tastes. That won’t go away when they have kids. It will be way harder to deny what is being asked for to benefit grandkids.

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by easysurfer Sounds like this is when you tell your son that when you were his age, you walked five ten miles to work every day.

Carrying the quarter cord of firewood necessary to heat the classroom, no doubt.

My answer to your question is No.

[djsander]

Tell him it should be traditional where the brides family pays for everything and the grooms pays for the rehearsal dinner. Then let him know the rehearsal dinner will be domino’s pizza.

[Hank]

I already don't like the new inlaws.It doesn't bode well for the future. If they were really loaded they would just pay for it all since they are the ones that require a lavish and unnessary wedding.

[jollystomper]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hank I already don't like the new inlaws.It doesn't bode well for the future. If they were really loaded they would just pay for it all since they are the ones that require a lavish and unnessary wedding.

I would not put in on the inlaws, at least the way I read the OP's post. They were generous in giving their daughter $50K for the wedding. Maybe they told their daughter "that's it". It sounds more like it is their daughter and the OP's child who are planning something that will cost way more than $50K.


Edited to add: just thought of some friends who are well off. In their case they gave their daughter $25K amount and said "whatever you do not spend on the wedding is our gift to start your married life". The couple put together a nice wedding for less than $5K.

[MarieIG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jollystomper I would not put in on the inlaws, at least the way I read the OP's post. They were generous in giving their daughter $50K for the wedding. Maybe they told their daughter "that's it". It sounds more like it is their daughter and the OP's child who are planning something that will cost way more than $50K.

I got that impression as well.

[l8_apex]

How are the kids with managing their money? If they're on the traditional trajectory of the three costs of marriage, honeymoon and home purchase, and you're think about helping with these, I'd think about what total amount of money I'd be contributing to all three, then tell the son and thus he can think about how much of that to put into the wedding.