ivinsfan
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2007
- Messages
- 9,962
I'll try to be brief, ask questions if you need clarity. And yes it really is for a "friend"
He is 69 YO.
In complete denial about being flat-### broke. Has a paid off house maybe in the 600K region. Drives a 50K pickup which he took a big personal loan against. Only income after 10 years of BTD is a net after Part B of about 800 a month in SS. 500 of that goes directly to his truck payment.
By my reckoning has spent about 1.8 million dollars in the last 10 years. Around 850K for the house he lives in. His actual problem is he is addicted to consumer spending. He had a rough childhood and his endorphins come from having high quality stuff. Never been married and not close to sibs because of their childhoods.
He's been telling us for 3 years he is going broke. This was after he confessed he hadn't filed a tax return since 15 because he pulled money from his IRA to buy a high end stereo system (think 40K) and then owed income tax and payback on his ACA subsidy. Didn't have the cash so didn't file.
Long story short he called this morning he has maxed out his personal overdraft loan at his bank resulting in all his CC cards being frozen because of missed payments. Probably owes 20K on those.
Myself, my DH and another close personal friend have told him for the last 3 years he needs to sell his house. clear his debts and then move on with the rest of his life. He says he knows that, but he just won't sell his house, excuse after excuse.
Anyway he asked for a small "loan" and then if I would help him look into government programs such as SNAP, heating assistance to help him get by. At this point none of those programs are going to fix his issues. I don't even mind "giving" him some money but at this point it feels like enabling.
The taxes alone for his house run about 900 a month so nothing we could do will really help.
He's really been a good friend for many decades. He has anxiety issues and fairly severe diabetes.
What would you advise we say/do to actually help him move on from here and make some hard financial moves.
I realize it's a combo financial/mental problem and could use some pointers from anyone who has been where we are now.
He is 69 YO.
In complete denial about being flat-### broke. Has a paid off house maybe in the 600K region. Drives a 50K pickup which he took a big personal loan against. Only income after 10 years of BTD is a net after Part B of about 800 a month in SS. 500 of that goes directly to his truck payment.
By my reckoning has spent about 1.8 million dollars in the last 10 years. Around 850K for the house he lives in. His actual problem is he is addicted to consumer spending. He had a rough childhood and his endorphins come from having high quality stuff. Never been married and not close to sibs because of their childhoods.
He's been telling us for 3 years he is going broke. This was after he confessed he hadn't filed a tax return since 15 because he pulled money from his IRA to buy a high end stereo system (think 40K) and then owed income tax and payback on his ACA subsidy. Didn't have the cash so didn't file.
Long story short he called this morning he has maxed out his personal overdraft loan at his bank resulting in all his CC cards being frozen because of missed payments. Probably owes 20K on those.
Myself, my DH and another close personal friend have told him for the last 3 years he needs to sell his house. clear his debts and then move on with the rest of his life. He says he knows that, but he just won't sell his house, excuse after excuse.
Anyway he asked for a small "loan" and then if I would help him look into government programs such as SNAP, heating assistance to help him get by. At this point none of those programs are going to fix his issues. I don't even mind "giving" him some money but at this point it feels like enabling.
The taxes alone for his house run about 900 a month so nothing we could do will really help.
He's really been a good friend for many decades. He has anxiety issues and fairly severe diabetes.
What would you advise we say/do to actually help him move on from here and make some hard financial moves.
I realize it's a combo financial/mental problem and could use some pointers from anyone who has been where we are now.