Strategies for living (and focusing less on money)

[Jay_Gatsby]

I know this is a recurring post on this board, but I figured that it was time for a bit of a refresh.

These days, I've come to the sad realization that I'm a bit too focused on w*rk and money. I look at everything from the perspective of what it costs, and always ask myself the question "do I really need" whatever it is. Invariably, the answer is "no", and so I go on my less-than-merry way. This applies to clothes, gadgets, etc.... It's gotten to the point that I don't even like to go out for dinner/drinks, etc... since I've once-too-often had the unfortunate experience of receiving lousy food (nutritionally and taste-wise), poor service (rude/inattentive) and in some cases, poor choice of company (that's my fault, I suppose). I would much rather stay home, cook for myself, read a good book, watch a movie from Netflix or surf the 'Net.

Anyone else feel like this?

 

[brewer12345]

It's gotten to the point that I don't even like to go out for dinner/drinks, etc... since I've once-too-often had the unfortunate experience of receiving lousy food (nutritionally and taste-wise), poor service (rude/inattentive) and in some cases, poor choice of company (that's my fault, I suppose). I would much rather stay home, cook for myself, read a good book, watch a movie from Netflix or surf the 'Net.

Prolly means you an introvert, not obsessed with money.

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Prolly means you an introvert, not obsessed with money.

Yes, I am an introvert, even though I can be quite charming and engaging in social settings. Nevertheless, I find discussions about people's cars, houses, exotic vacations, who they know (important/famous) and how important they think their jobs/careers are, to be a tremendous waste of my time.

 

[runchman]

Just be sure you aren't getting stuck in the mode of deferring everything until that magical 'someday' arrives.

Life is what is happening to you now.

Seems like some on this board adopt the philosophy that spending money is inherently evil, to be avoided at all costs. I just don't get that.

Me, I see money just as a tool. Set my savings target, pay myself first, and enjoy the rest. I want something, I can afford it, I buy it. Why the he** not?

Why endlessly deprive yourself of things you enjoy? You only go around once, might as well enjoy it.

If working is so terribly abhorrent to someone that it is worth not spending a dime for years on end, so you can 'get out' a few years earlier, well then maybe that person is in the wrong line of work.

Life isn't a destination, you gotta enjoy the trip.

- John

 

[runchman]

Nevertheless, I find discussions about people's cars, houses, exotic vacations, who they know (important/famous) and how important they think their jobs/careers are, to be a tremendous waste of my time.

Well I'm certainly with you on that one.

I find as an introvert myself, life is simpler with just the family and no friends !!

 

[FinanceDude]

Yes, I am an introvert, even though I can be quite charming and engaging in social settings. Nevertheless, I find discussions about people's cars, houses, exotic vacations, who they know (important/famous) and how important they think their jobs/careers are, to be a tremendous waste of my time.

Sounds like you need to find more like-minded folks like yourself.......... DW always rolls her eyes at me, since she is the introvert and I am the polar opposite. However, I anjoy the banter with others about obsessive consumption, all it does is cement OUR plan................

 

[TromboneAl]

Prolly means you an introvert,

Yes. You're saying "I don't like to go out because I don't like it when I spend money, and besides the food, company, and service isn't that good." But maybe you just don't feel like going out, unrelated to spending money.

I tend to prefer staying in, but find it's good to alternate. Stick around house until I feel "I gotta get outta here" and go out and do things until I feel "I wish I were home sitting on the couch reading a book."

 

[FinanceDude]

Well I'm certainly with you on that one.

I find as an introvert myself, life is simpler with just the family and no friends !!

Could be lonely is you start "not liking" some of those "family members"..........

 

[runchman]

Could be lonely is you start "not liking" some of those "family members"..........

I think the real problem is going to be when the kids head off to college and I'm stuck with just the wife

No more fun like this weekend when the daughters and I went to a nearby pond to catch tadpoles to raise. I never saw my 11 year old so excited.

 

[Martha]

I I look at everything from the perspective of what it costs, and always ask myself the question "do I really need" whatever it is. Invariably, the answer is "no", and so I go on my less-than-merry way.

Sometimes it is ok to get something you really want but don't need. As CT always says, it is about balance. I really wanted a scooter. I didn't need it. I shopped carefully and got one. It fit in the budget. It has been great fun.

 

[REWahoo]

It seems so...empty. Where's the scooter trash?

 

[HFWR]

Hell's Lawyers

 

[REWahoo]

Hell's Lawyers

Is that the group who wear the "If you can read this, the paralegal fell off" T-shirts?

 

[Khan]

I know this is a recurring post on this board, but I figured that it was time for a bit of a refresh.

These days, I've come to the sad realization that I'm a bit too focused on w*rk and money. I look at everything from the perspective of what it costs, and always ask myself the question "do I really need" whatever it is. Invariably, the answer is "no", and so I go on my less-than-merry way. This applies to clothes, gadgets, etc.... It's gotten to the point that I don't even like to go out for dinner/drinks, etc... since I've once-too-often had the unfortunate experience of receiving lousy food (nutritionally and taste-wise), poor service (rude/inattentive) and in some cases, poor choice of company (that's my fault, I suppose). I would much rather stay home, cook for myself, read a good book, watch a movie from Netflix or surf the 'Net.

