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Old 01-30-2017, 05:37 PM   #21
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We didn't do an allowance thing. When DH went to part time consulting, we still spent from the same pot. Our financial instincts were mostly aligned, and we were both in savings mode when working, so we really didn't need to set out spending money of each of us independently.
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Old 01-30-2017, 05:54 PM   #22
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+1 Never had an allowance and our finances were commingled from early on but it was easy because neither of us had a pot to pi$$ in when we were first married. Back in the day, anything over $100 of spending would be discussed... now it is more like $500. I track everything in Quicken and ask questions about whether charges are legit or not and what they are for. I will occasionally grumble if I think she is spending too much but that's about it... not an issue for us.
This is pretty much it for us, although I don't track things in Quicken. However, I do pay the credit cards and during perusal of the month's charges I piss and moan about overspending, which keeps the need for reasonableness in the front of her mind. Big items get discussed ad nauseam.

DW worked too, though. But I made double to triple what she did, and she also spent a big chunk of it as a SAHM.
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Old 01-30-2017, 05:58 PM   #23
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+1 Never had an allowance and our finances were commingled from early on but it was easy because neither of us had a pot to pi$$ in when we were first married. Back in the day, anything over $100 of spending would be discussed... now it is more like $500. I track everything in Quicken and ask questions about whether charges are legit or not and what they are for. I will occasionally grumble if I think she is spending too much but that's about it... not an issue for us.
Ditto. I marvel that we didn't starve to death when we first married 38 years ago. We throw everything in one pot and there are really no rules. Never needed any. We are both still working, but that will change later this year. It works for us.
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Old 01-30-2017, 06:14 PM   #24
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Glad you found a system that works for you!
For my DW and I, this has never been an issue - we pooled everything we had from the start and worked out of joint bank and credit accounts. We have always had very similar spending philosophies (somewhere between "LBYM" and "cheap" ) so we have never once had an argument about money (I know this is rare, but 100% true in our case) in 30+ years
Same here for 47 years - and it's worked well. Except for shoes. Apparently there is a law of nature that says "I must have more shoes!" Other than that we are good.
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Old 01-30-2017, 06:19 PM   #25
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Glad you found a system that works for you!
For my DW and I, this has never been an issue - we pooled everything we had from the start and worked out of joint bank and credit accounts. We have always had very similar spending philosophies (somewhere between "LBYM" and "cheap" ) so we have never once had an argument about money (I know this is rare, but 100% true in our case) in 30+ years
Maybe not so rare. Pretty much the same for the late DW and I for our 30 years together.
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Old 01-30-2017, 06:30 PM   #26
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Same here for 47 years - and it's worked well. Except for shoes. Apparently there is a law of nature that says "I must have more shoes!" Other than that we are good.
Its hand bag for me! Joking aside, I have to force my DW to spend since I spend a disproportionate portion. She has credit cards and she is free spend as much as she wants but never did or never will.
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Old 01-30-2017, 06:38 PM   #27
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It's wonderful how many people wound up with partners with the same spending habits. I'm reminded of the positive connection made about that in The Millionaire Next Door.
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Old 01-30-2017, 06:56 PM   #28
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My DW and I have been married for 40 Years this year. We have always had joint checking savings and she has always balanced the check book and I have always taken care of making the investing decisions. We are and always have been free to spend whatever we each want to. Works for us as we have always had plenty to go around and save. We have a nice house and cars but don't need to keep up with the Jones.
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Old 01-30-2017, 07:22 PM   #29
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I was the only one that worked for pay. We resolved the allowance thing early on when she agreed to let me set aside a little for myself each month.
Maybe if you are nice she will give you a cost of living raise ?
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Old 01-30-2017, 07:25 PM   #30
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Maybe if you are nice she will give you a cost of living raise ?
My dad often tried for this SHMBOCOLA.
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Old 01-30-2017, 07:39 PM   #31
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We never did the allowance thing. If anything, DW is more frugal than I am. I made multiples of what she did, but she was also primarily a SAHM. We maxed out retirement accounts, saved the bonus and talked about anything more than a hundred bucks (more like 200 these days). Neither of us cares about conspicuous display or particularly fancy stuff (although she would be truly shocked to know what the value of her jewelry is), so it has always worked.


I think that ground rules matter more if the two of you are farther apart on this stuff. If you are too far apart, rules probably do not matter.
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Old 01-30-2017, 07:45 PM   #32
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My parents had the allowance thing going before my mom went back to work... He gave her an allotment for groceries and household expenses - anything left over was hers to save/spend as she wanted. They had some big fights over how much she spent on work suits, etc... and they resolved it by dividing the bills - he paid mortgage and taxes and his own spending money... she paid for everything household/utilities/food and her own spending. That worked for them.