Anyone else feel like this?

Very much.

If I go out to eat the food will make me ill (refined carbs et al), being around and interacting with people will raise my blood pressure and the stress will make me eat too much.

I am content to stay home, do some yard work, surf the net, listen to the birds, and throw peanuts to the squirrels.

I didn't realize how stressed I was, and how much it was damaging my health until after I retired.

As far as spending money, I don't really want much stuff.

 

[HFWR]

Is that the group who wear the "If you can read this, Greg the paralegal fell off" T-shirts?

 

[Nords]

These days, I've come to the sad realization that I'm a bit too focused on w*rk and money. I look at everything from the perspective of what it costs, and always ask myself the question "do I really need" whatever it is. Invariably, the answer is "no", and so I go on my less-than-merry way.
I would much rather stay home, cook for myself, read a good book, watch a movie from Netflix or surf the 'Net.
Anyone else feel like this?

Sure, and some days we can't spend it fast enough.

There's a line between frugality and deprivation. I think the line is where frugality makes you happy (and proud enough to brag about it a little) while deprivation feels like the wall is growing higher faster than you can climb.

Sometimes avoiding a purchase will actually cost more in effort and lost revenue. I like the thought process of deciding how many hours you'll have to work for a purchase, but there's also the consideration of how many hours of work (or hassle) that capital expense could save you. And sometimes you have to have something because it's just so darn cool-- especially if it's from one of those kid science stores.

One way to feel a little better about the deprivation frugal plan is to budget a small amount-- say 2-5%-- for entertainment or other mindless spending. If it's budgeted then you don't feel bad about blowing it, and you can even keep saving it up for a massive blowout purchase. Then if you're not enjoying yourself you'll know it's not about the money-- it's about the activity itself.

Do you need a different set of friends and/or activities? Even after five years of ER I still refer to Ernie Zelinski's "Get-A-Life Tree" to see if I'm missing out on something...

 

[Telly]

Jay Gatsby, you sound fine to me, man. Just keep on keepin' on!

Now, if you said that you spend hours and hours each day on internet, then I think that would be a warning sign!

 

[Sandy]

Jay Gatsby, you sound fine to me, man. Just keep on keepin' on!

Now, if you said that you spend hours and hours each day on internet, then I think that would be a warning sign!

You mean like those of us on this board? :

 

[wabmester]

We have internet-connected devices all over the house (even in the garage, our backpacks, etc). I haven't decided if I should feel guilty about spending too much time on the net. Isn't that like spending too much time in the library?

 

[CCdaCE]

I can relate to you about the restaurant-ing. Maybe it's the fact I go to new ones, sometimes soon after they open. When I should wait until the 18-yr-olds staff get acquainted.

Nothing I hate more than forkin' over $75 for 4 people, and the service sucks, foods not that hot, and getting a table was an act of Congress. Even if it wasn't my money.

So now I stick with what I know and like.

I feel old by doing this, and I'm "only" 29.

I think runchman and others have nailed it. Save what you're going to save, first. Then "blow the rest".

-CC

 

[Telly]

You mean like those of us on this board? :

Not me, Lady! I'm Early Retired! Now, I should cut some slack for those who spend hours and hours on internet at work, because it's the only way they can make it through a long dull day. I want them to keep working and paying into Social Security, Medicare, and paying taxes! If internet helps them do this... type on!

 

[brewer12345]

Isn't that like spending too much time in the library?

Does your library have p0rn in large quantities? Mine doesn't.

(To say nothing of donkey shows, youtube vids of everything under the sun, white supremacist and communist party manifestos, etc.)

 

[jIMOh]

I don't like spending money, and that is what my wife is for- to balance that side of me out.

If my spending while working costs me 5 years to get to FIRE, I don't consider that a bad thing, because many, many more people won't even get to FIRE in the first place.

 

[youbet]

I would much rather stay home, cook for myself, read a good book, watch a movie from Netflix or surf the 'Net.

Jay, you are who you are. Unless you're talking about having fallen off the edge or reached some manic extreme, try not to worry about it.

You're a little more focused on a specific life style than I would be comfortable with. I enjoy quiet time at home, cooking/grilling for DW and myself, listening to music, reading, etc., as you do. But DW and I have rediscovered how much we enjoy live music, plays and group activities like canoe/kayak trips.

So, for us, it's about balancing quiet time alone with time spent enjoying live entertainment or group activities. We enjoy both and a focus on only one wouldn't work for us. But, as you are who you are; we are who we are.

 

[W2R]

Very much.

If I go out to eat the food will make me ill (refined carbs et al), being around and interacting with people will raise my blood pressure and the stress will make me eat too much.

I am content to stay home, do some yard work, surf the net, listen to the birds, and throw peanuts to the squirrels.

I didn't realize how stressed I was, and how much it was damaging my health until after I retired.

As far as spending money, I don't really want much stuff.

Khan, as usual I agree with your point of view completely (although I am not retired yet). Like you, I am perfectly happy at home. An internet connection provides endless opportunities to study and learn. Other than peace and quiet, healthy food and a place to live, I don't really want or need much. This turns out to be very convenient at this stage in my life because it seems perfectly natural for me to LBYM, and I don't feel deprived.