I married late - and after a few decades of being in charge of my own finances was nervous about sharing accounts... But after a year I was comfortable to share the accounts/expenses.

We discuss irregular purchases. I'm the head procurement officer - groceries, household items, amazon purchases... If he spends money on himself he lets me know so I can enter it in quicken. I'm also the head bill-payer.

Neither of us are big spenders... so it works out fine.
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Old 01-30-2017, 07:47 PM   #33
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We are like CME4OIL. After all the prime expenses, including savings, are set aside, either one of us can spend what is left. We have always communicated with each other and never had a problem. For me, marriage is a partnership. Just because I made the money does not mean I should control it. I always wanted DW to feel like it was OUR money, and she does let me spend some of it.
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Old 01-30-2017, 08:13 PM   #34
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#1 pooled all income
#2 budgeted and paid for all common expenses, including kids/house/retirement savings
#3 Split the rest 50/50 in individual accounts, spending and saving

We had various versions of common versus individual expense splits. For example, maybe one person's car gets used for all the joint trips. We ended up paying each other the IRS mileage rate for all miles. So you can get a fancy car all by yourself, with your money, but the mileage reimbursement is a fixed amount. We started the mileage thing when DW got stuck with a long commute through no decision of hers.

After I get my new car DW will have about twice the value of my investments, so maybe I should have done something differently...
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Old 01-30-2017, 11:01 PM   #35
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Knew DH 2 weeks when we married. Talking about not having a pot to pee in. Our checking account went down to less than a dollar for years. I have always been the main bill/investor person. DH always made more than me. I was fortunate to work part time most of our marriage.

It has always been our money since day one. We have always put our money together. He got money for lunch etc (after we were married 20 years, before that he always took lunch to work).

Always put 10% of our pay in the 401K. We both still live below our means, although he is way more frugal than me now a days. No need to watch prices as close as 38 years ago. Works for us. We usually discuss big purchases but otherwise no need.
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Old 01-31-2017, 05:01 AM   #36
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We set aside a weekly amount to a debit card account from which we each charge or take cash as we need. That is OUR (joint) spending for the week for day to day expenses (gas, grocery, general weekly expenses).

If we run dry, we switch to the credit card.
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Old 01-31-2017, 07:20 AM   #37
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My DW and I have been married for 40 Years this year. We have always had joint checking savings and she has always balanced the check book and I have always taken care of making the investing decisions. We are and always have been free to spend whatever we each want to. Works for us as we have always had plenty to go around and save. We have a nice house and cars but don't need to keep up with the Jones.
Somewhat similar except I do the check book also. Major decisions are made jointly. We are sensible grown up adults and trust each other.
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Old 01-31-2017, 09:03 AM   #38
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DH was the earner and I was the SAHM. We have always had joint accounts for everything, but DH never looked at any of it. He would get itchy, squirmy and almost nauseous around money topics. He wanted me to handle everything. I could have absconded with all of it or become the shopaholic wife with the Target bags hidden under the bed. He would not have noticed. As long as the bills were paid, there was food in the house and he had spending money in his pocket he trusted me with the rest of it.

Luckily I am a natural saver and a low risk investor. He liked being detached from our money and trusted me to run things, which I did. I tried to keep him informed of changes as things progressed.

Finally, when he retired I insisted that he be more in touch with all of this. He's really tried to understand our day to day stuff. He does most of the shopping and likes to deal in cash so we've gone to a cash system.

As for the OPs question about allowances, we both get pocket cash for the month. DH gets more than me because he likes to go to thrift stores and buy crap. His pocket cash means he has a limit and he plays the game of can he make it last until the end of the month. I rarely spend my pocket cash and I end up saving it. Lately I've been making donations to a senior dog rescue or I save it up for a big purchase like a computer or iPad or kitchen thing I want as a toy.

I wish he would be more interested in all of this but it doesn't come naturally for him, I know he's just doing it for me. Just shows that opposites attract. So far the first 40 years have worked out nicely!
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Old 01-31-2017, 09:32 AM   #39
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Never needed to set a spending limit. If both people are on the same page financially and are responsible, it shouldn't be necessary.
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Old 01-31-2017, 10:04 AM   #40
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We have always kept our finances fairly separate. In Canada it is important to keep assets separate in order to allow investment income to be taxed separately (no concept of joint returns). As well when we were first together I was going through a messy divorce. This encouraged us to keep things somewhat separate. As it turned out her assets now generate a nice dividend stream which she uses for her personal expenses. In addition she gets a fairly small pension which she spends. Recently she has been saving some of this income. Not sure what for? I pay all joint expenses.

This works very well as she doesn't need to get my acquiescence to buy whatever she wants, (often shoes and bags). I think it makes her feel a little independent as well. A good thing, I think.
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